The drive was taking longer than Steve wanted, he was stuck in traffic, and it would be forty or more minutes until he arrived at home. He tried to text and call (y/n) as he waited, but he received no response to either.
"Dammit," he muttered and threw his phone down, before leaning his head back on the head rest, contemplating what Bucky said.
'Was he right?' Steve thought, 'probably, he usually was, but rough sex, instead of vanilla?'
He closed his eyes and thought about the night before he left for this latest mission. The candles, chocolate covered strawberries and wine, their slow passionate love making, that had him worshipping her, like the beautiful woman she was. He spent so much time re-learning every curve, every scar and ever spot that made her moan out his name, but now that he thought about it, he felt the slight distance she started carrying lately.
She made all the right noises, but he caught her mumbling under her breath, and urged him to go harder and faster, but he shied away from her demands, mostly cause he liked taking his time, because she deserved every single bit of love he offered her. Only to find out she wanted more, and he couldn't deny his curiosity.
There were times she could be just brushing her hair, or running around in those short shorts he liked, and the inclination to just lay her down was there. Their sex life was just as intense as their love for one another, and they'd experienced so much already. He didn't balk at the fact she had more experience than he did, pfff, who didn't, but he did love the way she gave him control. For all her strength and dominance, she gave him the one thing she didn't give to anyone else, and now he had to try and imagine the things she wanted. How much more control could he have?
He blushed when he felt the front of his pants tighten.
'There's alot a man can do when they throw out inhibitions.'
He had never done something like that, he always thought about the consequences, or who his decisions would affect in the end.
This case, though, was different.
This was his wife. With her, there was always a blatant need he had for her, even when she wasn't next to him, she was always there in the back of his mind. He fell in love, so hard and fast, she did too, and even after being together for a while they were still learning small things about one another.
But what inhibitions could he push aside to make her happy, did he even have to throw his inhibitions out in order to give her what she wanted, or what she'd discussed?
He saw how hard it was for her to bring it up, and that's the one thing he didn't want. He prided himself, they both did, when it came to talking about their relationship, but this, well, this was different.
Steve almost bit his lip, as his mind drifted to the things she said, the things she had told Nat and him she wanted.
Could he really spank his wife, could he really pull her hair and take her in ways he had no real experience in? And porn didn't count, sure he'd seen it, heard his old war buddies, and the things they did along the way while they marched through villages and cities, but he always assumed sex should be special. Oh he had some experience, and gave in to some urges, but with his wife..he found a connection that he wanted to cherish.
He better figure it out fast, because he sure as hell didn't want to be called vanilla ever again, and it pissed him off all over again just thinking about the goddamned word she used, and how she said it.
"'I like rough sex Steve,'" (y/n) had said. Well what does that even mean?
He shook his head and tried to remember all the discussions and wisecracks the guys would make about their own sex lives. While he tried not to listen, his curiosity usually won out, but the things he heard from Thor, Tony, most of all Bucky and Sam would sometimes have his mouth hanging open in shock. It's not that he wasn't curious, it's just he had no idea what to even do, and loved worshipping her, not treating her like some animal, or child.
A horn honked behind him, making him jump and shift uncomfortably in his seat as his body tingled against his clothes. He needed to get home, he had to talk to his wife, before their situation got worse.
I turned off my phone as I grabbed a bag and began packing it with clothes and toiletries. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to do...
Looking back at our conversation, I wanted to kick myself. I just told one of the most moral men in America to..., and uttered the word vanilla, as some derogatory term, like some stupid ass. I'd probably ruined ice cream and milkshakes for both of us.
I needed to get out of here, and really think about what I was asking of him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see how uncomfortable our conversation made him, but if we really believed we could talk about anything, then, this should be one of them, regardless how uncomfortable it was.
A dark thought drifted through my mind, as my stomach heaved.
Maybe we weren't as invested in each other as we thought we were?
Maybe what we thought was a happy marriage was just..something else?
I shook my head at the thought, and focused on packing.
"Captain Rogers has now called three times, and you have four texts, shall I read the texts for you, and your hair brush is in the drawer on the left side?" Friday said quickly, "are you alright?"
