“Bye Mary!” Annie exclaimed, giving me one last hug. Kim gave me a shameful smile above the little girl. During the rush, she had forgotten Annie had taken refuge upstairs. “Feel better!” The little girl planted a wet kiss on my face before Kim lead her outside. Kim didn’t say anything to me, just gave me one last hopeful look before closing the door behind them.
I let the saliva linger on my skin for a second before I brought up my sleeve to my cheek to wipe it off, only to smear it some more. It didn’t bother me much, on contrary, it made me smile.
At least she gave me something to look forward to...
I hurried up the stairs to switch clothes. To give a good impression to the girls, I wore some expensive skinny jeans and a designer blazer but slowly I was being suffocated in the thick material. I shook my head. I shouldn’t have bothered buying this crap. It’s not like care anymore about first impressions seeing as I don’t make personal connections. I’m much more comfortable in lazy sweats and an oversized tee-shirt. But I didn’t pack some on this trip, unfortunately, so I settled with soft Victoria Secret gray shorts and a faded, over-washed purple loose, long sleeved throw on.
I brushed my teeth, cleansed my face, and brushed out my lazy curls until my hair fell in uneven waves that I pulled back into a messy, effortless bun. I then continued back down stairs where I stopped in the middle of the kitchen.
I was so unprepared and had no idea where to start. What the heck was I going to say? Would Jake even participate? What would he want to know? What would I want to know? Could I face the truth and the slap of the past? Was I prepared for this?
While all these doubts swirled in my head, I fetched a bottle of red wine. It was much better than dry wine. It gave a sour coating to your throat and ruined your taste buds while red wine had a rich taste that I much preferred. Of course, I could always settle with a shot, but I’d need something slow for tonight to last me. I made sure to pour a little bit longer than I should so the glass was half full. I took a slow, long slip to savor the undiluted taste of aged grapes and set the glass down onto the counter.
Would this whole “talking” thing work?
My mind slipped back to a few years ago to a different scene, in a different kitchen.
The own generic granite was faded and chipping but that didn’t stop me from supporting myself on it. My hands needed to grab something before my legs collapsed on me. Everything hurt within me. My heart was heavy and sore, just like my stomach from all the sobbing I’ve done in the past hour. My head was the worst to experience pain, as the growing ache gnawed at everything it could. The back of my neck had a pitiful pinch from the recent fall on the hard wood floors.
Jake had yet to arrive but Billy let me in to wait which I appreciated. The cold was brutal and I didn’t need that to be added on “the crappy factors of today” list I’ve made since that morning. Billy tried to check up on me a few times but the old man need some sleep so I brought him upstairs to his bed, despite his hellish state. I will never forget the look he gave me. He felt so sorry for me and yearned to wipe my face of tears I refused to shed around his presence. He didn’t need to worry about my issues. I wouldn’t let him get mixed up in my mess.
Minutes after so, I found myself trembling in pain, leaning again the counter just to stand when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I locked my teeth together to hold back a cry of pain when I felt the inevitable snap happen in my back. I was given no choice but collapse on the weary tile floor. My breathing became haggard, trying to control my volume as the pain increased. I would not cry, I would not cry, I would not cry, I tried to convince myself but easier said than done.
I heard the door open and my heart leapt. Jake was here! I tried to turn my head but I found out painfully that I had to keep it still to halt to pain. His footsteps were loud and short, as I predicted, and suddenly stopped in front of the kitchen entry. His breath hitched before crying out my name.
“Shh,” I hissed at him as he made his way to me. “You’ll wake up Billy.”
“What happened to you?” He didn’t lower his voice like I had asked.
“What do you think?” I snarled. I didn’t mean to be testy but the events of the day made me on edge. “Mom got angry with me and decided to shove me around a bit, nothing out of the ordinary.”
He tried to touch but even as only his fingertips skimmed my arm, by luck he aimed at a fresh bruise and waves of pain diverted from that spot all the way up to my arm. I jerked back in response but it only enhanced the sensations. “Son of a bitch,” I hissed hoarsely.
“I’m so sorry, Merris. I’m so sorry,” he pleaded. His hands twitched to envelope me but glared at him to make the point that was the opposite of what I wanted.
“Where were you? I tried calling you.” I tried to hold back tears but for some damned reason, they came up. Jake noticed and his eyes dropped to the ground in shame.
“I was gone scouting with Leah, I’m so sorry.”
Rule #1 in lying: Don’t involve other people, or mention any names, that could be investigated. I already knew this. I had called Leah in the first place. That’s what best friends are for! And she answered right away. So no way she was scouting, nor was she with Jake. I bit my tongue to hold this back. I didn’t want any more trouble so, screw it, and let him have the benefit of the doubt.
“At least you’re here now,” I gave in. I just needed someone to listen, and as upset and disappointed as I was at Jake, he was the only one here who understood and I wasn’t going to drive that away.
“Yeah, I am. Do you want to go upstairs? Do you need-?”I had caught off Jake’s ramblings.
“No, no, I’m fine. I’m just a little sore. I just, can I, well, I could really use a bed. My back needs some cushioning.”
