Nathan Nui's POV
It was weird. How come I'm not that happy with what I chose?
Nung gabi na kasama ko si Eliza sa dalampasigan, bakit nung sinabi niyang pinapalaya na niya ako, bakit nakaramdam ako ng sakit dito malapit sa dibdib ko?
It hurts like hell. It felt like something was taken from me.
I should fix myself. Don't make things difficult, Nate. Sofia is yours again and nothing to worry about. She loves you and you also feel the same way right?
Sh*t. Stop it Nate! You only like Eliza! Maybe you're not used to the fact that Eliza's no longer your girlfriend. No longer your contract girlfriend that had been there when nobody else want to understand you.
Lumabas na ko ng shower room.
What the! I took a shower for 2 hours and 8 minutes? Another record breaking! Last time I did that was just an hour at iyun yung nagalit sa akin si Eliza.
Tss. Eliza again.
Tuwing marami akong iniisip, ang shower room ang nagiging thinking room ko at iyon ang dahilan kung bakit matagal ako sa shower room.
Nagbihis na ko at pumunta sa parking lot. Susunduin ko na si Sofia sa bahay niya.
"Goodmorning Babe, you're late."she kissed me.
"I'm sorry. I was overslept."inalalayan ko siyang pumasok sa kotse. Nang makapasok na rin ako, pinaandar ko na agad ang kotse.
--+
"Goodbye Babe, let's have a date after class. I love you."she hugged me and I did too. I answered back with "I love you too."
"Nate! Hintayin mo ko!"Huminto ako sa paglakad, si Zac pala.
"Why?"
"Badtrip?"he asked. Naglakad na kaming sabay.
"I don't know. I'm not in good mood."I really don't understand myself. I am not in good mood for nothing? I should be happy right now for having Sofia again. Sofia is my happiness right?
"Is that because of Jan?"about Eliza? I don't have any idea.
"You know what? Baka naman hindi mo pinapakinggan ang puso mo?"I gave Zac a weird look. He just chuckled and patted my back.
"You're an idiot Nate. Hahaha. Babye!"that man. Lalo akong nawala sa mood.
Pumasok ako sa room, and I was suprised by those eyes observing me. Nabalitaan siguro nila ang break up namin ni Eliza.
Nabaling ang atensyon ko sa isang babaeng nakatingin sa akin. Babaeng gustong-gusto kong makita.
Eliza, I really want to talk to you. I want to say sorry for what I've done. I think Kiejan's right. I didn't think first before doing something.
I only think for my own sake.
Habang nagkaklase, I secretly take glances to her. She even saw me looking at her but she didn't take time to smile at me. Nilabas niya ang cellphone niya. I think she's reading a text message. She's smiling while looking at the screen of her cellphone. She's beautiful. She's a girl you would love to look at every now and then.
That smile once given to me. But I just took it for granted. I tool her for granted.
--+
Vacant time ko and Marco called me.
(Pre punta ka dito sa gym. May meeting daw tayo para sa friday gig.)
"Okay wait for me."I ended up the call. Naglalakad na ako papunta sa gym.
Habang naglalakad sa garden ng MC na madadaanan bago makapunta sa gym, may narinig akong mga nag-uusap.
"Jan can you tell us what's happening? Ano bang nangyayari sa inyo ni Nate?"that's Mich right? Naglakad ako papalapit to confirm it and I'm right. Three ladies are chatting. Mich, Yhanna and the girl I like, Eliza. I should stop thinking about liking her. Sofia is my girlfriend. She's my girlfriend.
I know it's bad to eavesdrop but I can't help it. I want to listen to these girls. They are talking about our break up and I want to know what Eliza feels. After all, I never had the chance to hear Eliza's side.
"Tapos na ang kontrata."matipid niyang sagot.
"WHAAAT?"both of them were shocked.
"Pero sissy paano? Ikwento mo naman."she explained every little details that happened on that night we broke up.
Why is it painful everytime I remember those things? What's wrong with my heart? I should not be so affected.
"Jan mahal mo ba si Nate?"I almost lost my senses when I've heard what Mich asked. Lumapit pa akong mas malapit pa para mas lalong marinig ang isasagot ni Eliza. I want to see her facial expression but I can't. Nakatalikod kasi siya at si Mich at Yhanna lang ang nakaharap.
"Oo, mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya."para akong naging bato sa kinatatayuan ko. She loves me? Eliza loves me?
All of a sudden, I remembered what my bastard half brother told me.
"How numb you are for not feeling it?"
Ito ba ang sinasabi ni Kiejan? Am I really that numb?
"Eliza.."tumayo siya at napatingin sa akin. She didn't expect me to be here and to hear what she said.
Naglakad siya papalayo sa amin pero hinabol ko siya at hinawakan sa wrist niya.
