I know I was dreaming my memories of when I was just a kid. Only a couple of years old walking with my mother in her castle. Younger me would bounce around and throw mini snow balls at the knights to try and get them to play when I was left by myself- but they never budged.
Most of my childhood was just me looking around the castle for people to talk to while my mother went off to do her Queen duties. Although after my incident with the summer King in the front lawn, my mother did promise to help me use and control my powers.
She kept true to her word as we practiced with the knights, using them as our little puppets. She would even kill some by accident when she got to eager to teach me, but never once did I take it as far as her. She would get angry at me for not doing so, but soon moved on with the lesson. Although, looking back at the memories, I'm sure their deaths were far from an accident, she never did anything out of context.
And then my next memory flashed and I was eleven years old, training with a knights son in an empty room in the castle. His name was Logan, and he was the only other kid my age who wasn't afraid of me. He had pale skin, like most winters do, but blonde hair and ice blue eyes that never left my dark ones. It was always the two of us, sneaking off into rooms to play when we were kids. And still at sixteen it was the two of us sneaking off into rooms, only we didn't play kid games anymore.
He was my first friend, and my first love. The more we spent time together, the closer we grew.
"Why aren't you scared of me like everyone else is?" I asked him one time when we snuck out of the castle while my mother was somewhere in a far village and into our secret ice caves miles away. I had made that place as home like as I could, bringing blankets, warm clothes and food for him. And he would always manage to bring me a leaf, or even a broken twig. Every time he said he would have brought me flowers, but he didn't want to pluck them from the ground to kill them, not when they were so rare. Nevertheless I cherished each present.
He turned dramatically, having his voice filled with humor while he held my face in his palms, "Because Evie, your beauty is just too captivating, I can't pull away. Even though it's dangerous to be with you, I just don't care."
"So you'll willingly die for me, just because I'm beautiful?" I rolled my eyes at him. He was always so dramatic and well... goofy. He always had a light mood, even when I was directing my frustration towards him, he didn't care. I never deserved it, everyone new I was a spoiled Princess, but Logan always had put my needs and happiness before his.
"Yes. And it's not just your appearance my dear, it's your very being. The way you care for others, the true goodness in your heart. It was when we first met, you remember?" I nodded my head as he continued his story in a more softer and far off voice, "You told me to sneak the remainder of the food from the castle into the villages after your first council meeting with your mother, when you found out how starved the people actually were. You were so fearless, so young, I just couldn't help but fall in love with you-"
I grabbed his face and pulled it into mine for a kiss. The memory of being seventeen and in love warmed my heart, but the next memory of me being eighteen and in love, crushed my very being.
My mother and I were in a council meeting, just the two of us in an empty hall for once.
"Where is every one else mother?"
She stayed sitting on her throne and only raised her hand to open the ice doors, "Come in" she commanded. And then in strolled a familiar family. It was Logan holding his little sisters hand to the right and his mothers on his left. Logan and his mother had sweat and blood stains on their clothing's, and though his little sister was unharmed, she had soiled herself some time ago. Despite the bruises on his face he walked with his shoulders back, but I could see he was just as nervous to be in front of the queen.
His tell was his slightly unnoticeable fidgeting, he was rubbing his thumb up and down his little sisters hand. From out stand point it looked like he was comforting her, but I knew Logan well enough that it was just as much for his benefit then hers.
I kept my face still and went to sit by my mother. She didn't even turn to me when she spoke, only keeping her eyes on Logan, "So this is the boy you ruined my trust for."
My heart stopped, she figured it out. Of course she would, she's the Queen, but still I was ignorant to believe in hope.
"What do you mean mother-"
She turned to me then and froze my throat, "Do not play stupid with me Evie or I will make each and every one of their deaths more painful than it already will be."
I stood up and pushed her power out of me to speak, "You will not dare to touch them mother. They have done nothing wrong. No laws have been broken nor has any treason been committed."
"You love this boy, and thats enough for me to disagree with."
"Why?" I said in disbelief, "Why? I see you take lovers all the time, why is it so wrong when I do the same?"
I know I embarrassed her, making her look like a whore in front of others but I didn't care, it was the truth. And she was acting unfair.
"Because Evie, never have I ever fallen in love with one of them. They are always at my disposal."
"What makes you think that I am in love with this" I waved towards Logan and tried to have enough disgust in my voice, "boy."
"What do you think is going to happen Evie? That you two will fall in love, get married and move into a small cottage off in the villages? Or worse, did you actually believe that I would let this filth into my castle and let himself be crowned prince? He is just using you Evie to get a title."
"So am I never allowed to get married? To bare children of my own?" I asked calmly. But there was worry in my voice.
