Just to stay on the safe side, I don't get discharged until three days later and that already feels like too much. Like we are wasting too long and giving Laura a chance to get away with murder. Again. But I can't rush and be reckless, and we need to plan our approach properly.
We have the video and it is really indeed noticeable that Laura is the one savagely attacking me, and subsequently pushing me off the bridge. The video doesn't show the moment Nora jumps, because by then the drone is following me down the stream, chaotic, diving and coming out again. It's blackness, just like the one that wrapped me. It also shows the moment Nora finds me, dragging me back to the surface and then to the side, where she frantically did CPR until I'm coughing and coming back to her, curling to her as Nora rocks us back and forth, crying.
The video shows all that, even the moment the ambulance comes for me and we're taken to the hospital. And as I watch what happened from above, I can only hold Nora's hand tightly, knowing she's the one who fought so hard to bring me back from that darkness I had surrendered to.
The problem of the video isn't just seeing Laura's cruelty again and feeling every blow like it's happening, or the desperation that drives Nora to almost kill herself in her attempt to save me. The worst part is seeing how the footage affects Will.
Despite what we talked, he can't take watching the video and needs to leave. I give him a bit of time before I go out to find him. I don't need to think or actually look for him, now that I'm back in the Dream House and away the hospital (I hope I don't need to get admitted there. Ever again), it's easy to know exactly where he's gone: to see the goats.
I find him inside the corrals, sat on the ground with Heidi on his lap, holding her tight and his face buried in the fluffy fur. Carefully, I climb over the fence and walk up to him, sitting by his side. Of course he hears me and feels my presence, but he doesn't move or lifts his head, which is a bad sign.
Finding the words to break the silence and start the conversation is hard, I'm not sure how to approach this when it's such a delicate subject. Even if we talk, even if I help him a bit, it's not something that it gets fixed because I tell him it's okay. It doesn't work like that, it isn't easy like that.
"Heidi, do you think you could give me some time with my boyfriend?" I ask, trying to use a light tone that doesn't carry too much worry.
The goat actually bleats in reply and I'm pretty sure it means she's not moving.
"Oi! That's rude. I'm actually asking it nicely," I argue, glaring at the goat that's normally my favourite.
Not now, though.
Heidi doesn't even regard me, instead, she decides to start chewing on Will's hair.
"She's eating your hair, you shouldn't allow that. She doesn't listen to me, as you can see," I point out and this time I can actually hear Will's chuckles and see his hand raising to keep Heidi from eating his hair.
The boy finally lifts his head and I immediately look to meet his eyes, smiling but my heart breaks when I see his eyes are swollen and bloodshot. There aren't tears streaking his cheeks, but it's clear he's been fighting hard not to cry.
Or he cried a lot already.
I don't want him to look so miserable and broken, but I don't really have a way to fix it or soothe his pain, not in a truly effective way, at least. I can only offer some distraction and comfort, and for that I act childishly, pushing Heidi away and claiming the spot on Will's lap. This clearly surprises him and he stares at me with wide eyes, but I only smile in reply while looping my arms around him.
The final touch is sticking my tongue out at Heidi.
That's enough to make Will laugh, loud and rich, tilting his head back as his arms wrap around me, tightly, pulling me a bit closer. Still laughing, he leans forward now, this time his face ending buried in my neck as his arms tighten around me. I hold him as tightly in return.
"It was hard, wasn't it?" I ask in a whisper, not pulling back or anything. Good thing it's a nice day and it's not raining, it would make the scene a lot more dramatic than it already is.
"I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head. I actually have nightmares," he whispers back, so I start patting his back, giving him some comfort. "How did you do it? All this time? I remember when I drove you to the hospital and you fell asleep. You woke up screaming."
"I still have nightmares," I confess. "Now I have another one to add, they get mixed up at times, sometimes even worse."
This time, Will pulls back a bit, just enough to look at me with horror, worry and so much sadness in his eyes.
"How do you manage that?"
I shrug, not because it's a minor or insignificant thing, but because what else can you do? You just deal with it, there's no other option, unless you consider allowing the grief to consume you and take over your life. I don't even consider that option, even if it sounds tempting or easy.
"I just do. I scream, I cry, I wish things were different, that I didn't knew the things I do, but at the same time I can't do anything to change them," I try to explain. "It also helps that when I wake up from a nightmare, Nora is always by my side, reminding me it's just that. A bad dream, a bad memory, but it's in the past and it can't hurt me anymore."
I try to smile at Will, to reassure him in any way I can, but I'm sure it's not exactly working.
"I don't have a Nora," Will sighs, defeated.
For a second I almost tell him I can be that person for him, but I know I can't. Not because I don't want to, but because I won't be around. In two days, we head back to London and I won't be coming back. I don't know for how long he'll stay here or when he'll go back to uni, I don't know if we'll see each other again, so how can I promise him to be that person he leans on when I'm not sure I can keep that promise?
Because I can't make that promise, I can only honestly say, "I want to be that person for you. I want to remind you every time that it's in the past and it's all right now."
Will's hold on me tightens again, becoming painful, considering my bruised ribs, but I endure it because I know he needs the reassurance that I'm here, that I'm fine.
