A/N: Play the song towards the second -- or separation whatever you wanna call it.
Camila's POV
Everything hurt. Everything ached. And nothing seemed real. But only for a second. Just before I'd fall into the pit of oblivion that my demons had been urging me to be a part of. And there, nothing hurt. Because I felt nothing. But the little glimpse of light that still existed in my heart was the only thing that kept me at bay. And that was my irrevocable, and foolish love for her. But the second I remembered that she was gone and out of my life, I wanted to dig my nails into my skin and rip my heart out. Being without Lauren felt that way. But being with her, also felt that way. It always have. And it's own toxicity was enough to numb me from realizing it.
But that's the thing about love. You're blinded. And transported into a world that suddenly doesn't seem your own anymore. And when you realize that this...this is the only person you want, the only person you can't live without, is when you're fucked. I was fucked the second I bumped into her. And a part of me wishes that she would've kept walking. That she would've let me have it. But another par of me, can't help but keep falling in love with that moment. The moment that she changed my life. Lauren Jauregui was possibly the worst and most beautiful thing that could've happened to me. But that was the thing about her. The thing that kept my head and heart reeling even after she let me go. And that in itself is toxic.
But what I've come to learn in the four weeks that she left, and moved away, is that she had a point. Our love had become unhealthy, obsessive and even dangerous. And maybe she was right when she said that our present didn't include us together because of that. But either way, my heart couldn't help but disagree with every word she said.
And that's because I didn't want to believe that she broke up with me. I tried to make up excuses for her departure as if trying to justify it, but what she did, wasn't right. After the trauma of almost losing her, she leaves me on a hospital bed with a hurt leg and fractured ribs. She left me to let me live my life. But if that was the case, I wanted to die when I should've of been the most alive.
And that...was exactly the problem.
As I looked up at the starry sky, I couldn't help but compare the galaxy above with the one in her eyes. The green galaxy I loved so much. And the only galaxy I wanted to be apart of. I wonder if she was looking at the sky too. At the big moon...that today, seemed as lonely and isolated as ever.
As I thought about her, I heard the grass crunch next to me. I turned to see Darren laying there, looking up at the sky just like I was.
"You know..." He began, "All the fun is inside." He said referring to the movie night we were supposed to be having.
"I know. I just needed to get some fresh air."
"Still thinking about her, huh?"
"Haven't been able to do anything but that."
"You've been sulking around for days, don't you think you should do something to get your mind off what happened?"
"I can't do that."
"Why?"
"Because it's not that easy Darren."
"I know but you at least gotta try."
"That's the problem, I don't want to try."
"So what are gonna do? Just sit around and mope over her because you've given up?"
"Yeah, I mean what else is there to do." I mumbled.
"You two have literally already been through this. Yeah Lauren has a lot of issues, but honestly who doesn't? When she broke your heart the first time she did it to not only neglect her feelings, but to spare you of her presence in your life and what did that do? You ended up in her bed and days later you broke up with Ariana to be with the person you really loved. So we're not going through this again."
"I don't think there is an again."
Darren shook his head, "There's no way this is the end."
"..."
"You sure as hell don't look at each other like it's the end."
I stubbornly turned away from him.
"You know, I honestly don't understand how you're still in love with her."
"..."
"Didn't she break a promise?"
"She's broken a lot of promises."
"You know the one I'm talking about."
My lips quivered.
"Exactly." He said before I started sobbing.
"Mila...I'm sorry I didn't mean-"
"No." I sniffled, "I'm sorry. I know...I know I shouldn't be crying."
"No, you have every right too."
"I feel so pathetic. After she promised that she'd never hurt me again, and I trusted her she-"
"I know honey, I know."
"And to top it off, she acts like I don't exist."
"Okay, but you do exist. You don't need her to validate that."
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.
"I know it seems like she's trying to hurt you, but I think it's because she wants you to get it out of your system and to be angry at her for what she did."
"I am angry at her." I admitted, "But at the same time, I understand why she did it. And I can't fully bring myself to hate her for that. Not yet. Not because of this."
"In all honesty, I'm not even worried because you're Camren. One of you is bound to fight for your relationship. I mean, I wasn't born yesterday. Anyone with some sense knows that this isn't your ending."
"It sure as hell feels like it."
