W.O.W: "You know that place between sleep & awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." - Peter Pan
Song for this chap: Lost Boy by Ruth B (Better listen to this while reading the chap ☺️) I'm serious. :) just listen to the song as you read :3
Are you ready? ☺️ NOT EDITED, VER., 2015
~*~
Justin's POV
Can people still remember the first time they were so happy? You know, the ear to ear grin no care in the world happy? When only the simplest thing could give you the enjoyment? The contentment? The satisfaction?
I remember mine. It was when I first held my first drum set. Or when I had my first pet. Or when I met my friends. Or when I gave my handkerchief towards a certain stubborn girl.
Can people still remember the first time they were sad, or hurt, or in pain?
Little kids running around and would trip into the hard cement, scratching their skin into the rough ground. Kids will cry at their wounds. I didn't.
But when my music was taken away from me, I cried. When my hamster died, I was devastated. When my friends and I fought, I was depressed. And when... when...
Huh.
Can people remember the first time they were so happy yet sad at the same time? Can people reminisce a happy memory yet feel sad at the same time? Can... Can a moment will be just a memory? Only just a memory?
People wakes up in the morning, takes a bath, eats breakfast, goes to work or school, chats with friends, shops in a mall, crams for examinations, puts their time surfing the net, goes to sleep... a cycle, each has a cycle, managing their lives every single day.
People are so caught up in their cycles that they don't notice those group of trees, those trees who witnessed and protected their innocent smiles and laughter as they play around with their friends under the shade of the sun, are now replaced by concrete buildings - buildings who can't protect them when a flood or an earthquake comes; they don't notice their beloved mom or dad, who would always seem to oppose in what they wanted to do with their lives, are now growing older as they are too but a call or a simple talk like hey mom/dad, how are you seems to always be stuck in their throats; or how about that little brother or sister, who always get right under their skin, just wanting to be with them or talk but hey, examinations or my friends and I are hanging out seemed to be the better idea.
I would be a hyprocrite if I'd say I wasn't used to be one.
Funny. That's the funny thing. About being a human. Mistakes after mistakes. And pride and anger and hatred. Now what its going to teach you?
A moment is just a passing moment because you didn't grab the chance when you had one. You let it slipped by. Because of idiocity. Pride. Ego. Hatred. Selfishness.
You think you're trying to protect your heart from hurting? You're not. You're just trying to hinder yourself from being happy.
I would know. I would definitely know.
Because it's true, what they say, if you love someone, tell them. Show them. Know why? Because when they're gone, when they are taken away from you, at least they'd know. At least you had the chance to tell them.
And if doesn't work out? If they hurt you? That's the thing, you'll think all they have given you was pain. But that's not true. Once upon a time, they were the reason you were happy right? An ear to ear grin no care happy? And that's that. You shouldn't hate them. You could not let the hatred succumb their way into your heart because you're hindering yourself from being happy again. There's a rainbow after the rain right? Always, always see the good within the bad. For it will set you free, it will set yourself free.
"Hi wifey. How are you?"
Smiling, I gazed at the white cement, filled with flowers, different kinds of flowers. Some were from my beliebers across the world. Never a day went by that there weren't flowers in here.
Andrea Marie Price - Bieber
19** - 20**
A loving daughter, friend and a wife.
"It's been ten years Ands." I whispered. That's right. It's been ten years since I last held Andrea in my arms. Ah. How time flew by so fast. The memory seemed like it was only yesterday.
We were sleeping that time, that night after we watched the sunrise in the morning. I knew. I knew deep within my heart, as if she was also talking to me silently that day, saying that... that is the day.
I was so scared. I was afraid. But that day, we spent it like any normal day with Elise. We ate in the dining room, we watched tv, we talked, we laughed, Andi and I sent Elise to bed and tell her a story before she went to bed.
It seemed like I always knew Andrea wanted it that way.
