Chapter 7 - One
My alarm goes off. I stirred on my bed while covered in my duvet. The alarm is getting annoying so I reached the clock on the night table and throw it somewhere, and it stopped. As the sunshine seep through my eyes, my eyelids begin to flutter. I sit down on the bed and clutched my aching head.
"Damn those beers. Now I'm behind my schedule. Aish!"
Does someone knew how difficult it is to get out from bed and act happy for the day when all you want to do is break down in tears? If someone does, I wish I can talk to that person. Because you cannot sympathize to a person until what happened to them, happened to you.
Cans of beers and tissue papers scattered on the floor. I walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water to my face. I looked up in the mirror and stared at the person who is facing me.
Bloodshot eyes, swollen cheeks, pale face, white chapped lips, hair sticking out to every direction, and black circles around my eyes. This isn't me. Then happenings yesterday crashed on me. Jongin. I was left dumbfounded when Jongin shouted on me. He's been with me for five years, been my friend, my shoulder, my brother. I've never seen his face like that, he's so angry, and I'm so scared. He's been my companion when I'm alone, but now that he walked out on me, what do I do?
I didn't feel that the tears streaming down my face. But I still need to go to my café, I'm devastated and have been left out, but I shouldn't do that to others. Ruth and Katie, they're surely busy managing the café while I'm not there.
So I took a quick back and didn't mind to eat breakfast because I'm behind my schedule, and also, I don't have appetite. I took the bus instead my car. I'm too tired to drive, and I feel weak. I don't think I can hold the steering wheel at all. The bus is not crowded. Only a few passengers are with me. I sat at the farthest. I leaned my head on the window and watched the sceneries that passes by. And Jongin came into my mind again. Should I talk to him? We hadn't had an argument that lasts for a day. We always ended up peacefully whenever we fight. This is the first time. And I can't stand it. So I've decided. I'll apologize to him. But for what? What did I do to make him upset? But still... I have no choice, he's so important to me. I can't afford to lose him.
I got down on my stop and walked for a minute to arrive at my café. Ruth and Katie welcomed me.
"Goodmoring boss!" Said Katie.
"How have you been?" Asked Ruth.
"Still the same. Just some headache, but everything's fine." I told them and smiled. I walked to the pantry and checked the stocks and the report of the café while I'm away.
I looked at my watch. 9:35 AM it displays. Jongin should be here, is he late, or perhaps, he's avoiding me. I decided to just wait for him for more minutes and concentrate on what I am doing. I'm too into reading reports until I heard some murmuring at the counter.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Katie, what do you think of me? Of course. Once boss walked inside the café I can feel him."
"Do you think he'll be able to handle the news?"
"What news?"
"Jongin-ssi left to New York for one month I think? And from what I heard from him, they had a fight so he didn't have time to tell it to boss."
"Oh. That's why he looks so down today."
The news made me stupefied, my knees weaken, the clip board I was holding met the floor.
"Boss are you okay?" Katie and Ruth run beside me.
"O-oh yes. I-it just..uhmm.. the... the clipboard slipped from my hands. Yeah r-right. Hahahaha." I didn't realize that I'm near to crying and the choking made me stutter.
"O-okay. If you say so." They went back to their counters.
I picked the clipboard and my grip tightened. Why didn't Jongin tell me? So now I'm really alone. I needed to talk to him. So should I just wait? For a month. Can I endure that? I'll be alone for a month. I won't have someone to talk to for a month. Should I send him a text?
I took out my phone and texted Jongin.
Sent.
•
I've been sitting on the plane for several hours, and now we're near to land.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to John F. Kennedy Airport. Local time is 11:17 PM and the temperature is 2 degrees Celsius and 36 degrees in Farenheit. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened..."
As far as I stepped on the ground of the airport, I turned on my phone to check some texts, if I receive some.
5 new messages
I opened the first message. It's from Chanyeol, just checking if I landed. I read the remaining messages and the last picked up my attention. It's from Kyungsoo.
While waiting for my luggage I read Kyungsoo's message.
From: Kyungsoo
Hey. Why didn't you tell me you'll leave for a month? You know I'm sad when you're not here. And, sorry.
The last word piqued my attention. "Sorry". I closed my phone.
"Kyungsoo hyung, will you wait for me? I'll just sort my feelings for a while. I will be back."
After getting my luggages, I stop at a coffee shop to get some warm coffee and get a taxi to my hotel.
Even early midnight, the city of New York is still alive. Billboards light up the streets, giant screens gives variety of colors, streets still looking busy, many people walking. Some wearing party clothes, some working clothes, some just casual winter clothes. Establishments still awake. Boutiques, restaurants, shops, café's and bars still open. This city is indeed 24/7 awake.
When I arrived at the hotel, huge chandeliers welcomed me. The hotel crew assisted me and handed me the key to my room. I went straight to my room and arranged my luggages, put my toiletries in the bathroom and have some good bath.
The bath soap smells like babies, it's good, it makes me calm just like Kyungsoo. I was taken aback when Kyungsoo entered in my mind again. What should I do to him? Or should I say, what should I do with my feelings. We've been together for years, and with all those years I've fallen inlove with him. I stood back and didn't let my feelings to surface because I know it may ruin our friendship. And I'll always choose friendship over love. Because you'll last longer wen friendship surfaces, love is complicated, love is greedy. It may ruin both of us, and the friendship we've established will vanish. But my feelings are messed up. I can't control it anymore. The love is surfacing the friendship. It's too late to stop. Even if I wanted to stop, it's hard. I can't if I always see him every day, if everything I have, everyone I know is connected to him. But if I take risk and confess to him, I know he doesn't feel the same way. I'll go for moving on? I'll distance myself until my feelings falters. I'll sacrifice my happiness for him.
But Chanyeol? Chanyeol loves Baekhyun. What will happen to Kyungsoo? He'll still be hurt. Even if I'll flip everything try every way not to hurt him, it's inevitable. He'll get hurt, I'll get hurt, and everyone will get hurt. Maybe it's good if I'll have fun for some time while I'm here. So I'll take risk. Even if he won't accept me as his lover, I'll just be there for him. Look after him while loving someone, be a shoulder for him when he sees his loved one falling in love with someone, lend my ear to him when he rambles how greatly in love he is with Chanyeol. And even fix him when he's broken. Fix him when I know that in fixing someone, you should be strong enough, because while picking up and gluing them back together, their shattered pieces might hurt you. I'm so stupid.
After my long contemplation, I went out from the tub and drained the water. Put on my sleeping clothes and went to my bed. I'm on the verge of sleeping when my phone beeps. I checked on my phone and it displays the message.
"Jonginnie~ You're here in NY?! Why didn't you tell me? When are you free? Let's have a date! I'll tour you. Hahahaha. I missed you pabo! See you!!!"
"You're really a stalker." I chuckled. I yawned and get back to sleep. I guess my stay in New York, won't be full of boring meetings and seminars.
"See you Taemin..."