"Not really, and thank you Friday, but no, no texts or phone calls, that'll be all today," I declared, wiping the last few tears away and slipping on my pack and grabbing my helmet, "wait?"
"Yes ma'am?" She replied.
I looked around our home, beginning to question leaving for a few days. I wasn't one to leave during an argument, gotta have the last word kind of chick, but I just sighed and shook my shoulders. No, a few days away is exactly what I needed, just to center myself and relax, and maybe Steve needed it too, especially now.
"Can you let Steve know I'll be gone for a few days, but I'll be back. I just need.. need a few days alone to cool off, and reiterate the fact that I want to be alone, please, Friday," I ordered shakily, "and don't tell him where I'm going, I'm turning my GPS off, I'll just text him later."
I didn't want to face Steve right now, regardless of what he had to say. The stress and fear of feeling like I did, on top of telling him what I wanted, had finally just taken its toll, and I needed some time to calm down before my anger got the best of me.
I made myself promise to text Steve later when I get to the cabin, it was only an hour or so away in upstate New York.
"Of course (y/n)," Friday said.
I slipped out the door and jumped up on the bike we shared, heading away from here.
"(Y/n)?!" Steve shouted, as he opened the front door of their home, but he walked into an empty living room and kitchen, "honey?" He meandered, upstairs towards their bedroom and took in the mess she had made. Clothes layed scattered everywhere, drawers left open, and most of her toiletries were gone from their bathroom. Her large duffel bag was gone from the large walk-in closet, along with the small gun she kept in the nightstand.
The realization hit Steve like a ton of bricks, she was gone.
"Sir I have a message left for you by Mrs. Rogers," Friday stated, interrupting his panic.
Friday didnt wait for him to answer as he looked at the small screen of his wife, staring sadly into their empty living room telling him to leave her alone for a few days, and she'd be back.
His teeth clenched, and his stomach tightened at the determination in her voice, but he was going to do what he wanted, what he needed, and find her. She'd never packed her things and left, without them finishing their argument, but this was obviously enough to send her out there, alone.
"Friday get Tony on the phone," Steve demanded quickly, before he realized who he asked for, but if anyone knew where she was, Stark would, and he brushed aside the notion that his wife probably talked to Tony about their sex life.. He was pissed off and worried enough as is, and didn't want to think about that uncomfortable situation.
"What's up Capsicle?" Tony announced, his face coming up on the panel near the front door, "whoa, what's the matter with you?" He questioned once he saw Steve's creased brow, and clenched jaw. He noted the mess in the living room behind Cap's stiff posture and opened and closed his mouth, "uh, if it's about those recruits, you should of just let (y/n) kill both of them.."
"No, just please tell me (y/n)'s at the tower, with you?" Steve asked, looking around again. She had to be headed to Tony's, "or on the way there?"
"Uh, no, I haven't talked to her since yesterday, why?" Tony answered, finally putting his tools down and opening another screen, "she's not at the facility? Weren't you guy's just there?"
"Shit, yah we were, but no she's not there," Steve remarked, foregoing that he'd just cursed.
"May I remind you Captain Rogers, that she doesn't want to be disturbed," Friday reminded him.
"Uh okay, language Cap, but what the hell's going on?" Tony asked, pulling up camera shots of (y/n) on her motorcycle leaving her home, "should I be worried?"
Tony didn't wait for him to answer, and pulled up her GPS, which was offline now, while Friday began plotting places she may be headed, or at least the direction she may be going, while she reiterated over and over again how his best friend didn't want to be disturbed, which worried him even more. He assumed it was the conversation he encouraged her to have with the moron huffing in front of him, but definitely didn't expect to see such a shitty outcome from something so minuscule.
"She left," Steve answered diligently, running a hand through his blonde hair, and raised his eyebrow, as his jaw clinched once Tony rolled his eyes. The question he didn't want to ask was there, on the tip of his tongue, along with a few choice words for the enigmatic billionaire, friendship be damned, but he refused to acknowledge it, finding his wife was more important than his inkling of jealousy.
"Okay, why'd she leave?" Tony asked, looking at the map Friday was working on, but by his tone, he sounded like he already knew.
"Because I'm a moron," Steve barked, sitting down on the couch she had picked out, growing more agitated.
