The words “When you win.” are still echoing around my head three days later. It wasn’t long ago that he was arguing against me going back into the woods, at that point he was adamant that I wasn’t going to come out alive, that my arm would mean I wouldn’t have a chance against the others. What changed? A couple of thoughts spring to mind: A) he has complete faith in me and my abilities (somehow I doubt it, but who knows). B) he is trying to lighten the mood and avoid the large elephant that follows us around or C) he is deluding himself, he wants to believe that I will okay, so in his head it’s a done deal, I’m going to win. I don’t know which thought makes me feel the saddest but I know that option C is potentially the most dangerous for Liam.
I push my thoughts a side as my dad puts the car into park outside the pack house doors, today is not about Liam or me, today is about Gray. It has been a week since the rugby match and due to our accelerated healing Gray is doing really well. So well that Elizabeth has decided we can bring him home, under strict instructions to take his medication, call if anything happens and not to move out of bed unless he has someone to help him. He is just as glad to be leaving this place as we are to have him come home.
We walk in quiet excitement towards Elizabeth’s section of the grand house and when we arrive Gray is sat in a wheelchair talking to the Doc, ready to go.
“Hey guys.” Elizabeth says in greeting. “I was just going over the rules one more time. If he doesn’t follow them he will have to come straight back here.” It’s a real threat but is presented with a smile.
“We’ll make sure that he is on his best behaviour.” My mum says running her fingers through Gray’s hair and causing him to roll his eyes.
“At least until he is fully recovered.” My dad says with a wink. I’d be embarrassed at my family’s behaviour if I wasn’t so happy to be getting my brother back. Being twins we have pretty much always been together and the past week has been a strange and also lonely experience.
“What’s up sis you look troubled.” Gray points out causing everyone to look at me.
“I’m fine. Just thinking how much I’m going to miss soul custody of the car when you’re better.” He laughs and it’s good to hear, I’ve missed his easy going nature.
“Shall we get out of here then?” Dad interrupts. “I’m sure Elizabeth has much more interesting things to do then listen to us.”
“Oh that’s not true. I love your family Mr Evans, your children are my favourite patients.” There is an awkward silence as we all wish that neither Gray or myself had ever been patients at all. Elizabeth is the one to break it “But I’m sure Gray really wants to get home, before he is subjected to my singing again.”
Getting out of the pack house proved be a harder task then I would have imagined. Dad was up front pushing Gray in his wheelchair whilst my mother and I followed behind; the difficult part was that we couldn’t get very far without being stopped. It turns out that in Gray’s brief stay here he had made a lot of friends, I can’t quite get my head round it since he was unconscious or sleeping for most of it. What is more surprising though is that the majority of these friends are faces I recognise from my time around the Alpha family, this is because they are the serving security members that have accompanied me around this house or on my one-on-ones.
When we get to the front door we have to stop as the steps down pose a problem, however with the help of some of Gray’s new friends a solution is found and I can’t stop myself from laughing as he is carried down to ground level, chair and all, like an emperor, on the shoulders of some pretty large guys. They guys make a huge fuss and really drag the moment out. Needless to say that by the time we get to the car our procession has attracted a bit of attention and we’re surrounded by more faces I recognise, men and women in grey, security recruits, and among them is Hunter.
His eyes catch mine and he offers me a small smile which I return, that’s all the prompting he needs to come over to me. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I reply still watching as people attempt to fit Gray carefully into the back of our car. It’s like watching real life Tetris.
“How is he?” I had text Hunter once or twice over the past week, but that was it and it was my fault. Hunter had been the one to initiate any contact between us and I had pretty much brushed him off with short answers. Not because he had done anything wrong, just because I didn’t feel like talking.
“He’s pretty good really. Just has to not… move for a couple of weeks. He got of extremely lightly considering how big that guy was.” Hunter nods his head in agreement.
“How are you?” His tone is intense but still I only give him a superficial answer.
“I’m fine. Can’t complain really.”
“I’m sure you have lots to complain about.” He says giving me a knowing look that makes me wonder how much he knows. “Fancy a chat?” I hesitate and try to think of a reason not to take up his offer but there isn’t one. So why am I reluctant to spend time with him?
“I’m not sure that now is a very good time.” I’m thinking of Gray and his first day home in a week, but really I won’t be missing much, he’ll be asleep within the hour after the efforts of today. I look back at Hunter and there is sadness in his beautiful grey eyes, I’m doing it again, I’m being selfish. The people around me want to be there for me, they want to care and I am not letting them. “Let me just talk to my parents, okay?” He brightens a bit.
“Sure, I’ll be over there. Just signal me the answer.”
