I cracked my eyes open, as I gently propped myself up and sat upright on my bed. Another day. I survive another day, for real. Nevertheless, I'm alive but still as useless as I've ever been. I eyed the left spot of my bed and found it empty.
He's gone. Or more likely, he's not here anymore because he's sleeping to his own room again.
I huffed out a long strain breath. My body feels peculiarly light, even though my heart holds an unimaginable burden. Lasting another day to this place isn't exactly as bad as I expected. Winn trusts me, or so I think.
I haven't even tracked the days I'm spending in this place. Time seems endless and irrelevant to the days I spend with him. How can I even explain it? Uh, it's just that I feel so free and my actions were less restricted. Although at the same time, my stupid feelings recoil my heart once again, hindering me and throwing me out from my certain goal.
My emotions are confusing me or apparently he is confusing me. His complicated action, sweet words and genuine gestures made it hard for me to understand him even more. For all I know, all of those could be an act, just like the same way I was acting that I trust him. There could be also a slim chance that he's not acting though. However, if what he's doing is not tainted with malicious lies, this makes it even harder for me. I don't want to feel bad at myself because of betraying him.
If this is a dangerous game in which I initiated to play, do I have the advantage or am I letting myself get caught? My hatred towards him hasn't abated, so I think there's no reason to worry. However, it hasn't increased too. Now, I feel so fucked up.
Here I am, acting like I am 'falling in love and trusting' him, yet I had no idea if I was doing it right. What do I even know about love? The last time I checked, I've only accepted the fact that I was in love with Winn after I discovered that he was my stalker. The fact it's him was so heartbreaking. I didn't have the slightest idea when he was still the same best friend I had, let alone, found those feelings when we were still sharing the same genuine and blissful memories. How will I know that I wasn't the one who's falling again?
Apathy is my biggest enemy among everything else. Therefore, I realized that I'm doomed.
I also discover that freeing myself from Winn's selfish grasp isn't my only goal. Being controlled by him was one thing, but finding myself undermine by my emotions were just as equally tormenting as the first one. For what it looks like; it seems like I'm desperately trying to hit two birds with one stone. Yet, at the end of the day, I missed and somehow, didn't see the invisible force field at the back. Thus, the stone ricochet and hit me back.
I stand up and ventured slowly to the door.
I came to the realization that there's no winning this game for me. Playing someone's emotion wasn't for me, and all it could cost to me is not an advantage, but simply a trap. At the end, I'll just lead myself to my own discomfort and the fleeting satisfaction I'll feel was a mere imagination.
He will always have the lead. He will always be the winner.
I've decided finally that the only way I can do now is to run. Now, I've cleared up my mind and choose to escape today.
I can't be in here for another day, knowing that I'm jeopardizing my own sanity. I have a gun to protect myself and force them, so I think that I have nothing to worry for now. Well, of course except if they had a bigger weapon then I'll be damned.
Pulling the door open, I stepped out of the room. What time is it? I pondered. Though it's not like it's important at this point. I've been in here for several weeks; the time and date are the least of my worries.
I creep silently down to the stairs. My eyes caught Winn standing in front of the sofa; he was holding an open book on his left hand while his other hand was grazing at the small drawer of the end table near the sofa. Something inside the drawer gleam from the sun rays and if I hear it right, I've heard a quiet clatter, before he pushes the drawer back.
He then spun around, sat on the sofa and resume on reading his book, still oblivious of my presence. I walk towards him, I made sure that my footsteps were audible, enough to catch his attention and yet, his attention is still stuck on the book he's reading. I sat beside him, glancing at him momentarily and stubbornly waiting for him to give me his attention.
5 minutes has passed and yet, not even once, he took a glimpse at me. What's up with him? Why is he ignoring me? I recall our last night's encounter. For the very first time, last night, he told me that he'll be sleeping back at his own room and that's kinda a relief for me. Before he left my room, being as pushy and annoying as I was, I told him to stay for at least several seconds beside me until I fall asleep.
Of course, it was only part of my acting to persuade him that I really do love him. As far as I remember, we're in good terms but now it makes me wonder, why is he ignoring me? Did my acting sucks? Was it noticeably fake and forced? Ahh. I don't understand this guy. He was the one who want to stick with me and now he is ignoring me? Tsk.
The living room consist only a wide sofa in the middle which can hold at least 5 people and few tables. There are no electronics or some sort, I think that's also the reason why the sofa is facing the terrace, so the only view someone can see is the vast ocean and the sky.
I peered at the book he's reading. The book was written in Latin... more of like, " Romanian?" I whispered loudly.
I saw Winn's lips curled. He didn't say anything but instead he switched his book to his right hand and crawl his left hand to hold my hand.
