[[April 10 B.C.E || Selene]]
I was pregnant again, and I had back pains to prove it. I had no word from Alexander. Not one. It has been two years, too long to be away from me. Ammayas is doing a splendid job, as a substitute for Alexander, but he is not my brother. I want my brother. In addition, Roxana is no Gwen. She is spoiled and selfish whereas Gwen was sweet and kind. Drusilla and Alexandria missed her anxiously, particularly Alexandria who will turn six soon. She, as Juba had promised, would become a Vestal Virgin, and we must leave for Rome in a few weeks to see the ceremony take place. I have cried every night when I realized how soon, my little girl will leave me. My Alexandria, who's hair has grown long and - it seemed queer to me too, when I discovered the true color of her hair - auburn. Her eyes were the color of emeralds, but her hair, which had been as black as an infant had morphed into a beautiful copper brown. She will be a beauty one day, when she is older. Drusilla is the truest beauty, with hair as golden as grain and eyes as blue as the Mediterranean Sea. She was slender - for a three year old - tall and with an endless supply of blonde hair. She was the pearl of Juba's eyes, and he loved her and Ptolemy more than Alexandria....to my heartbreak. It was not her fault. I swear it. She hardly portrayed any of Juba's traits, she was quiet, reserved, entitled. We have taught her to be a good vestal virgin. We would ship her to Rome in the summer, so that she will be publicly acclaimed as a Vestal. My little Alexandria...it was not her fault...nor was it mine.
"Mitéra! Mitéra! (Greek: Mother)." Alexandria ran to me distraught with her small bare feet slapping the polished marble that decorated the interior of the royal library. Holding my aching back and rubbing my swelling stomach, I watched my first born daughter, run to me and then hug me tightly. I relinquished my caress on my stomach and held my child, who shook with fear close to me. With effort, I knelt to hold her still. I caressed her red cheek, wet from tears, and shushed her silently. She was violently wailing, but upon the sight of my cool face, she was calmed.
"Poio eínai to próvlima (What is the matter)?" I continued in soothing Greek.
"Fovámai (I am scared)..." she shook in my arms and then looked into my eyes. In them, I saw my own frightened eyes, along with the fear that belonged in someone else's eyes.
Removing the obscene thought from my mind, I focused on my daughter. "What are you afraid of?"
"I had a dream..." she whimpered, "énas efiáltis (a nightmare)."
"About?" I caressed her long uncoiled red waves and stared lovingly at her.
"I dreamt that you died giving life to that..." she pointed at my stomach. "I dreamt that it killed you, and that a monster replaced the baby that took your life. I dreamt that I would be miserable in Rome, without ever seeing you again." Upon reminding herself of the dream, she hugged me tighter and began to cry. "Mitéra I do not want to leave...please don't let me go."
My daughter's wails tore at my heart and I wanted to break down and cry with her, but I knew better. I knew what I had to do. As Queen and as Cleopatra's daughter, I knew better that to cry my problems away. Sighing, I picked her up, and hummed a soothing song, as she sobbed silently. With one hand supporting my back, I carried Alexandria back to her jade bedroom, where her guards sat distraught and worried. Upon seeing me, they relaxed and opened the door. Closing it behind me, silence filled the jade room, and I set Alexandria down on the bed. Sitting beside her, I tucked her into the soft satin, and caressed her hair. I looked up and found Rocco watching, as he has always done, since I was a girl. I looked down, dismissing his presence as normal.
"I want to tell you a story." I whispered.
Alexandria nodded.
"You will remember these stories, and tell them to your siblings, and your children, and your grandchildren, and so on. These are my stories, and they are embedded in our blood and culture, my love. Do not forget. Do not forget my love."
"Yes Mitéra." She blinked fear still potent in her eyes.
"There was once a woman who foresaw the future, particularly death. This woman was no ordinary woman, as she was a Goddess. She is our mother, our Isis. She cared for nothing, but for the well-being of her husband and child...and for love. Love is stronger than anything in the world my love. It is the root of hatred, envy, and passion. All of which caused Isis' family to fall apart. But at the same time, it was her love that reunited it all.
You see, when Set, her brother, killed her brother-husband Osiris, he banished her son, Horus, to live in isolation. To be like Egypt, isolated, but strong. Set cut Osiris body and spread it through the world, never ever to be found by his son and wife. Set also took away Horus' eyes, so he was no longer the powerful God, but a blind one. Osiris controlled the underworld, then and it would be that way forever, until his wife became brave and saved her son. With her son, she overthrew the mighty Set, and established him as King of the Gods. But he is not the best of the Gods, she is. She is the strongest; she is the most enduring. Because she...she is the mother.
Mothers are strong, my love, regardless of what fathers may think. They can strive through more labor than any man; they only need to show it."
"But," she whimpered, "you are not a Goddess."
I narrowed my eyes at her, "No but I am a child of one, as are you. And I am strong, like many mothers. I will not die, Alexandria, that is the point. Dreams are dreams, they will not happen."
Alexandria's large green eyes blinked slowly at me, as slow as if I were watching the shadow move across the sundial. She murmured, "I pray to the Gods, they will not take you from me. If they do...I will hate that thing inside you forever."
Slightly alarmed, I masked my fear and kissed my daughter's forehead before dismissing myself into the hall. "Kalinychta (good night)." I uttered silently before walking through the wooden doors and into the depth of the hallway.