"I am going back to London in two days, I don't even know when I'll see you again," I continue, cupping his face with my right hand, trying to show him I really wish I could do more for him. "But you know that even if I'm at the other side of the world, you can always call me. After a nightmare, just call me and I'll reassure you it's okay, it was just a bad dream."
"That won't make it all better, there're still bad people around and I'm helpless," he deflates, and the vulnerability in his eyes makes my heart twist.
"That didn't stop you before," I remind him. "No matter what I told you, you said you'd always fight because that's better than not doing anything. Yes, there are horrible people out there, real monsters, but are you going to let this defeat you or are you going to do your best to fight those people?"
The boy takes sharp breaths and I know I can't let this moment stop, I have his attention.
"You can't, Will. You need to keep fighting, even if you lose because you just can't give up. At least, make it hard for them to get their way, even if it's for your own satisfaction." I smile, encouragingly, hopeful. "You taught me that."
Will leans into my shoulder again, taking deep breaths and probably struggling with his own thoughts. I know he'll continue doing this for a long, long time, but for now, I hold him as he does that.
"Blanca..." he whispers after a while.
I don't know if my words actually reached him, if they gave him some motivation or anything, but I hope so.
"Hmmm..." I hum, waiting for him to continue.
"Can I go with you to London?" he asks and I'm really surprised to hear that. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that.
"You want to go?"
"Well... yeah. I don't want to leave you alone, even if I can't actually do anything to help, I want to be by your side."
This time it's me the one pulling back to look at him, trying to see if he really means this.
"Are you serious?"
"Um, yeah," he hesitates, looking vulnerable in a very different way, this time he looks afraid of rejection. "But if you don't want me to, I understand and—"
"Of course I want to! It's not that," I cut him in. "I'm just surprised and... glad. I could definitely used your company there because I'm scared as hell," I confess next. "Even if we have evidence and all, I'm terrified of what comes next, of all I have to do, and I know I have Nora but it's going to be so hard for her, too."
"I'm going back to uni in September," Will comments and I nod, following him. "I can be by your side until then and do as much as I can do to help you. Against your stepmother and anyone else."
A smile starts to form on my lips at the idea, and then a crazy thought comes to my mind. "Will you stay with me at home?"
"Uh?" It's Will's turn to look surprised.
"I... until I ended here, it was just Laura and I. And the house is so big and I just can't move out because that's my father's home, the one he wanted for me. And... well, Nora has her family but I don't have anyone else and there are plenty rooms and I just... I just don't want to be alone. I got used to be surrounded by people so maybe you can stay over until you go back to uni?"
I end up basically asking, unsure of what I'm saying, feeling nervous and embarrassed for even suggesting it. I said it without really thinking. Actually, I blurted it out and now I realise it's too much and too fast, and I'm probably scaring him.
Why the hell did I ask that?
"I was thinking of crashing at a friend's, but I guess I can crash at your place," he comments, shrugging with one shoulder and smiling lightly. "I bet it's better than my friend's small and messy flat."
"Definitely," I agree, but still feeling nervous. My stomach is tingling and I can't help chewing on my bottom lip, expectant. "So...?"
"So I'm going with you and staying at your place," Will sums up and I swear I try to fight the squeal that escapes me, but I can't. And it works to make Will chuckle at it. Hearing that, seeing him looking a bit more alive, with a plan ahead lifts a weight off my shoulders. He's got something to do, a way to go when he's feeling so lost.
And then another crazy thought crosses my head.
"You think if the kids finds out you'll be staying at my house they'll make us get married?" I question out loud, pretty sure Sammy and Cata will put a flower crown in my head and force us to have a ceremony in the barn before we live together, even if it's temporary and just because, right now, none of us should actually be alone in any place. It's not that type of living together, but how do we explain that to kids?
Will laughs out loud, honestly and full of amusement. I wonder if he's picturing the same scene, because I do find it pretty hilarious.
"The worst is that I don't think we'll be able to say no and have to go with it," Will muses and I nod my head seriously, knowing he's right. There's no way I can say no to Sammy, or Cata.
"Should I have a bachelorette party?" I question out loud and Will's laughing again, louder and happily.
My smile is fond and loving, because he's laughing and slowly, very slowly, the light is coming back to him.
I know he'll be fine, with time, and I'm sure that he's finally taken the first step to take control of his own life again. And until September, I'll be by his side to help him stay strong and pull the pieces together.
We won't be alone.
❅ ❅ ❅
So... I'm a horrible person. I learned to make gifs (I post them on my side blog dedicated to K-pop and K-dramas) and I got kinda obsessed making many D: and I started a Markson story I'm posting on AO3 because why not? I ship them. And read many Markson and JJP fan fictions. And yes, I did all that to avoid writing BLS because, I repeat, I'm a horrible person.
I don't even know why I was so reluctant to write this... okay I know, I'm reluctant to write the next chapter D: Anyhow, sorry for not updating and not saying anything. But making gifs is super time consuming and look, I made this! I ship them so hard TToTT
Dedication to AllHeart26
Bel, xx
~updates on Mondays and Fridays~
You can always find me on twitter @BelWatson