NOTE: This might be a bit...queasy if you hate insects. You have been warned.
*********************
I walked down the steps from the bus onto the sidewalk, shielding my eyes from the sun's glare. Yousuf had stayed home sick and I made plans to check up on him later. To give him his missed work, of course.
...Or I could do it now.
I spotted him standing in his driveway, back turned to me. Slowly, I set down my backpack and jacket at the front of my yard and jogged over to him, slowing down a few feet away.
He straightened and ran a hand through his hair, coughing.
Slowly....
He took a step forward and I froze. Crap, I'd need to do it more quickly if I meant to do this right.
One...two...three!
I screamed and grabbed his shoulders from behind, hearing a shout before he tumbled forwards onto the grass. I lost my footing and stumbled, catching myself on the fence before I fell.
"Heh. I caught mys--"
My foot landed on a rock and I yelped, jumping around and falling backwards instead. My elbows landed on the concrete and I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the burn on my butt. Crap Karma. I hate the world.
"Tried to scare me, did you?"
I frowned and clasped my right elbow in my hand. Yousuf had propped himself up in the grass, leaning back to grin at me. "Karma's a b--"
He erupted in a fit of coughing before trying again. His voice sounded hoarse and gravelly and he frowned.
I smiled, just to irritate him. "Oh? Karma's a what now?"
He tried to talk again, growing more agitated as he stood up and rubbed the back of his neck.
"You lost your voice? What? I can't hear you."
He squinted against the sunlight, mouthing the mouths instead. You're cruel.
I threw my head back and cackled. "Haha! Of course I am."
His eye widened and he pointed to my elbow. I studied his face, not sure if this was some lame attempt at an "I made you look." He walked over and squatted down in front of me, studying my elbow.
Fine. I'd look.
I peeled away my fingers and they came off red. Eh? I touched the wound and winced. Burning.
"Oh would you look at that. I busted my elbow."
He frowned and pulled my hand towards him. I hissed and pulled back, looking up to meet his eyes. He jerked his head towards his house. I frowned. "Naw. It's just a cut. I'll handle it in my own house."
He rolled his eyes and grabbed my other hand, trying to pull me up. I resisted, digging my heels into the concrete driveway. He raised an eyebrow, unimpressed before sighing and bending down to hook an arm under my knees.
"What! No!" I kicked and rolled over, dragging my already injured elbow through the concrete once more. I tensed up, biting my lip to keep down the whimper as the tears collected on the corners of my eyes. What's a little pain...
Yousuf clicked his tongue and coughed. I sighed. He isn't giving up, is he?
"Fine, I'll come in." I picked myself up and dusted off what I could with my uninjured arm before turning and following him through the door.
*******************************
"It's just..." He coughed and cleared his throat. "A scratch. Pretty deep though."
I winced, listening to his voice as he cleaned up the supplies from around the table. My elbow was bandaged up with a fat square piece of cotton covered the wound.
"Isn't this... " I looked down at it. "..a bit..much?"
He laughed silently, and turned away to cough again. "Naw."
I stood up and padded over to where he was putting away the first-aid kit. As he turned, I raised a hand to his forehead. His eye's widened and he stepped backwards, right into the counter.
"You're hot."
He grinned and laughed, pushing me away to cough again.
I rolled my eyes. "Not like that, stupid. You have a fever. Where's your mom?"
He garbled something that sounded like "Out, groceries."
I turned to sit back down in my seat. He couldn't stay home alone, could he?
"Are you sure--EEEEAAGGHH!" I shrieked and fell over, landing back on my hurt elbow and screaming again, this time from pain.
Yousuf snorted, laughing before holding out his hand again. Not real. It wasn't real.
"Get that stupid roach away from me, you little crap." I rubbed my eye and sniffed.
He squatted down and held it out to me, emphasizing that it was plastic.
I cringed and scooted backwards until my head hit the table corner. I hissed.
He laughed and cleared his throat. "Brave little...Iqra...." He coughed and cringed. "Afraid of a little roach?"
I made a face. "One crawled up my arm and down my shirt, once. Never again. I hate those things."