That’s how I ended up once again in Hunter’s area of the house. It hadn’t been difficult to get permission of the parents; I think they are worried about me, so pretty much let me do what I want at the moment, all it took was a promise from Hunter to drive me home later on. “I’m surprised I’m allowed in here.” I state as I once again make myself familiar with the room. Hunter’s lounge/ kitchen hasn’t changed since the last time I was here, the band posters are still up and the pictures of his friends are exactly the same, automatically I notice the one in the middle, it’s the one of me and him as wolves, and the more I look at it the more I miss my old relaxed life. Hunter sits down on his sofa his legs sprawled out along the cushions. I walk over to join him and weigh up my possibilities; if I was with Liam chances are I would sit in an arm chair, this would mean that there was distance between us and space for me to think, that’s what Liam does to me, I can’t think properly around him. But with Hunter it’s easy so I squish down onto the other side of the sofa and line my legs up next to his so we are head to toe.
“You’re probably not.” He teases. “But I haven’t been given any direct orders to stay away from you.”
“You know about that then?” He nods his head and I look down at my hands and start picking at the nail varnish.
“Gossip spreads fast in this place, they’re saying that you slept together and my dad is keeping you apart because Liam is set on claiming you for himself.” I’m no longer convinced that given the chance Liam wouldn’t do exactly that. “What actually happened?” He prods in a gentle tone that is free of judgement and it’s that tone of voice that makes it so easy for me to open up to him.
“On the day of the accident I was supposed to be staying in the hospital ward with Gray, it was even my idea, I didn’t want to leave him on his own in there. But, after everyone left, I got really lonely and the day just sort of caught up with me I guess. Liam text me around then, he didn’t know I was still in his house. I made a decision, one that I now see was reckless but a decision that I don’t regret. Nothing happened between me and him that night, I stayed in his bed, I curled up next to him, but all we did was sleep, just having him there created a shield against what had happened and against my own thoughts. We slept right up until Harry knocked on the door the next morning. And it was the best night’s sleep I have had since this competition began.”
“That’s a rather boring story really.” Hunter says with a grin, after a moment of processing all that I had said, and I poke him in the ribs with my toes.
“And if something had happened with your brother would you have wanted to know all the details?” He pulls a face. “I just wish your dad wouldn’t jump to conclusions, now I’m not allowed to see him again, what if I never do?”
“Scar, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” I look Hunter in the eye and raise an eyebrow, since when are we so formal around each other?
“What’s going on between you and my brother?” I sigh, wishing I knew the answer to this question myself.
“Nothing Hunter. I’m not even allowed near him remember.”
“Lettie come on. You can talk to me.” In the space of a second I weigh up what I want to say, I want to dismiss everything. I want to deny everything. I want to walk away. In the end I don’t do any of that, in the end I do what actually feels right and I take the plunge.
“I think… I think I love him.” At this point two very different things happen. For me a weight is lifted off my chest and I know instantly that my words are true, I don’t know when it happened but it did. I love Liam Miller; Future Alpha of my pack and a boy who is definitely not my mate. However, as I make my revelation Hunter seems to close down.
The silence that falls between us is almost painful, I want nothing more than to break it but it isn’t my turn, he has to say something, I have to know what he is thinking without any more influence from me. His face gives nothing away and that makes me extremely nervous, maybe he was wrong, maybe I can’t talk to him. “What do you mean?” He asks quietly.
“I don’t think there is any other way to put it Hunter.”
“But Lettie it’s been like 3 months, that’s it, and it’s only been an hour a week. How is that even possible?”
“It’s not about logic Hunter. Some things in life don’t make sense, I love him.” My stomach does an excited twist whenever I say it.
“What about your mate? I mean you’ll be abandoning him, you’re robbing him of the chance to find you.” I jump up of the sofa away from him and start pacing across the floor, he’s ruining this moment for me but these are questions I have to face.
“And what if I never find him and I spend my life alone? Or what if he’s already claimed someone and he is no longer mine?”
“That’s a lot of what if’s Scar.”
“All my life I have been brought up pushed towards the idea of my mate, of how perfect it will be, of how everything will just fall into place. But most importantly I was told that that would be true love and that nothing else would come close… But right here, right now, I disagree. I could wait a lifetime to meet the person the fates have decided is my other half, but I have already chosen who I want that to be. Why shouldn’t it be my decision?”
“That’s not how we work Scar.”
“But isn’t this what your dad wants? He is breaking to true bonds with this competition. He doesn’t care about Liam’s mate or the winning girls mate. So what’s so different?”
“What if you don’t win? What happens then when he is paired with someone else?” His words are like a punch to the stomach, this is exactly what I have been trying to avoid all this time. It is the reason that I didn’t want to get closer to Liam and they cause me to retreat a little back into my shell, because at the end of the day it is entirely possible and extremely likely that I won’t win and just now I had forgotten that.
