A/N if there's a mistake please ignore it bc I'm tired and I'm a sensitive squish :3
~~~
I messed up. I got drunk, I acted stupidly, and I made myself look like a sad, worthless idiot to Jordan. How you ask? What unspeakable act might cause such incredible idiocy?
I broke my ass.
The doctor stifled a laugh when I stared at her, wide eyed, after she delivered the news. "A coccyx is the actual term for it, but yeah, you broke your bum. We'll be giving you tons of meds, you're to take one of each every morning and night for pain and to help you sleep. Try not to sit all of your weight onto the bone, lay on your stomach when you sleep, and...um...get a close friend to help you massage your buttocks every once in awhile, yeah?"
"Fine. I deserve this. I am never getting drunk again." The hangover combined with the burning, stabbing pain in my ass made me feel absolutely miserable. If the physical pain wasn't enough, the shame and embarrassment was. After Jordan was separated from me and a nurse put me in a room, I cried my damn eyes out. It hurt. It was nothing like anything I'd ever felt before, the pain was almost unbearable. The doctor walked in right in the midst of my break down and put me on so much morphine I could barely feel my face afterwards, and it's still a bit numb now. She must've felt sorry for me, I knew this much morphine wasn't allowed for such a minor injury.
The doctor grinned. "I'll get you a wheelchair and your clothes, then you can be on your way and hide inside your house for awhile until you feel better."
"I can't hide from my problems, my problem is in the waiting room."
A shadow of a grin made its way to her lips. "That boy who walked you in?"
"More like carried me in. I can't tell him I broke my arse, it's embarrassing!"
She smiled. "Well, I think he would be more worried about your wellbeing to laugh at you. Act pitiful and I'm sure he won't do a thing."
"Act pitiful? How?"
"You know, cry, limp around, wince every five minutes, keep your eyes lowered. That's all I can tell you honey. One of my nurses will escort you out once we get your chair and then I'll send your meds to a local pharmacy for your boyfriend to pick up. Okay?" She didn't wait for my answer, turning on her heel and quickly exiting the room before I could even get my response out.
"He's not my boyfriend!" I shouted, but the door had already closed behind her. Why does everyone think he's my boyfriend? Sure I'm with him all the time and I just about live with him nowadays, but that doesn't mean I'm dating the guy.
A nurse entered the room pushing an empty wheelchair and motioned for me to get in it. It took me ten minutes to get in the damn thing and two seconds for the nurse to push me ninety miles an hour down the hallway and to the waiting room door. I gulped, put my head down, and slumped back in my chair. I hope that docs advice works.
The waiting room was empty, except for a mother and her kid sitting in the corner. He looked like he'd busted his face up pretty bad on the right side, but I wasn't sure from what. My eyes met Jordan's three chairs away from the boy and his mother, and they were blank.
Shit.
He walked over quickly, but his gaze remained on the nurse as she gave him instructions on what to do after we left the hospital, which I ignored as I stared worriedly at Jordan. After what seemed like years, he nodded and took hold of the wheelchair himself and began to push me.
Nothing was said as we exited the hospital and started our journey across the parking lot to his car. I felt horrible. No, not because my ass was broken and I was dehydrated as hell and my head ached from all the morphine, but because I embarrassed myself in front of Jordan and showed him just how pathetic I was without him in my life. I was willing to kill myself if he left me or rejected me, and now he knows that. I wanted to be anywhere but around him at the moment.
He wordlessly helped me into my seat when we got to his car and said nothing as he strapped his own self in. As I tried with failure to keep my weight off my butt bone, I was also trying to capture his expression in the dark. It was still blank.
He didn't look away from the road once the entire way to the pharmacy, and never looked me in the eye even when we got home. He pulled the covers over me silently and got in himself. Not a sound was heard in the room as we laid there, side my side, inches apart. I felt like crying again. Why hasn't he said anything yet? Will he ever talk to me again? Has he decided he can't be around someone so dependent on him all the time? I tried to shift weight in a more comfortable position, but all I did was jar the injured bone and cause a pathetic whine to escape my throat. I hope he didn't hear that.
"Tom?"
Ugh. He so heard it.
"Yea?" I answered.
"You okay?"
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"My ass hurts."
His giggle was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. "I really tried to catch you. I-I just wasn't strong enough."
"Or maybe my ass was too fat."
Another giggle. "You aren't fat. I love you."