He grinned, jerking his hand towards me again. I squealed and kicked it away, watching the plastic thing go flying and hit a wall with a small crack. I shuddered and gagged, shaking my head to get rid of the sound.
"Wait till the others...hear of this."
"NO." I glared at him. "You can't go around telling people I'm scared of a roach. I have a reputation to uphold!"
"...One of...Mrs. Know-It-All?"
"Oh shut up."
He simply smiled and crouched down beside me.
*****************************************
I walked down the hallway, swinging my arms. Yousuf had finally come back to school a few days ago and I was on my way back from the bathroom and didn't know what to do with my free arms. They weren't holding any books the way I was accustomed to over the past few years and I didn't know how to walk with my hands free anymore. I practiced folding my arms while I walked. Now I just looked stupid. I let them down again.
"So you like Iqra?"
I stopped. Eh? My name. Why's someone using my name?
I traced the voices to another classroom. Huh.
"Iqra?"
I jumped and turned around. No one.
There was a nervous laugh.
Yousuf?
I pressed myself against the wall.
"Iqra...the one in our math class?"
I shouldn't be here listening. But...
"Yeah her, dude. I heard you like her."
Yousuf laughed quietly. "Uh..."
"Don't tell me you really do like that girl? She looks like a man!"
Ouch. What the heck. I look like a man?
"She's not even cute."
I frowned.
Yousuf cleared his throat. "Yeah..."
My heart stuck in my throat. What?
"Y-yeah, you're right. She's pretty darn ugly, isn't she? Hell no, I don't like her."
I bit my lip. Well. That's one way to get rejected.
"You know she likes you, right?"
Silence. Rustling.
A new softer voice.
"Just tell her you don't like her and it should solve it."
The other voice again.
"Don't bother. You know girls these days are too clingy. Just avoid her. She'll get the hint through her thick head if she's smart enough."
I swallowed.
Yousuf's voice again.
"You're right. Girls like her are so annoying and ugly."
No more. I couldn't stay here any longer. I backed away, eyes burning. The bathroom. I needed to get back to the bathroom.
I walked backwards until I was at the end of the hallway before fleeing to the bathroom.
Ugly.
Annoying.
Clingy.
They were saying something about my body when I left.
My stomach twisted. What a way to get rejected. I entered the bathroom and looked at myself. I lowered my eyes. No, no. I've heard things like that my entire life. One more person isn't gonna kill me.
Yousuf...
My eyes burned and I rubbed them hard. No tears. Not here. Not now.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
Okay. He doesn't like me. So what?
He called me ugly...annoying...
I bit my lip and scrutinized my face in the mirror. Looked fine enough to go back to class. Okay, here we go.
I went through the class with a stone face. Taylor asked what was wrong, but I dismissed it. Cramps. I felt like crap.
At least half of that was true. At least.
That afternoon passed agonizingly slow. All I wanted to do was go home and...and...I didn't want to think about what I'd do when I went home. I just needed to go home.
The dismissal bell finally rang and I sighed internally. Good. I just needed to stop by my locker on my way home. Put back some books, take some out. Like a robot. Be mechanical.
I weaved my way through the crowd, avoiding bodies as I kept getting bumped by bookbags and textbooks. I winced as one hit the still tender skin on my elbow. The bandages were off, but it was still sensitive.
I keyed in my combination and tugged at the handle. It didn't budge. Tugged once again. There's something...
I fiddled with it and keyed in my combination again. Maybe I did it wrong. I frowned. Okay, okay. Just take my books and leave.
I tugged at the handle and it flew open just as something brown flew at my face. I shrieked and jumped backwards, feeling hairy legs crawl up my arms. I swatted at the air in front of me, screaming as one flew near my mouth. I gagged and shuddered, tears blurring my vision. No no no. Not here, not now.
But they were everywhere. I stepped on one by accident and cringed when I heard the wet crunch of it's dead cockroach body under my shoes. Another slipped near my ear and I curled away on the floor, trying to bat it away before it crawled inside.
Finally, I opened my eyes. I didn't even know I'd closed them in my panic.