"Well no argument there, but Friday's almost done mapping out where she could be going, she was headed northeast, before she turned her GPS off," Tony replied, continuing to work on his suit, and cleared his throat.
"Northeast?" Steve asked, "didn't Coulson give her a cabin that was out in the Northeastern side of New York?"
"Oh yah, he did, I completely forgot about that place, she hasn't been there in years, I think," Tony frowned, realizing Steve had figured it out before he did, which never really happened, especially when it came to (y/n).
Wow, maybe he was losing his touch, he'd been preoccupied with Pepper and the Avengers, to even realize what was really going on, then again, this was (y/n), and she was crazy.
Or it could be because Steve really loved his stupid ass best friend and paid more attention than Tony thought he did.
"Can you find the address or directions to the cabin and send it to my phone, or the truck, the truck.. that'll be easier," Steve demanded, while he changed his clothes, and grabbed his own bag, haphazardly stuffing it with clothes. He grabbed his phone and headed out the door.
"I'll just send them to both," Tony said smiling at the worry in Steve's voice as he sent the info to Steve's GPS system, "uh, I guess I should say goodluck Steve, and I'll let Coulson know that a much needed second honeymoon has his two best people out for a few days."
"Then I guess I should thanks Tony," Steve grunted, giving Tony a halfassed salute as he hung up and tried to catch up to his wife.
I arrived almost two hours later on the doorstep of my parents old cabin, due to traffic, but it was worth the long drive.
The full moon lit up the dark dirt path and the trees that surrounded the place, hiding it from view. The smell of pine and sycamore had memories of a larger than life, dark haired man with a strong jaw, and a beautiful woman with green eyes, and hair like mine, flashing in front of me, but also of things I'd spent the better half of my lifetime trying to remember.
Even after all this time I couldn't really recall what happened all those years ago, only that my parents were dead.
Their memories started to fade from this place, as did the inkling of violence and chaos, but they had a tendency to come out in full force, whenever I made it out here. I always tried to focus on the good things, the good memories I could remember, like my mom smiling, or my dad's deep voice while they made dinner over a wood burning stove.
This place was the only thing I had left of my parents, and although they died here, I couldn't really remember much of that day anymore, except for Coulson's grey eyes, and I wanted to keep a little piece of them.
Phil had surprised me with the keys to my parents small, albeit newly renovated, wood cabin when I turned fourteen, explaining that all children should be left with a little piece of their past, regardless of the bad things.
It had two bedrooms, one very large bathroom, kitchen and living room area. The best feature was the large deck out back, and the hammock which was always ready for me when I needed the peace of the surrounding trees and sky.
Dad (Phil) had modified the cabin, for a few more years, but left the overall design the same, along with the only pictures I had left of my parents, on the mantle.
Over the years I changed a little of it, adding more pictures of Steve and I, Phil, the Avengers, me, Nat and Tony. I also changed the bright retro chic furniture, dad assumed I would like, and added more wooden furniture.
Only Coulson and myself had been in this cabin, of course Tony knew about the home, but he also knew this was my place of peace, of reflection. So he never pushed me to visit the area and Steve heard Coulson talk about the cabin, but he must have forgotten about it because he never brought it up after that.
It'd been a couple of years since I'd been out here, but Phil kept up the place, and made sure it was taken care of.
I set my stuff down and walked out on the back deck, sitting down in the huge hammock. On a good night you could see so many stars that it brought tears to your eyes, but tonight the huge moon blotted out almost everything.
For half an hour, I sat there, pondering.
I loved it out here, even among all the chaos. The light of the moon shined down on me, as I thought about Steve and the last two days.
The crickets sang in the background as my mind went through each word, each reaction and then the moment that had me crying all the way here.
I knew it was going to be too much, I can just imagine what he's thinking right now, but as husband and wife, we really didn't handle this situation like I expected.
I closed my eyes, shivering as the cold wind brushed against my exhausted body. I huffed with impatience, but slowly got up, and headed into the house searching for a blanket, ignoring the floodlights lighting up the yard, probably set off by an animal. It always happened out here, and I reminded myself to turn them off, before I went back out, so I could sit outside without the bright lights on.