Chapter Twenty Two
Lily wrapped herself up in her Gryffindor scarf and gazed outside at the snow which drifted lazily through the air. Steeling herself for the cold Lily wrenched open the door and stepped out into the street, her breath already beginning to rise in wispy puffs of white. She hunched down into her coat and hurried down the street desperately. She had to get away from Petunia before she started to insult her; for some reason her sister couldn’t even put aside her ‘abnormality’ on Christmas. Their parents had tried and tried to fix the feud between their daughters but to no avail and this Christmas was proving particularly bad. Petunia had, a few months before Lily had returned from school, revealed to their parents that she had a boyfriend, a man called Vernon who worked at the company she was with; her sister had not, however, deemed it necessary for him to meet Lily, despite the fact that he had met John and May.
“I don’t see why he should though,” Petunia had muttered, “it’s not like we’re going to be seeing much of her in the future. And, of course, Vernon hates anything out of the ordinary.” These final few words were punctuated with a pointed look at some of the pictures that were scattered about the kitchen, pictures which moved. “I don’t see why you can’t just put them away,” she had complained frequently, “they not normal.”
Luckily for Petunia Lily agreed with her, though not for the same reason. Although she never ceased sending the pictures home she had mentioned once, seeing one particularly pretty one of her and her friends sitting by the Black Lake and waving merrily which her parents had framed, that they ought to make them a little more subtle. “Only, you could get in serious trouble with the Ministry if any Muggles see them and realise,” she explained. “It could break the International Statute of Secrecy.” Both John and May looked at her blankly and Lily flushed, forgetting that they didn’t have the same knowledge that she did; they knew a fair amount but not everything. There were several stringent restrictions placed on what Muggle parents of magical children could and couldn’t know. Still, they took them down and put them away in one particular photo album which they hid in their room, leaving the only traces of magic in their house to be Lily’s school supplies and newspapers when she came back for the holidays.
Petunia had moved out and was barely at home anymore, a blessing for Lily since she was finally free of her constant cold looks and muttered insults, but it had been insisted upon that the four of them spend Christmas together. Lily could take it no longer; all through lunch Petunia had made snide remarks, just subtle enough for their parents not to notice – or maybe they had given up – and she hadn’t given Lily a present because, apparently ‘she had everything she needed, didn’t she?’
The fuming redhead stomped down the icy lane, lashing out occasionally at rogue stones that lay by her feet and wishing that her birthday would come sooner so that she could blast something to smithereens with her wand. She was so caught up in her own world that she didn’t hear her name being called until the person calling it grabbed her arm. “Get off me!” she shouted.
Severus took a step back. “I-I’m sorry.”
Lily shook his hand off her arm and stuck her hands in her pockets, hunching down into her scarf. “What do you want?”
He looked alarmed. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
“You’ve had years of talking to me Severus. I thought you’d realised that we’re through.”
“Well I know but- I just- I wanted- I thought you might… forgive me.”
Lily scoffed. “I doubt it very much. I’ve forgiven you for far too much over the past few years. It’s time to move on with your life. You got what you wanted; you don’t have to choose between me and your precious Death Eater friends.”
The already pale boy in front of her whitened even more. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that if I were you.”
“Oh stop it Severus! You know that that’s what half of them want to be when they leave Hogwarts, maybe even before that! Give up pretending because I know that’s what you want to do as well!”
“I wouldn’t-” He stopped and scraped his foot along the ground as he searched for wards. “I wouldn’t if I had you,” he finally whispered. “I’d rather have you.”
She scoffed again and turned to leave. “Well you had me Snape; you had me for years and you still went to them so I don’t see why it would be any different now.”
“That’s – that’s not what I meant,” he stammered.
“Oh isn’t it? Care to explain?”
“I- I- We’ve always been friends- and… and then- I don’t want to be your friend-”
“Yes, you’ve made that very clear,” she growled as she stalked away. Snape stared at her dwindling back, hot tears of frustration and loss burning his numb cheeks. Just as he had done so many times since they started at Hogwarts, just as he had done so many times before, he stood still and watched her walk away, wishing he had the courage to run after her. “Suppose that’s why I wasn’t Sorted into bloody Gryffindor,” he muttered angrily to himself as he strode away.
Lily kept marching onwards, muttering furiously under her breath, blazing anger filling her body, to the point where it surprised her that her footsteps weren’t melting the snow. By the time she had calmed down the sky was darkening, the orange blush of the invisible sunset bleeding into the blank white of the clouds, and the streetlights were flickering on. Lily leant against the front door and stepped back into the warmth, leaving her soaking shoes to drip snow onto the mat; mercifully Petunia had left an hour or so ago so Lily made herself an enormous hot chocolate, let the heat of it warm her numbed cheeks and nose and went upstairs. Stripping down quickly she jumped into a boiling bath and lay there for an hour, submerging herself before surfacing to sip her drink and read her favourite book.
The holidays passed quickly and before long the small family was rushing between the cars, winding through the crowds of people milling about and racing through the throng; Lily was trailing behind her parents, her trolley careening recklessly round corners and more than once she nearly crashed into an innocent passerby. They ran through the barrier between King’s Cross and platform nine and three-quarters without caring whether anyone had seen them; John shoved Lily’s trunk onto the train, grabbed Dalia’s cage and pecked her on the cheek. May kissed her daughter and pushed her onto the train, still shouting a list of things that Lily had to remember and do.
The Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station slowly; Lily wasn’t quite as late as she had thought that she would be and, as she wandered through the corridors, she allowed herself a small smile. Once again she was back.
As she strolled through the train, preoccupied with peering into carriages and looking for her friends she bumped into something solid. “Oh sorry,” she said, barely looking up as she made to move to one side, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Clearly,” an unmistakeable voice said, only just succeeding in holding in laughter. “Going somewhere?”