"Look you're over reacting , its only been a few weeks. Try to talk to her tomorrow at school."
"I can't do that."
"Mila, Lauren was your girlfriend. Just because you two broke up that doesn't mean that you have to pretend like she's a stranger."
"I don't. But she told me to avoid her. She doesn't want me to wait for her. She's convinced that she's bad for me and hopes that maybe one day she won't be."
"Bull fucking shit. You both just need to suck it up and talk to each other."
"But I can't-"
"Oh my god Camila-"
"No, I mean, I really can't. She always leaves the room before I can even say anything to her."
"Ugh, and being on those crutches don't help..." He couldn't help but point out.
"Yeah..." I sighed.
"But that still doesn't mean you should give up. You're one half of Camren. And the Camren I know, doesn't give up on each other. No matter what happens, you both fight for each other...every time."
"Sometimes people don't want to be fought for."
"That's not true." He replied, "Everyone wants to be fought for, they just won't admit it."
"You don't see the way she avoids me." I divulged, "She acts like we're not even in the same room, and when she accidentally slips, and looks back at me or something, she hates herself so much for it."
"..."
"It's like she totally removed me from her life. She moved away, stopped talking to me and even stopped acknowledging my existence-"
"That's not true." He interrupted, "Actually, god, I probably shouldn't tell you this but, she asks me about you. You know to check up, and when I tell her, you can see the regret and guilt eating her away."
"She asks about me?"
"Of course she does. You're not the only one having a tough time with this."
I groaned, "It just sucks because I know shes right. But its been like a month and-"
"I know. Just talk to her. Maybe now that a little time has passed, you two can have a normal conversation."
"..."
"Didn't wello tell you to remember one thing before he passed?"
"Don't pull the wello card on me..."
"I'm sorry but it's the only way you'll do it."
"I wouldn't even know what to say."
"Do you have too?"
--
"Do you have too?" I mocked as I watched the clock on the wall, Of course I have to know what to say.
Sometimes Darren can be deep as fuck but let's face it, I should've prepared something to say to her because now I'm a nervous idiot with no plan whatsoever.
It was sixth period and Mr.Swope had just finished going over the schedule for the next few months of school we had left. I watched Lauren carefully. Like she had been for the past few weeks, she was paying attention in class in an attempt to distract herself. She looked bored as hell but even I knew that she preferred that to being distracted by me.
I just didn't understand her. But then again, I don't think I ever fully understood Lauren Jauregui.
Suddenly, when I was lost in deep thought, I heard the echo of the bell ring in my ears. In that second, I got up and to my luck, Lauren wasn't able to make it out the door first this time. Mr.Swope stopped her to ask her something as the mass of students exited the door.
I crunched myself over, slower than ever in an attempt to make my presence unnoticeable. And indeed, it was. When Lauren finished talking to our teacher, she began to make her way out as I practically followed in suit like my life depended on it. She noticed and turned to look in my direction before fear fell over her face. She turned around to try to get away, but I didn't let her, "Lauren." I called.
She kept walking.
"I know you can hear me."
She stopped and just stood there with her back facing me.
"I can't do this right now."
"Do what?"
"Talk to you. Or see you. Just...pretend I'm not even here anymore. Please." She almost begged.
"I can't do that." I simply said, "Not yet."
"Why?"
"Because I just...I need to talk to you."
"There's nothing we need to talk about."
"Are you kidding me?"
"I'm sorry Camila."
"..."
"I can't be around you."
"Why?"
"Because it drives me insane and I don't want to do something stupid."
"Something stupid?"
"I'm just trying to protect you."
"From what?"
"Me."
"And you're doing that by pretending like I don't exist?"
"Do I have another option?"
"..."
"It isn't all about you, you know."
"Lauren-"
"If you think this has been easier on me then you're wrong."
"..."
"I'm just trying to help myself. And maybe...maybe you should do that for yourself too."
"By what? Forgetting about you?"
"Well, yeah."
"I can't do that."
"Why?"
"Because, a wise man once told me that no matter what I do, or what happens, I shouldn't let you go. Because once you're out of my heart, that's it. You're gone. And it could be for good. And I don't want that."
"..."
"My world...it needs you in it."
"Camz..." Lauren breathed.
"Can you at least turn around to look at me?"
"..."
"Please."
