By the time that Wednesday rolled around, the anticipation was beginning to build within Lexie. Because she was not working at the hospital, she had plenty of free time to make sure that everything was perfect, but it also caused her to be done early leaving her plenty of time to think. Which was not good. For it was in those lonely moments that her thoughts drifted to her mother.
Lexie knew that Susan Grey would have liked Mark Sloan. Deep within her belief that her mother brought them together was the idea that even if she had been living, she would have seen the good in him. The good that Lexie could see.
So as she gained excitement from each wedding related task, Lexie also felt nostalgic and sad as well. There was the dress shopping which her mother wasn't there for. The floral arrangements her mother wasn't there to nitpick. The chapel her mother wasn't there to worry about the location of. The bridesmaid dress for Molly which her mother wasn't there to call risqué. And this was all leading to the wedding which her mother wouldn't be there to see.
Each task was a double edged sword, both pleasing and painful.
It finally came to a head on Tuesday evening when she was curled up in bed with Mark. He was sleeping soundly, his breath blowing gently against her neck. The conflicting emotions seemed to hit her all at once: her sorrow at her mother's absence, the stress of her accident, and the joy she felt over marrying Mark. She had no defenses in place for this, and soon her shoulders shook in silent sobs.
It was too much. Much too much for one person to endure. She felt so alone, and it began to fill her until she felt a hand rubbing up and down her back, carefully avoiding her pink incision.
"What's wrong?" Mark whispered in the darkness. Lexie rolled over to face him, and he had to fight from gasping at the utter sadness that he saw in her eyes.
His throat clogged with emotion as he whispered, "Tell me, Lexie." It felt as if he was dying inside, but he promised himself he wouldn't react if she called off the wedding.
"I just…I miss my mother," Lexie confessed, causing Mark to blow out the breath he had been holding.
She continued, "All of the planning and the preparing have reminded me that she won't, that she can't, be there for me on Saturday. I thought I was over it, you know? But I…" She began to cry again.
Mark pulled her small body against his chest, kissing her hair lovingly. "I wish I could do something for you," he murmured.
Lexie shuddered in his arms, thinking through her tears how happy she was that Mark was hers. "There is nothing you can do, just hold me."
Mark continued to move his hands soothingly over her hair and down her back. He tried to think of something, of anything, to say. "When you were in the hospital, in the trauma room, I thought you were going to die," Mark said into the quiet of the bedroom. "I was standing there, feeling utterly helpless, and I had myself convinced that you were lost to me." Lexie raised her tear filled eyes to his, as he spoke in a halting voice. "You were so still Lexie, too still. And I felt certain that if you died, all that was good inside me, all that you helped me discover, would die too. The world didn't seem worth living in without you, so I wouldn't live. I would have slept and ate and breathed, but no one could have called it living. But when you came out of surgery, and you opened your eyes, all that hopelessness drifted away and I knew I still had something to live for."
Lexie's eyes gazed steadily into his, and Mark continued. "What I am saying is that you once asked me if I thought you and I being together was part of some sort of fated plan. I said no then, but I don't think that way anymore. There were moments in the ER when I felt like I was about to give up, like the billions of cells inside of me telling me that you would live were wrong. But there was something stopping me from getting to that point. Something or someone. I believe in something now Lexie, and you should too. Your mother loved you, and I know she will be with us on Saturday."
"How do you do that?" Lexie asked, her voice full of awe.
"Do what?" Mark replied.
"Always know the right thing to say?"
"I don't," Mark said. "I just say what I feel."
Lexie shook her head as much as their close proximity would allow. "How anyone could ever have doubted the depth of your feelings is beyond me."
Mark felt his cheeks heat and was grateful for the darkness.
"I'll have you," Lexie said, as if she had come to a conclusion. "On Saturday, I mean. I will have you, and that will be enough." She touched the tip of her nose to his trying to get as close to him as possible. "You are everything to me, Mark. You're the love of my life."
"And you're the love of mine."
He kissed her in the darkness and she held onto him tightly.
***
The next day, Mark and Lexie went into the hospital together. She had agreed to meet Mrs. Shepherd at the nurse's station, from where she, Meredith, and Carolyn were going to breakfast.
"Tell me again why I have to go to work when you are going to be out and about all day?"
"Out and about?" Lexie asked, quirking an eyebrow. "No one says that."
"I do," Mark replied. "I say that. Hence, me just saying that."
"Hence, now," Lexie said with a smile. "When did you get so formal? I love the way you wrap you mouth around words."
"You would be amazed at all the things I can do with my tongue," Mark smirked.
"And the moment is over," Lexie declared. They paused in the entryway of the hospital, and Lexie grabbed his lapels and dragged Mark to her. "Besides," she whispered suggestively, "I know all the things you do with your tongue."
"Not all of them," Mark said with a wicked grin.