"Eliza you love me?"she didn't answer. She's not facing me. She keeps avoiding my eyes.
"Eliza I'm asking if you love me."
"Ano ka ba Nathan! Ano bang sinasabi mo?"tumawa siya pero alam kong peke lang 'yon. That's a smile of a vulnerable girl. That’s a smile I never wanted to see.
"I'm listening awhile ago and I want to clear what I've heard so I'm asking you this."umiwas pa rin siya ng tingin at nagpupumiglas sa hawak ko. Hinawakan ko na siya sa magkabilang braso at pilit inihaharap sa akin.
"Eliza please answer me. Do you love me?"buong pwersa siyang kumalas sa pagkakahawak ko sa braso niya at tinignan ako ng marahan. May mga luha na ring tumutulo sa mga mata niya. She's crying. She's crying and I know that's because of me. And fck, I hate to see her like this.
"Oo mahal kita! Oo tama ang narinig mo at ang naririnig mo ngayon! Kusa ko na lang naramdaman. Nakalimutan ko na bawal nga pala kitang mahalin. Bakit ba nagiging makakalimutin na ko ngayon? Pati ba naman yung importanteng nakasulat sa kontrata nakalimutan ko pa? Magpacheck up na kaya ako? Hindi lang utak ko ang ipapatingin ko, pati puso ko! Ang saklap lang kasi. Magmamahal na lang ako sa maling tao pa. Sa taong hindi ako mahal."she cried. Her tears are falling like a rain. Nanlalambot ako. I don't know what to do. What should I say to her? I never expected things like this. I never thought she will love me.
Masyado ko siyang sinaktan at napaglaruan. I took her for granted and I hurt her emotionally.
"Alam mo bang ang sakit sakit para sa akin ang ibigay ka sa kanya. Ang hayaan kang mawala sa akin? Nathan hindi ko magawang ipaglaban ka o pigilan kang magdesisyon dahil alam kong wala akong karapatan. Siya ang mahal mo at hindi ako. Gusto mo lang naman ako di ba? Hindi mo ko mahal!"
"Nasasaktan ka? Eliza I didn't know!"
"Ano ka bato? Hindi alam ang salitang nasasaktan?"lalapit sana ako sa kanya pero pinigilan niya ako.
"Please 'wag kang lalapit. 'Wag mong gawin 'to Nathan."she's crying still. I want to hug her. I want to comfort her.
"I need to choose."I said.
"And you chose to let go of me?"
"I'm sorry."That's all I can say. I really did break her heart. I break it into a million pieces. And I don’t know what to do for her to be happy again and to let go of those damn tears.
"You don't need to. Kasalanan ko naman e. Enough with this drama. I need to stop this. I should stop this stupid things I'm doing. Kapag hinayaan ko ang sarili kong sabihin sa'yo ang nararamdaman ko baka hindi ko kayanin. Masasaktan lang ako lalo. Nathan this is really our last goodbye. Kapag nakita mo ko, please pretend that you don't know me."and with that she left. She's in pain right now. And I caused her so much pain.
Eliza please forgive me. Please don’t go away.
-------------------
It's been 2 months since I knew what she felt. Napatawad na kaya niya ako?
Magshi-shift na siya ng course. From Business Ad. to Accountacy. She's making a way to avoid me in her life. That's my fault. If I didn't hurt her, she's probably here beside me and sharing laughters and stories.
Sofia and I broke up last week. I accidentally heard her talking to someone in the phone. She didn't love me or anyone else. She just want to be famous. She's a fame whore. I chose her for nothing? That sucks!
Hindi na siya nag-aral sa Morgan after that. Maybe she doesn't want me to tell everyone how fame whore she is. But I will never do that. After all I did loved her before and I just want to get her out of my life.
Humiga ako sa damuhan na dati naming pinupuntahan ni Eliza.
This is where we became close friends and celebrated our 1st month being fake couple. I miss her so much. I miss my wifey and my contract girlfriend.
If only I chose her and not Sofia maybe I'm happy right now with her. Maybe I'm not the only one lying here right now.
I chose Sofia and I left Eliza. A wrong decision I've made. It's too late to realize that Eliza is the one I love.
I just realized that I didn't like her because I love her and I don't know what to do to get her again. I hate this. I hate it when I keep on remembering things I should have did. I should have not hurt her. I should have tell her how I need her to stay. I should make her stay and I should not let her get away from me. And now this is my punishment. I can’t have the girl that I should have.
Tumayo ako at tinignan ang bawat parte ng kinalalagyan ko na parang kinakabisado ko. Hinawakan ko na ang maleta ko. I guess this is really a goodbye.
I am Nathan Nui Lee. A boy who made a wrong decision.
I am his contract boyfriend who broke her heart and what I want right now is to bring her back and start all over again.
But right now I want her to hear in the air these words.
Eliza, I love you.
x T H E E N D x