With so much hesitation, she eventually gave in and turned to meet my gaze with her sad green eyes.
Looking at me hurt, and looking back at her hurt too.
We stared at each other like that for a while before she suddenly walked towards me. When she was a step away, she stood there as if fighting back the urge to touch me. And just when I figured that hoping that she would was a lost cause, she reached to caress my cheek. Her touch almost burning my skin from excitement.
"Don't hold back anymore." I breathed.
Lauren stopped and pulled her hand away from me.
And just when I thought that was it, she suddenly wrapped her arms around me.
In utter surprise of her actions, I let my crutches slip out of my limp body before I hugged her back.
"I miss you so much." Lauren muttered against my shoulder.
"I miss you too." I whispered back.
Her grip tightened on me, before she forced herself to pull away from me.
"I'm sorry, I just...I can't do this."
"Lo..."
"It's over. I have to give up."
"Yeah well, I'm not going to give up on you."
"You should. For your own good."
"You don't have the right to tell me whats good and not good for me."
"..."
"Camila, you have to let me go." She pleaded looking deeply into my eyes.
"I can't."
"You have too because I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"If I do that, I'll end up hating you for doing what you promised me you wouldn't do. And, I don't want that."
"Maybe...that's what you should do."
"No Lauren I-"
"I have to go." She interrupted, "I'm gonna...be late for practice." She said before she picked up my crutches and handed them to me, "You be careful, alright?"
I felt tears threatening to escape my eyes.
"Bye Camila." She said with a painfull small smile. She then turned around and started to walk away from me.
"I'm not going to give up on you." I suddenly spoke.
She stopped for a slight second, but then, like she didn't hear me, continued walking.
I watched her get smaller and smaller as she made her way down the hallway until I couldn't see her anymore. And just like that, I realized that maybe Darren was right. Maybe Lauren did want to be fought for. She just wouldn't ever admit it. And maybe that's because she wanted me to fight for myself first. But I know what I wanted. And I wanted to fight for us.
--
Narrator's POV
Three weeks after their encounter, Camila was sitting in her English class where Dinah was once again starting at the transfer student. Camila herself was looking in Lauren's direction as she spoke with some of the snobby girls that tormented her about being Lauren's thing of interest. You could tell that she was just teasing them, but the fact that they received more attention than Camila's had in weeks boiled the brunette's blood.
It wasn't until Mrs.Lockhart got the class' attention when Camila broke free from her trance of jealousy.
"A Midsummer Night's Dream. One of Shakespear's most popular comedies." Mrs.Lockhart paused, "But even though it was meant to be funny, can anyone tell me why Shakespeare really wrote it?"
Easy. Camila thought.
"Anyone?"
The brunette raised her hand.
Lauren and the rest of the class turned to look at her.
"Yes Camila?"
"He wrote it to portray true love, as opposed to obsessive, delusional and unhealthy love." She answered, "But the whole thing's kind of stupid because they all end up with the person they should've been with from the start anyway."
"But you gotta admit, Helena was crazy." Lauren couldn't help but interrupt, "I mean to chase after Demetrius even though he treats her like dirt? That relationship in itself was unhealthy. But even so, Helena pursued it. She even told him he could hit her and treat her like a dog and she'd still love him. And that's...that's not love."
"But in the end, her determination prevailed. She got the guy and he loved her whole heartedly. She just had to fight a little harder for him to make that happen." Camila retorted.
"Why fight over a guy who doesn't even know what he wants in the first place?"
"I think he always knew what he wanted. He was just blinded by Hermia's beauty that he was too dumb to see that the person he belonged with was standing right next to him the whole time."
"She was standing next to him alright. She was on his dick 24/7."
Mrs. Lockhart gasped, "Lauren!" She scolded.
"Sorry but it's true." The green eyed girl said.
"Yeah well maybe if Demetrius got his head out of his ass earlier, he'd realize that Helena couldn't help but fight for the person she loved."
"Demetrius knows he's an asshole. Don't you think he wanted better for her? Maybe he knew that her pure love was something he didn't deserve it."
"Who said he didn't? Demetrius was too distracted by Hermia that he pushed Helena aside. Clearly, her efforts were enough in the end anyway. I mean, they ended up together-"
"Yeah well maybe they shouldn't have. After all, no one ever removed the love potion from Demetrius' eyes so how do you even know if his love was pure?"
