February 28, 2022 12:51 pm
"Stephen!" That was the first word out of Ant's mouth when he suddenly regained consciousness. Panic washed over him as he breathed heavily, trying to get his bearings.
Ali, who has been posted by Ant's bedside, got up from her chair and grabbed Ant's hand. "Hey, shhh. You're in the hospital now. Please calm down. Breathe slowly." Ali stroked Ant's cheek to try to calm him.
He scanned his surroundings and found himself confined in a bed inside a cold, sterile room. His right arms was hooked onto an IV drip, while various wires were stuck on his bare chest, connecting it to a heart monitor. He felt something foreign on his forehead and upon touching it, he made out that it was gauze.
More aware of his own well-being, Ant asked Ali about Stephen. "Al, where's Stephen? Is he alright?"
Ali's face fell . "Um, he's in the intensive care unit. Stephen...Stephen's not doing very well, Ant." A little sob escaped her lips when she finished that statement, hinting Ant at the seriousness of Stephen's condition.
"Dec?! How's Dec?" Ant frantically asked.
"As you can probably imagine, he's a wreck right now, but he's not showing it in front of the kids; he doesn't want to scare them. He also hasn't left Stephen's side that much ever since he got here to the hospital." Ali wiped away tears that have rolled down her cheeks. "I know he's freaking out in the inside because the colors are fading for him."
"Oh, god," Ant said as he ran his hand through his hair. "I should've just called a cab or sommat..."
"What?" Ali asked, confused by Ant's random statement.
"I wasn't thinking clearly...I was so drunk...I shouldn't have called Stephen. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me," Ant sobbed. "I've got to see him, Al. I've gotta be with him and Dec."
"Uh, I don't know if the doctor will let you go up there, Ant."
Ant ignored Ali and tried to get out of bed, but quickly found out the hard way that he was still weak. Ali helped him off the floor and sat him back down on the edge of the bed. "I'll get the doctor to check you out, then we'll see from then if he'll let you out, alright?"
Just wanting to get to see his friends, Ant agreed and waited as Ali went to fetch his doctor. Minutes later, Ali returned, accompanied by a man that was about their age.
"Mr. McPartlin, I'm Dr. Steinem. I'm glad to see you're awake. You got us worried that you weren't regaining consciousness as soon as we hoped for."
"Why? How long have I been out?" Ant frowned.
"About a day and half." The doctor flashed his torch at Ant's eyes to assess if he had a concussion.
"What?! Oh my god..." Ant said in disbelief. "Look, I have to go check on my friends. Am I allowed to leave now?"
"Yeah, it looks like you're good to go. Your legs may be a bit weak since you haven't been moving for a while, so you may need a wheelchair while you regain strength. Other than that though, I don't see why you can't be discharged yet."
"Okay," Ant nodded. His mind was going on hyper drive as random thoughts came in to his head.
The doctor made his exit, leaving Ant and Ali alone in the room.
"Ant, I've brought you a change of clothes. You get in them, while I take care of your discharge papers."
"Alright, thanks Al."
Ali handed him a backpack that had some of his personal belongings in it before going off to get Ant's discharge papers ready. Though it was a task, Ant changed into a fresh shirt and jeans, even managing to slip into his shoes.
By the time Ali came back, wheelchair with her, Ant was ready and itching to see Dec and Stephen.
"Okay, you're good to go. The nurse said to keep the gauze on for one more day before you can take it off. Just clean the stitches once in a while and it'll be good to take off in a couple of weeks." Ali pushed the wheelchair close to Ant and helped him get settled on it.
"I don't mean to be rude or owt Ali, but can we just go to the ICU right now? I need to support Dec."
Ali understood. "Of course, let's go."
Ali took Ant to Stephen's room, only to find that Dec or anyone else was there.
"Dec must have took the kids out for lunch," Ali commented.
Ant didn't register what she said though. He was too focused on the sight in front of him. There, laying very still on his hospital bed, was Stephen. Various wires were sticking out of him, machines were whirring and beeping; there was even a tube stuck down his throat to help him breathe.
