Edited.
I sat there for what felt like forever till she came out "You can say your goodbyes now" she smiled taking off her gloves. I walk in seeing her lifeless. I forced myself to imagine she was just sleeping like she usually does.
"I love you so much mom" I couldn't stop crying. Everything in my life GONE! Nobody there, I'm alone, nobody to look forward to see. Julian. The name popped in my mind. He probably doesn't even like me. I forgot I have his hoodie.
I shake my head and say goodbye to my mom one last time. I force myself to leave knowing if I stay longer it'll hurt more. I walk out not being able to see as well still having tears in my eyes.
I don't want to go home. Where else am I supposed to go? I walk out of the hospital seeing the sun already setting. How long was I in there? I continue to walk on the side walk all the way home.
I look up at my house seeing the door wide open. What the hell? I walk in scared, I grab the bat under the couch the one my dad kept. I walk to the kitchen, up the stairs, and all of the rooms, Nothing. Not even my dad is here.
I run downstairs shutting and locking the front door. I decide to jump in the shower and enjoy my free night away from dad not knowing when he's coming home. I couldn't get my mom off my mind so I took my phone in the bathroom with me to play some music while in the shower.
I take off Julian's hoodie, my tank top, and shorts. I look in the mirror admiring my black bra and black lace underwear but soon frowning seeing them on me. I look at my stomach stretch marks, my inner thighs stretch marks, side of boobs stretch marks. I saw scrars too some from me some from my dad.
I shake my head tempting to cry for how everything on my body was so awful. I look at all types of girls in school and never have I thought one of them was ugly and they have what I do, some of them anyways, but they wear those things like fashion on a runway. How come I looked so bad?
I pushed my long wavy hair out of my way so I could see while turning on the shower head making the water steam, but not blazing hot.
I unhook my bra and take off my underwear letting them fall to the ground. I turn on shuffle and 'Black beauty' by Lana Del Rey comes on and I can't help but sing along.
"I paint my nails black, I dye my hair a darker shade of brown, how you like your women Spanish, dark, strong, and proud" I sing along as I wash my hair first before my body.
I turn off the shower and continue to sing along to more Lana. I was more into classic rock like The Beatles, but also other things like My Chemical Romance stuff but she was chill with her music and I like that.
I get dressed in only shorts and a tank top not wearing a bra nor underwear because sometimes you need to let them breathe. That's what my mom used to tell me. I grab Julian's hoodie and put it back on. Feeling warm.
I hook my phone up to the speakers in the living room feeling in a cleaning mood. I turn on 'Tainted Love' by Marilyn Manson.
I start cleaning just letting all kinds of other artist play from Nirvana to Bring me the horizon. I sat down on the couch looking around at my work.
No beer bottles, carpet stains, moldy food, trash, and smelly clothes. My favorite up beat song comes on and I can't help but start to dance and sing along.
"We could slow dance to rock music, kiss while we do it talk till we both turning blue. Baby if you wanna leave come to California be a Freak like me too" Lana Del Rey 'Freak' sorry its just I've kinda gotten more into her music that I thought.