Lexie smiled. "Well, you can show me after we are married. Something to look forward to."
"You will have many things to look forward to," Mark said, brushing his lips against her cheek. "I'll make sure of it."
"Is that a promise?" Lexie asked, her eyes glinting.
"Absolutely," Mark swore before claiming her mouth with a hot kiss.
"Get a room!"
Mark and Lexie broke apart to see Derek coming towards them. He had a wide grin on his face as he observed them, and Lexie returned it as a blush crept onto her face. Mark grinned in Derek's direction, but it faded from his face when he saw who was with him. Addison walked a step behind him with an inscrutable look on her face.
"God, you two are worse than Alex and Izzie," Derek said, as he came to a stop in front of them.
"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," Lexie said. She looked inquiringly at Addison, but said nothing. She wondered why she looked so familiar.
"Mark," Addison said. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"
Mark tensed, but then he said, "Lexie this is Addison, Derek's ex-wife."
Lexie looked at him funny when he said that. Why did he phrase it so oddly? She was more than just Derek's ex-wife, and Lexie certainly knew that. "It's nice to meet you, Dr. Montgomery. I have heard a lot about you."
"Don't believe a word of it," Addison said with a smile.
Lexie smiled back. "Alright."
"I heard you two were getting married," Addison said to Lexie. "Congratulations. I am sure you will be very happy."
Mark watched Addison uneasily, but then relaxed when he heard the openness in her tone.
"Thank you," Lexie said. "That is very kind of you." She then turned to Mark. "I better go."
They kissed perfunctorily, and Lexie left with a shy smile to Addison and a nod to Derek.
"Where is she going?" Addison asked.
"To go to breakfast with Mom," Derek replied. "She is taking both Meredith and Lexie."
Addison tried to wipe her regret from her face. Most of the time she knew she had made the right decision about divorcing Derek, but sometimes, like right now, she wished she could rewind the clock to before she ever threw it away.
It used to be her, Derek, and Mark; now, they were nothing but people who used to be friends.
Funny, that.
***
When Lexie got to the nurse's station, Meredith was already there, fidgeting nervously.
"Hey," Lexie said.
"Hi," Meredith responded and then began speaking in a rush. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry. I didn't eat this morning and now I am just starving."
"Whoa," Lexie said. "Deep breaths, Meredith. You are starting to sound like me."
Meredith gave her a weak grin.
"What's wrong?" Lexie asked.
"Mama Shepherd is coming."
"Yes," Lexie said slowly. "So what?"
"So, she's coming!"
Lexie laughed. "What is wrong with this picture when you are being the neurotic one? I thought you and Carolyn seemed to work things out at the end of your visit?"
"We did, but you are getting married now!"
"So?"
"So what if she wants me and Derek to get married now? I don't know if I am ready for that," Meredith said.
"Why not?" Lexie asked. "You two have been dating for what seems like an eternity."
Meredith sighed. "Things were fine, but then you had to go put marriage into Mama Shepherd's mind."
"I hate to break it to you, Meredith," Lexie said with a grin, "but mothers always have marriage on the mind."
"Ugh!" Meredith groaned. "This is not going to end well."
"Meredith! Lexie!"
The sisters turned at the sound of their names being called and gave identical smiles when they saw Carolyn. She was wearing a sweat suit similar to the one she had been wearing the first time they had met her, but this one was royal blue. She hugged Meredith first, and then wrapped her arms around Lexie with a laugh.
"Oh, you don't know how happy I am that this day is here!" She said to Lexie. "I never thought I would see the day when Mark got married, and yet here it is. Derek has Meredith and Mark has you, all is right with the world," Carolyn declared.
They all laughed, and Meredith seemed to relax when she saw that Carolyn was too focused on the wedding to bother Meredith about when she was going to tie the knot.
"I knew you were a good girl when I met you Lexie Grey," Carolyn said. "I am just glad that I could give Mark the encouragement to not give up."
"Wait, what?" Lexie asked.
"Well, you know," Carolyn said. "That next morning after we all had dinner together. Mark was being just like a man and ignoring his feelings, big surprise, and he was all mopey."
Lexie smiled. "And you convinced him to go after me?"
"More like made him acknowledge his feelings," Carolyn said dryly. "That man wasn't going to stay away from you no matter what my bone-headed son said."
Lexie's laugh sounded like bells to Meredith's ears. "Well, I wouldn't have been able to stay away from him either so that works out just fine."
Carolyn smiled. "You are a lovely girl." Her voice sounded both relieved and content. "Now, let's get some breakfast into the two of you before you both blow away, and Lexie, you can tell me the wedding plans." Carolyn linked her right arm through Meredith's and her left arm through Lexie's.
As they walked away chatting, Meredith couldn't help but think, So this is what it is like to have a family.