Explaining things to the kids isn't easy, the words fail me and I dread the moment. It's not only because of how difficult it is but how wary I am of leaving them. My coward part wants to stay here forever, ignoring the herculean task ahead. But I'm well aware that's no an option and I have to say my goodbyes.
The day before we leave, I gather all the kids, Clarisse watching us from a corner, with a sympathetic and heartbroken expression. Nora is by my left and Will by my right side. I hold Nora's hand, drawing some strength from her and taking deep breaths.
"What's wrong?" Asks Cata, she looks worried and uneasy, she can't stop fidgeting and it makes me wonder if she has a feeling of what's yet to come.
"My name is Blanca Escobar," I begin. My sweet innocent kids never questioned my supposed 'amnesia,' they just accepted me and loved me unconditionally. "My home is in London. I remember all, and I... I..." My voice wavers as I reach that point where I have to tell them I'm leaving.
"Are you leaving us?" Cata asks again, her eyes already a bit teary and the sight breaks my heart.
"Hmm," I mumble because that's the best I can do to reply without showing how reluctant I am to leave.
"But you're coming back, right?" Danny questions next, holding Liam's hand tightly. "You're not leaving forever."
"I'll come visit, when I can," I whisper the last part because I don't know when that is going to happen. "Like Will does."
"When are you leaving?" Graham questions next, his expression is composed although he doesn't look exactly unaffected. Of course I grew closer to the kids, but I also got attached to the teens, helping them with their homework and preparing for the exams.
I can't answer, instead I squeeze Nora's hand and give her one pleading look. She replies with a faint nod before she clears her throat.
"Tomorrow. We have something very important to take care of," Nora explains, her voice firm and even, completely opposite to mine. "There's a job Blanca needs to do now that she remembers."
"You won't forget about us, right?" Cata asks and when I look at her I can see her eyes are red and tears are about to fall. I want to run to her and hold her tight, take her with me. But I can't. And that hurts so much.
"Of course not!" I exclaim, but my voice quakes quite boy going through puberty. "I'll never forget any of you and as soon as I can I'll come visit you. And when you grow up you can visit me. I have a big house and we can play there."
"Blanca loves you all," Clarisse talks then, calling for everyone's attention. "So much she's made sure all of you can go to university if that's what you want. She's left a present for every single one of you to help you follow your dreams."
I couldn't just leave this kids so I made sure to talk to Louise to create a fund for each kid so they can continue their education. Right now only the teens understand what this present means and they look so surprised, their eyes wide open. The kids still don't fully grasp the meaning behind this fund, but one day they will and I hope they'll be happy about it.
"Why can't Blanca live with us?" Sammy asks after Cata explains to her what's actually happening. "I want us to stay together."
My heart twists and I want to cry because I want to stay with them, they've become like a family to me and parting ways feels too painful.
"I have a home..." I try to explain but it sounds too weak.
"Your parents must miss you..." Sam comments, taking deep breaths.
"I don't... my dad isn't alive anymore," I explain. "Mum is too far away."
"So you're just like us?" Cata asks and my sad smile is just like hers.
"You can say that," I shrug. "I wouldn't leave so suddenly if I could, but I really need to go back and fix things. I have an important job."
"You have to promise to come back soon," Cata exclaims, rising to her feet in a frantic motion. "Promise!"
"As soon as possible, I promise," I swear, holding my pinkie and she comes running to hook hers with mine. Following her example, all the other kids do the same.
After that Clarisse tells them we'll have a goodbye party because Will is also coming with us. They whine and cling to him, but they are used to his intermittent presence, they know he'll come back. There's no certainty with Nora and I.
We have cake and other delicious things, play and enjoy our time together. Cata disappears for a moment to come back later with a bracelet in her hand she just made with every thread of wool she could find, plaiting them and wrapping it around my wrist. "You can't take it off," she threatens and then shows me she's wearing the same. "I won't take mine. When you come visit us, I'll make a prettier one."
"Okay, I'll always have it with me," I promise her, loving the handmade and unflattering bracelet. "I'll treasure it."
Cata gives me a quick hug that I return, burying my face in her hair and holding her tight.
We go to bed actually late and Nora and I even later as we have to get all our things ready to leave. Louise will send a car to pick is early.
Needless to say, I don't sleep at all in the whole night and I feel so restless when the kids start to wake up. Breakfast with them is sad and quiet, and by the time they have to leave for school, we are crying. Even Nora can't help herself.
Cata leaves bawling and my heart feels shattered. Will has to hold me tight as I sob in his shoulder, letting him hold all of my weight. It actually takes me quite a while to calm down but it's basically useless because I'm crying again when I have to definitely leave the Dream House, Clarisse and the youngest kids that also welcomed the first day by her side: Sammy, Danny and Liam, the three crying too. But the car is here, waiting for us.
Like the first time I came here, I take a look around, taking in the beautiful landscape, the open spaces but now I find it more beautiful because the big old house was my home for many months. This time, as I walk away waving my hands at the people who became my family, I feel a lump in my throat and my whole body is aches. It aches more than when I came here, after the car accident. My heart burns more than my ribs did, every step hurts more than what it did back then.