"That's the whole point of the play!" Shakespeare intended-"
"Alright! That's enough!" Mrs.Lockhart interrupted, "Lauren. Camila. Out."
"What?" Lauren asked.
"I won't have anyone curse in my classroom. Both of you go outside and settle this argument out there."
"But-" Lauren said.
"No buts. Out." She said pointing at the door.
The green eyed girl grunted and rolled her eyes before she threw her backpack over her shoulder and walked out. Camila sighed and did the same.
With her already better leg, she was able to walk and keep up with the green eyed girl.
"This is your fault you know." Camila told her.
"No it's not. Your interpretation is all wrong."
"The last time I checked interpretation is never wrong."
"Well you better check again because you didn't know what the fuck you were talking about."
"What the hell is your problem?" Camila asked pulling her arm to stop her.
Lauren turned around and clenched her jaw.
"What? Now you have nothing to say?"
Lauren had it.
She grabbed Camila's arms and forcefully pulled her into an empty closet. She then locked the door and clicked the light above them on.
Camila rubbed her arm and glared at her, "Oh I'm sorry, was the empty hallway too public for you?"
Lauren grabbed Camila's face and puckered her lips out, "Shut up." She spit.
"Why afraid someone's gonna hear us?" Camila mumbled.
"When has that ever scared me before?" She quipped.
"Oh yeah, never because you can't fucking control yourself." Camila retorted.
"All of a sudden you're off crutches and you think you're all tough huh?"
Camila pushed Lauren's hand off her face, "I was fine until you started acting childish."
"Me? Childish? Look who's talking."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're the one who's staring at every girl I talk too to death!"
"Well what do you want me to do? Cheer you on?"
"Do you honestly think that I'm flirting with any of them?"
"You're Lauren Jauregui! Of course you were!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, you know damn well what I mean."
"Ugh, you're so annoying."
"And? What're you gonna do about it?"
Lauren glared at the brunette with so much anger and frustration radiating from her body.
Camila glared at her back with the same intensity. The tension between them running thick. You could physically feel the rage and unsaid words itching to escape their lips.
"Hmph. That's what I thought." Camila spit.
The burning fury building up in her chest exploded. That was it. She snapped. In response to Camila's words, Lauren pushed her against the wall and attacked her lips.
Camila kisses back eagerly. Missing the lips that hadn't touched her own in over a month.
Lauren grabbed a handful of the brown eyed girls dark hair and harshly pushed it back to get her to open her mouth. Without an invitation, she shoved her tongue in Camila's mouth. The brunette willingly accepted it and fought for dominance as she hooked her right leg around around Lauren's waist.
The green eyed girl took the opportunity to grab Camila's butt. She gave it a good firm squeeze as she continued to attack her lips.
Camila moaned in response.
Lauren then pulled away and gripped the middle of the brunette's button top. She ripped her shirt open and helped Camila pull it off her body. She threw it off to the side and pushed her up against the wall. Restraining her with pinned wrists before she started to attack her neck. Her lips roughly kissing the soft skin she missed so much. Camila tightly closed her eyes at the pleasure that such a simple action gave her. She had goosebumps. And Lauren, could tell. She pulled away, and grabbed the hem of Camila's jeans. The brunette beat her too it and unbuttoned them before she grabbed Lauren's face to crash their lips together again.
In response to her actions, Lauren slid her hand into Camila's jeans and pleasured her.
Camila moaned into the green eyed girls mouth before Lauren separated their lips. She looked directly into Camila's eyes as the brunette rocked her hips into the taller girls digits, desperate for friction. Both of their heavy, sluggish breaths combing.
Lauren smirked when she felt the wetness in Camila's core before she whispered, "You like that?"
Camila nodded wanting her to proceed forward.
"Use your words Camila." Lauren growled.
"Yes." She managed to breath.
"Yes what?"
"Love me."
Lauren smirked before she harshly kissed Camila's lips again. She then trapped the brunette's bottom lip between her teeth and gave it a gentle pull. The brown eyed girl groaned in slight pain before Lauren let go planted wet kisses on the crook of her neck.
