he can't stop wondering. . . why does he crave for things that are utterly bad for him?
is it the pleasure that he gets from living on the verge of destruction?
or maybe, he just wants to feel pain so he can feel a little bit of something since he's been dead inside, killed inside with the perfect people who discriminate and intimidate him because he chose to be, what they call, a gaysian.
like all the perfect people in this society who harasses him, he is a toxic substance.
he contaminates his veins, clogs his lungs, and when he went away, he was left craving for a breath of fresh air.
but while he contaminates him with everything that's bad for him, he can't contaminate the fact that he's the only thing that's keeping him alive.