"Steve, honey you're gonna be late!" You yelled, wiping your hands on a kitchen towel by the sink. You turned around and smiled as your husband runs down the stairs, his shield perched on his back, fitted brown pants and a blue button up. His blue eyes meeting yours before he stopped at the bottom of the stairs.
Sometimes I was still in shock I was married to Captain America, and repeatedly got caught drooling, or touching him.
I shook my head, trying to stop my blatant staring as Steve hurriedly grabbed his keys and wallet.
"Honey I should be back in a few days, but I'll be able to text and call this mission," he mentioned quickly, looking around the room in a hurry, "you sure you don't want to stay with Nat or even at the tower with Tony and Bruce? I think Buck's gonna be there too."
I sighed impatiently and raised my eyebrow.
It was the same argument whenever he left for a mission, always trying to talk me into staying with Nat or Tony. Even though I technically had more training in weapons and martial arts than even he or Tony did. It was something I loved to remind them about when we sparred, but I was fine on my own, always have been.
"Steve?" I drawled, moving towards him, "I already let you let Tony install Friday into our home, I'll be fine, jeez such a worrier.."
"You're damned right I worry, the world knows who you're married too, and I don't like leaving you by yourself," he stated, wrapping his big arms around me. His aftershave blended with my shampoo, and I inhaled his smell, noting just how I couldn't get enough of that one little detail, "not after what happened last time.."
He was right to be worried, but I was a soldier.
About a year after we'd gotten married, HYDRA tried to kidnap me, and nearly destroyed the small apartment we started out in. Of course they didn't know I had an arsenal behind my favorite bookcase in the living room, nor that I was a better assassin than Natasha Romanov, but they should of.
I was one of the best agents affiliated with SHIELD and the Avengers, and those eight men died horribly almost as soon as they walked in. Blood and gore dotted every surface, bodies layed broken, as did much of our new furniture. My dad and Tony showed up almost twenty minutes later, yelling and screaming, worried, while my new husband was out on a mission.
I was fine, a little shaken up, and bruised, but Steve freaked out, and has been pushing me to stay with friends while he's gone, ever since.
"That was a couple of years ago, I'll be fine, besides I'll be at the facility training those recruits Hill just okayed for the next couple of weeks," I replied, kissing his chest, while he sighed against me, "I love you."
"And I love you, so much. I hate leaving you like this, I don't even know why Coulson asked Barton and I to go, recruits could of handled something like this," he started, kissing the top of my head, with chapped lips. He was so warm, and his taut muscles rippled against my softer body, heating my skin, but I had to giggle into his shirt.
After three years together, and constant interruptions by missions, he still hated leaving me, and I still hated watching him go.
"Hey it's fine, I miss you too when you're gone, or I'm out, but I understand, we both do. This is our jobs handsome, and I married Captain America, so go save the world, then when you get home I'll rock yours, maybe even wear a few things I bought a few weeks ago," I whispered, lifting my head and kissing his lips. I slid my tongue across his bottom lip, while my nails trailed up his thighs, grinning when I heard his breath hitch in his throat, and his grip tighten on my back.
"I think you kinda like that Cap?" I hummed in his ear, nibbling on the lobe and watching his neck begin to redden.
"Jump," he demanded.
I snorted as I jumped and wrapped my legs around his waist, as his lips came down hard on mine, forcing a long groan out of my mouth into his. My hands gripped the back of his blonde hair, slightly pulling it, but that's as far as I normally took it, or as far as Steve took it before we headed to our bedroom to make love.
"Captain Rogers, Mr. Barton is waiting for outside," Friday stated, interrupting our make out session.
"Just a few more minutes Rogers," I growled, rubbing myself on the front of his pants, unable to stop.
"You're insatiable, you know that?" He laughed against my lips, and fixated on my eyes.
"Guilty," I giggled, "and what I have in mind right now would probably take like two minutes tops, super soldier my ass," I promised, giving him a seductive smirk.
I jumped off him, immediately kneeling down in front of him, and licked my lips as I looked up at him and began to reach for his zipper. All I wanted was a few minutes to taste his skin, and feel his hands buried in ny hair, groaning my name.
"Steve! Hurry up we're late!" Clint yelled from the other side of the front door.
