Date: November 24th
Location: Hammersmith Eventim Apollo
"Where are we going?" I asked as I sat in the back of a taxi with George and Matty.
Adam and the rest trailed behind, they stopped for a food run.
"Beats me" George mumbled, the hostility was still evident.
I sighed but decided not to try to detangle the mess they'd made.
We pulled up to this large isolate house at the end of the street. It was an actually house and the outside had trees but not many.
George helped me out the car and I looked at him confused as ever and he just sighed and threw me this apologetic look before Matty opened his mouth to speak.
"This is mine" he clapped smiling proudly at the large house before us.
"What?" I asked taken back by his blunt announcement.
"This is my house" he questioned as if I was the reckless one.
"No this isn't, I picked out a lovely-" I started to say then looked at George.
I knew then why he flashed me that sorry look.
"It was too small for me and the mates, plus this is far more isolated and I love this part of north London it's amazing. You have to see the inside" Matty said beaming as he rushed up the stairs of his house and unlocked the door.
George gripped my hand as if he knew what I was feeling before giving me a light shove so that I had the courage to follow the excited boy inside.
"It's four stories, there's so much space it's insane. It was perfect when I got it, a poet used to live here" he continued on walking around the house.
It suited him.
It was messy but very neat and it smelled like weed but also like home. It was simple because we all know he doesn't know what to do with a house like this.
It was his house.
"I love it" I said cutting of his rambling. "It's perfect"
"Isn't it?" He asked nodding his head. "Want some wine?"
"Sure" I smiled and as he walked into the kitchen I turned to George.
"He found it with one of our mates, he was going through a hard time and needed a new house that didn't remind him of you" he shrugged defending for the first time in a long time.
"It's lovely" I said coldly and George laughed.
"It's lonesome, we have no neighbors at all" he said as Matty walked back into the room.
"You have to see the rooms" he beamed then led me along. I took a large sip of the red wine before following.
George, Matty, James and their soon to be keyboard player Jamie shared the house. It was large enough for them all and then some.
Jamie, their keyboard player had the downstairs room but he wasn't home when we got there but they assured me he would be joining us on tour as soon as management got everything settled.
On the third floor was this sitting area that they had just turned it a music room as well with guitars lined against the wall and pipes sitting on the coffee table. There was fire place but no wood.
The couch was dingy but extremely soft, curtains on the windows and I smiled as I realized they were the same ones from our old place.
Upstairs was Matty's room, the largest of course and another room next to it that was painted pink. The pink they so often used now.
His room had a new larger bed and his tv larger as well. His bathroom pink as well and when I questioned why George laughed and he shrugged.
Georges room was the last I saw and I smiled at how familiar it was. Messy too.
"I have to run out and meet Adam but make yourself comfortable" Matty said choosing his words wisely.
"Yeah" I nodded then we watched him walk out.
"It's great" I smiled at George as I laid back on his bed.
"It's perfect for him" he assured me.
"If you say so" I giggled. "I'm gonna nap"
"Okay" he sang.
There was a hint of sass in his voice but my eyes shut before I could question it.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••
When I woke up there was laughter downstairs and time had passed. Not much.
I fixed myself up before getting up then headed down to eat dinner with them but I stopped myself at Matty's door.
His room. His holy land.
I needed to know if he still had the ring.
I know it was a terrible thing to know but for some reason I needed to know if he did and I figured do it then while they were all distracted.
As I entered the room I shut the door softly behind me then rushed to his drawers and started digging. His style in briefs and boxers hasn't changed, he still left most of his socks unfolded.
I felt as if it being in the dresser was too stupid so I rushed over to his closet doors and yanked them open before burying myself inside to search for something I longed to see.
It was messy so I doubt he would notice a change in anything.
I couldn't find it and I was ready to head downstairs defeated but when I lifted up the last pain of black jeans I was looking at my heart stopped.
I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was but as I unfolded the paper all I could feel was the lump in my throat growing larger by the minute.
I sat there reading it.
The letter I wrote him one last time as we went our separate ways. The letter that ended it all.
