You'll know when to play the song (;
~*~
I look in the mirror and take a deep breath. I can do this tonight. I've been out with Tyler multiple times. Tonight shouldn't be any different from the rest.
I think it's getting worse. I don't think I'm just attracted to him anymore. It's more than that. Every time he touches me I feel it in my bones. It's like it sets my entire body on fire. Then, when he says my name it's like the best thing I've ever heard. Don't even get me started on his laugh. I could listen to that beautiful laugh all day long. I would do anything just to see him smile. I would do anything to make him happy.
I'm scared for myself. I have never felt like this before about anyone. I feel like it's just going to screw me up in the end, but I'm praying that's not the case, but knowing me, I will probably get hurt. One way or the other.
I walk out of my room in my in my t-shirt and leggings. It's casual, but from what I remember, he likes it on me.
As if right on cue, the doorbell rings, and I go up to answer it. He stands there on my porch looking like the beautiful human he is. He wears a tight shirt with his jeans. The shirt makes his arms seem to pop out along with his chest. There's no possible way he could ever look bad.
"Hey, you ready to go?" he says to me and I nod nervously as I close the door and we head to his car in silence.
The drive is surprisingly short and once I see it, I realize that it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. In the pitch black night, there's just one large area that lights up everything around it.
I see the lights of all the small games in the brightly colored booths, but what really catches my eye is the Farris wheel. It towers over the entire carnival with it's height. It looks like the pictures you see on tumblr, but seeing it in real life is amazing. It's beautiful. All of it is beautiful.
"Wow." I say quietly as I lean forward in my seat to get a better look.
"Beautiful right?" he says as he parks the car and looks over at me.
"Yeah, this place really is gorgeous."
"No, I was talking about you." As soon as the words leave his mouth, I know my face is turning a bright shade of red. Thank God it's dark inside the car so he can't see me.
We both head out of the car quietly and head towards all of the lights. The whole place smells faintly of popcorn and funnel cake. I love it all.
"Where to first?" he asks me and I just shake my head.
"Truthfully, I have no idea where to start." he smiles slightly and I follow him through the gravel road and to one of the games.
"What is this?" I ask him.
"Well, the idea of the game is to shoot that balloon right there when it's moving. If you pop it, you win a prize."
"I have no aim, Tyler. I'm hopeless."
"That's why I'm going to play for you." he says to me as he goes up to the guy at the game and hands him the five to play. I feel like I can't keep my eyes off of him. The way his muscles on his arms flex momentarily as he shoots the play gun with darts at the balloon. Or the way he has this look of determination on his face as he plays a carnival game. He is so perfect, and he doesn't even know how much I care for him.
I jump when I hear the pop of the balloon and Tyler looks at me with an ignorant smirk on his face.
"I won." he says and I cross my arms to keep my hands from trembling.
The guy gives him a weak smile, obviously not expecting him to win, and hands him a big, white teddy bear with a red bow around his neck. Tyler looks at me and gives me a genuine smile and not one of his player smiles. He hands the bear to me and I feel my heart leap in my chest. He won it for me?
"For you." he says and I slowly take the bear and look at it before giving him a small smile.
"Thanks."
"No problem." he says as he throws an arm around my shoulder and we start walking once again.
"What do you want to do now?" he asks me, and I hug the teddy bear to keep myself from shaking.
"I actually want to go on the Farris wheel." I say, quietly looking at the giant work of art that's lighting up the whole park.
"Are you sure?" he asks as he looks up at the very top. I watch as his eyes seem to glisten with an emotion he doesn't show often, if not ever. Fear.
"You have got to be kidding me. Is Tyler Smith afraid of heights?" I ask him in a mocking tone and he looks down at me and makes a face.
"Don't you have any fears?" he asks me.
Yes. Losing you. Losing myself. Mostly because if I lost you, I would be losing myself once again, and I would fall into the deep pit of sadness that he found me in.
"Nope, none." I say and drag him to the Farris wheel. There's not even a line, so the guy in charge directs us into our seats. We sit down in the bench like seat and strap ourselves in. I smile to myself when I notice Tyler strapping himself in very strongly.
Our bodies are pressed together in the seat and it makes my heart race nearly out of my chest and the hairs on my arm stand on end. I hope he can't feel my goosebumps with our arms pressed together like this.
We start to move, and I watch as the carnival slowly becomes so much smaller. The people become dots and the world doesn't seem so stressful anymore. All of my problems are left down there with everyone else to deal with, and for once in my life, I feel stress free. Funny how the best feelings in my life are always with him.
I look over at Tyler who looks absolutely terrified and his eyes are shut tight. I hesitantly take my hand and brush it up against his. His eyes dart back open and flicker over to me.
"It's ok, Tyler. You're going to be fine." I tell him as I laugh just a little. He gives me a nod, and he looks back down to the ground, only to scare himself once again.
I take my hand and touch his cheek. I turn his face to look at me and suddenly he doesn't look so scared anymore. He looks like his beautiful self.
"See, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just me and you up here. And Fred of course." He starts to laugh and his eyes glisten with that same unknown expression that he's used time and time again.
"Who the hell is Fred?" he asks me in the middle of a laugh.
"The teddy bear." I say and squeeze the bear that's in my lap. He erupts into laughter and right now he looks so amazing.
Now ;)
Right now. Tyler Smith isn't the bad guy that people see him as at school. He's just him. He's so amazing, and I can't believe he doesn't see how much I care for him. I love everything about this guy. I love the way he smiles. I love the way his laughter makes people's heads turn. I love it when he does his faces. The ones with the lifted eyebrow and crooked smile that you only read about in books. But out of all of it, I love that he goes out of his way to save a girl who felt no one really cared about her. Like no one liked her. That part that sucks because he doesn't even know how much I appreciate him coming into my life.
I am in love with Tyler Smith, but he will never be mine.
"What is it?" he asks me with that smile he does and I'm suddenly at a loss for words. I shake my head and look back out to the park.
"Come on what is it?" he asks again and I turn back towards him and I give him my most convincing smile.
As much as I'd like to say that I'm ok with loving him and not having him, I'm not. I feel like I'm hurting every time I look at him or every time he does something nice for me because then I have to remind myself that this is charity. He makes me feel better, then it seems like after that, we'll be done. No more calls or visiting each other's houses. None of it. I'll be confident with myself, but I'll feel alone. Either way, it'll hurt because he won't be there by my side.
I have to suck it up.
"Nothing. I just thought it was funny because you were scared." Lie. He gives me a small smile and my stomach turns.
"you're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
"Lying to me."
Maybe lying to you is for the best. The less you know the better, right?
I laugh and turn my attention back to the ground.
"It's all good, Tyler." I lie to him again. He gives me a worried look and continues to stare at me.
"What Tyler?" I ask him and look back over to meet his eyes.
"Why can't I just stare at you because you're pretty." I smile and shake my head. I know my cheeks are turning red. I wish he wouldn't say stuff like that. It just makes me like him more.
"Because I'm not."
"Stop saying that."
"I will when you stop staring." He starts laughing immediately and puts his arm around me, I lay my head on his shoulder, as I enjoy the view.
"You're my best friend, Grace." he says quietly, and I lose my breath for a moment at that terrible, mood killing, word. Friends.
That's all we will ever be.
~*~
Song is I Won't Mind by Zayn. Sorry to say it's only available on YouTube if you haven't heard of it.
Hope you liked the chapter!! Give it a vote for support? Thanks for reading!!!
I guess enjoy the rest of the song if it's not already over??? Next chapter ready for you👇