Chapter 7
It never crossed my mind at all,
It's what I tell myself,
What we had has come and gone,
You're better off with someone else,
It's for the best, I know it is,
But I see you,
Sometimes I try to hide,
What I feel inside,
And I turn around,
You're with him now,
I just can't figure it out.
"Hi" I smiled, as Marco's eyes met me.
His face turned into a smile, as I walked further to him. I sat down on a chair in front of him.
"I hope I didn't.... With you and Erik earlier" he stuttered, looking down in the table.
"Not at all" I smiled, which made Marco look up at me again.
His eyes were brittle – not shining - like they normally were.
"You wanted to talk" I said, taking a deep breath.
It wasn't really because I wanted too, but if I ever wanted to find peace in all this, I knew I had to.
"Yeah" he whispered.
His voice was almost stuttering. Marco couldn't really get anything out. I wondered, if he was finding the right words or he'd just snapped in panic. I waited patiently, taking deep breathes to calm myself down.
There was something he wanted to say, something he had been craving to get out; I could see it in his eyes. I didn't get his hesitation though, why didn't he just blur it out? Whatever he had to say, couldn't possibly be that bad.... Right?
***
MARCO'S POV
I felt like my throat was crumpling itself together. It was almost like my body was telling me not to do it. I felt Mila's burning eyes on me, but I didn't dare to look up at her.
How was I supposed to tell her? Maybe I'd ruin whatever we had right now, which was my deepest fear. It's kinda weird though – whatever we had going on – maybe it was nothing, maybe it was all in my head. I just couldn't lose her, not again. My life after Mila had been hell. I never thought it was possible to miss someone so much, like a burning desire inside of you.
I let my eyes glance up at her, meeting her lovely eyes. It made a smile slip out of my lips.
Damn Marco. Stop it.
Mila let her eyes stick at me. She played nervously with her hands in her lap. It was cute. She was always cute.
I'd missed that. How she looked at me, when she sent me a smile. I had just missed having her around me. Everything was better, whenever she was near. But I had ruined that, I knew it. I was with Carolin, but... I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to know I still loved her. I wanted a chance to at least tell her, I cared. I'd been thinking about a moment to tell her ever since I saw her here, what was stopping me now? Carolin? Erik? Well, him too.
The Mila I met was insecure, scared, maybe even a little sad. That Mila didn't know what she wanted, she didn't know what she was good at – but the Mila that turned up here - was in a completely different state. She looked healthy. By that I don't mean fat or heavier; I mean, her face isn't so grey anymore, the circles under her eyes aren't as dark. Her lips aren't cracked and all dried out, her hair isn't thinning and brittle. She seemed so much more focused when you talked to her. She actually looks at people now, rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything else then how sad she was, that her eyes would shoot around the room and just nod automatically the whole time people were speaking to her. She seems calmer, stiller, and quieter.
It is easier to have a joke with her, she take things on board so much more than she used to. I mean, she laughs now, she's less serious all the time. Now there is life around her; it's in her eyes and her smile, it's in the way she speaks, even in the way she takes on her daily tasks. She looks healthy. She looks happy. And it really, really, really suits her.
She is happy, much happier than I have ever seen her. It's almost like a better version of her, a happy one. I hadn't been able to help her with that; but Erik had. In the back of my mind, I knew he was good for her. Erik had all the things Mila needed, Mila had all the things Erik needed. They were good for each other; every fool could see that. Mila was happy, finally. After everything she had been through, all the pain she's carried around.
If I told her, I still love her, there was a chance I would ruin it. I would ruin her happiness and everything she had built up. It could break her down once again, I can't do that to her again. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder, if I could ever make her that happy? If there was the slightest chance, I could be that for her, it wasn't something I wanted to let go off – especially not this easily.
I sighted heavily, before licking my lips. I looked up, meeting her eyes again.
"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, before flashing a smile.
Don't do it, Marco. Let her be happy. I took a deep breath, before sending her a little smile.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter" I said, feeling my stomach drop.
"Are you sure?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.
"You're happy, right?" I asked, simply.
My question took Mila by surprise, which made her wrinkle her pretty little forehead. She laughed a little confused, looking at me.
"Yeah... I guess I am" she said, simply – but I could tell it was true.
"Then yes, I'm sure" I said, and she nodded. I felt a slight pain grow in my chest.
"Are you okay, Marco?" She asked me.
I cleared my throat.
"Yeah" I lied, as she flashed me another smile.
Mila got up from the chair, before giving me a brief hug.