And just like that, Camila came undone. Lauren let her ride out of her orgasm and catch her breath. And suddenly, out of nowhere, Camila grabs the collar of Lauren's jacket and pulled her back in. Their lips just hovering over each other's. The brunette tilted her head to the side as her hot breath hit against Lauren's lips.
The green eyed girl was tempted to feel Camila's fingertips against her skin. Actually she wanted her to have control. To show her how mad she really was.
And just when a snarky comment was about to escape her lips, Camila crashed their lips together before she took off her jacket.
The brown eyed girls hands traveled down Lauren's waist and to her butt where she grabbed it and flipped them around to push Lauren up against the wall.
Camila then attacked her lips as she placed her leg in between Lauren's. The green eyed girl's core ached with a strong desire to be fucked. Desperate for friction, she rocked her hips against Camila's limb. The brunette separated their lips to lick the crook of her neck. Surprised by the sudden sensation Lauren let a low moan escape her lips. Camila then sucked on Lauren's neck to mark her territory.
"Shit." Lauren cursed.
The building friction in Lauren's core was becoming unbearable. And Camila's touch was just...electrifying. She wanted her. And she wanted her bad.
The brunette pulled away and helped Lauren take off her shirt. She threw it off to the side and grabbed the back of her neck to pull her back into her lips again. She then moved her leg to the side and let her hand travel down from Lauren's collarbone, to her breast, and down to her core. She felt the wetness seep through her jeans.
Camila pulled away to breath, "You're so wet."
Lauren grabbed a handful of her dark hair again and spit, "Just shut up and fuck me." before she connected their lips again.
Camila roughly kissed her back before she unbuttoned Lauren's jeans and pulled them down just enough where she could comfortably slip her hand in. She pleasured her ex-girlfriend's clit as she tasted her mouth.
Lauren rocked her hips against Camila's digits. And in response to her action, Camila quickened the pace.
"Oh fuck." Lauren moaned, separating their mouths.
Camila licked her lips as she watched Lauren scrunch up her face in utter euphoria.
"You don't know how much I've been wanting to do this again." Camila husked.
"Oh my god." Lauren said gripping the skin on the brown eyed girls back.
Camila smirked.
"What do you want?" The brunette asked her.
"Ugh." She moaned, "I want you. I want you to fuck me."
Camila then filled her up by inserting another finger. Lauren then opened her eyes to stare directly into Camila's eyes.
The brown eyed girl continued to pleasure Lauren until her hand began to cramp. And by then Lauren was bitting Camila's shoulder in an attempt to keep quiet. And just before Lauren's teeth were going to crack from holding back, she became undone. She separated her mouth from Camila's skin and took a few breaths to recompose herself as Camila let her ride out of her orgasm.
When they finished, the green eyed girl rested her head on Camila's shoulder as she continued to catch her breath. Her hands still gripping onto the shorter girl's back.
Camila was holding her in her arms as she breathed in her vanilla shampoo. And just as she was going to kiss the side of her head, the bell rang. In that same instant, Lauren pulled away from Camila and picked up her clothes.
The brunette frowned when she realized that this didn't mean that everything was okay again and that they were back together. If anything, it was just an angry fuck.
"Shit." Lauren cursed, "Where the fuck is my shirt?" She asked frantically looking around.
Camila pushed her hair back and spotted it hanging on top of the mop. She walked over ran grabbed it for her before she went over and gave it to her.
Lauren hesitated to grab it, already regretting her next words, "Thanks. You should probably get dressed too. Before you know..."
Camila averted her gaze before she turned around to fetch her clothes. When she finished changing, she turned around to see Lauren looking in between the blinds to make sure that the hall was clear.
She noticed that the collar of her leather jacket was inside out. So out of habit, she walked over to her and fixed it.
Lauren turned to nostalgically look up at her ex lover.
When Camila finished she turned back around to turn off the light and Lauren grabbed her arm to stop her, "Camz-"
The brown eyed girl turned around and furrowed her brows in confusion, "Yeah?"
"Uh..." Lauren said avoiding her gaze, "N-Nothing." She stuttered before she turned away from her and opened the door, "See you around." She said before she left.
Camila stood there frozen for a second before frowned again and said, "Yeah, see you around."
--
A/N: I have a two new works for you guys that I'm currently writing. I'll release when the stories somewhere between the last chapters of tgnd. Which by the way, may not be as far as you think.