It feels like I'm dying again, in a new and more agonising way.
In the car I can't hold my tears so I lean on Nora's shoulder, knowing she also needs comfort. Will goes in the passenger's seat but he often turns around to look at us with worried expression.
The trip home takes forever because I'm actually leaving home behind.
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Our first stop once we're back in the crowed and always busy London is Nora's family's restaurant. It's hard to believe it's been so long since the last time I set a foot here and my chest feels even tighter as we make our way inside and we are greeted with a bow and a loud anyeonghaseyo.
Nora's father was aware we're coming today, of course he is, but even then, the moment his eyes land upon his daughter and I, basically his adopted daughter, his eyes reflect all the emotions swirling in his heart. How much he's missed Nora, how proud he's of her, how worried and glad that she's finally back.
Nora breaks down when she sees her father after so long and she just runs to him, throwing herself in his arms that receive her immediately, hugging her tightly while rocking her from side to side. They only speak Korean, mumbling and whispering how much they've missed each other.
"Jarhaesseo, jarhaesseo," he repeats over and over again: You did well. And every time he says that, Nora whimpers and hugs him tighter.
I think she did more than well.
When he finally releases her, his eyes land on me and his smile is relieved and so happy. I don't move, I can't, I'm dealing with too much trying to swallow the lump in my throat so he approaches me, and before saying anything, he wraps his arms around me, tightly, pulling me in a fatherly hug that I've missed so much.
Incredibly, I cry again today.
"Gwenchanha," he reassures me, whispering it's okay in Korean while patting my head. "Uri Blanca, gwenchanha."
Noah Park has alway been like a second father to me and I didn't realise how much I missed him until this moment, when he hugs me tightly and tells me it's okay. I breathe deeply and the familiar scent strikes me so hard I feel weak.
This is also home to me.
Nora comes closer and Abeoji hugs us both, tightly mumbling how he's so happy to have his girls back. I barely remember Will standing there, watching the scene, awkward and oh so uncomfortable. I feel very apologetic when we pull back and I remember we didn't come alone, so I have to make the introductions. I hesitate a bit when I say he's my boyfriend—he never asked me official but what else can I call him if not my boyfriend?
I feel actually embarrassed that during this time of struggle and near death, I managed to find a boyfriend. I feel petty and childish, especially when I see the way Nora's dad glares at Will.
"He's been with us all this time," Nora explains because I can't find words to explain myself. "He cares deeply about Blanca and couldn't let her come while staying behind. Furthermore, he's an activist and with good connections, so it'll help us to clear that they weren't involved in Blanca's attack and they were just framed."
"Just consider me Blanca's father," Abeoji says, voice cold and low as he offers his hand that Will accepts and shakes. I'm glad we told him before coming here that he should wait for Nora's dad to hold up his hand for a handshake of he wouldn't have made a good impression with the elder man. "So you better treat her properly."
"You can count on that," Will agrees and I feel really uncomfortable as Abeoji seizes Will up. Eventually, he nods and gives a tight smile which means he seems to approve of the boy I've brought with me.
And after that comes the overfeeding which I really don't mind because I've missed his food so much. Later, Louise comes and joins us, hugging us both tightly just like Abeoji did, saying how glad she's we're back, that I'm safe and we made it so far. She says she's proud of us and ends up crying, overcome with emotions.
I've cried so much today, I'm surprised I still have tears left.
It takes a while for Will to feel more comfortable and talk more with Nora's family, but he relaxes when he sees how the four of us are actually also a family.
After dinner I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open. We stay at the Parks' as Laura is at home and today's been a rollercoaster, I'm in no shape to show up in front of her and have a face-off.
At night, before I go to bed with Nora, I go to see Will and wish him goodnight, and as no one is around, he wraps his arms tightly around me but I realise it's not to comfort me but more like to draw some strength for himself.
"It's been a long day," I mumble and he only hums in agreement. "Sleep well, an even longer day waits ahead."
"Are you even ready for that?" he questions, pulling back to look me in the eyes.
"Not even in the slightest, but I have to do it. I'm really glad you're also here, Guillermo," I tell him, using that nickname that now makes him smile fondly.
"I'm glad to have come with you, Princess. Now go to sleep, you're tired," he adds and I nod. My whole body feels made of lead. "Sweet dreams."
His lips land on my forehead in a sweet and loving kiss that lasts a few seconds, so I close my eyes and just enjoy the moment until he pulls back. We smile at each other before, reluctantly, pulling apart. One last good night and I turn on my heels to go to Nora's room, heaving an exhausted sigh.
The hardest part is yet to come.
❅ ❅ ❅
You already know I'm a terrible human, why do I even try to excuse myself? *sighs* I'm just sorry for the late update. And I'm too tired to sugarcoat my irresponsibility.
Also, I posted Break Free Roselle so you can add the book to your libraries already.
Dedication to rd1301
Bel, xx