What if?
What if the Christmas will be a sheet of white once again? What if this year has brought me such goodness it will not bring me sadness when reflecting upon it? What if it's time I stop expecting the worst and allow myself to accept the happiness? But what if this happiness isn't meant to last?
What if? What if? What if...
---
I wake up in the morning to an empty space beside me. I sit up in the bed and rub my eyes to rid me of that morning blur. I glance over at the dresser to find a piece of paper folded upon it. I reach over and grab it, opening it immediately. I read the cursive writing with a smile
Katniss,
I've gone early to work this morning, custom cake due this afternoon. I'll be home around 5. Love you.
Peeta.
---
The morning flies by quickly enough. Sophie stays inside and plays whilst I spend my time gritting the pathway outside. More ice is expected for next week, the week of Christmas so I'd like to be prepared for it. When I return inside it is 1 O'Clock. I make a pot of soup and together me and Sophie sit at the table sipping the warm soup whilst she rambles on about something she saw in a cartoon. After this I curl up with her on the couch whilst she watches TV. I stroke her hair softly as she calmly watches the cartoon, her bubbling excitement simmering away into calmness. Sophie has a heart of gold and such happiness within her but sometimes she will have moments like this where she is just calm and peaceful, not running around or playing but just curled up in my arms. After a while she asks me
"Mommy? You braid my hair? Like the girl in daddy's story?"
I smile. Almost every night Peeta reads to Sophie, tells her about who he calls the girl with the two braids. Of course she doesn't know its me but she has huge interest in his stories and almost every night wishes to hear them. I tell her
"Of course"
I sit her in front of the mirror in the living room and begin to comb her hair. It's becoming longer now, just past her shoulders. She changes so much every day. Her eyes become that small bit brighter, her height a bit taller, her mood a bit happier, her body stronger. She is a fighter already. She falls and she gets back up, she cries and then moves on, but at the same time she is still only an innocent two year old unaware of some of the things happening around her. Unaware that who she calls mommy isn't her mommy. But if she can be a fighter now, she will be a fighter the day the sorrow comes. For once she is completely still as my fingers weave the first plait, soon moving on to the second. Soon enough I am done, Sophie smiling at her reflection. She then turns and gives me a big hug. I wrap my arms around her as if she were mine, but I know that the reality is she's not. Suddenly we are interrupted by the phone ringing in the hall. I tell her
"Go and watch TV. I'm just getting the phone"
She nods and runs over to the couch whilst I enter the hallway and pick up the phone, muting the blaring ringing. I say
"Hello?"
A response comes almost immediately by an unknown voice
"Is this Katniss Everdeen speaking?"
Confused, I answer with my voice uneasy
"Yes"
The voice continues
"Yes, hello. I'm Doctor O'Keeffe. I'm calling to inform you that Peeta Mellark was admitted to district 12's hospital over an hour ago. He has a concussion and when we looked at his medical records you were on his forms as his emergency contact. He is still passed out and his condition is yet to be confirmed as we still don't know what happened but we were just calling to let you"
Peeta's been hurt. I say
"I'll be there as fast I can"
Before the man can respond I have slammed down the phone. I quickly get Sophie packed and ready for Haymitch and Effie's, I know I can't bring her to the hospital with the possibility of me having to stay overnight. My heart is thumping loudly in my ears as I rush across the ice to Haymitch and Effie's house with Sophie in my arms. I knock quickly on the door, moments later Effie opens the door with a worried look on her face. I'm panting as I tell her
"Peeta's in hospital"
She gasps and says
"Oh my god"
I ask her
"Will you mind Sophie please?"
She nods eagerly and taking Sophie from my arms says
"Of course Katniss! Of course! Call me as soon as you find out wants wrong okay"
I nod. I kiss Sophie goodbye as she sits on Effie's hip. I then wave goodbye to them both and once I hear the door shut I run. I don't care about the risk of falling, the ice rink beneath my feet or anything else. All that's on my mind is Peeta. The more I think about all the things that could have happened to him the more I want to cry but I don't, I won't. Not yet. Soon enough I reach the hospital and by pure luck did I not fall. I run into reception and say out of breath
"I'm here to see Peeta Mellark"
The nurse takes a moment to type something into her computer before pointing down the hall and says
"Room 13. Floor A"
I run down the hall and go up the stairs so fast my foot gets caught on one of the steps nearly causing me to fall. When I reach his room a doctor is standing outside the door. Once he sees me he gives me a smile I'm used to way too much. A pity sad smile, immediately giving me bad news. He says
"Ms Everdeen?"
I nod. He says to me sympathetically
"He's inside there, unconscious still. We don't know exactly what happened. His cousin apparently found him about a minute from his workplace unconscious . We have a feeling he hit his head but nothing is positive yet. The doctor who is aware of his condition completely will be in in about an hour"
I nod and say quietly
"Okay, thank you"
He nods, giving me a light pat on the back before walking away. I take a deep breath before walking into the room. I am then taken back with shock with what I see. Peeta Mellark laid in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and wires leading out from his arm. I cover my mouth with my hand to avoid the horrible sounds from escaping as I half collapse into the chair at his bedside. I place my hand over his which is ice cold. Then the tears come, flowing down my cheeks rapidly. I spend the entire day like this. The head doctor never comes, apparently he's not supposed to arrive now until tomorrow afternoon. At about 1am I say my first words since I said goodbye to Sophie
"Sometimes I feel like we're going round and round in circles"
I know he can't hear me but I speak anyway's, for me. My voice is hoarse but I continue anyway
" I get hurt you help me, you get hurt I help you. Just goes back and forth. I feel like I'm not good enough for you, that if this was me you would have prevented the accident. It's like a roller-coaster I guess, we go up then shoot back down again. A steady speed can never stick for a lifetime can it?"
Then I hear him say weakly from his bed, without even opening his eyes
"Well then we better just enjoy the ride..."