"You can read Romanian?"
He nodded.
How many languages does he know? Or how many of his abilities do I still not know? I didn't realize that I was scowling at him this whole time. "How did you learn that language?"
He squeezed my hand. "Erlinda taught me. She's half Romanian."
"Isn't that the same place where Dracula was known?
Again, he nodded, still not leaving his gaze from the book. I knew it! That makes sense. I knew that that old lady has an evil blood surging deep into her veins and to her family.
Staring intently at his book, I tilt my head, so that my temple would be on top of his right shoulder. I felt him stiffened for a second until his body finally relaxed. He continued reading few more pages before I sense him tilting his head, looking at me.
"What are you doing?" I asked him, meeting his eyes.
He lips lifts up into a sensual smile, "Aren't I supposed to ask that? You can't understand what I'm reading; still, you read the texts as I flip the pages."
Was that meant to be an insult? "I don't know." Why did I even stay longer beside him? I already knew that he was too busy reading his Romanian book and that I should have hurried back to my room after knowing so. But still, I stayed beside him, looking a complete idiot, who's staring dumbfounded at a foreign book.
I jolted out of my thoughts and I freeze for a moment, locking my eyes to Winn who seemed to be occupied too with his own playful thoughts. His grip onto my hand tightens while his eyes flickered in sensual excitement. He dropped his smile, twitching his lips while staring softly at me. Then... he began to lean forward.
Knowing where this would lead, my instinct kicked in and I immediately shot upright. Breathing intensely, I felt my heart pounded loudly inside my chest and my cheeks growing hotter by every second. "I r-remember now. I was hungry." I said embarrassingly, my tone is unusually an octave higher. "I'm going back to my room."
I spun around, prior on leaving, but as I step forward, my movements were barred by a strong force; as if a chain was restricting me to walk away. I mentally slap myself after realization hits me. Winn was still holding my hand! Gulping, I slowly turned my gaze back to him, only to find him already standing. I must have dragged him up after turning around. Before I could've even apologize to him, he already said something.
"Stay." He demanded firmly. Instantly, my feet rooted and didn't dare to move on my position. He held no expression, thus I have no idea whether he was angry, mad, upset, annoyed, infuriated or all of the above to me. What could be worse?
"You said that you're hungry, didn't you?" He gently ushered me to sit down again. "I'll tell the twins to cook something for you." Letting go of my hand, he turned around and leave me, bewildered.
I exhaled a relaxing breath. I slouch my back to the sofa and place my hand to my forehead, feeling my hot temperature. I peacefully stare at the serenity of the ocean through the terrace. I close my eyes for awhile to free my mind from unnecessary thinking. Fluttering my eyelids open, my eyes crawl to the end table beside the sofa. Winn just put something in here. I stood up hesitantly and approached that thing. I pulled the drawer open.
I blinked, trying to sink in the object that my eyes are seeing right now. I graze my fingertips to the cold metal keys inside the drawer. Is this it? After spending weeks in here, trying to find these keys, all this time they're just hidden nearby. Is this a blessing or am I just plain stupid not to find them in here?
Confusion and denial whisked inside of me as I gaze suspiciously at the keys in front of me. One of them looks like the key for the SUV parked outside, because of the car logo printed on it. Somewhere in my gut doubts the authentication of the key, simply because of the place where it's hidden.
It seems like the place where these keys are hidden isn't planned, like he's being careless.
Hearing the doorknob twisting, I hastily pushed the drawer back and dashed towards the door. I stop midway, panting heavily while locking my gaze to Winn. He stared at me expressionless then shut the door behind him. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"Ah?" I fixed my posture and slow my breathing. "I was waiting for you."
"Then why not wait in the sofa?"
"Because I was just planning to get back to my room and take a shower."
"This isn't the way to your room."
I scratch my head, trying hard to conceal my anxiety. "I was waiting for you in here, so I can tell you that I'm going back to my room. I just don't want you to worry that I've suddenly vanished." I fidget my feet to the floor. "I thought that I just needed to inform you."
He walked towards me. "You don't have to tell me that." He placed his right hand to my shoulder. "I know that you'll never try to do anything reckless, am I right?"
My heart jumped for a moment. "C-Call me once the food is ready." I turned around, unable to give him an answer, let alone, a lie. I began walking back to my room and for a second, I shot a quick glance to the drawer where the keys are.
I scurried inside my room and hurried into the bathroom. I splash cold water onto my face. I once again thought of the drawer where I've seen those keys I longed to find. All these days, that's the place where he's been hiding those keys. How can I not realize that? Though, who would have even thought?