The paper was worn down as if it had been crumbled a few times, there were stains on it and now tears but it was the one I had written months ago.
As I read the finally words once again the closet door opened and the nightmare further spiraled out of control.
"What are you-" he started to say but stopped when he realized what was in my hands. "Oh"
"I'm sorry" I said softly wiping my eyes.
"Don't be" Matty nodded then extended his hand. I hadn't noticed but my body had slowly sunk to the ground.
"Thanks" I nodded gripping his hand and helping myself up.
"Abigail" he said softly but I shook my head.
"I really can't do this" I said dropping the letter to the ground. "I can't pretend like we are okay because we are not"
"Can-"
"No! I really can't do this, I really don't want us to be like this. I really don't want to be this emotional. I came back too soon and that was wrong of me and I can't do it anymore so I have to leave" I said sternly.
"You can't" he shook his head.
"You need to move on and I can't sit by and watch that happen" I said softly then wiped my face once more before heading downstairs.
I prayed silently as I made my way down that my cheeks weren't flushed and my eyes weren't moist. Even if they were the guys knew not to ask why I had been crying.
"Loving the house I hope?" James beamed as I walked into the kitchen with smelled like pizza heaven.
"Oh it's amazing" I smiled then my eyes got moist again. "I have some news"
"Abbi, what's wrong?" John asked more worried than ever before.
"I have decided that I have to take a leave of absence if you may" I lightly chuckled. "Before you all turn into dads, I just really don't want to be on this tour knowing I'm one hundred percent committed"
"Abbi" Ross frowned.
"I love you all so much, most times more than my own blood. However it would be wrong of me to manage five guys when I can't barely manage to get myself in order" I nodded smiling so they would smile.
"And this was solely your decision?" George asked with this gruesome look on his face.
"Yes, I just can't be here knowing I'm not meant to do this" I said then looked at James. "Go ahead"
"What?" He asked.
"Cmon I know you have something to say" I shrugged.
He shook his head. "I just can't believe how sudden this is"
"You and I both" G scoffed rolling his eyes.
"Whatever factors might have played into this-" I started to say.
"We are not children Abigail" George laughed. "What happened?"
"We need to move on with our lives. I need him to move on and I have to find a life outside of loving him" I said shrugging finally crying a bit. "I can't do that, we can't do that when we wake up to one another"
"And you're just going to let her go?" James scoffed.
"I can't-" Matty started to say.
"She fought for you! She stood by you and loved you. You think what you're doing is admirable? You're absolutely wrong and you're a coward" George snapped then stormed out the kitchen.
"For once I agree with the always angry tree" John nodded. "You both love each other, you're both going about this the wrong way"
"Well mate it's not your place to decide how we go about this" Matty shrugged.
"But she's our family, our little sister and she's leaving because you're in denial" Ross said and the anger in his voice was something I thought I'd never hear.
"You're-"
"Oh shut up with the bullshit" James scoffed then walked out the kitchen.
"We won't hate you for loving one another, we won't judge you. However it's not our job to fix your relationship, it's your own and leaving won't fix shit" Adam said then him and the rest followed suit and left.
Once they were gone Matty leaned against the counter and let out this dangerous groan.
"Is it so bad?" He asked softly, he wouldn't look at me.
"We're not doing this" I grinned shaking my head. "We can't go back"
"The kids have spoken" he shrugged then walked away.
Who knew that would such a dramatic scene.
Who knew the kids would react like that.
•••••••••••••••••••
After that little showdown we all ate separately and didn't speak till one another till we had to leave.
Hackney was forty-five minutes outside of London where the guys were set to perform so we had a quiet a drive. George was in a mood but he was more mad at Matty than me so we rode together with John and Ross and Adam rode with James and Matty.
I was informed by Adam that his car ride was almost as painful as mine. The dead silence was killing us all especially Ross who likes to talk but he was also in a mood and that set him off a bit.
When we got to the venue it didn't help that Matty's family, Gemma, Jamie and Georges bae were all there waiting for us.