"I'm sorry honey, I really need to go," he sighed, lifting me up off the floor, "besides you know how I feel about... well you know, I'd rather be in bed, touching you," he paused, running his fingers nervously through his hair. After a handful of years together, I still hadn't been able to break through his small fear of somehow hurting me with his strength, hence the usual passionate lovemaking.
Of course I also knew that he was a bit old fashioned, a gentleman, and for Steve, making love was always meant to be gentle and full of romance. He reiterated that he'd waited years to love someone, and wanted to cherish what we had by showing me in bed. I loved him for it too, I mean, who doesn't want a husband who puts your needs before his own, who worships every part of your body, like some goddess? The last three years have been like a dream, I had found the perfect man, the one I wanted to grow old with, and love for the rest of my life.
Only...
"Hey are you okay?" Steve asked, running a thumb over my cheek. His bright blue eyes shined with concern, and his brow furrowed with worry. His sharp features were offset by his pink lips, and sharp nose. His eyelashes were longer than mine, and brushed against his cheeks like butterfly wings, and I could spend hours looking at him.
"I'm fine Cap, I'll see you when you get back," I mumured, kissing his cheek, "love you and be safe. Tell Clint I said hi and thanks for being a cockblocker."
"Honey!" Steve scoffed in mock shock, but smiled none the less, "I love you too, I'll be back soon, and maybe we can finish what you started later, in our room," he added, and kissed my forehead, before walking out the door.
I spent a few minutes contemplating in silence, and the cold shivers I always seemed to experience when he left, but our little interaction left me grasping at something it shouldn't of.
I was happy, and had no reason to even contemplate my wayward thoughts, but they were there, and I needed to talk to someone before I lost my mind.
"Friday, tell Tony I need to meet him for lunch," I demanded, as I walked upstairs to get dressed, needing to do something physically in order to overshadow the slight bereftment left over from Steve leaving.
"Yes ma'am," she replied quickly. Then after a minute, "he would like to speak to you."
"What's wrong hotstuff?" Tony's voice called over Friday's.
"Steve just left, and I'm headed to the facility to train Maria's recruits. Do you have time to catch lunch today, or even dinner?" I asked shyly, hoping Tony wouldn't make this harder than it already was going to be, but besides Tasha, which probably would of been better and more appropriate to talk to, Tony had been my friend for over a decade.
A long time ago Tony and I dated for almost a year, but before that we were great friends and confidants. He really was the only person, besides my dad, and Fury, who really took the time to get through too me. Of course I didn't meet him till I was tasked to keep an eye on him, once he came back from being kidnapped, but it didn't take long for us to build a relationship based off sarcasm, flirting, and mental issues. I loved him and our deep friendship, and loved being a part of his life, helping in him in his lab, but after a little bourbon, and flirting, we let things progress.
We tried the dating thing, for almost a year, but for us it just didn't work. I think we were just too much alike, plus we'd known each other for so long that instead of feeling excited about first kisses and other firsts, they more or less felt routine.
The exact opposite of what I feel for Steve.
His work ethic also didn't help. He was always so busy, espscially since he was Iron Man and still played a huge part in Stark Industries, at the time.
Honestly, I was afraid we wouldn't be able to come back from our brief relationship, but luckily Tony and I remained good friends and he was the only person who knew of a specific side of my personality I buried once I met Steve, and kept buried well after we had gotten married.
"Hello, earth to (y/n). You know how uncomfortable it makes me when you go off into your own world like that?" Tony laughed, "especially when I know what you're thinking about. You and Steve are disgusting."
"Jealous big guy?" I quipped, slipping a black tank top on and black yoga pants.
"Pfff, you should see the woman I'm dating?" Tony replied quickly.
"Tony, I'm the one who set you up with Pepper in the first place, moron," I retorted, rolling my eyes, before tying up my boots, "so lunch or Dinner jack ass?"
"Probably dinner, I have meetings till four, the diner?" He asked, "or you wanna get dressed up and fancy?"
"Pfff, oh yah, cause the conversation we're gonna have should be said over white tablecloths, and wine, pfff, dumbass," I scoffed, grabbing my gym bag, and looking at the bed I'd shared with Steve for a couple of years now. The dark blue comforter, sky blue sheets, that reminded me of his eyes, "diner's fine Stark..," I added through gritted teeth, unable to gather my thoughts and put them in order.
