Author's Note: This chapter is in Matt's point of view, just to give you a taste of what's running around his mind. I'm not entirely sure how guys think or converse with another, but this is how I talk with my best friend (ie very perverted and mean teehee). Enjoy!
Warning: Foul language :)
Furiously yet skillfully I crushed the buttons on my x-box remote controller destroying the enemies on the screen. Greg had just died and I was trying to revive him back to life before it was too late. The remote vibrated signalling I had been wounded, the zombies swarmed me from all angles as I desperately tried to hit them all, the vibrations increasing till the screen turned red. Game over flashed before our eyes and I threw the controller on the ground lightly as to not break it.
“You lasted longer than last time,” I remarked to Greg who shrugged his shoulders in response. His preference was more old school, he kicked ass at the GameCube. Sprawled out on the floor in my room I grabbed the bag of discarded chips and started munching, the crunch of each fried sliced potato taking away the bitter taste of defeat.
“So what’s going on between you and Sara,” Greg questioned. I knew it was only a matter of time before he brought this up and quite frankly I thought Honey would have made him ask weeks ago. Ready to deny everything I opened my mouth, shrugging my shoulders, but Greg sensing this interrupted, “and don’t give me any bullshit, we all know there’s something”. He was right but there was no easy way to put it.
“You have to swear you won’t tell anyone, not even Honey,” I insisted. I didn’t want this getting back to the girls, the second they knew anything they would start teasing me about how they knew it all along, and that we would make the cutest couple. It was a little too mushy for my taste, and in their well meaning attempts to get us together, they would probably only tear us further apart. And if they found out about Sara and my arrangement, I’m sure they would ultimately try to kick my ass for being such a douchebag. But it’s not like I didn’t want the relationship, I wasn’t trying to set feminists back by using women only for sex, they couldn’t blame me! But logic holds no meaning with angry women who feel wronged. There would be a castration in my future. Just the thought alone made me wince.
“Dude, no problem,” he lazily tried to convince me. Rolling my eyes, I wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to last under the scrutiny of Honey’s intense interrogation, but hopefully he’d respect the basic bro code and not say anything.
“I like her,” I reluctantly admitted for lack of better words. What we had was different, and this wasn’t me trying to be romantic but our friendship was strange. Quite frankly I’d rather be playing video games with her right now instead of Greg, I’m sure Sara could kick his ass at x-box.
“So make your move,” he offered for advice, as if it was that simple. If it was doesn’t he think I would have done something by now? Raising an eyebrow at his blasé comment, I rolled my eyes once again. He didn’t know what the hell was going on between us, half the time I don’t know either. It was a confusing mess of mixed singles. When we were together it was either silence or jokes or sex. We never talked about anything real, anything that had to do with either of us. It was as if neither of us wanted to invade the other’s privacy. She never once asked where my father was. Never made any comments about never seeing him, and I never asked about her parents. During Christmas break we had our first real conversation, and that was just me admitting to a fact that was already known by most people. It was like I was reading to her from a report that summarized the accident not telling her all the gruesome details. All the tears that were shed that day and since then by my family.
“The thing is we already started a friends’ with benefit kind of thing,” I tried to explain causing Greg to sit up straighter in the chair he was casually leaning in. It made me sound like the ultimate player, but it honestly wasn’t a situation I ever thought I would find myself in. It was insane and some nights I go to sleep hoping that it isn’t some weird dream.
“Fuck, how’d you swing that?” Greg excitedly asked like I was a fucking magician. But I wasn’t the one wearing the black top hat or swinging the magic wand. I was just the assistant in all of this, there to look pretty. Was I seriously complaining about being used for my body? What the hell is wrong with me?
“It was her idea,” I rushed out so as to not incriminate myself any further. It was her idea, but I did agree to go along with it. She didn’t want to date, but did I really want to either? Most of the times people start relationships because they think someone is awesome and want to have sex with them. Well I do think Sara is awesome and I do want to have sex with her. But I’m doing both now. So why mess with a good thing?
“You’re shitting me,” he breathed out in disbelief. I’ve never heard of a girl suggesting this so the amazement in his eyes was not shocking. I shook my head indicating that this wasn’t something I was making up. That this was pure fact, no fiction.
“I’m serious, but now I’m stuck,” I vented running my hands over my head in frustration as if I could just brush all my problems away. Alas life was not so simple, and I got the girl I wanted anyways so there was no reason to be stressing.
“Just show her that you have feelings for her,” he proudly claimed thinking he was some genius love guru because his relationship has lasted so long.
