50 Shades Of Steve Rogers

Chapter 3

"Hey Joe, can you get me a burger and fries, with a Coke, please?" I asked, as I gave Tony a one armed hug and slid into the booth across from him, "hard day doll?"
Tony looked exhausted, with his dark blue Armani suit wrinkled and his blue undershirt unbuttoned. His dark hair, which was surely styled this morning, was now sticking up everywhere.

"Sure thing love, Stark anything for you yet?" Old Man Joe asked, bringing over a cold glass of Coke, "is the Spangled Man With A Plan coming?"

"Just us tonight Joe, and give me what she's having, old man," Tony replied, patting Joe on the back.
"Coming up kids," Joe cracked, yelling at his cooks in the back before heading back to the counter.

"Today's been meeting after meeting, SHIELD then Stark Industries wants to globalize their agricultural department, which I'm all for, but I need to look into where they want to start, which is already giving Pep and I a headache," Tony started, taking a sip from my Coke, "what's with the shiner on your chin?"
"Nat," I shrugged, watching people walk by the diner window.
"Coulson told me that you were a little hard on your recruits today," he mentioned, sitting back, but let a smirk cross his lips, "Steve not putting out?"

"No harder than usual," I quipped uncomfortably, looking down at my phone, "and go to hell, that wasn't nice you asshole."

I finally texted Steve back, letting him know that I was going out to dinner with Tony, and that I was safe, but I was getting antsy waiting for his response.
This whole situation was making me apprehensive, and cagey, and I was beginning to believe I was just having some kind of momentary lapse.
I still couldn't put my finger on why those old needs had come roaring back these past few months, but they were there, hiding in the shadows, and became more prevalent while Steve and I were I'm bed together.
If I was happy, if we were happy, then why did I want more?
It just didn't make any sense to feel utterly confused and miserable, because I hated hiding things from my husband. We both strived to be honest, and communicate, both of us needing it, yet here I was freaking out about something that shouldn't be a big deal.
Maybe I was freaking out that he'd get bored, or something?
Pfff, no that's not it, because Steve was adamant when it came to talking about out relationship. We had some pretty bad fights, argued like most couples, but always found a middle ground, and ended up wrapped in each other's arms.
Never in my entire life did I expect to be married, let alone find the one man I loved, and devoted myself too, then why did I feel like this?

"Uh huh, okay, well your eyes are watering, so before you start crying, you wanna tell me why you're so wound up, I'm actually starting to believe that Steve isn't putting out at all," Tony smirked, but softened his brow, and leaned forward, "and before we get into your little situation, you owe me big for this by the way, but I'm happy you're happy, even if it is with Steve, I really am, I'm a little curious as to why you can't just tell him, have a conversation about what you want?" Tony continued quielty, as his brow pinched with a frown, "I mean you're married, shouldn't you be able to talk to him about that kinda stuff?"

He did have a point, which he usually did. What kind of marriage did we have if I felt like I couldn't talk to Steve about our sex life?
Well it's simple really, embarrassment, fear, and more fear. Relationships in general were still fairly new too me, and Steve and I were both still learning along the way, but this wasn't like having a conversation about work, or a movie we wanted to see, or dinner.
How would I even begin a conversation like that, or what if he freaked out?

I sighed, and leaned back against the cracked leather seat, "it's nice to know you're not holding back today, and I'm too tapped out to argue, but Tone, it's not that easy, at least I don't think it is. I'm learning all this shit as I go Tony, and still have issues, pfff, and I just..things are different with Steve," I croaked, but going ahead and letting everything out, once Tony grabbed my hand, "about a year ago, I yelled out some curse words, I think fuck me harder, or something like that, was the main one, in the middle of sex, and Steve was kinda taken aback, and froze for a moment? He was really surprised, it was almost comical, cause I curse like a drunken sailor.. How am I supposed to tell the man I love, that while I enjoy our love life, and I'm happy, there's other things I wanna to do that, lets face it, aren't exactly vanilla?" I remarked, feeling my cheeks redden, "I still can't believe we're having this conversation, but I've had to listen to you and your drunken shenanigans for a long time..so if anyone owes anyone, you owe me, ass, ugh, I..I don't know..I'm so confused right now..and feel so lost."