Steve and I were happy, I was happy. I didn't really need to change anything, or make things better? Right?
"You wanna tell me what the hell this is all about? You sound pissed now, and I'm worried," he questioned, "oh and Bruce says hi."
"Hey Bruce!" I replied, sighing and looking around Steve and I's bedroom.
"What's wrong, I can hear you sighing?" He asked again, "(y/n)?"
"Tone you know how I feel about Steve, how I've always felt about him, but," I paused and tried to find a easier way to say what I was thinking, "I just, I don't even know why I'm telling you this, well, I know why, cause you're my friend and I need some advice, but something's missing, maybe it's time.. maybe I should finally tell Steve, about things I want..I mean what..I buried three years ago," I babbled and wiped my face, already feeling the blush creeping up my cheeks, "ew, wait, never mind, I just heard what I said," I stammered, but it was too late to take it back, and frankly, Tony would understand exactly what I meant, he always understood me, and we shared almost everything with each other.
I was already slightly embarrassed to be talking about it, even with my oldest friend, who I used to sleep with, but Tony was my best friend, he was my person. We learned a long time ago we could talk about anything, and everything, it was something I didn't know I needed and craved.
"What're you, wait..uh, oh...ohhhhh, I see, and seriously, you really want to talk to me about that?" He snorted, but released a long sigh, and was quiet for a second while my stomach drooped, "you're crazy, but you're trying to tell me your black leather BDSM outfit and whips are dying to come out, finally?" He giggled, reverting back to his usual sarcasm, "Bruce come back, you're a goddamn prude."
"Awww we scared Brucie," I laughed embarrassingly, tying up my long hair in a messy bun and grabbed my black hoodie, "and I don't remember you complaining about those whips and chains."
"That's because I'm a pervert, but Steve, hmmm, maybe not so much crazy ass," he mumbled dryly, and cleared his throat.
I rolled my eyes as I pictured Tony doing the same.
When I first started dating Steve, Tony promised he'd be there for me, for anything, and I promised the same. It was a promise we said to each other quite a few times throughout the years, but as I sat there and listened to him breathe, I wondered if I was overstepping a line. I assumed he would of told me if I was oversharing, but considering I've had to listen to him talk about his long list of one night stands, and Pep, well I guessed the door worked both ways, but I wondered sometimes.
"He seems more relaxed now, but he's still a perfectionist asshole sometimes," Tony added, and scoffed under his breath.
"I know, which is why I'm a little freaked out by the notion, but I really just, I needed to vent to someone, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable," I mumured listlessly, and cleared my throat.
No shit, Steve was somewhat still so straighlaced sometimes, that it took some getting used to, but I loved him more than anything. I didn't want him to change, I loved him for who he was, but, I just wanted more. I felt awful thinking that way, cause Steve was also one of the most passionate men I'd ever met, and he treated me like a queen.
Yet, these last few months, maybe longer, I craved something more than slow passionate love making. I wanted ferocity, I wanted him to come home and just take me, put all that worry and fear into our love making. I wanted him to dominate me, and take the control away from our nights together. I wanted things done to me that were probably illegal in a few states, but it's what I wanted, and my body felt like it needed it, more so.
I liked the notion of being able to let my guard down, and not be so goddamned willful all the time. There was something so special about giving full control to someone you loved, and while Steve did have control, he moved at a slower pace, and I wanted more than that with my loving husband.
I wanted him to back me against the wall, and push our boundaries farther than we'd gone before.
I wanted to be able to kneel down by our door, and wait for him to come home.
I wanted a lot of things, wanted to do them with someone I cherished and trusted beyond doubt and reason, but for Steve, he was the epitome of romance, and love. He was wholesome, cherished me, respected me, and I sure as hell wasn't going to force the issue, since who knew if my husband would actually be comfortable with something like that.
Maybe I was being selfish, or just crazy?
"You're lucky I love you, cause I can't believe we're gonna have a discussion about this, but we'll talk tonight, crazy jerk..," Tony laughed.
"See you tonight then.. Iron bitch.." I giggled, heading out my door to start the day.