“I’ll leave.” I couldn’t be here to witness that. Hunter jumps up of the sofa and stops my pacing placing one hand on either side of my face and forcing me to look him in the eye.
“You’d leave? What about your family? Friends? Me?” The sadness and hurt is back.
“I wouldn’t cut of contact, I’d even visit, I just couldn’t live in close proximity to him anymore, I will always be a member of this pack I just wouldn’t live in the community.”
“Does Liam know all of this?”
“No.” I look down but have to look back into his eyes for what I am going to say next so that I know he understands. “And you can’t say anything.” He looks like he is about to protest so I cut him off. “Today I admitted this not just to you but also too myself. I know that Liam cares about me; he has told me so many times, I just never wanted to hear it. If he finds out I feel the same he won’t just let it go, he may go against your father’s orders and it will cause a riff in your family, I’d never forgive myself for that.” Talk about your star crossed lovers. With a sigh I let my head drop onto Hunter’s chest, how did I get myself into such a mess? “You can’t tell him.”
“I won’t Scar. But does this mean he can never find out? What if you leave? Could he find out then when he’s already mated to someone?”
“What difference would it make? No, unless we’re together he can’t know… Hunter, if I die you’ll have to keep this secret.”
“Scar you’re not going to…”
“Promise me. If anyone is going to tell it can only be me.” When I look at him it’s a hard stare and I know my face is set at stern, I won’t leave without his word on this.
“Fine.” I give him a hug which he returns. “I’m annoyed with myself to be honest.” He says after a short silence.
“Why?” I crane my neck to look him in the eyes.
“If I knew that you didn’t care about the whole true mates thing I would have tried harder to get your attention.” He chuckles and smiles down at me.
“If it would have gotten me out of all of this mess I wish you had too.” I say lightly hitting his chest with my good hand.
When I finally get home I take care to close the door as quietly as I can so as not to disturb Gray but as I tiptoe to the top of the stairs I discover that it’s a complete waste of time. “Where’ve you been lil’sis.” Gray’s voice travels down the corridor from his open door and I stick my head round to see him lying in bed with his laptop besides him.
“With Hunter.” I move so I am completely in his room. Silently he points to the door that I have left partially open, a gesture I recognise from our childhood, I shut it quietly and find a spot on his bed that won’t disrupt him.” How are you feeling?” I ask in an attempt to control the conversation.
“Fine” He dismisses my question. “So you weren’t with Liam?”
“No.” I state.
“Odd.” His voice is lower than a whisper so that I can hear him but there is no chance that either of our parents will catch what he is saying. “Because all I’ve heard for the last week is about you and Liam, how they are attempting to keep you two apart and how you stayed over in his room.” I blush from head to toe and I can literally feel my face burning, I shift uncomfortably, I don’t really want to have this conversation with my brother.
“Nothing happened Gray. He was just there for me when I needed someone.”
“And Mandy or Nickie couldn’t have played that role?”
“They weren’t there.”
“So he was just… convenient?” He isn’t judging me or trying to hurt me, he is just trying to get his head around the situation in the only way he knows how; by being blunt and to the point.
“No, I care about him.” Even after all I have said to Hunter and how good it felt to say it, I am not ready to do the same with Gray. I doubt he would be as accepting as Hunter and he doesn’t need any more stress right now.
“I’ve missed a lot haven’t I?” He says without looking at me.
“You’ve only been away for a week Gray.” I reply trying to laugh it off.
“No. Not just over the last week but over the last few months. I’ve been preoccupied with school and rugby and I’ve missed a change in you.”
“I haven’t changed.” I shrug and climb carefully back to my feet.
“You have. You just seem older, beyond your years somehow. It’s strange. You’re not the same Scar as you were back in sixth form.”
“Is it a bad change?” I ask not really knowing how to take his observations.
“No. You’re stronger now than you ever could have been without this and stronger than the rest of us will ever be.” Says the guy who is going to make a full recovery after being crushed under a guy the size of a Land Rover.
“You look tired Gray, you should rest.” And he does, his eyes are bloodshot and his eyelids are drooping with the effort to stay awake, yet even so he still looks so much better than he did just days earlier, he just keeps improving.
“Yeah, okay.” He says without argument as he shuts his laptop and lets his head rest again his pillow, that in itself is an indication of how he really feels. If he truly was ‘fine’ he wouldn’t let me walk away from this conversation without him knowing everything.
“Night Gray.” I stride over to the door and flick the light switch, plunging us into darkness and leaving the room.
“Night Scar.”
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Finally! Chapters are actually getting so much harder to write, i think that's because it's coming to the end so i'm subconciously dragging this out. Anywat, thanks for reading, commenting, voting, supporting. The last chapter had an amazing response, especially in comments. I do love reading all you guys have to say so keep them coming :) and if you have any questions i'll also be happy to answer them too :)