Thank god the light was off, or else my blush would've been seen for sure. My face felt like it was on fire. After all that's happened, he still loves me. He's reassuring me that he stills wants to be around me.
"I love you too. Can you please hold me?"
"Of course."
His arms made the pain go away.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.
"You just did."
"Shut up. What were you going to say before I interrupted you and tried to jump off the damn wall?"
"Nothing. I should go get your meds, you need to take them before you go to sleep."
"You know I'm not taking any meds until you tell me Jordan."
"Then your butt will just have to hurt all day tomorrow. Goodnight."
"You aren't ditching me by sleeping. I will wake your ass up."
"I'm tired."
"And I'm a poor man with a broken coccyx who wants to know some simple information."
"It's embarrassing, Tom."
"Doesn't matter, you know I won't laugh at you. Tell me."
He sighed. "I wanted to tell you that...ugh. It seems so weird now, I don't want to say it."
"Say it!"
"Okay! Tom you're an amazing person and if those man whores want to hook up in dedication to hurt you, then it makes them...it makes them man whores! You're loyal and you're sweet, like a puppy and I love puppies. You're handsome, you're considerate even when you're being mean, and you care about people. I just want you to know that you are wonderful even if you think you aren't. Anyone would be lucky to have you, anybody. I'm lucky to have you in my life. And...if you still want to-..." He swallowed hard and sighed.
"If I still want to?" I pressed gently.
"If you still want to...to be involved in each other's futures, then...it's okay with me. I want you to be in my life for a really long time. Do you still want to...?"
He sounded like he had a rock stuck in his vocal chords, but it still sounded all the more beautiful to me. He wants a future with me. That's what he just said, right? He wants to share a future with me?
"You want to share futures," I dead panned.
"Y-Yeah. Do you?"
"Are you sure? A few weeks ago you said-"
"I know, I know what I said. I've thought about it for awhile and weighed the pros and cons, but I made up my mind yesterday."
"...do you want to go on a date then?"
He made a sound that was very similar to a cat harking up a hair ball, and I guessed that he really wasn't expecting me to ask him that question.
"You don't have to. I mean, I thought it'd be a good start if we're really going to try this thing out."
"Y-You said you didn't want to go out."
"Well now that I've broken my ass, knocked my brains in the right direction, and learned that you probably aren't like the rest of the bastards and bitches I've dated before, I think I'm okay with going on one date. Just to see how things go."
He contemplated it for awhile. After a few minutes, he finally answered back. "I guess that would be okay. When could we do it? We'd have to wait until your...coccyx heals."
"After London. Definitely."
"Or during London? After the conventions over and all of my friends leave. It would be more exotic, y'know?"
"Mh. Sounds good Sparklez." My eyes were getting heavy.
"Night, my love," he whispered jokingly.
"Night, darling," I replied sleepily.
My dreams that night were filled with roses, candles, and brown eyes.
~2 weeks later~
My life had never been so good before. My mornings were spent with breakfast in bed, cuddling Jordan as we binge watched Breaking Bad and played footsie under the covers. My evenings were spent on Jordan's recording room couch, watching him play minecraft while he streamed to thousands of people unbeknownst of my presence in the room. I was good at laughing quietly, let's just say that. Every now and then Jordan would pause his stream to 'go have a snack' when in reality he'd hop on the couch with me and made sure I was fed, my was bladder emptied, and I was in a content mood. At night, he would make sure I took all my meds before bed and even gave me a small kiss on the cheek for a reward. He was a good boyfriend, even though we weren't even dating and never mentioned it in any of our conversations anymore. But he was trying to prove he would be a good one, I knew. And I approved of it. He would be a good boyfriend. One of the best.
Also over the two weeks, my ass has finally stopped torturing me throughout the night with constant pain and aches to keep me up. I'm walking now, I can sleep on my backside without howling in pain, and I can go to the bathroom by myself. I can tell Jordan misses playing nurse. He'll still ask me constantly if I'm okay and hell if he's going to let me go anywhere in the house without him by my side. If I'm being honest with myself, I love playing the patient when he acts like a protective little nurse. It gives me a reassuring sense of security, something I haven't felt in awhile.