She talked to her dad over the phone, as well as with Aruella, Scarlet, Stephen and Jacques. It was a normal day. Just like each passing day. But between Andi and I, we knew it was different. And so, I just held her hand as the day passed by until it was time for us to go into our bedroom.
We were both silent, no one was speaking between us. But it was a comfortable silence. We said our goodnights and we slept.
Well she did. I didn't.
I just watched her as she laid in my arms. Her heavy soft breaths. Her long eyelashes. I just stared at her. Until morning came. Until the sunlight made their way into the peaks of our curtain. Until her breaths turned into shallow ones.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. And then silence.
I remembered I just embraced her into my arms and cried. I cried and cried and cried while holding her. Everything was blurry then. Everything looked broken to me.
Anthony took care of everything because I was useless. Too useless. I didn't talk. I didn't cry (after breaking down with her in my arms). I did eat. I breathe. I bathe. But that's just it. I became too obdurate. The numbest I've ever been.
Until I saw Elise crying at a corner, hugging her knees. She looked alone. And sad. And broken. And lost.
Ellise.
As if I could hear Andi's voice, I went towards Ellise and embraced her tightly, telling her it was okay, that everything was fine, that I was here, that she wasn't alone.
I wasn't alone.
There's a promise. A promise I made with Andi. And I need that to happen.
Those years, especially the first few years, were tough. Everyone... everyone was having a hard time coping up. Ellise, Scarlet and Aruella would cry from time to time. Even Jacques and Stephen too. Everyone felt the loss, like a puzzle piece taken away from a masterpiece. There's a space, a hollow space that could only fill by her.
But it's Andrea, the girl who would not leave the people she left behind unhappy.
So each year --- after she died --- the day she and I married, I would receive a gift from her, given by our friends.
"She asked us to give this to you." Scarlet said. "Each year. Five gifts. Five years."
The first one was wrapped in a white envelope, in it were our polaroid photos. Just the two of us. From our normal days to the period of the wedding and what came after it. Each had a sentence written in her neat handwriting.
Don't forget to smile Justin.
Don't forget to eat Justin.
Don't forget to take care of yourself Justin.
Don't forget to always believe in yourself Justin.
Don't forget to pray at night Justin.
Don't lose yourself Justin.
Don't lose your faith and belief Justin.
Don't forget to laugh with our friends Justin.
Don't forget to take care of Ellise.
Don't forget to just be yourself Justin.
At that moment, I felt like crying again. I missed her. I missed her so much.
Only one photo was different from the rest; the photo I took of her when she was smiling while holding a rose. One word, only a word was written there. I did not understand it at first.
It was just, I'll.
When the second year came, I received her sketch pad. Her drawings. Her masterpiece. Her works. She was giving it all to me. I cannot believe it at first. In a small note she wrote,
Justin, aren't they all pretty? Well, of course they're my works. Haha. On a serious note, each drawing represents everything that surrounds you. Nature. People. Place. I don't want you to ever forget to take care of each one of them. They're going to be your strength Justin. Remember it always.
Our house. Ryan. Chaz. Scarlet. Aruella. Jacques. Ellise. My childhood house. Nana. A church. A cross. My beliebers. Mom and Dad. They were all drawn at each page of the pad. At the last page however was a younger me. A happy me with my guitar, singing, looking so happy like ear to ear grin no care in the world happy. And at the bottom corner of the page, three letters were written. It was too small though and so if you're not observant enough then you'd miss it.
'See' was written there.
See? What do you want me to see? You want me to see, to really see, that I wasn't alone right Andi? That there are still people who cares about me and wouldn't want to see me like this.
And so when another year came, I found myself looking forward for the gift. I felt like Andrea was just there. I felt like she was still talking to me. I felt like it's okay. Everything is going to be okay.
The third one was my first ever drum set; though the last time I remember it, it wasn't in its good shape, a few holes here and there but at that time it looked like it was bought new.