That's when I heard the laughter. It wasn't loud, beating against my ears for attention. But it was the little giggles, the sneers, and sideways glances they threw at me as they walked by.
Oh look, Mrs. Smarty Pants is crying.
She's scared of a roach?
Wimp. Freak.
Having the teacher's attention isn't enough for her. Now she has to go and make a scene in public too.
Pathetic.
I rubbed my eye, giving one last involuntary shudder as I tried to slow my thudding heartbeat and the pounding in my head. I had a headache. I gasped for air, putting my hand down on the floor to prop myself up, only to have it land on another dead body. The legs twirled around my fingers and I gritted my teeth, snatching my hand away.
I gathered my books as quickly as possible and shrugged on my backpack, refusing to raise my eyes from the ground. Dead roach bodies lay upside down on the floor and I pursed my lips as I picked my way over them.
There weren't as many as it seemed at the time.
Which way...
I looked up for one second, my eyes meeting a pair of brown ones a few feet ahead of me. He was grinning and laughing. I gritted my teeth and fixed my headscarf before glaring at the ground as I stormed off towards the buses, a fire in my chest.
The bus ride home was slow, and I kept my face frozen, not talking to anyone. Avoiding Yousuf's eye when he was close by, and ignoring him when he called out to me. The adrenaline rush from before had worn off, leaving me hollow and tired. My headache was only getting worse. There were already made up excuses going through my head.
I was thinking about something else.
I didn't hear him.
I was tired.
I swallowed, and pushed open my front door. For the first time in my life, I was happy no one was home. I ran up the staircase and into my room, my face crumpling before I even got there. Ugly. Annoying. Clingy.
What the hell.
Wasn't this a great way to get rejected.
I screamed into my pillow, my tears clogging my throat. Of course. The one time I get my hopes up. Of course it would end this way.
And he couldn't even say it to my face. I must've looked like a total moron. How many times did he make fun of me? Was that really all I was worth? One quick dismissal. She's ugly.
Never before did I feel so damn dumb.
My chest ached and I curled up on the bed.
I'm sorry I'm ugly. I'm sorry I'm not worth it. I'm sorry I never measured up to your standards. What...seven years? Seven years of friendship? If I could even call it that.
Three years of...Shit.
I squeezed my eyes shut but images of inch long cockroaches flying at my face invaded my mind and I snapped my eyes back open again.
No. No no no.
I sat up, chest heaving.
Okay, okay. I'm okay. I'll be...I'll be okay. He's leaving in two weeks and I won't have to see him after that. I can pretend for two weeks. I'll be okay. I'm not dying. I'll be fine.
I've been told my whole life that I needed to change one thing or another about myself. My hair. My skin. My acne. My nose. Now I could add "ugly" and "annoying" to the list of things I've been called.
What was I thinking.
This was never gonna work. We never had a chance.
And he even went so far as to destroy my respect in front of everyone else.
I walked to the bathroom sink and gagged. No. I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, splashing water on my face. I blew my nose and dabbed at my eyes again. I'll be okay. I'll live.
If I had known...I would've...
I sighed and collapsed back on my bed.
That's wrong. Even if I had known...I'd still end up feeling this way. But maybe I wouldn't have felt as bad because I would've known from the beginning that this would never work.
This one hurts. Big time.
I closed my eyes and covered myself up with a blanket. I just need sleep. I don't want to worry about this anymore. I don't know if I'm more disgusted with myself or with him. It makes me want to crawl out of my own skin and run away. From all of it. I don't want to face anyone anymore.
I fell asleep feeling a mixture of things I couldn't figure out completely, my skin crawling from the memory of insect legs tracing over my arms.
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I'm back, finally! I know it's not even May 13th anymore, but I had to update it today! We're starting back up with new chapters every Friday so I hope you are all still here for the ride!
We finally got a glimpse into why Iqra can't stand Yousuf. What do you think? :) I'm curious to know! Feel free to leave a comment! And vote if you liked the chapter!
*Also I might be rearranging these last few chapters..it won't affect the storyline, so you're fine. But just letting you know beforehand! :)
Have a great Saturday! Cheers!
~October