Sonja and Tucker called a week after my accident to see how I was doing, and I spent almost a whole day explaining what all had happened since I'd left. I missed them, despite how happy I was with Jordan. I promised I would try to visit sometime before the London trip, but that promise was looking slimmer and slimmer as the days went on. I couldn't help Jordan pack right now because the doc claimed I still needed plenty of bed rest, and as soon as I did heal completely the trip would only be a day or two away. I would have to spend that time packing, I probably wouldn't have time to visit them. It would most likely have to wait until after London.
A plus to having Jordan as my personal nurse: he will do anything I ask if it's with a pitiful face and watery eyes. That means any food, drink, movie selection, or personal favor. So far he has done everything for me and hasn't declined a request yet. But when I asked him, pleaded with him, while I forced my eyes to get a little water, to put on PornHub and watch it with me, he replied-
"No. Absolutely no way. Tom I will do anything for you and you know this, but I will do anything except that. If you want to watch that stuff, then put it up on your phone and I'll leave the house for awhile. I'm not watching porn, especially with you in the room." He was utterly horrified at the fact that I'd even asked him, while I was a bit offended. I felt like a princess getting told she can't get what she wants. I wanted to throw a hissy fit.
"But Jardon, it's easier to get into it when someone else is watching it with you."
"I don't care!" He sputtered out, shifting away from the bed. "It's weird, I'm leaving the room now..."
"Nooo..." I whined, taking hold of his wrist and tugging it weakly. "I haven't gotten off in two weeks. Please?"
"No! Tom, this is weird!"
"It's only weird if you make it weird. C'mere, I'll show you."
"Are you seriously forcing me to watch porn with you?"
"Yup. Take a seat or there will be punishment Mr Sparkly Pants!"
Reluctantly with both cheeks flushed bubblegum pink, he sat back down on the bed with me. I took the remote off his nightstand and set up PornHub. My intentions weren't to get off in front of him, no, they were to make him less embarrassed and shy. Making him braver was my goal, and I planned to finish this goal by the end of the week, right before the London trip.
"W-What are we watching?" He stuttered. Smooth as creamy peanut butter, I let my arm fall around his shoulders to relax him a little bit.
"Well I don't know about you, but I'm really interested in the gay side of this website. That good with you pink cheeks?"
He cracked a smile. "Yeah, I guess."
"You guess?" I teased, smiling right back at him. "I don't want to offend you with gay, since I know you're straight as an arrow and all."
"Ha ha," he replied dryly. "Just play it."
I pressed the play button. Immediately he tensed up, the two guys on screen were already shirtless and I guessed he wasn't ready for it that soon. "Haven't you watched porn before?" I asked him. "Like, a shit load of times?"
His pink cheeks were quickly going scarlet as his eyes stayed glued to the screen. "N-Never with somebody. This is weird, I really don't want to do this."
"Only weird if you make it weird. Relax."
I heard him suck in a large breath and blow it back out slowly. "Why are we really doing this? I mean, you can't just say that I'm here to get you more turned on...that isn't true."
"It is true."
"Tom."
"Jordan. You're sexy."
"No I'm not."
"You are. Shut up and watch the porn."
"I don't want to shut up and watch the porn."
"Would you rather act it out instead?"
"Ew!" He threw his hands over his eyes when the screen showed a particularly gross scene, but it wasn't something I hadn't seen or done before. "Tom, I don't want to do this! Turn it off!"
"Okay!" I exclaimed, turning the TV to an actual channel. "It's off! Jeez, you really are a virgin aren't you? I bet you blush every time you see your own penis..."
He uncovered his eyes slowly, revealing two scary dark eyes glaring at me. "And you really are a slut, aren't you?" He replied snappily. "To watch all of this filthy stuff and not even flinch? To know your ex boyfriends moans and recognize them instantly? How many times have you had sex before? Twenty? Fifty? A hundred? It wouldn't surprise me, really, if it was over a hundred. You're obviously the biggest man whore on the planet, and you don't mind one bit to chuck someone out of their comfort zone so you can soften them up and get in their pants too."
Ouch.
"Jordan-"
"Go to hell," he spat in a wavering tone that broke my heart. He tugged his wrist free and was out of the room before I could even tell him I was sorry.
~
The day went by slowly. Jordan didn't bring any food in, or take me to use the bathroom, or make a single sound after his exit from the bedroom. And I deserved it. He obviously didn't want to watch porn, I shouldn't have pressured him into it. He said no and I should've stopped at that. But did he really think I was softening him up so I could get in his pants? That's horrible. No wonder he said all of that mean shit, I would've said it too if I was in his place. I acted like a total asshole to him. What was I thinking?
