What if?
What if Peeta finds out about what happened last night? What will he think of the vote? More to the point, what will he think of me? What if he's angry? What if he thinks something went on between me and Gale? What if this will tear us apart?
What if? What if? What if...
---
"Mummy..."
I wake up to Sophie leaning over me, pulling at the covers laid over me. I moan slightly and stretch my arms up as I sit up. Sophie is sat on the bed, the room lit as the beams stream in the train windows. I pull her into my arms and ask her softly
"What's up sweetie?"
She says, pouting out her lip
"I can't find teddy"
I nod and say to her
"I'll help you find him in a minute"
She lightens up when I say this. I look around the room. No sight of Peeta. I ask her whilst running my fingers through her hair
"Where's daddy?"
She shrugs her shoulders which makes me laugh. I tell her
"Let's go find teddy"
I get up out of bed and begin to look around the room for her teddy. Within a matter of minutes we have found him, beneath the couch. Sophie is then satisfied and sitting on the couch quietly, whispering things to the bear. Whether its gibberish or real words I know this is her way of communicating as a two year old. It's good to know she has someone to trust, even if its just a bear. About 10 minutes later Peeta enters the room. He says
"You're up"
I nod and ask him
"Where were you?"
He tells me
"I was just asking how long it will take until we're home"
I say
"And?"
He replies
"Tomorrow. They cleared the tracks but we still have to pass through the capitol"
I nod. He walks past Sophie and plants a kiss on her forehead. He takes a moment to talk to her, I hear him mention Teddy. He then looks at me and asks
"Are you hungry?"
I nod. I first decide to get dressed so I grab my clothes and bring them to the bathroom. I strip from my night clothes and have a quick shower before clothing myself and exiting the bathroom. Peeta stands up when I enter the room and I tell him I will be back after I eat. I give him a quick kiss, preventing that loving feeling of sinking into his kisses. I then walk out. When I walk down the corridor I suddenly feel someone get a tight grasp on my arm. I whip around quickly, immediately thinking its Gale but its not. Instead its Johanna. She says to me
"Come here"
I follow her despite my confusion of what's going on to the dining car. I order my breakfast as she sits down before me. She sits back and folds her arms giving me a strict look, reminding me of her unfriendly manner she used in the games. She says to me
"I know you've been a brilliant friend since I came to 13 up until now. But I need you to understand when I say what I'm about to say, that Peeta has gone through everything with me. He was in the capitol and everything with the torture he went through too and that's why...."
I'm totally confused now. I say
"Johanna what exactly are you getting at here?"
She says
"I saw you sneak out last night, with your ex, Gale right?"
She knows, great. I mutter
"Not my ex"
She says, slightly irritated
"Friend with benefits, whatever brainless. What I am asking you is what went on between you two? Because I know what Peeta went through while you were in 13 and I know he shouldn't have to go through pain again. He is my friend and I just don't want him to get hurt"
I nod. I can understand where she is coming from. With all they went through together of course they are close. They were there for each other when they bled, when they screamed for help and mercy as they were tortured. I tell her
"I would never do anything to hurt Peeta"
She raises her eyebrows looking for an explanation. So I tell her what Gale told me.
---
We all say goodbye to Johanna and Evan before getting off the train. She believed what I told her a yesterday. That was surprising. I haven't seen Gale wandering around on the train since that night and I'm glad. I honestly couldn't deal with more drama. As we make our way toward the door, all passengers get off one by one. I hold our suitcase in one hand as Peeta guides Sophie. They both get onto the platform first and just as I am about to go off I feel a tight squeeze on my arm. I turn around and its him. Gale. He doesn't say anything but shoves a piece of paper quickly into my hand before rushing off down the corridor. When I get home that night, I pull the crumpled paper from my pocket in which I shoved it in out of Peeta's sight. I open it and read the scrawly writing
I have your number already, I'll update you on any news. Call me if you want
0876546728199
I think about throwing it in the fire but then I recall that it's just a number. An offer for someone to talk to. So I don't. Instead I shove it in my pocket until I'm upstairs then put it in my drawer. Peeta and I both have our own bedside locker, private to both of us. Mine contains my bracelet, his medallion and more keepsakes like that. I slide the piece into the drawer before closing it. I bid Sophie goodnight before going to bed. Peeta's arms don't wrap around me and I don't make an effort to approach them. He knows that there is a secret being hidden, he's very good at predicting me unfortunately. I know if I went to him he would still comfort me but I don't, I'd be afraid the guilt of keeping this from him would swallow me up alive. Secrets can easily turn to one of your worst enemies, lies can turn to promises that are become unable to reverse...