I feel like shit. I don't feel right. The flashbacks of the night just keep replaying in my head over and over again. Non stop. I've been crying. I've been confused.
What did I do to deserve that? Why couldn't I just have the strength to stop it from happening? I feel weak. I feel violated.
As I lay here bawling my eyes out in my bed, I have Justin's music playing to calm me down. I need him. I need to hear his voice. Not just through the music. But if I call him, he will hear in my voice that I'm not okay. I don't want him to know.
I didn't go to school today. I said I was way too sick. Of course I lied. I just can't face anyone. I still want to be alone.
It's about five in the afternoon now. My friends have texted me a bunch of times. Including Justin. But I told each of them that I was fine. And that was it. I haven't even looked at my phone.
I guess Austin didn't go to school either because he showed up here earlier today. He was checking up on me. He also told me him and a few other guys jumped the guy who raped me.
I appreciate Austin for that.
**Earlier Today**
"Thank you" I told Austin quietly after telling me he got the guy jumped and beat the living shit out of him. He just got here a few minutes ago and I let him come in to sit.
"How are you holding up?" He asked and I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders as I leaned back against the couch. We are sitting in my living room right now. My parents are at work so no one can hear us talking about this.
"I'm okay" I said back in the same tone. I don't even want to talk right now.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me and I shook my head. He looked at me sadly. "Then is there anything I can do to help?" He asked and I shook my head again.
"I just-" I stopped to take a deep breath. "It's on a consent replay in my head and I don't know how to stop it. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to talk about it" I stopped talking again and tried to keep myself from crying again.
"We don't have to talk about it" Austin said quickly. "We can talk about prom o-or uh graduation" I love the fact that he is trying, but I'm really in no mood to talk about anything at all. "Who are you going to prom with?" He asked me.
"No one" I told him then stared out the window.
"Me too" He said making me look over at him confused. Austin Mahone going to prom alone? Every girl in the school is obsessed with him.
"You didn't ask anyone?" I asked him confused.
"No. I was waiting to see if this one girl had a date or not" he said with a laugh. "And now I know the answer" he told me.
"Oh" I said once I figured out he was talking about me. "You mean me" I said and he nodded slowly.
"I was going to ask someone else after everything that happened at Ryan's party, but with now two weeks left, I felt like everyone already had a date and I screwed my self over for waiting so long" He told me. I nodded understand. I guess that's my fault, but he should have just asked someone else back then. I looked back out the window. "Would you like to go to prom with me?" I heard him ask. I looked back over at him and nodded.
"I'll go with you" I told him and he slightly smiled. I wanted to smile, but I didn't have it in me. "I think I'm going to go sleep, can I call you later?" What I really mean is, I'm going up to my bed to cry, not sleep. He nodded and stood up.
"Of course. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He told me as I stood up too. "I'll see you later" he said with a smile then walked out. Once the door was shut, I let some of my tears fall. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Talking about prom with him helped for two minutes. Only two minutes of the events of last night not replaying in my head.
**Present Time**
He is a another one who keeps texting me. I just really don't want to talk to anyone at all. My mom came in here with food earlier. I barely ate anything. She came back in an hour later and I acted like I was sleep so I wouldn't have to explain why I barely ate. I just have no appetite.
I know everyone's starting to worry, but I want them to think I'm okay which means I would have to act okay, but it's so hard to act okay when I just feel so traumatized right now.
**Ally's POV**
I took a deep breath as I hit Jamie's moms contact in my phone and started to call her. I put it on speaker. I'm with Ryan and Chaz who are also on FaceTime with Justin. We told him how something isn't right with Jamie. He said she is barely talking to him. Just like she's doing to us.
She left the party without saying a single thing to any of us, didn't text us at all after wards at least letting us know if she got home or if she's okay or that she was even leaving in general. She didn't show up to school which is strange because she never misses a day unless she has to.
And now she's not answering any of our text. She answered us once saying she was fine, but that's all it said. 'I'm fine'. But obviously we know her well enough to know some thing is wrong. Especially when she's doing the same thing to Justin.
"Hello Ally" Jamie's mom answered. She also didn't sound that happy.
"Hi Mrs Collins. Are you able to talk right now?" I asked her.