I thought of ways to fix it for the rest of the day. I couldn't get him a gift, I was still sore in the butt and I couldn't go to the store. Apologies wouldn't work, I hurt him too badly this time. What could I do?
Slut.
Shut up brain. I haven't got time for painful thoughts. Scrolling through my phone once more, I continued my search for an idea to heal the wounds between me and Jordan.
Whore.
Shit. No, please no. I don't need this right now.
Go to hell.
I bit into my lip to keep the tears from spilling over. How could he? How could he? I would never call him fat after finding out it's his trigger word. Of course...I'm sure he doesn't know my trigger words yet. Maybe he just didn't know.
But he still said them. He meant them. You're a whore, and a slut. You know that too. Just accept it.
I cried myself to sleep.
~
A small pestering poking feeling in the chub of my stomach caused me to wake up. It was dark, I couldn't see anything except a dark outline of a figure looming over me. My throat was so swelled together that I couldn't even scream, but why scream anyway? I'll just let this robber kill me.
"Tom," the figure whispered. I shriveled against my pillows at the voice. I hope it's quick, whatever he decides to do with me. "Tom, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad person. I called you- I called you a slut! I don't understand what possessed me to say that, I...I'm so sorry. Please be okay, I'm sorry."
The clammy hands grasping mine were familiar, and I groaned when I realized it was Jordan. Why isn't he in bed with me? I miss the warmth he radiates when he sleeps.
"Mh...come tah bed, Jordy."
The hands tensed. "What?" he whispered.
"Come...come to bed. S'too late for shit feelings."
The bed didn't move, neither did the hands. I let out a growl of impatience and tugged at the hands. "Bed!" I slurred tiredly. "Worry 'bout it in the morning..."
"You aren't sad? Or angry?"
"Morning," I slurred again. "In tha morning. Sleep, you worry worm..."
"I feel horrible."
"Don'..."
"I said those awful things-"
"Sleep! Damn it, I'm tryin ta sleep..."
"Okay! Okay, I'm sorry. Goodnight Tom. I love you."
"Night, squish..."
Silence. Then there was a sniffle, a wet one. I sighed. "What?"
"You don't love me back anymore."
"Always love you...you don' have to doubt that."
That shut up him for awhile. He slipped into the covers on his side and cuddled up to me, leaning his forehead on my chest. His hair was unruly, at its messiest. He looked so tired and unhappy, but the closing of his eyes gave the impression that he was content. I let my arm drape around his waist and hugged him close.
"What if I hurt you real bad one day?" He asked, whispering. "Like, really really bad?"
"Then I'd hurt. But I'd still love you Jordy."
"You would?" His breath ghosted over my neck, sending chills and goosebumps all across my skin. I can taste his breath, he's been eating chocolate I know. God, I want him.
"Mhm. Can your ass go to sleep now? You're making mine ache like hell."
"Well, um...did you ever, you know, get off?"
"Off what?" I replied, barely awake at this point.
"Did you ever get off? From-from the porn?"
"I didn't want to get off in the first place. I wanted to make you less shy, so I could get you more comfortable around me. I wasn't trying to soften you up, you know. I'm a pervert and you're shy as hell...I wanted you to feel more relaxed around me."
"I am relaxed around you."
"Not really."
"Well, I'm relaxed enough to do this."
I was on the edge of sleep, one more second and I would've been, but then I felt it. A hand slithering over my back side and my stomach. His hand traveled lower and lower until it went past the line of my waist band. I gulped when it stopped at its destination, and every muscle in my body tensed when he started moving.
"Do you like this more than watching porn?" I heard him smirk. Fight the Dom. Fight the Dom.
"Yeah, but I think I'd like this much better."
And then we began battling.
~
Many hickeys, wet kisses, and fiery dominance battles later, Jordan was gasping for breath on the covers with his arms and legs spread eagle and his pants hanging on a lamp near the bed. I planted a kiss on the inside of his thigh and sat up, wiping my mouth. "Let's get one thing straight. I dominate you."
Smiling, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not giving in that easily. You may have won the battle, but we still have a war to finish."
Retrieving his pants from the lamp shade and turning off the lamp, I slipped back into bed and handed him his underwear.
"Thanks," he replied sarcastically. "You're such a gentleman, getting my pants for me after ripping them off."
