It's been four weeks, a month after the crash, after being told Jaime was in a coma, and when I last heard his voice. I can't sit here and say it hasn't been hard, because it has. But I haven't given up hope, I swear everyone but me and his parents have given up, he'll be out in no time.
I've been sitting here in the room waiting for Tony and Spencer to get here so I won't be completely alone, I hear a knock on the door before it begins to slowly open.
"Honey I'm home." I hear Spencer say as she walks down the small entry way.
"Hey." I smile, putting my bookmark in between two pages then shut it for the time being.
"I brought you a fresh bag of clothes." Spencer says showing me my backpack before placing it on the floor next to Lilah's play pin.
"How's he doing?" Tony asks after a moment of silence.
"He's doing okay, everything's still the same." I say with a bit of defeat.
"Knock Knock!" We all hear from the door, I lean over to see who is was and watch as Vic, Danielle, Mike, Alysha and Jaime's parents come in to the room.
"Hey guys." I smile with a small wave.
"How's my boy doing?" Vic asks going over to Jaime, ruffling up his hair a bit.
"The same." I smile slightly.
I stand up and give the guys a hug before going to Jaime's parents, his dad pulling me in tightly placing a gentle kiss on my cheek, "How are you mi hija?" He asks rubbing my arm softly up and down.
"I'm okay, we're okay." I reply pointing to Lilah who was playing with her toys inside the pin.
"Oh my granddaughter." He says with wide eyes before moving around me to get to her.
"Hi honey, how are you holding up?" Jaime's mom asks after giving me a tight hug.
"I'm doing okay, just staying positive. I know today is the day." I answer saying the last part to everyone.
"We're crossing our fingers." Mike says showing that his fingers are crossed.
"Have you eaten?" Martha asks sounding like a concerned mother.
"No not yet, I was waiting for these guys to get here." I say pointing to the guys behind me.
"Well go downstairs and get something in your stomach, I'd really like some alone time with Jaime for a bit, and you can leave Lilah too." She smiles looking down at Jaime before rubbing the back of her hand on his cheek.
"No problem, call me if anything happens." I lean down and place a kiss on her cheek before following everyone outside and down to the cafeteria area.
"I think I'll get a sandwich." I say to no one but myself.
I pick up the plate that had a turkey sandwich wrapped in plastic wrap then choose some barbeque chips and a coke before making my way to the table Spencer chose.
"So I'm thinking after Jaime gets out of here we go camping or something, just to get away from this place." Vic suggests.
"I'm totally okay with that, one on one time with some nature." I say with a smile.
"Exactly, we can go to this place Danielle and I went to that had a waterfall, it was sick, what do you guys say?"
"I'm in." Spencer says with her hand raised.
Everyone joined in with yes's and we made the plan for when Jaime gets out, which should be soon. I looked down at my phone to see if anything came through from Jaime's mom, only to be disappointed.
The guys decided to give me my phone back after finding out about Jaime, their reason being that they didn't want to tell me about Jaime until I got better, thus keeping my phone so I wouldn't get the urge to call him or call his rooms phone.
"He'll get through this Rae." Mike says from next to me, pulling me into his side, his arm draped loosely around my shoulder.
"You talk to him every day right?" Danielle asks from across the table.
I nod my head finishing the chip I had in my mouth, "All day, I swear I've gone crazy because I talk to him thinking he'll respond but he doesn't."
After a while Alysha decides to change the subject, talking about what we wanted to do for Thanksgiving this year, wanting to bring up anything to sizzle the talk about Jaime, which I silently thanked her for. I didn't want to talk about him still being in here, it tore me apart and she knew that.
"Maybe by then we'll have a house and can do a dinner at ours." Spencer smiles looking up at Tony who nods in agreement.
"Yeah, we've been looking so hopefully we'll have one soon."
"I want to help decorate." I volunteer.
"Same here." Danielle raises her hand.
Spencer smiles and claps her hands in excitement, "Yes! This will be super fun."
"I've got it!" Vic exclaims out of nowhere getting us to all look at him in confusion.
"We sing to him, maybe a song we know? I've heard that people who are in coma's can sometime still hear what's around them. Maybe if we sing a song or something it can help pull him out."