Jake was gentle enough with me when he lead me with a few steps to the ratty, old couch but it looks like heaven’s clouds to me. I fell into it with ease. He stayed by my side after he laid a couple of layers of thin blankets over my frail body.
“What exactly happened, honey?”
“She didn’t like me hanging out with you or Seth, apparently that makes me a slut, and we got into an argument about it. I told her to back off and just to spite me, she shoves me. I shove her back. She took it too far and pushes me down the stairs. How convenient they were nearby.” I sourly spat. I can remember the cold cement and the anxiety I felt. I got paranoid about blood and assumed the thin ray of heat from the vent was actually the warmth of blood and the cold spots on my body were internal openings, letting all of my life-source out onto the gray, icy ground. It took me minutes until I regained my sanity back and got the hell out of there.
I didn’t let Jake know about this. I didn’t know why.
Now recalling that moment, I still didn’t know why I didn’t tell him. Maybe it’s because the gore was too much for me to explain or maybe I didn’t want anyone, even Jake, to think I was overdramatic.
He tried to hug me but I shrugged him off. I may have given him the benefit of the doubt but I was still hurt. I was hurt he wasn’t there to protect me, to pick me up from the cold and warm me up. I was hurt that he lied to me. I was angry that I couldn’t depend on him.
What I thought were a few stray tears escalated to full on sobs. My hands shook around the glass wear and my legs shook. I would’ve collapsed if it wasn’t for the body behind me.
His hands wrapped around my narrow waist and held me close to his chest. His chin rested on shoulder and his mouth whispered sweet words to my ear. “I’ll be alright, Merris. I’m right here. Don’t cry.”
My hand covered his that laid over my stomach. I smiled, despite my overload of emotions, and nuzzled closer to him. His warmth was very much appreciated.
“Thanks Seth,” I murmured though my voice was a bit strained into a whisper. “How’d you get in without me knowing?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m sly like that,” he teased. The laugh I offered back was pathetic but he still tried to cheer me up anyways.
“I would’ve come earlier but Leah told me when I was half way here that it solely a girl’s night and I don’t want to put my gender in question.” I really laughed at that one. “I got you roses while I waited.”
I turned around to face him and saw the large bouquet behind his back. I bit my lip in excitement, while using my free arm to wipe my cheeks and dab my eyes. He pulled the beautiful display from his back to in between us. I gasped in surprise at its various colors. Yellows, Pinks, and whites, I didn’t think that was possible.
“It’s beautiful, Seth!” I took the flowers from his grasp and laid them onto the counter so they wouldn’t get crushed in the massive hug I gave him. “Thank you so much!” We didn’t let go for the longest time, just enjoying the peace of that moment. I was so amazed that Seth would do such a thing for me. He is, definitely, the most sincere and sweetest man alive.
“No problem, Merris.” He mumbled into the flesh of my neck. I didn’t consider the invasion of space. I just felt so enlightened that someone had thought of me and went out of their way for me. “Are you okay now or do you want to talk?”
“No, no, I’m fine.” I sniffled, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Yes, disgusting, I know, but Seth didn’t care. “Just anxious, that’s all.”
He nodded and reluctantly let me go but kept a few inches in radius from me.
“Good to hear. Still, do you want to talk about anything? I don’t want to leave you now or have an awkward silence.”
I laughed and patted his cheek. “I don’t know. My mind is jumbled, honestly. I’m nervous about what I’m supposed to say to Jacob. I’m hoping it’ll be short.”
“If that’s so,” Seth looked nervously around. “I should give you your personal time then.” Just as he started to step aside I cried out for his to stop. He looked at me with a surprised expression.
“I don’t want to be alone. Maybe we can, uh, practice? Like ask questions Jake would probably ask? Please?”
Seth thought for a second, with a hesitant expression, but ultimately smiled and agreed.
“So, he’ll probably ask how you became a werewolf.” Seth honestly said. I gulped.
“Can I avoid it?”
“You can try. But I’m kind of curious, too, on who did this to you.”
“If I tell you, can you keep it hush-hush?” Seth nodded.
“Actually, you know, I’d rather not say. I don’t remember half of it anyways. What you don’t know won’t kill you, Seth, and neither will Jacob.” Seth gave me a harsh look. “I’m sorry, I really am, but how I became what I am stays between me and someone else. You shouldn’t get involved, no one in general should.”
I was so embarrassed and so ashamed. I’m already the scapegoat for La Push’s main residence, I won’t verify “slut” as their title of me. One stupid night and too much to drink lead to my humanity’s ultimate demise. I was so stupid and Seth would never look at me the same. Nobody would.
“Marisol, I won’t judge you.” Seth whispered to me, stepping into my personal bubble again and placing both hands on either sides of me. His face was close that I could taste his breath. I parted my lips to say something but I was at a loss of words.
I’ve trusted Seth since I first met him and when he said those words, not once did I doubt them. Seth was probably the only man that had my back in La Push. Even as a boy, he always found a way to make me smile. Any girl would be lucky to have him.
I don’t know what took control of me but within a second, the friend’s line was crossed.