"Hey I could've made you get them yourself. Ready to sleep, squishy?"
"No, I'm not tired. Are you tired?"
"Nah. Round two?"
"Tom!"
"What?"
"Round two? I can't go again, I'm completely dehydrated."
"I thought you said you weren't tired?"
"Dehydrated means I'm thirsty."
"Ah. Thirsty for water or thirsty for...?" I wriggled my eyebrows, and he slapped me playfully.
"Water. Go get me some."
"Got it princess."
"Princess?"
"Yeah. You like princess?"
He nodded wordlessly, eyes wide and dark. I headed towards the kitchen silently, smiling to myself. I'll have to use that nickname more often during bed fun times.
I decided to make him a fruit bowl too, what with all the unused fruit laying around in his fridge. It looked like he hadn't been to the store in awhile, and I vowed to go first thing in the morning so I could buy groceries and some travel supplies for London. When I walked back into the bedroom, he had YouTube pulled up on his tv screen.
"Two bottles of water and a bowl of freshly cut straw berries, bananas, and grapes. Will this suffice, your majesty?" I tossed him the water, but his reaction time was way too slow, and he ended up getting hit in the cheek with it.
"If I was a princess, you'd already be executed..." He rubbed his cheek grumpily and took the bowl of fruit from me hastily. I apologized with a kiss to his bruised cheek and pulled the covers back over us both.
He showed me a video of him skating when he was just a cute little teenager with shaggy curls and oversized teeth. He was a good skater, I could tell. He seemed in his element throughout the entire video, even when his mother (who was filming the whole thing) teased him a few times about how adorable he was, he remained focused and determined. I suddenly had a sad, strange longing to have met Jordan when we were both teenagers. Maybe he could've saved me from the incoming doom that was Matthew Haag.
"How old were you when you realized you were gay?" I asked quietly.
"About sixteen."
"What made you realize?"
"My friends made me read a porno one time, at a sleepover. It didn't really faze me, just sort of made me feel sick at my stomach. I think the guy who invited me over's sister noticed, because later when I was off alone she handed me this guy porno instead. I liked it a lot better. That was the first clue. There was a bunch of other stuff that made me realize too, but that was the first. When did you realize you were bisexual?"
"Seventeen. I had a girlfriend, but then I met Nade."
"Oh."
"You ever talk to your mum at all anymore?"
"Sometimes. I see her on holidays."
"You love her?"
"Of course."
"Does she love you, even after you came out?"
He frowned. "...my mom doesn't know I'm gay, and she never will."
"What? But-...Jordan that's-"
"Unhealthy, I know. But she's kind of a religious person. It's better she doesn't know."
"You're afraid she won't love you?"
"I'm afraid the rest of my family will judge her because she'll love me still."
"Your whole family's religious too?"
"Yeah. And judgmental. Mom isn't, she...I know she'll love me if I come out. She loves everyone."
"Are you religious?"
"Not really. But I'd like to be."
"What does that mean?"
"Well...the idea of, you know, years from now...having a family and taking them to a church full of loving people every week, people who will care and help and love them unconditionally...it's a nice idea, isn't it? But I know it can't happen. Since I'm an abomination, and all..."
"There's gotta be a church around here that ignores that whole shit idea of banning gays or whatever. I'll find one, and one day we can- I mean, you can go. With your family."
He smiled down at his enclosed hands. "Thanks, Tom. You can come too. With your family."
"Yeah."
We laid beside each other in silence for awhile. Jordan turned the tv off and snuggled in closer to me, burying his head into the crook of my neck. I held him as I listened intently to his heart beat.
"With our family..." He whispered. I planted a small kiss on his hair.
"With our family," I repeated firmly.
~~~
I don't care what anyone says I LOVE THE TWILIGHT SERIES AND I AM TRASH BC OF IT. I HAVE READ ALL THE BOOKS, WATCHED ALL FIVE HORRIBLE MOVIES AND I HAVE READ ALL THE FANFICS PLZ THROW GARBAGE AT ME (embraces inner trash can self)
I'm watching all the movies today because I'm sad n stuff and I'm feeling much better now that I'm watching sexy vampires run around :3 I thought I'd update while I'm in a good mood sooo here ya go <3
Pretty please leave favorites and comments? I'll love you and appreciate you very much if you do!
Thank yew :3
- Lee