Vic looked like he had just come up with the biggest invention ever, a smile and wide eyes like he was a bit crazy but I can't deny that idea sounded pretty good.
"I don't see why it wouldn't work, we can always try." Mike agrees looking to me for an answer.
I shrug my shoulders, at this point I'm willing to try anything, "It's worth a shot."
Vic claps his hands together and gets up from the table, "Well what are you guys waiting for, come on!"
We all get up and throw our things away then follow him to the elevator, "You still have Jaime's acoustic here right?" Vic asks me once we all pile in.
"Yeah it's still here." I say.
I had Spencer and Tony bring it to me so that way I could play a bit; I had written a song when I was in Cleveland during the time I was missing Jaime the most. I've never played it to anyone but Lilah, she didn't cry when I did so I'm assuming it was good.
We made it to the hospital room and filed in, Jaime's mom and dad sitting on the couch with Lilah propped on Hector's lap babbling about God knows what.
"We've come up with an idea and we're going to try it." Vic shares with Jaime's parents.
"Well whatever you've got, let's try it." Martha smiles.
Vic then grabs Jamie's black acoustic guitar and sits on the chair right next to his bed, propping the guitar on his leg while he tunes it to match whatever song he's chosen to sing, "I'm gonna play Circles."
Vic begins too strum the guitar softly before picking up speed, launching into his first verse,
"Listen, do you hear my heart beat thump over the monitors?
You pretend to close your eyes
Don't breathe in
Pieces of candy and leaks of light (leaks of light)
Paint the floor 'round me
Then without hesitating (hesitating)
You took my hand and then we both started running
Both started running
There's no place to go
Another bullet and we both started running
Both started running too
Save yourself, don't ever look back
Nowhere to go and so we both spin around in circles."
His voice was different though, it was un-prepped and scratchy in some parts, but beautiful nonetheless. He kept his eyes closed while he sang out with every ounce of hope possible.
"Creeping through these labyrinths I find
Another dead end to the weekend
But is this real life?
Paper hearts turned ash begin to fly
Over our heads I begin
Screaming while the exit signs read "Heaven's waiting"
You took my hand and then we both started running
Both started running
There's no place to go
Another bullet and we both started running
Both started running too
Save yourself, don't ever look back
Nowhere to go and so we both spin around in circles."
He strummed the guitar with as much energy as he uses on stage, this time he's playing for his best friend, and I can't lie and say we weren't all watching Jaime, because we were.
We were all hoping for some kind of movement, anything at all.
"And I said, "Hey, what's on your mind?"
I think about my life without you and I start to cry
And I said, "Hey, it's alright"
We'll make it
I love you and I'll never leave your side
You took my hand and then we both started running
Both started running
There's no place to go
Another bullet and we both started running
Both started running too
Save yourself, don't ever look back
Nowhere to go and so we both spin around in circles, circles."
Tears were flooding my eyes at this point, I couldn't hold them in, and what broke me the most was when Vic's voice cracked during the last part of the chorus, we all looked over to him, his eyes still shut but a tear slowly cascaded down his cheek. That's when we all lost it.
Once Vic finished we stayed silent for a moment, the only sound coming from Jaime's heart monitor which neither picked up nor dropped down. A light knock on the door interrupted our silence, Jaime's doctor, Brian Montez, coming in and over to Jaime's parents and I.
"It's so nice to see so many people here for him." He smiles before turning back to us three.
"Mr. and Mrs. Preciado and Ms. Vespillo if it's okay I'd like to speak with you alone." He says softly.
The others got the hint and began to walk away, my first instinct was not wanting to be alone in this so I called out for someone, "Vic, stay please?" I say feeling my heart sink knowing something was wrong.
Vic nodded and walked back over to me to which I immediately wrapped my arm in his, the rooms door shut leaving us four alone to hear what the doctor had to say.
"Well, we've been monitoring Mr. Preciado's levels and stability and it's very hard to just say this but we have to make a choice." He says looking down at first then to us with nothing but sympathy written across his face.
"What do you mean a choice?" I ask with a bit of irritation lacing my tone.