Hah. Surprise Justin! I asked for Jeremy's permission about this one oh and Jacques assistance. Haha. You might think why the drum set? Dude, this was your first love right? The first time Justin Bieber fell in love! Haha. Hey I know you'll get mad at me. But Justin, it's okay. You know. It's okay to feel something again. Really. I'm serious.
What?!
I was getting mad as I was reading her letter. Why... how... how could she write that?! How could she ask something so impossible?
Okay I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So stop getting angry. I'm so sorry Jay.
When I read those words, I felt something stuck in my throat. I felt the loss again. Andi. Andrea. Where are you?
Stop. I want you to stop looking for me. Hey. Justin. Don't cry please?
I couldn't if I want to. How does she know me well?
Okay fine. I'm not going to push you. But just so you know, it's fine. Really. I'm serious. Justin Drew Bieber I'm really really serious. Though if you still can't. I hope you won't hinder yourself from feeling that once again. Or just don't forget your music. Please. Promise me that you won't make yourself unhappy. Because Bieber, I'll haunt you I swear. I'm serious!
Every You were highlighted in the letter. What does she meant by that? She want me to forget her? I don't want to. No. Andi. No, I can't. I won't.
When another year came, I did not know whether I wanted to receive another gift of hers. I lost the excitement in it but when Aruella sneakily placed it on my room, I couldn't just stare at it. There's just a gut feeling that I needed to open it. No matter what. Ugh. Stupid.
A watch. It was a simple authentic silver watch.
It was my grandfather's. Dad gave it to me, said it was my grandpa's most treasured gift because grandma gave it to him. He said I could give it to you, my most treasured person.
Andrea.
Time Justin. I hope you would not forget how precious time is. I hope you wouldn't waste it. Do you see how the watch works? It only moves forward. Only forward. Life works that way too Justin. It goes on. And so, I hope you won't forget to treasure what you needed to value.
Later,
Andi
I know Andi. I know that. Time no matter if you're happy, sad, depressed, in joy, in pain, it just goes on. It will move, no matter what, even a person is left behind.
The last one was a letter. At that time, I did not know what to expect. I didn't want it to be the last one. I needed more. I still needed more of it. Five? Five wasn't enough! Anything was never enough!
Justin,
Hey. It's been five years, isn't it? Is Ellise well? Are Jacques and Aruella together now? How about Stephen or Scarlet? Is dad okay? Pattie? Jeremy? Erin? Scooter? How about your beliebers? I hope they're fine. I hope they're doing well. How about you? Justin... Are you... Okay? I hope you are. Five years Justin. You're supposed to be okay now.
Are you kidding me?! Andrea are you kidding me? How could you say that? How... can you write these?
No. These gifts. These gifts remind me too much of you. I can't. I can't move on. I just missed you more. I miss you Andrea. Come back to me please. Andi please. Please. Come back.
Justin. Did it work? Did you forget the loss? Did you finally move on with life? I wish you did. Because if it didn't then Justin please listen to me. Please, pretty please. Listen to the words I wrote for you. I did not write or did these things for you to not forget me. Of course I would not want you to forget me but Justin I don't want if everytime you'll think of me, you'll only be hurt.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry Justin. I'm sorry. But please see that you are not alone. You are never alone. Everyone's there for you. Don't forget about them Justin. Don't forget about yourself. Jay, I'm happy. I'm happy that I got the chance to meet you. It was such a rollercoaster ride but it had a happy ending. My happy ending.
So please Justin, listen okay, I want you to not hold yourself back. I want you to go out there and find yourself your own happy ending. Because yours is not even starting yet. Don't deprive yourself from a new beginning. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm happy. So please be happy too.
I cried. My tears were just streaming; my heart was shattering piece by piece. It was like back then, when I was holding her in my arms for the last time.
My gifts. I want you to understand them wholeheartedly. Read it and let your heart speak through. Because I hope there will come a day when you'll remember me and only but a smile will appear in your face. I will be the happiest soul out there if that ever happens. I'll always be watching over you so don't cry and be hurt and be in pain anymore. Let go Justin. Let everything go. Let yourself go. Let me go.