"Let's talk" Jamie smiled grabbing my hand and leading me away. I lived for his lectures.
Once we were out of sight and vocal rang he sighed then cupped my face.
"I will not let you leave. You will not be selfish. You are my godsend Abigail" he huffed and he was joking slightly so I didn't take the selfish part too serious.
"I fall for him more and more everyday and he wants to move on. All we do is fight over stupid shit" I shrugged.
"You fight because you're both too stupid to admit how you feel" he lightly chuckled.
"No he's even said it, we need to move on with our lives were terrible for one another" I assured him but I was the once that needed the assurance.
"Oh love, you are his rock and he is your awakening" he said and I really needed to know if he was one something or not. "Love like this rarely happens, a love so deep even the ocean would be jealous"
"He isn't ready for a love like this, and I need him to be who he is not someone else just to please me" I said and this was me being selfish for him.
"Are you absolutely sure Abigail?" He asked.
"They'll hate me for it but I need is to move on because I can't love someone who won't love me back" I nodded then hugged him. "Thank you for all that you have done"
"Oh this isn't goodbye" he laughed pulling me off him. "Cmon before they think we're plotting their deaths"
"We should be" I giggled squeezing his hand as we walked back.
I loved seeing everyone all together. I loved seeing their smiles and hearing their laughter and someone always said the wrong thing and told and old story that I wasn't there to share but never failed to make me feel included.
We had some time before the show went on, soundcheck was done and we were just relaxing before they played yet another show.
"So what will you do? Who will you fuck?" Gemma smirked as she took the spot next to me and grabbed my hand.
"Myself" I smirked back and she laughed then laid her head on me.
"You're going to stay" she said surely. "I know this because I know him, he won't let you go again"
"If someone else talks about how much he loves me again I will scream" I sighed dropping my head. "Our love is ours to decide and I know you know him best Gemma but this is best"
"And what happened to saving him?" She asked pursing her lips.
"You can't save someone who doesn't want to be save" I said softly then kissed the top of her head. "You'll watch him for me"
"Oh no, he's not my problem anymore" she laughed picking her head up. "Plus like you said, you can't save them all"
"That's not-" I started to say but stopped because it was Gemma I was talking too.
"Alright kids, showtime, make me proud" Jamie clapped using his dad voice. "Matty drink the whole bottle of wine and I will shove it up your arse"
"Won't be the first thing shoved up there" James laughed as he followed the guys out.
"There are somethings a mother never wants to hear" Denise cringed helping Gemma and I up. "Oh come on lazy girls"
"Let us be lazy" Gemma whined.
We dragged ourselves to the side of the stage. Denise at my side and Louis under Gemma's arm laughing about God knows what.
The opening acts were up so we just watched and sang along like real fans do.
"I heard Isis is getting married" Denise said as we watched.
"Yeah, she's happy" I smiled proudly.
"I would hope so" Denise laughed. "And your mother how is she?"
"We still haven't spoken" I shrugged. "It's still kinda messy"
"Oh she's your mum she'll come around" Denise assured me. "You know I disliked you at first"
"Really?" I gasped, usually I'm a catch with parents.
"Only because you were young and I thought he was just going through a phase" she shrugged laughing a bit.
"What changed your mind?" I asked.
She smiled at me and I knew what she said next would break my heart but it had to break hers by the look on her face.
"One days we were having tea, you were sleeping and I had just come by for some chatting. Anyways he asked me for my engagement ring and I just laughed and said hell no and he laughed back but smiled and said 'I don't wanna spend the rest of my days with anyone else'"
"Denise" I sighed.
"Look he's been through his fair share of girls Abigail but for someone who absolutely hates the idea of marriage to go and propose to someone they've only been dating for a less than a year? You've changed my boy and I appreciate you for that" she smiled then kissed my cheek.
"I love him" I nodded turning to him. "But he's ready to move on and I won't stop him, I won't be selfish"
"And I love you for that" she nodded then gave me a big ole hug. "He's being stupid, he'll regret it"
"Sure" I scoffed holding her close. "Love you"
"Always sweetie" she laughed in my ear then pulled away. "Always"
I wanted to cry but crying anymore would just make me a moist mess. So we held each other and watched everyone go up and play and perform.