Winn was hiding a gun inside a book and yet, he's hiding keys inside a table near the sofa. That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't even look like he's hiding those keys, it more of like, trying to lure me out. Is this a trap for me or a test of my loyalty? Whatever it is, I don't like the feeling of it.
"I know that you'll never try to do anything reckless, am I right?" No. You're wrong. If I got lucky and those keys will still be in that drawer... this is a goodbye for us.
My freedom is only several hours away from me and it doesn't feel right. Will tonight really be a success or am I walking straight into a dead end?
...
"Good night." I muttered as I shift my position on bed, nudging a pillow to my chest. My body relaxed after hearing the door closing. I close my eyes and began to count the seemingly endless hours which will lead me to freedom.
I stand up and rub my eyes, sweeping the tiredness and sleep from my eyes. This is it. Without thinking anything other than my freedom, I pulled the door open and step out the room. Courage and uneasiness battled inside of me, fighting which will domain at the empty space of my heart.
Darkness surrounds the whole house as usual, however, the air that circulates within carries an eerie and negative aura, as if something bad is about to happen. I sighed. I was having second thoughts about my escape. The timing seems to be off and yet, this actual escape I'll be doing feels a lot easier than acting so fake around Winn.
There's always a possibility that someone will caught me and that's why I didn't waste any more pristine time and move swiftly but carefully. I ventured down the stairs and approached the table. Moving in the dark is not as difficult as it was before for me. For a short time, while I'm imprisoned in this place, frankly, the dark has become my friend.
Lacking of a parents embrace, a friend's cheer and an elder's advice, darkness was the only thing that comforts me by the time I was in great torment. It's the only thing that hasn't hurt me... yet. It's very welcoming actually.
I pulled out the drawer, a smile made its way to my lips upon seeing and feeling the keys that is still left untouched. I grab the keys and head to the front door which I presume to be locked. Trying random keys to the lock, after my 4th attempt, the door finally unlock. I don't get it why would Winn have 7 keys in a cluster, when it's wiser to keep them individually. I first breathe calmly before opening the door and stepping outside the house for the first time, alone.
I closed the door silently. I was quite expecting that outside will be clearer to see, with the moon and stars illuminating the whole are, but I was wrong. It was cloudy outside, like a strong storm was approaching. The wind is also unsettled, like it cannot decide decisively where direction it would go. Then I realize that I had forgotten to bring the gun with me. Knowing that I can't go back and risk my escape, I just forget about it.
I purse my lips, toughening my body from the prickling breeze. I began to walk straight where I clearly see the 2 vehicles parked in front of the gate. The SUV is in front of the gate while the smaller car was just behind it. I fumble to the keys, separating the car key from everything else. After successfully separating it, I press the small circle from the key, the SUV's light lit up for a moment before darkness engulfed the area once again.
I walked past the SUV and unlock the big padlock from the gate. I then uncoil the chains and drop it to the side of the gate. I walked back to the SUV and just as I was about to open the car, I froze on my position as I clearly and loudly hear the claps which echo in my surrounding.
I turned my head and met the blazing scowl of Erlinda. "It's about time." She muttered under her breath, as if expecting me to be in this certain moment. Then the headlights of the car at the SUV's back suddenly lit up, I blocked the blinding lights from my eyesight by raising my right arm.
I move my head to my back after hearing footsteps coming from my behind. I wasn't surprised when I saw the twins standing behind me and blocking the gate. After my vision readjust from the light, I lower my arm and gaze back to Erlinda. I was expressionless despite of the fact that I'm screaming at myself inside.
Shit!
"Are you going for a walk, my dear? It looks like you're walking into the wrong direction though." She mocked, still carrying a triumphant grin on her thin lips. "I wonder what my grandson will think about this." I quake when she mentioned his name.
Seeing my reaction, her grin grew wider. "Oh, you don't have to worry because I won't be calling Winn." I furrowed my eyebrow but still keep my tongue inside my mouth. Lying and making excuses will be futile in this situation. She set a trap for me and I deliberately jump onto it, despite of noticing all the signs.
I only realize what she was saying until the SUV's door slowly opened, I tried to back away but John immediately holds me back. "He has already seen it himself." She lastly uttered.
My eyes gradually widen in shocked at the time of seeing him getting out of the car. He closed the car's door stridently as he approached me in such painstaking steps. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Without a warning, I felt it, the familiar stinging but numbing pain on my cheek that makes my head jerk. The igniting pain feel so alien to me, it's almost 3 weeks since I experience physical pain.
Winn hold my right arm harshly and pulled me away from John's grasp. He didn't say a word and just drag me back to his house. I didn't protest and all I did was let him drag me like a lifeless doll. I don't know why I wasn't moving, maybe because I know to myself that running away will be useless.