"Holy shit...he shouldn't be here. I - this is all my fault," Ant sobbed.
Ali knelt in front of Ant and cupped his face. "None of this was your fault. You two got into an accident; you never meant for this to happen, Ant."
"It's my fault, Ali," Ant said adamantly. "He wouldn't have gotten in that accident if it wasn't for us. I called him up and he came to pick me up...oh god, Dec must hate me."
"I don't exactly know how I feel about you right now, Ant."
Ant turned around on his wheelchair to see Dec, with the kids asleep in their strollers and Stephen's parents just behind him, standing by the doorway. "Dec-"
The other Geordie held up his hand, stopping Ant from talking. "Ali, Chris, Maureen, can you stay here with Stephen and the kids while me and Ant talk somewhere else?"
"Sure, Dec." Ali took the strollers, while Dec pushed Ant into the hallway and into the deserted waiting area of the ICU floor.
"Dec-"
"No, let me speak first." Dec interrupted again. "Why was Stephen with you that night, Ant? I left him, sick in bed that night. How did he end up in that car with you, man? Why is my husband dying and you're perfectly fine?!"
Ant flinched, avoiding Dec's furious glare. "If I could take Stephen's place, you know I would, Dec. I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd switch places with him if it means you won't be hurting like this...I'd do anything for you, Dec."
Hearing the guilt in Ant's voice penetrated a little bit through Dec's hard exterior. He felt a bit bad for blaming his best friend for something he couldn't control. "Ant, I'm sorry. I didn't mean the last thing I said...I was just angry." Dec paused briefly, biting his lip to keep from sobbing uncontrollably. "The doctors said this morning that there's nothing else they can do for Stephen. They want me to take him off the anesthesia and the machines...and to just let him die naturally," Dec sobbed.
With all his strength, Ant got up from his wheelchair and took Dec into his arms. Out of his children's sight, Dec broke down.He no longer had to pretend to be strong. He let his defenses down and just cried.
Ant felt for Dec. He knows exactly what he's going through: the roller coaster of emotions; the colors fading, knowing that once the colors are completely gone, that Stephen would be gone as well. He guided Dec to a chair and sat next to him, arms still wrapped around Dec.
"It was a car accident though. How- how can they not do anything to save him?"
"The impact was really bad that it caused Stephen's kidneys stopped working, which meant that he couldn't properly filter his blood of bad things, which included the antiviral medication he took for his flu that night," Dec numbly explained, head still resting on Ant's shoulder. "That's what they told me. They said that since his kidneys couldn't filter out the medicine and it caused him to overdose."
"Can't they do that thing, that procedure that cleans the blood. Oh, what's it called? Dialysis!" Ant exclaimed. "Can't they do that to clean his blood?"
"They're already doing that, but it's not enough to fix all the problems. They told me that they can't do anything for him anymore since a lot of his organs, including his heart, has gone to shit. He can't qualify for any organ transplant because his chances of surviving are so low." He buried his head against Ant's chest as fresh tears came into his eyes.
"What have you decided to do?"
Dec wiped away his tears as he pulled away from Ant. "I talked to his parents to see what they think I should do since it's my call now. They thought that I should do Stephen a favor and take him off the anesthesia, the dialysis, and the heart pump so that he can spend his last moments with me and the kids."
"Is that what you wanna do?"
"I want to end his suffering, but I don't want to lose him, Ant." Dec looked at Ant. "I know it's selfish of me, but I don't know if I can live without him."
Ant took Dec's hands into his own. "Dec, you've still got the kids to live for. They're gonna be needing their dad." He let go of one of Dec's hands and cupped his best friend's cheek, wiping away tears as they fell. "And you've got your family, Stephen's family, Ali, and me to help you out. You're not alone in this. We'll be here for you when you need it."
"Thanks, Ant." He sat there for a few minutes, thinking over his options. Once he made his decision, Dec took a deep breath before standing up. "I've made my decision. I'll do what's best for Stephen, even if it means letting him go."