I loved hearing those things because it reminded me of the good times. The times when the only thing that mattered in the world was us, when our love was pure and true to heart.
I loved being reminded of the man I fell in love with and how I helped change him.
I loved everything about her story except for the fact that I wasn't there to hear it myself.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
They were having a little party outside my door on the bus to celebrate something.
I lied ten minutes ago and told them I had a killer headache. None of them believed it but I think I was killing their mood so they let me leaving without any pleas to stay.
Once I entered my room I just peeled off my clothes and slipped on sweats and a shirt. Probably my last night on this bus and I just wants to lay in my full size bed and take in every last detail.
Or try at least.
"Can we talk?" Matty asked. He showed no signs of intoxication so I nodded and watched him close the door.
"What's up chicken butt?" I asked as he sat across from me.
"That letter you read, ask me why I kept it and not your engagement ring" he said swiftly.
"What?" I asked and he shrugged.
"I kept it because it reminds me of all the things I did wrong. I lied, I cheated, I lied some more. It reminded me of how good of a person you were before I destroyed you and how much more amazing of a person you would be if I let you go"
"Matty" I sighed but he shook his head.
"I gave the ring back because our love is not like my parents. Our love was of good intention and we were good Abigail. We were amazing and that ring represented all that I didn't want us to be. They were bad. We were turning into them, she almost died because of him Abigail and that wasn't supposed to be us" he sai and he was crying.
But I couldn't cry. So I grabbed his hand and held it tight.
"You are all I want in life. You are happiness and you are sadness. You aren't afraid to speak your mind yet you're so scared for the attention to be on you. You love so deeply and love like that, everyone should experience that" he nodded.
"But I want to be selfish Abigail. I don't want to share your love and I don't want you to love anyone else. I want to wake up to your raccoon eyes because you forgot to take off your mascara from the night before and I want to fall asleep to the sounds of your horrendous snores" he laughed to himself.
"I can't apologize enough for all that I've done. I can't make up for all that I've done in the past but I can promise you a better future. I promise I'll change but I can't let you go" he smiled softly.
"We've done this so many times Matty? You've made promises you can't manage to keep" I sighed loosening my grip.
"And you're absolutely right but this time around I know what it's like to not have you in my arms and not have you be the first person I wake to. I won't do it, not anymore" he said shaking his head.
"We-" I started to say but he sighed.
"We can do whatever we want because we love each other. I love you" he nodded then cupped my face. "I am in love with you"
"Ma-"
"You can try to change my mind but I'm not letting you go again" he said shaking his head.
His face inched closer and my stomach dropped. I should have been so happy but I was so scared because for yet another time I was giving him everything I had.
I was so scared.
A/N: okay so let's just let this sink in.
We're good?
Well here's what happened. Originally this wasn't supposed to happen till like chapter thirty, however I have this story line set for Abigail that's kinda been hinted at already.
And because of her storyline I needed to speed up their reunion. However I will say I am pleased with it. I absolutely loved how everyone had commentary on their relationship and that's really gonna show as this progresses on.
Also I will warn you ahead of time, Abigail's storyline is a bit tricky. It's very detailed as of now so I might make it less messy, with that being said I will have like a whole detailed analysis about her back story soon.
Her back story being what happened while she was away.
And finally! I know there's been a lot of drama but I feel like it's needed. Like boring chapters were everyone is happy bored me haha. I will tone down the crying just because I feel like someone is always crying now but the snapping won't end and neither will Georges cold shoulder. Not for a while at least.
So yeah, comment and vote and I'll probably have a new chapter up very soon since I finished school already.
P.S. Not that anyone cares but I graduate in ten days then I get shipped off to PR for the summer. I'm so excited to finally close this chapter in my life and head to school in the fall.
P.S.S. Sorry if my witting has been poo lately, I write most my stories between breaks at work and when my house is silent bc I can't write when people are talking. Mind you I live with about a million people so ya!