I made my way back into the library where the red-headed guardian sat down looking quite satisfied.
I grinned scanning through the different scrolls, searching for a Grecian play. "Why are you so smug?" I questioned, glancing at his youthful face.
"Hmm," he looked at his fingers, "I do not know. Perhaps because the princess has become a mother, the mother has become a queen, and the queen is beginning to fulfill the Goddess's destiny."
"Are you toying with me?"
"On the contrary," Rocco grinned, "I'm complimenting you."
"Where is my brother?"
The tone of his voice turned serious. "I cannot say." His eyes hid from my scrutiny, and I looked away, but lingered. I was a tigress and he was my unsuspecting prey.
It was silent.
"Rocco."
"I will not say."
"You will," I commanded, "I am the Queen."
"And I am the son of Hades," his pale blue eyes pierced my soul and sent lighting to echo between the solid walls. "I can kill you."
I looked at him, "You won't."
"Is that a challenge?"
"It is a fact." I reprimanded, "you do not decide my fate. I do."
"The Gods do."
"No." I glared, "I do. I decide whether or not I want to die or continue to live."
"So is having another baby one of your protests? You are thirty year old, you will most likely die birthing that child."
"Not if my physician remains here, and my will is strong, Rocco. Believe in me."
"I do...but I prefer not to see you die."
"Selene?" Juba's voice echoes through the entire room.
I turned my head excitedly. Juba had been gone for months, and now it was me chance to show him our new baby. Before walking to him, I looked back to where Rocco sat, and frowned seeing that he was no longer there. I turned anyway, and walked towards Juba, showing him my bulging belly. Juba's eyes were immediately on my belly and his smile faded.
I approached him with a fading smile of concern, "Is everything alright?" I asked the anxiety in my body blooming fervently so that even my pearl necklace shook under my skin.
"You are pregnant?" he pulled me close to him and felt the sturdiness of our child still growing inside me. He was shocked and afraid of what was growing in me and what it would do to me.
For reassurance, I kissed his cheek, "You know, my mother gave birth to Alexander and I when she was nine and twenty, and she gave birth to Ptolemy when she was four and thirty. I am strong and I have my mother to thank for it, Juba. Let us keep this child, and do not doubt my life. I will live to see this child born."
"I cannot loose you..." his hand dropped from my stomach, "I just returned home, and this is what new awaits me...details of death and misfortune."
"I will not die, and we are lucky Juba. We always have!"
"Selene," he relented, "I do not want to fight. Let us retire and talk about the children."
"What was there even to fight about?"
"Tomorrow, Selene."
"No!"
"Selene," he sighed exasperatedly, "I rode all night to return to you. I desire to be with you right now. To lie with you. To love you right now. I don't want to fight. Selene, please. I am exhausted. Please." He pleaded and his dragged eyes tore at my conscience.
"Tomorrow?"
"Yes, my sweet. Tomorrow we will deal with what has happened. But tonight, I desire to lie with you; therefore, please let me have you, while I still can."
"You will always have me."
He did not say anything after, but lifted me into his arms and gave me the sweetest kiss as he began the walk to our wing of the palace.
"How are the children?"
I caressed his chiseled shaven cheek, "They miss you, particularly your favorites..."
"I love all my children."
"Perhaps...Alexandria was as scared as you about me bearing another child, and in addition to that, she is dreading August. That is when she will be shipped to Rome to be a vestal."
"I share in her dread...what if we have another daughter. What shall we do with her?"
"Do as other daughters must, be married off."
"If we have a daughter, she will be a warrior. I will train her myself."
"In Hades pit of fire you will. No. She will be trained to be a woman."
"A third daughter will not be like her older sisters. The youngest is always more willful and beautiful. What would you name her?"
"Kleopatra Antonia. What if it is a boy?"
"Juba Alexandros. Nice ring to it, eh?"
"Alexandros Juba?" I played.
He chuckled and kissed my nose, "I prefer Juba Alexandros for a boy. A Prince of both names. What will we do with him?"
"Make him a general, to lead his brother's armies against Herod's regicidal sons. We need to ensure an empire, sealed by family and strong alliances."
"We could marry a girl of to a Roman consul or perhaps someone in the imperial family?"
"Like what I had wished? I am joking." I giggled seeing his stern face glower at me. "That could happen. And if it is a boy, we will marry him to a Roman Girl or a strong Berber, perhaps Roxana's girl, and make alliances within the court. He shall be the spare. He must be loved."
Juba caressed my cheek, "Making alliances and the child is not even born yet." He smiled. "What a couple we are."
"Would you ever replace me..." I hesitated, "if I died or became unable?"
"Do not say such a thing."
"I want an answer."
"No...because I will never ever stop loving you Selene. I love you."
My heart swelled with joy, but a part of me believed that his masculinity would prove this promise a lie. I hugged him tightly anyway, whispering, "I love you."
"I love you forever."
"Please do not leave me."
"Never."
He brought me to our chamber, where he laid me down gently. I was already half asleep. He stripped off my robe, and he stripped off his tunic, before wiggling into bed with me. He hugged me tightly, and kissed my cheek, once again repeating his promise. "I will love you until the moment the sun stops shining in the sky, and the moon stops lighting the way."
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