“How?” came my only question. Sara was an unusual girl and it would take a lot to win her heart over. I’ve already told her I liked her, and she blatantly told me that she wanted to remain friends. Maybe I was just the type of guy who couldn’t take a hint. “You know I already told her about Charlotte,” I confessed in the safety of my room. Charlotte and my dad weren’t easy subjects for me to talk about, but even when she offered me a way out, when she allowed me to keep this part of myself a secret, I shared it with her anyways. I don’t know if I just felt bad for her parents always leaving her alone or if I wanted her to know that she could trust me.
“You asshole, it took a whole year before you told me anything,” Greg jokingly complained, but right away he knew that I was serious about her if I voluntarily mentioned Charlotte. Her death changed me and when I finally told Greg he didn’t look at me any differently. He saw me as the same person I was before, not as some pitiful guy from a broken family who used humor as a defense mechanism.
“Your face just isn’t as pretty to look at,” I mocked, there goes that wonderful humor of mine again. Whenever I meet new people I always warn them not to take anything I say too seriously because I tend to crack a lot of jokes and it's not because I’m mean. Just because it’s an easy way to break the silence and ensue laughs among people.
“Well Valentine’s Day is coming up. Do something special,” he remarked ignoring my beautifully crafted comeback. February fourteenth was only three weeks away and it was the holiday of love. It would be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate to Sara that I was worth taking a chance on and that I didn’t want to break her heart. That had to be what she worried about right? That I would use her then leave her, but my mother taught me to treat women with respect. Although right now I don’t feel very respectful towards her body. God, I’m such a chick.
“Any ideas Mr. Romantic?” I probed for a more elaborate suggestion. Greg spun around on the desk chair with a mischievous grin on his face like he had all the answers but wasn’t willing to share.
“You’re on your own. I’m saving my ideas for Honey,” he taunted halting his movement. I’m sure there were no ideas swimming around in that empty head of his just yet, but knowing Greg he would ultimately come up with something amazing that would knock Honey off her feet. Maybe literally. Who can really say for sure with Greg?
“You’re such a selfish prick,” I seethed pretending to be angry before suggestively raising my eyebrows at him, “I’m sure there’s something special you’re saving for Honey alright…”. Greg picked up my rubber band ball from my desk and chucked it at my head. I tried to dodge it but it still hit my shoulder blade causing me to playfully wince as if I was seriously injured.
“Oh fuck off dude,” he complained with a grin on his lips because he knew I was right. There was no way he wasn’t getting something on Valentine’s Day. I mean it was no secret that they had gone all the way, they’d been dating for a really long time and Greg never pressured her into putting out or anything along that line but after they agreed to do it the first time, it was hard keeping those two apart. Every chance they’d get some privacy they were like bunny rabbits. He never gave any specific details but I can say for sure that they were both very satisfied individuals if you catch my drift.
“I already have someone who does that for me, thanks for the offer though,” I retaliated like the cheeky ass devil I am. Obviously I was referring to Sara as that someone.
“You’re so nasty,” he dismissed hoping that I would stop with the perverted comments. I obliged changing the topic.
“How are you and Honey?” I asked, sometimes we just assume things are good because they have been for awhile. I don’t want to assume that everything is the same when something could be going down that rest of us are oblivious too.
“Same old, same old. No complaints from me,” Greg sighed in what I assumed to be contentment.
“Bro, you’re so whipped when it comes to her, I’m just waiting for you to get her a promise ring that shows you’ll love her forever and ever,” I teased using a fake falsetto voice at the end as if I was a love struck teenage girl finally being carried off into the sunset by prince charming.
“University is only a couple months away, who know where either of us will end up? Just enjoying my time till then,” Greg replied oddly sober like he was predicting a storm in his future. There was a high possibility that Greg and Honey were looking at totally different colleges, Greg wanted to be a computer engineer and Honey an accountant. I didn’t realize that their futures could end up keeping them apart especially when they were made for one another. They were, no are, are high school sweet hearts and it was hard to imagine them breaking up. It would be like separating Romeo and Juliet, minus the whole double suicide part.
“Shit, didn’t even think about that. Might be pointless starting something real with Sara if one or both of us moves away,” I voiced my internal dilemma. If college could tear Greg and Honey apart, it would definitely do the same to Sara and I. Our relationship is already so tedious that if we took that step and became an actual couple, it might only be a couple months before it ends.
“That’s your problem,” he stated brushing off my predicament, but it was his as well. He had to decide if there was a future for Honey and him, and I didn’t envy his decision when it came time to accepting an offer for next year.
“Thanks,” I replied sarcastically, “you’re an awesome friend”. But wasn’t that the truth, it was my problem. I had to figure what I wanted and what was realistic otherwise both of us might end up hurt in the end. And no one needs that added stress to their lives.
Restarting the game once more we both grabbed our respective controllers and killed as many zombies as we could till Greg had to leave. One thought remained on my mind though, Sara, and if I was willing to face potential rejection once again?