"It's about Jamie isn't it?" She asked.
"Yeah" I said in a sigh.
"I was going to reach out to you about her actually. She hasn't left her room once since last night. I brought food into her room for her earlier then when I went back in there about an hour later, I saw the food barely touched. I don't know what's going on with her. I'm worried" she explained to me.
"She's barely talking to me or the guys. She told us that she's fine, but she never misses school so it was weird she wasn't in today" I said back.
"Did something happen with her and Justin?" She asked.
"No. He told me nothing happened." I said to her. She sighed.
"I've heard his music playing in her room for the past hour so I figured maybe she was upset about something that had to do with him. I don't know that maybe she just misses him" I looked up at the guys as she said that.
"I'll have him try to call her. We all know that he's the one person that can always get through to her"
"Okay thank you. Let me know" we said goodbye and hung up.
"What the fuck is happening?" I said stressed out.
"I need to come home" I heard Justin say.
"No we will reach her. Just relax-" Justin cut Ryan off.
"She's clearly not okay" Justin said quickly.
"We should go over there. The three of us" I told the guys. "We can bring her her favorite snacks and things like that. Just to show her we are here for her and love her so whenever she's ready to tell us, she knows she can count on us" I told them.
"Please do that" Justin said sadly.
"Let's go do it now" Chaz said standing up.
"Yeah you're right. She needs us for whatever is going on" Ryan said standing up too. I smiled and stood up as well. We have taught these boys well on how to look after us girls.
"Will you guys let me know how it goes?" Justin asked us.
"Of course bro" Ryan said back.
"Thank you. Ima call her again and see if she answers" I heard Justin say then hang up quickly. I looked over at Ryan sadly.
"I need to know what's so bad that she doesn't want to talk to us? Or even Justin. I'm her bestfriend she tells me everything and same with Justin. She's so in love with him and he knows how to help her always. It must be bad" I said to him. I heard my phone start to ring again so I looked down to see it's Jamie's mom. "Hold on Jamie's mom is calling again" I told them then I answered the call and again put it on speaker. "Hi" I answered.
"Hi Ally. There's actually one more thing I wanted to ask" she started.
"What is it?"
"Did anything happen at this party the other night?" She asked me. I looked up at the guys and they shook their heads with confused looks.
"No. Well not that I know of. She left without saying goodbye to any of us. After that is when she got distant" I explained to her. I heard her sigh.
"I think something did happen" she said quietly. I heard her take another deep breath. Oh no. "That night I woke up when I heard her come home. After a few minutes went by, I left my room to go grab water downstairs and I heard her crying and saying something. So I went into her room and saw her crying sitting with Austin on her bed. They both looked really upset and I asked her what was going on and she told me this story about how she got drunk and fell in front of everyone and was embarrassed and since she was drunk, she got emotional. I didn't believe a word she said, but I let it go" she told me. The guys and I looked at each other shocked. Her and Austin aren't even on good terms. Last I heard he was done with her.
"I didn't know her and Austin were friends again. I also didn't hear anything about her falling. I-I don't know. I'll figure it out though" I said back to her.
"Yeah well I was surprised to see him too. And if you find out anything please let me know"
**Justins POV*
I groaned loudly as the call went to voicemail. I know she's awake. I quickly went to my texts with her and typed out 'did I do something? you've been so distant'
She read it right away. I knew she was ignoring my calls. I sat there staring at the screen waiting for a few minutes before it showed she started to type.
___
Jamie: u didn't do anything
Me: so then why are u ignoring me?
Me: u know u can always talk to me
Me: about anything anytime
Jamie: thank u ik
Jamie: im okay
Me: no ur not
Jamie: i don't want to talk about it
Me: and that's totally fine but just know I love u and I'll always be there for u
Me: and whatever it is that u are going thru, please don't push me away
Jamie: ik i love u too.
____
With that, I locked my phone and shut my eyes as I took a deep breath. Something isn't right with her. I need to know. I need to make sure she's okay. I don't know what I can do. I used to be able to just go to her house and sit with her while she tells me what's wrong, but now I can't do that being so far away.
I have to go on stage now. I don't know how I'm going to focus with this going on.