Lily nodded. “I’m looking for Mary, Alice and Cassie.”
“Ah, I should have guessed,” James said. He grinned at her and Lily found herself smiling back; it was strange how long it had taken her to notice that he had a wonderful smile. Perhaps that was why so many people loved him. James moved to lean casually against the window of the carriage behind him, one ankle crossed over the other and his arms loosely folded as he watched Lily, the very picture of confidence. For some reason she blushed under his scrutiny and tucked her hair behind her ear. “So how was your Christmas?” he asked pleasantly.
James didn’t miss the involuntary grimace that crossed her face before she replied, “It was alright thanks; how was yours?”
He lifted one shoulder in a laconic shrug. “It was pretty good. I saw Sirius a fair bit, did some exploring with him, saw Remus and Peter too… Hung out with the family… How about you?”
“Oh I didn’t do much,” she replied, “just saw some friends, did some work, avoided my sister and bumped into Severus… I’m not sure why I told you that.” At the last one James’ whole body had tensed and he had shot nearly upright, looking as fierce as he had used to look when he had been bullying people and Lily had confronted him.
“What happened?”
“Oh nothing much… though I suppose one could say we will definitely never be friends again.”
“That bad huh?” James, despite the aggressiveness which was still emanating from his rather large frame, looked concerned and he reached one hand out as if to touch Lily’s shoulder. It hung there for a second before he thought better of it and adjusted his glasses instead, pushing them up his nose. “Look, I know the two of us have never really got on, me and you and me and Sniv- er Snape, but I know he was a good friend of yours for a long time so… I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts to lose a friend, no matter who they are.”
“Thanks James, that’s very kind of you. And also very mature… Are you sure that you’re definitely James Potter?” she joked. He looked down at himself and frowned, pulling at his t-shirt. “Well I’m pretty sure I am… I still look the same.” He lifted one of his arms and sniffed it theatrically. “I smell the same. Do I smell the same to you?” He leaned in very close to Lily, so close that she could see the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, so close that she could feel his warm breath on her impossibly hot cheek and so close that she couldn’t help her eyes flickering to his lips. She swallowed and forced her eyes upwards again, feeling uncomfortable; it wasn’t so much that she was disturbed by the way her head seemed to have clouded over but that she was disturbed by how close James Potter was to her. She didn’t think he’d ever been that close before, apart from the time he had pulled her into an alcove. “You still smell,” she managed to choke out after what seemed like years. James suddenly grabbed her, squashing her face into his chest and making sure to rub her nose against his top, his arms engulfing her head. “You sure? You don’t mind that I’m just making sure do you? I just want to be really, really certain that I’m still me.”
“You’re suffocating me Potter,” she mumbled against his chest as she braced her hands against him and tried to push herself away. Unfortunately genetics and years of Quidditch playing worked against her, turning James Potter into an extremely solid and nigh immoveable object, no matter how warm said object might be, and Lily’s struggle was in vain.
Finally he released her, hair dishevelled and make-up surely smudged. “Oh look at the state of you,” he fussed obnoxiously, “you look like you’ve been mauled by a Manticore.” He smoothed her down with a chuckle as Lily pouted petulantly at him.
“I’m sorry Lily,” he immediately said, “I know I shouldn’t have. Normally I never do but sometimes my brain just turns off and then stupid stuff like that happens. Won’t do it again, I promise. Bad influence of Black you see. Overpowers my mother’s teaching of not manhandling girls.”
Lily cracked a smile at his genuine concern and the almost horrified look on his face. “It’s okay James, really,” she said. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind.”
He was rendered speechless by this dramatic turn of events; normally she would have started yelling at him, even after they had begun to reach an understanding and have civil conversations. “Oh… Well then… I guess I’ll just be going… in here,” he stammered, opening the door to the carriage and tumbling inside.
He had tripped over Peter’s outstretched leg and smacked the floor with his eyes still fixed on Lily, who had doubled over in laughter at seeing him fall; James, with a half-hearted sigh, noted to himself how her eyes sparkled when she laughed. Or when she did anything really, he thought wryly; they even shone when she was angry and Merlin knew she’d been angry at him enough times for him to be sure about that.
Once he had picked himself up from the floor and crawled onto a seat, Sirius’ foot prodding him in the backside more of a hindrance than a help, he collapsed onto it and thought of Lily’s eyes; Lily’s hair; Lily’s adorable nose and the sprinkling of freckles across it; Lily’s everything really. A mournful sigh escaped James as he sat in the corner of the boys’ carriage and thought of Lily Evans. At the very beginning, back when he had first met her, he had found her intriguing, had thought that her bright green eyes in no way matched her coppery hair but, as time had moved on he had begun to see girls as something less than disgusting; it was, unfortunately for him, when this happened that he realised how pretty he thought Lily Evans was and it wasn’t until much later, once he had wriggled his way out of any serious relationships with girls in Hogwarts and had devoted his time to winning Lily’s heart – in fact it wasn’t until very recently that he realised he liked everything about her and that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
He had thought that she might kiss him back there; it was a stupid thing to think but as he had watched her wonderful eyes flick down to his lips he had thought, for a fleeting second, that she might close the gap between them. James groaned aloud, both with desire and frustration at himself; of course she hadn’t wanted to kiss him, she despised him.
“What happened Prongs?” Peter asked.
“Evans,” Sirius replied dryly. “Looked like you were getting on though… Well, for a bit.”
“Evans,” James repeated, turning the name into a wail of pain.
“Here Prongs, have some chocolate,” Remus said.
“And listen to this; it’ll take your mind off her,” Sirius added, launching into a description of something he had just read in Stupid Spells: Hex Edition.