"See you around" she smiled, before walking down the halls. I closed my eyes, rubbing my neck.
"See you around" I mumbled.
I hadn't given up on the idea just yet, but I needed to get closer, I needed to bring back a friendship; I needed to go back to the beginning. Then I could be able to win her back. Do it the right way.
***
MILA'S POV
As I walked away from Marco, I couldn't quite figure out what had just happened.
One moment, he was like dead serious, the next, he had nothing to say. But he had been weird the entire time here, and I had to admit something about him had changed, or maybe we'd just slipped so far apart, I couldn't recognize him anymore - but this friendship thing - I was ready to give it a try. Hopefully, it could make things less awkward for everyone.
I was pulled away from my thoughts, when Erik placed his arms around my waist from behind. It made a little, shy smile slip out of my lips.
"Hi you" he whispered, as he let his lips brush my neck.
"Hey"
"So that looked serious?" Erik asked.
I knew, he was referring to the conversation with Marco. He'd probably seen us talking. I shrugged, wrapping his warm fingers around mine.
"Not really, I think we're cool" I smiled, and he nodded.
I turned around so I could look at his lovely face, as I let my hands slide to the back of his neck.
"You're good with that, right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Erik licking his lips as he let out a gasp. He looked so cute. It still amazes me.
"Well... Yeah. As long as you tell me what's going on"
"Believe me, I've had enough lies for a lifetime" I joked, making him laugh a little.
I remembered how I had met Marco back then, years ago. It really fucked up everything that I lied to him about my age, who I was, were I came from. I hurt him with my lies.
Around eight months later, he hurt me with his lies. I don't think, I could ever really do that again, lie to someone else. Lies are cruel and mean. Trying to keep up with your lies, it's like playing with fire. And that never ends well. No, I was definitely done with lies.
"I mean, just once in a while, let me in... whatever world you and Marco are in" he said, but his voice was low.
"I promise" I said, finding his sparkling eyes.
"Good" Erik laughed, making me roll my eyes.
"Come here" I whispered, as he lowered his head. I let my mouth slide to his ear.
"Thank you for just being you" I whispered, almost touching his earlobe.
Erik pulled me close to him, moving a tot of hair from my face. I closed the gap between our lips with a soft move. I loved tasting Erik's sweetness, it was honestly the best taste in the world.
"Spend the night in my room, yeah?" I whispered, and he nodded.
"I'll be there in five" he smiled, before kissing my forehead.
He walked down the hall, towards his own room and disappeared out of my sight.
I felt like maybe things were lighting up. My relationship with Erik was perfect and now things with Marco? They seemed better, like we could actually move on and be friends. He seemed more open, more friendly now. In the back of my mind, my brain was screaming something was about to go wrong – but right now – I honestly didn't believe it.
***
I turned around in the bed again, feeling my hair stick to my sweaty neck. Gosh, this freaking heat. I really can't deal with it.
I watched Erik sleep heavily beside me, once in a while letting our cute little snores – even though he swears he don't – before softly getting up from the bed. By now, I had learned, I wouldn't get any sleep anyway, so I pulled on a t-shirt and some shorts. I kissed the top of Erik's burning forehead, softly letting my fingers run through his sweaty blond hair.
I walked out the room, out of the hotel, as the night breeze hit my face. Right away I felt the cooling, so I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.
"We can't keep meeting like this"
"Mario? Hey" I laughed, turning my head.
Mario was sitting on the same bench as last time only wear shorts. His hair was wet, which gave away his trouble with the heat too. I swayed over and sat down beside him.
"We're never getting used to this, are we?" he asked, letting out a heavy sight.
"I wouldn't count on it" I laughed, which made him laugh too.
We cracked a couple jokes and talked a bit, when suddenly, Carolin's name turned up in our conversation. I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't help it, I needed to know.
"Mario?"
"Yeah?"
"How long after I left did he.... With Carolin?" My voice was almost too low.
Why did I even care?
Mario licked his lips, looking out in the darkish night.
"So soon then?"
"I think... I think maybe it happened so soon, because he needed to think about something else than you" He said, I nodded.
While playing with my hands, I bit the inside of my cheeks. A silence spread between us; we both knew this wasn't the place to go. Suddenly, Mario turned his front to me. He looked me directly in the eyes.
"I shouldn't be saying this but... I don't think Marco ever got over you" he admitted, honestly.
What? No. Why would he say something like that? Were Mario and I friends enough for this? I felt like we were going behind Marco's back. He couldn't possibly not have gotten over me. I mean, he moved on first. What the hell is going on?