Mourn properly so you can set everything free. Cry if you need to. I told you that its okay to cry. Let it all out. So when that time comes, you'll finally be able to breathe.
So, please visit my grave. I know. I know Justin. Five years. I'm waiting Justin so please. I want you to see me. I want you to tell me stories, about everyone, about you. I want to know. I'll always be waiting Justin.
It's amazing, really. How a human heart could still beat no matter how much broken and bruised it was. To be able to still feel when you think there's none of it left.
Andi's gifts were all parts of me. I understood that when I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling after I read her letter and poured my tears out.
She was trying to put me together, to glue back the broken fragments so I'll be able to be a whole once again. Even when she's not here. Even when she was out of reach, she still tries to watch over me.
"Look what you have taught me Ands. I think I'm becoming a better person." I laughed as I placed my hand over her name. I've only been visiting her grave for three years now; I couldn't for the first seven years. I felt like it was all real, that she was really gone. But she was right, I needed to face the truth. Because life only truly goes on.
"Playing a bridge of love was really a hardwork but it's all worth it because Jacques and Aruella are finally together. Those two were a pain in the ass. Always bickering here and there but look who's going to get married this month! Seriously those two."
'I know.'
"Scarlet's flying back here from London with Drake and Stephen for the wedding. But she said, they'll visit you first. I don't know what am I supposed to do with those three to be honest." I sighed. "Oh and Elise, I'm having a hard time with her. I think our daughter's in her age of attracting those boys and they're a pain in the head. Good gracious, those teenage hormonal boys. I'd punch each one of them if I really have the chance."
'You were just like them.'
"I know." I heaved a sigh. "She's really really thankful of you Andi. You gave her a chance to see the world and its beauty."
'I'm glad.'
"Hey Ands. I know you want me to fall in love again. I will. I'm trying, you know. But it's not just happening any time now or for a few years." A cold wind blew harshly. "You're supposed to be discouraging me not to fall in love with someone, that's what a good wife should be!" If she was here I knew she'd roll her eyes. I chuckled. "I'm okay with just playing cupid for now. Also, I'm getting real serious about raising Ellise. So I'm still good."
'Justin.'
"You know my beliebers until now just want you and only you to be my only wife. So I'm all in their side."
'Bieber.'
"I miss you Ands." A small smile appeared from my face. "I'm still in love with you Andrea. You'll always be in my heart. Until I die. You're always gonna be my Mrs. Bieber."
"Excuse me Mr. Bieber, but we need to go. The kids in the orphanage are waiting." Andrew, my bodyguard, said from behind.
With a sigh, I stood up and took a last look at Andrea. "Don't miss me too much, okay? I'll be back. I'll always be back." Staring at the wide vast sky, it was painted with blue, purple and streaks of yellow and orange. I smiled. "I'll see you later Andrea."
---
Ah. My bed finally. Getting old sucks. Well I was only 29 but still. Being in the orphanage though feels like I am always close with Andrea and so it still is worth it. Helping around there and just being in the area make me forget about missing her too much. The children makes me forget.
I still miss her. Every day. Every single night. I'm trying. Of course, there is a candidate. There's a possible woman. But...
I sighed.
There's always the buts...
Moving on is a hard process, one of the hardest process there is --- okay so maybe, let me rephrase that, moving on is easy but the forgetting part? Now that's what makes it harder.
All the happy moments? How can you just forget it? How can a person forget all the moments? Its because to not be able to hurt anymore right? But that's not it.
I don't want to forget. Yes, it hurts to remember but I won't forget. I don't want to. Those happy memories? They are my treasures. Because they are what made me happy. So how can I throw them away? I won't. I'm keeping them.
And that's what moving on is about right? Remembering without hurting?