She stood up from her throne then and walked towards me, I held my ground with my shoulders back and willed my face to stay neutral. My mother raised one of her perfect hands to my cheek and caressed it so gently, and without uttering a word she let a small smile slip from her lips with so much wickedness that I knew it was too late.
When I tried to pull away she grabbed me by my throat with her left hand and raised her right towards Logan. Before I could stop her she sent sharp ice to his mother and sister, freezing them at once. And then she made her pale hand into a fist, crushing them both into shattered ice, killing them instantly.
"NOOO!" Logan yelled in agony, his face displaying shock, hurt, and worse of all, pain. Pain that I caused because I was careless and selfish. He just stood there, yelling, holding thin broken ice pieces in his palms where moments before he was holding his family.
I lifted my hands up to my mothers neck and with every hate in my core I started to freeze her until she released me. My power wasn't much to freeze her entirely but still I had given myself some time, I ran to get Logan. He didn't so much as protest as I grabbed him, some type of logic or instinct of survival was still pushing him to run, and together, hand in hand we headed for the door.
We were almost out there too, just a few seconds away. However, luck was not on my side and the ice doors slammed with such force that they shattered to the ground. But that wasn't what made me stop in my tracks, It was Logan. His grip tightened around my fingers as he grunted. I turned to see a long and sharp ice tip covered in blood, piercing out of his chest.
Blood, his blood, started to drip out of his body and onto the white floors. The sound of it was the only thing I heard as time itself stilled.
He turned to me and kept his ice blue eyes on mine.
"No, no, no, NO!" I yelled.
He started to slump to the ground and my shaking hands held onto his dyeing body. With both his hands he grabbed onto my face and opened his mouth to say something, but only blood made its way out.
"Shh, shh, don't speak. It's going to be okay. I'm going to make this okay. You are NOT leaving me. You can't Logan. You can't!" I yelled through hysterical sobs.
"I.." Logan squeezed my face and brought it down to mine for one last gentle kiss. I felt his lips warm with his blood and to fast, his grip softened and fell to the ground.
He was gone, just like that it was over. And I was broken.
I closed his ice blue eyes with shaky hands and weeping sobs. His blood already a pool around him, staining my dress. Good, let it stain, let it be something I could remember him by.
He's dead. Logan's dead. He's... dead.
"Oh pull yourself together Evie. You look pathetic."
My head snapped so fast behind me to look at my mother, and instantly my body was shaking with rage. No amount of power in me can bring back the dead, but I can create it. Vengeance consumed my very thoughts as I lashed out on her. I brought down a wall of ice from the ceiling to crush her, but she easily stopped it and sent spikes up from the ground where I stood as retaliation.
One of them stabbed through my calf and I yelled in pain as I pulled it out. It took longer to heal than usual.
"See Evie, I did you a favor. He was making you weak."
"I loved him mother! How could you!"
She walked to me and looked down at Logan's cold body in disgust, "Love gets everyone killed in the end, but not me. It will never get me," She almost whispered the last part to herself. And then she looked up at me with gentle eyes, "And you my sweet Evie, I will never let it near you."
"So you have never loved anyone? Not even my father?"
"Your father was unimportant, your past siblings were weak, these winter citizens out there are mere mortal, all of which I have no love, let alone care for. There is no use in caring for someone who dies within fifty years, thats a blink of an eye to royals. You'll see Evie."
I looked her straight in the eyes for this question, the question thats always been in the back of my mind, "And me mother... Do you love me?"
She kept her eyes strained on mine as the features on her face smiled. She didn't say a word as she tried to reach for my hand to hold. But she didn't have too, I saw what her answer was.
And instead of shedding more tears, I chose to grieve with anger. As soon as she touched my hand I pulled her in, grabbed her throat and smashed her into the ground. The ice sunk in with the force and my mothers face cracked with true wrath.
Snow started to fall, and then just as quickly there was a blizzard of snow and ice surrounding me. The Ice Queen was off the ground and standing over me in all her fierce power, and then she sent the blizzard hurling my way, easily crushing me onto the other side of the vast room.
I groaned in pain as I made my way out of the wall, but she kept sending her ice towards me to keep me down. Behind the whistle of her power I heard her taunting laugh, my own mother, enjoying my pain was enough to fuel my anger back up to block her strong power. I slumped to the ground gasping for breath, I looked weak, but I had a plan. She wouldn't expect me to fight back as long as I didn't look strong enough.
So I stayed there on the ground, gathering my strength. Her footsteps echoed through the broken room and picked me up by my hair when she was by my side.
"Stop your temper tantrum now Evie, before you do something you'll regret."
With no hesitation, and hidden energy, I built up a wall of thick clear ice, trapping her inside. Her eyes still shook back and forth, but the rest of her stayed put.