Though jumping off the cliff seems a better idea, I just didn't do so for I'm still sane in some ways. Entering his house, he flicker the lights open and continued to drag me until we reach the bottom of the stairs where he thrash me violently. My body screams in pain from the impact.
"W-Why?"
I was still recovering from the impact when he suddenly spoke. He was looking down at me, his lips forming a thin grim line. His aura vibrates a lethal and dangerous vibe. "Oh, you found out... too bad." I don't know how I was very confident as I say those insulting words. I wasn't afraid for the first time.
He looked shock when he heard my response. Perhaps he was expecting me to beg and make up some lame excuses for my life to be spared. But no, I won't say that. I'm fed up acting so weak to him. He needs to see what he has done to me, what he made me to be.
"So, you're lying all this time?" He was clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles start to turn white.
"Was it good? I had no time to perfect it so I'm guessing that it was a little lame."
He took a step closer to me. "All those times you spend with me, were they all just part of your act?"
I sat gingerly on one of the step of the stair as I dust my dress. All the memories I spend with him flooded my mind: The times he teach me some of the out of this world's lesson, the times where he would read me books that are out of my level and the genuine smiles and laughs we share together. Those were only some of the reasons why I was hesitant to escape, but I always keep in mind that this was only an act. He was lying and so was I. This was only a battle between two good actors. "Yeah."
"You're lying!" He shout, making me cowered on the stairs.
"Am I?" He didn't say a word afterwards. I break the silence with a cackle. "Why looks so lowly now, Winn? You're also acting so nice to me so I thought you'll realize easily that I was only faking everything. Don't tell me you actually believe it?"
"I believed you." He crouched down, leveling his eyes to mine. "And I wasn't faking my actions towards you."
My words fell short from my mouth but I gasped out a strain breath and still chose to response. "Tsk. How unfortunate." I bit my lip as I blink the tears away from my eyes. "I never thought that you will be this weak."
"Shut up!" I jump back. The wall rumble beside me after he punched it. "Why are you doing this? I did everything for you." His voice quiver from an unknown pain.
"You did everything to the point where you almost killed my parents!" I yelled.
"Was there not a time when you love me?" He clasps his hand onto mine.
The memory when I had admitted to myself that I'd loved him, flash back to my eyes. "I love you..." I yanked his hands away. "as a friend. Nothing more." I whispered, forcing the lie out of my mouth.
He was frozen for a moment, his eyes turning darker every second. "Do you love someone else?"
I looked away. "Yes. Ever since... I was in love with Denver." I don't know why, but the first name that comes up in my mind was Denver. I don't even have the idea why I said yes from the start. It feels like all I want to do right now is to hurt him... maybe not physically, but instead emotionally. He stood up abruptly and walked past me. I thought he was done at me. I thought he has left me alone but I was wrong. Deadly wrong.
Screaming out loud as I felt a harsh hand clasping a handful of my hair, jerking my body upstairs. The roots of my hairs feels like they were about to snap, so I hold his hand as he continues to drag me, to support my weight and lessen the pain he is causing me.
We took a left turn and from that, I know that we're going to his room. After entering his room, he dragged me and forcefully pushed me towards his bed. I groan out the pain. This is the second time he use me like a bowling bowl.
"Remove your clothes."
I heard him say as I was regaining my stance. I chuckled under my breath. "What are you gonna do? Whip me with your belt ag—" I didn't had the chance to finish my sentence as I caught what he's doing.
He was taking his shirt off.
"Whip you with a belt?" He laughed menacingly. "Oh no, Hope. We'll do something more fun than that."
I quickly took a step back, but end up falling onto the bed. He took it as his advantage and swiftly lay on top of me, cornering my body with his strong arms. Before I could even react accordingly, he quickly crashes his lips onto mine, kissing me hungrily.
I tried pushing him off of me but he didn't even budge. His right hand starts to crawl in my thighs. I kneel him below the belt but it seems like he had read my attack, because he lessen the impact by pushing it with his other hand. In return of my attack, he punched me in the gut. I writhed in pain. My ribs were still healing from his last assault, thus the agonizing pain has inflicted again. He stood up once again and stared at me for awhile.
His stares... I've seen it. It was the same look on his eyes when he had revealed to me that he was my stalker. He also carries the same sinister grin that makes my soul crumble in fear. His eyes glinted with pure evil deed, exquisite pleasure and unimaginable lust.
"n-no... please." Hot tears were streaming down at my face.
"Don't worry Hope. I swear that I am still not acting this time." He responded with a dark, unmerciful smile. "This is still me. The. Real. Me."
I know from then that he was lying. Simply because what I am seeing right now wasn't Winn. It can't be. He can't be. What I am seeing right now is nothing but a... "m-monster."
Then he began unbuckling his belt.