Of course I haven't yet. Not that everyone or Andi should know. I'm keeping it to myself. I have to keep it all together. I'm still in the process, ten years and I'm still in process. And that's okay. I believe that's okay.
Staring at the other side of the bed, I sighed. So I'm alone again. Every night. I'm all alone. But I try not to think about it. It's okay. It's all okay.
Andi I miss you. I want to see you. Even just in my dreams. I want to touch you. It's my birthday Ands, you have to give me some credit.
Ugh. No matter how much I call for her, she never visited my dreams. Even just once. It feels like she really wanted me to move on. Just one time though. One more time. That's all I'm asking.
Please Andi. Let's go meet somewhere.
Looking at the empty side of the bed once again, I placed my hand over there and sighed. Empty. It's empty Justin. It will always be just like that.
I wish I was a boy again. A little kid. Probably in neverland. Peter Pan must've been a lucky bastard. Just think of happy thoughts huh? Neverland must've been filled with happy thoughts.
Andi and I should meet there. It must be nice. Maybe we could double date with Peter Pan and Wendy?
I laughed mentally at my thoughts. Sleep Justin. Just sleep.
Sighing, I closed my eyes. Drowning into darkness and the silence of the night. Ah sleep. Makes me forget about everything.
Huh.
A meadow. There's a meadow. What am I doing in a meadow again?
There were laughter, children most probably.
"Justin! What are you doing? Don't just stand there. Hide!" A little Chaz said giggling. Chaz giggles? Oh and wait why does he looks like a ten year old kid?
"We're playing hide and seek Justin. Peter Pan's going to find you if you'd just stand there!" Jacques warned, looking for a place to hide.
"45, 46, 47... Ready or not lost boys! I'm going to find you!"
Oh. Oh right. Right. That's right.
So I looked around, stumbling my way around the woods. There were bright twinkling lights flying around. Wow. Fairies. They were fairies. This place looked magical.
Justin hide. You need to hide remember? Stupid 10 year old boy.
Ugh I know. Shut up.
As I looked around, I saw a familiar old oak tree. I felt like I've seen this tree somewhere. I squint my eyes. Nah. I shrugged. I need to hide. And so I made the tree my temporary sanctuary.
I took a seat down at the ground, waiting, just waiting. Waiting. Until I forgot what was I doing. Wait...What? What am I doing again? Where am I?
I stood up, trying to see where I was, when I felt that I wasn't alone.
There I came face to face with a little girl, her bright hazel eyes staring at my brown ones. She looked like she was glowing though.
She smiled so I smiled back.
I felt like I knew her. Somewhere. Somehow. She was achingly familiar. Pull... there was a certain pull so I walked towards her.
"Hi." She said, her sweet voice makes me want to hug her.
"Hi."
"I'm Andrea."
Andrea?
"I'm Justin."
"I know." She grinned. Wait... What? "Let's go?" She held a hand out.
I grasped her hand and all a sudden I felt I was saved. Like I'd do anything she wants me to do.
"Where are we going?" We flew. Wow. We are flying hand in hand. Cool.
"You're not a lost boy Justin. Neverland is not a place for you to stay."
"Huh. Then where is Andi?"
"Where everyone is. They're waiting for you."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you staying here?"
"No. Of course not."
"Then where are you staying?"
"In here." She touched her chest. My eyebrows furrowed. And soon we stopped flying. As I looked around, I found we were in a gazebo, a beach before us. Huh. Is this where I celebrated my birthday?
"Do you want to come with me? You might be lonely here."
She shook her head and smiled. "I'm fine."
Huh.
"Justin! Dude let's go!" The ten year old Chaz shouted from afar. Ugh.
"I have to go." I said. "So uhmmm... when can we meet again?"
She gave me a cheeky smile. "Who knows? Maybe when you're wrinkly and old and bald." She giggled.
"What?"
"Justin!" Ugh Chaz. I'm going to kill him.
