I was yet to tell Loran of the fact that it was, indeed, my nipples that were the source of the uneventful wetness and I did my best to ignore it as we were on our way to Treasure's appointment. I didn't know if he would just simultaneously stop or if this would continue for a while so the prevent another shirt change, I threw on an undershirt, and grabbed a sweatshirt for good measure.
"Cold?" Loran had teased as he'd seen my getup. I chuckled along with him but was not in the mood for laughs.
We didn't have to wait too long in the waiting room after Treasure was checked in. Registration was already waiting on her so as soon as we'd stepped out of the office, we were waiting maybe a total of five minutes, if even that. Dr. Christine - it looked odd to see her not in a white lab coat and a sethescope tossed over shoulders - greeted us, a clipboard in her hands, with a nurse in scrubs with a name tag that read HANA H.
"Ready to go?" Dr. Christine smiled at my daughter.
"I'll stay out here," Loran called out after me as I stood up with Treasure, hoisting her up on my hip, her slender arms going around my neck.
"Thanks for being able to bring her in on such a short notice," Dr. Christine smiled, sympathetically.
I shrugged and followed behind them as they lead me up to the Labor & Delivery ward as that was the only current area that had an available ultrasound machine ready to use. I sat back in one of the two waiting chairs off to the side - the other Dr. Christine sat in - as Hana explained what exactly she was doing to Treasure. Treasure looked at me nervously, but let the young woman do what she needed. I reached out and held her hand as she laid on her stomach, eyes closed as it calmed her nerves.
The young blonde stuck the cold gel covered wand to Treasure's back after explaining that it felt like ice and I watched as the black screen mounted on the wall came to life. I wasn't quite too sure what exactly Dr. Christine was on the lookout for as she didn't really explain any of this to me, so I just sat there and held my daughter's hand, my mind being brought back to the first time I was laying on the table, seeing her inside of me for the very first time, proving to my mother that I was, indeed, not depressed.
She so badly didn't want to believe my child's existence that day; maybe that's why I moved out so fast. I didn't want to be in a house where my parents didn't want to believe that my unborn baby would soon be a living, breathing person. Not that she wasn't a person in the womb. I believe as soon as conception happens, you're alive. What gives someone the power over life and death when it comes to another person, especially one that can't speak for themselves, or can't defend themselves. Maybe I was taking it too out of context, maybe I wasn't. I don't know.
They hadn't enforced an abortion on me. They hadn't done that to Abbie, either. They simply told her she'd disappointed them in becoming pregnant so young and that she didn't understand what she was doing. That's what lead her to an abortion. The sheer force of fear of our parents not loving her, that's what made her decide to take that baby's life.
That's where Abbie and I were different. She had wrapped herself up in the shame that our parents put on her. She didn't want the shame, she didn't want to be the let down child. I embraced my child. I wasn't afraid of what my parents thought. I let them believe for the last seven years that Treasure's conception was consensual, I wasn't going to let my daughter live in shame. She was worth much more than my pride, than my parents perfect pride.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, Treasure's small hand still grasping my much larger one, the soft skin of her little fingers felt so sweet against the rougher of mine. I didn't know where I'd be if Treasure wasn't mine. I probably would have continued on the path I'd set when I was in my sophomore year; I'd have finished in high school instead of online, I'd have gone to prom with Meredith Muller - the girl I'd wanted to ask to every high school dance but was far too nervous to ever talk to - I'd have graduated and walked across the stage. I'd have gone away to college to get the art degree I'd wanted so bad. I'd have a healthy relationship with my parents and my siblings.
But what I wouldn't have if Treasure wasn't mine would forever outweigh what I would've had. If she wasn't mine, I wouldn't have Loran. I probably wouldn't have given him a second thought about a relationship. I wouldn't have gotten the opportunity to raise Zach. And I wouldn't have the chance to possibly be carrying Loran's child right now.