For a few seconds, I had beaten her - I thought I won - I thought it was that easy to take on the Ice Queen. I was so stupid to believe it. So stupid to think I had a chance at that young age.
When she broke out of the ice she showed me her true power. There was no more teasing me by tossing me around the room.
She made me fear ice with the way she so easily controlled it to hurt me in any way she wanted. There was stabbing, bruising, and broken bones that came from hundreds of pounds of ice that repeatedly flattened by body. Only to heal itself back up again to endure the same punishment.
Each time I would raise my hand to fight back or to just simply protect myself from my own mother, she would send sharp icicles through my palms, keeping them bolted to the ground.
After hours of this beating - which honestly felt like days - my body and mind could not take this anymore. " Kill me," I whispered, "Kill me!" She saw the true defeat in my eyes, her punishment and point were made. But not after stabbing me with the same ice dagger she sent through Logan's heart, into mine.
Well technically it was right below my heart, and even looking back at this memory I can still feel the sharp end gently graze my heart, "I do believe you have learned your lesson," was all she said as she pulled the dagger, re opening my wound, and walked out of the room.
And I would have learned my lesson then, I would have admitted defeat to the Ice Queen, would have walked into a different season to have their court kill me. But she made a mistake, she never took Logan's body out before leaving me alone. And looking at the man I love's still body brought the vengeance again flowing through my veins, pumping me with energy to not give up. Logan would have wanted me to keep fighting, to win.
And that's when I started to plan on ways too killing my mother and take the throne for myself.
*****
I slowly started to open my eyes, and for a split second I thought I was still in winter because of the ice and snow in the room. But then I saw that the ice was only in my corner with Nuri laying by my side, the rest of the room was winter free with Elis down on the floor, his eyes closed while he did some heavy breathing. The memories of my outburst flooded back in, and instantly I thought about the relief I felt inside my body. There was no more irritation or pain from the summers heat, I didn't even feel its heat anymore. Everything was free, and I felt beyond better.
"Elis?" I spoke as I sat up from the bed - well tried to sit up, Nuri was practically on top on me drowning me with kisses the second he saw me open my eyes.
His eyes snapped open as he jumped to his feet, "Evie," he said with disbelief.
With him distracted the whole room turned to ice, except where he stood.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I let a small laugh slip," How.. how long was I asleep?"
"Two full days," He said with a straight face.
Two days wasted?!
"Are you... all right?" he asked this time with more concern.
My smile grew, "I feel amazing."
"I mean power wise, can you control it now?" He waved around me.
"Oh," I pulled the ice back into me, and then it was gone in a simple motion. The room was back to normal, Elis' shoulders relaxed a little and relief crossed his face.
I felt a little awkward being in the same room as him and not fighting. To see small glimpses of what looks like care flicker across his face was something I wasn't going to get used to quickly.
"And your fire?"
I made Nuri give me some space and pushed him onto the floor, he began streching out his stiff limbs. I took a deep breath in and lifted up my hand to try it, but I hesitate slightly. To be honest I was a little scared to try it again, but Elis gave me a one nod approval, that if anything went wrong he would take care of it. So with another deep breath I tried it and cleared my thoughts.
I felt the tingle of summers power humming through my veins before blue flames licked my hand so naturally, not once did I lose control over it, and more importantly not once did it hurt.
"It's blue," I whispered.
"It's powerful," he replied with his eyes almost entranced by its color, and then he opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it.
"What is it you want to tell me?" I asked.
He sighed, "You spoke in your sleep. Every dark emotion sent a wave of ice through out the castle, I had to guard you with my heat to balance it out before you froze my whole kingdom. At first I thought this was all your mothers plan, to send you in here, asking for help and when our guard was down, to freeze us from the inside. But when you started talking, I knew that wasn't true..." He looked up at me with sorrowful eyes, "Who was Logan."
Years after that incident, and with the fresh memory of it still on my mind, my heart hurt to hear his name spoken out loud.
"I was eighteen, we were just two kids in love. Long story short, my mother killed his family, and him in front of me to teach me a stupid lesson," I tried to sound as if it didn't effect me, but my voice threatened to crack. Elis didn't rush me to continue talking, and after a few seconds I straightened my shoulders and went on, "And that was the day I decided to stick up for myself, to give the winter citizens a real leader, to end her for good."
He nodded his head and cleared his throat, "I'm glad to here your commitment, and you woke at a decent time."
"And why do you say that, were you missing me bugging you?" I teased.
His mouth twitched with amusement but it quickly went to stone when he spoke again, "Your mother made an attack on the summer boarder this morning, and it's now noon. We're heading out to the villages now."