I sniffed quietly, staring down at the little wooden pieces on the ground, swinging lightly in the drizzling rain. Evan sat next to me, his feet planted stiffly on the ground. I looked up at the sky, allowing the raindrops to hit my eyelashes, forcing me to blink. Through the blurriness of my vision I could see the dark grey skies, a sun trying to get a few peeks through.
Gripping the chains tightly, I took a shaky breath and looked down at my feet.
"It started around the time I entered high-school." I stated, the words having a hard time forming on my tongue and then escaping the lump in my throat. Breathing slowly, I forced myself to continue. "My mother came home from going to a club. I remember it. She was drunk and her clothes were wrinkled and worn. She brought someone, a boyfriend."
Inhale, exhale. I gripped the chains of the swings even harder, my knuckles turning white and a deep red forming on the white bandages that were wrapping around my hands. I loosened my grip but the bleeding spread in a small circle and I watched it, getting my thoughts in order. I couldn't hear myself talk, my heart thumping in my ears.
"His name was Carl." I struggled to allow the name to escape my mouth. "I thought everything was going to be fine. And it was, the first few months. But then I came home, to her screaming and crying."
I bit on my trembling bottom lip, trying furiously to keep the tears from falling down my cheeks. Speaking it out loud, made the pain inside of me nearly unbearable. "He was beating her. I tried to help her, but he..."
My voice trailed off as thoughts of what happened flooded my mind.
I couldn't do anything, his hand was fumbling with my jean zipper and his lips pressed against my neck. "Stop." I said meekly, trying weakly to get my wrist free. But it was no use, he had me caught and I stuck between a rock and a hard place. There was no escape. I sobbed lightly as his hands pulled my jeans down.
No matter how much I screamed in pain, no matter how much I yelled for my mother or yelled for him to stop, it only continued. Nonstop. And he had me right were he wanted me.
"Beat me... and raped me." The words fell out my mouth and it was like I had jumped off a cliff into stone water below. A coldness entrapped me, I was there and yet I wasn't. Tears fell freely and my heart broke into a thousands pieces, over and over again. I choked on my own spit, gripping my shirt tightly.
"It never stopped." I said. "I wanted it to stop!"
I confessed, and cried harder than I have in my life. I cried for myself, the terrible things that had happened. My unstable mother and her crazy boyfriends. I wanted all of it to stop. Again, strong arms wrapped around me and I was pulled off the swing, into a hug. My knees slammed into the ground as I was pulled down but I didn't even notice as I whimpered.
"And now he's in Chicago..." I said weakly. "He's going to kill me. He's going to kill my mother."
I mumbled other words, not even understanding myself. I could faintly feel a hand rubbing my back in slow circles, a huge amount of warmth flooding my cold body. The rain had stopped all together and I could feel the sun shining on my back. Memories of the past, it was snatched away and back into a locked room of my mind. My nerves began to slow down but my insides still swirled lightly.
Birds chirping, making up for the lost time from this rainy morning. Everything sparkled as the sun covered it with light, the rain had cleaned the objects. My hugging companion, let go and leaned back, staring at me with soft eyes. They seemed to pull on my whole soul, trapping me there. I blinked away the leftover tears and stared at him, how beautiful he was even when he was drenched from rain.
My heart hurt, my body hurt, everything hurts.
"I told you." Evan began, looking me in the eyes. "I'm going to protect you."
My body longed to close the space between us, to kiss him passionately. But I already knew he'll only reject me and that feeling of rejection twice will only help to disappoint me even more. And who wanted to be with someone like me anyways? I was terrible, a pussy, a nobody. Nothing. My parents might as well have named me "Nothing". That's what someone would describe me as and I wouldn't even argue because it was the truth.
The terrible and awful truth. And so I resisted the urge, simply staring at him instead, already missing his warmth. Without my knowing, I was leaning forward, my heart defying everything my brain had just insisted on. I was close enough to feel his breath on my nose when I heard a voice yelling.
"There you are!" Jordan called.
Broken from my lazy trance my back went rigid and I watched as Jordan came over, breathing heavily. What was this chick's problem? And then she held up her phone and said, "My father just called. He needs you to report to the station quickly."
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Sorry for the short chapter! But I hope you liked it otherwise and enjoyed the little cliffhanger at the end! I think I'll have time to update, I don't know yet, but it'll be sometime this week. Let's pray school doesn't kick my butt... again. -.-
Again, thanks so much for you guys support! Your all amazing!
~Destiny xoxo