"I think you should go now." She's weird. She's always smiling, not that it doesn't suit her. I scratched the back of my head.
"I have to go." I paused. "I'll see you then?"
And just like that the corners of her mouth formed into a beautiful curve. I knew I've seen her somewhere. Somewhere...
Andrea? Andi! Wait... Wait. Andi! It's Andi!
I turned around to face her. I need to see her. I need to hug her. I need to---
She stood there, just like the last time I saw her. Though this time, her pale skin isn't pale anymore. She had a wonderful color in her. Her eyes were once shining again. Her cheeks rosy. She was smiling. She looked healthy and happy.
Andi. My Andi.
"Andi." My voice croaked as I enveloped her into a warm embrace. "Andrea."
"Hi Justin." She chuckled. "Took you long enough."
"You look nice."
"Death did some justice in me Justin." I just hugged her tighter. "Happy Birthday."
"I've missed you. I miss you so much."
"I missed you too." She said.
"Can we stay like this? I want to stay like this."
"Ah. We cannot. You can't."
"Andi."
"When you'll wake up, you won't remember a single thing."
"W-what?" I pulled away but held her close. "Then w-why---"
"Because... she's coming."
"Who?"
"The one who's going to make you fall in love again once more."
"W-what?! T-that can't be."
"Justin." She started.
"No! I won't allow it!"
"You can't waste a blessing Justin." I bit my bottom lip and glanced away. "Hey." She sighed. "You have to let it go Justin. You have to let the sadness go."
"What if---"
"I'm happy Justin. You see me now, don't you? I am happy. It's because of you. You made me happy. Everything is okay now."
"Andi---"
"Justin look at me." I hesistantly gazed at her bright face. She has this glow. She's happy. "I promise you it's okay. I'm happy. So please, make yourself happy as well. It's fine. I'm perfectly fine."
"Y-you're not going to be lonely?"
She laughed. "Of course not! How would I when I can see you smiling and happy?"
"Is she..." I trailed off.
"Nope! You haven't met her yet but you will. And it will be soon. She's gonna be one of your beliebers."
"W-what? R-really?" I said. "Are you sure you're allowed to tell me that?"
"You won't remember anything. Well, at least some of it." She chuckled.
And as I watched her, her stunning face emitting a blissful aura, I smiled.
"I want to remember this. I want to remember you happy and just smiling."
"Justin!" Chaz yelled again. W-what? I thought...
"He's waking you up. He's been waking you up." Andi erupted into fits of laughter. Ugh Chaz! "I think our time is up."
"Andi." I embraced her into my arms again.
"I'm always gonna watch each and everyone of you. But I have to go now." We both pulled away and I watched as she started to walk away. "Hey Justin, I almost forgot." She faced me.
"Yeah?"
"Tell my father that mom is mad because dad kept sending roses in her grave. She never loved roses. She's furious."
"O-oh. Am I supposed to remember that?"
"Yeah. You will." She grinned.
"Justin! For fucks sake!" Chaz voice resounded. "You're going to be late for..."
"I'm going to kill him."
"No. Not really. You're going to thank him. It's because of him..." She trailed off but still she was smiling.
"W-what?"
"You have to go now Justin."
And as I watched her getting farther and father away, I shouted. "Andi!"
"Yeah?"
"I just want you to know..."
She was starting to fade. No. Not yet.
"Justin! Wake up!"
"What?" Her voice sounded so far away.
"You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!"
"You were to me too Justin. You were to me too."
Hey Andi, I have a feeling. That we will meet again. Not anywhere soon. But I'm pretty sure we will meet again. When you aren't sick anymore and when I'm not famous anymore. You and I, we will meet. Somewhere. Someday. When our timing is finally right.
~*~
Maybe it's not about the happy ending.
Maybe it's about the story.
~*~
END
Thank you guys for everything! 💞 See you again in one of my stories!
~*~
There is no sequel. :)
A.N. Not edited, ver., 2015