"Jaime has two options at this point, either we can keep him on this machine until he wakes up, but even if we do that he could come out of it with serious damage to the brain, resulting in him not being able to function the way he used to, he wouldn't be able to speak normally and when he does it'd be slurred words."
"So basically a vegetable..." Vic comments wanting to get on with it.
"If you want to say it like that, then yes." Dr. Montez nods his head.
"And the second option?" I ask hoping it'd be somewhere along the lines of him having something that can just pull him out faster.
"The second option being we can take him off of the life support."
"No, not happening." I interject.
"But Ms. Ve-"
"No, I said no, he's not going to be taken away from any chances he has of waking up perfectly fine. I won't let that happen, just because people have already given up hope on him doesn't mean I will. He's going to wake up." I say sternly.
"We second that." Vic says getting Martha and Hector to nod in agreement.
"We won't be pulling the plug on our son." Martha says.
Dr. Montez nods his head in understanding, "Okay, we will continue to monitor his progress and keep an eye on him." He shakes each of our hands before leaving the room.
I feel my tears flow out of my eyes and down my cheek as I go over to Jaime and place both my hands on his cheeks, "Jaime baby you have to wake up already, this has gone on for too long, please!" I say shouting the last part as I begin to sob.
I hear the door open and sounds of footsteps enter the room, nobody saying a word except Vic who was explaining everything to them.
"I know you're in there, please come back to me."
After another hour or so everyone decided to go home, Jaime's parents being the last to leave, "Call us if anything changes." Hector says giving me a kiss on the forehead.
"I will." I say giving Martha a hug before walking them out of the room.
"It's just us again kid." I say looking down at Lilah who was fast asleep in her play pin.
I take a seat on my sofa then open my book again, the only sound besides Jaime's monitor being the TV which played Saturday Night Live.
After an hour of not being focused enough to get past three pages, I put the book down and look up at the TV, then back down directly beneath it to the Jaime's acoustic guitar. I looked at it for a second before getting up to take a hold of it, grabbing my black leather journal in the process.
I tune it to the way I need it and strum it lightly to make sure it sounded right.
"Okay, here goes nothing." I say looking to Jaime.
I begin strumming the beginning notes before opening my mouth to let the words fall freely into the quiet room,
"You and I,
We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky.
With you, I'm alive
Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide.
So stop time right here in the moonlight,
Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.
Without you, I feel broke.
Like I'm half of a whole.
Without you, I've got no hand to hold.
Without you, I feel torn.
Like a sail in a storm.
Without you, I'm just a sad song.
I'm just a sad song."
I look down at my fingers, continuing to strum and sing with every bit of soul I have, wanting this to actually work, I needed this to work.
"With you I fall.
It's like I'm leaving all my past in silhouettes up on the wall.
With you I'm a beautiful mess.
It's like we're standing hand in hand with all our fears up on the edge.
So stop time right here in the moonlight,
Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.
...
You're the perfect melody,
The only harmony
I wanna hear.
You're my favorite part of me,
With you standing next to me,
I've got nothing to fear.
Without you, I feel broke.
Like I'm half of a whole.
Without you, I've got no hand to hold.
Without you, I feel torn.
Like a sail in a storm.
Without you, I'm just a sad song.
Without you, I feel broke.
Like I'm half of a whole.
Without you, I've got no hand to hold.
Without you, I feel torn.
Like a sail in a storm.
Without you, I'm just a sad song.
I'm just a sad song."
I finished the song, strumming one last note then looked up at Jaime to see he hadn't moved an inch since I began playing, I felt completely defeated not knowing what else I could possibly do.
I get up from my spot on the sofa and place the guitar back against the wall, then go over to Jaime and lean over him to place my forehead on his, "You've gotta come back baby, it's time to come home, follow my voice."
I close my head and pour all my energy into the words I'm saying to him, "I know you can hear me, just follow me, come on I know you can do it. I love you so much and I need to hear you say it back Jaime, please just wake up."
Light sobs fall from my mouth along with tears that began to fall down my cheek again, I give him a kiss on the cheek then go over to the sofa and begin to move it closer to his bed as silently as possible.
I lay down on the makeshift bed I've made and cover myself up with my black blanket, grabbing onto Jaime's hand before falling into a dreamless sleep.