I'm asleep. Though I can hear the chatter around me, the constant noise. Though all of the noise seems to go through one ear and out the other, no words sticking into my brain, nothing remaining. There is a surge of energy, everywhere. Running from my fingers to my toes, tingles. My body feels as though it is in heaven, some sort of odd paradise where everything just feels right, warm, soft.
"Troye? Are you awake?," A soft voice murmurs into my ear. Though I can feel something vibrate as the voice speaks. Connor.
"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep, I just ha-," I begin, my head rising as it sit upright, a small surge of blood pounding through my head. Though Connor cuts me off before I can finish anything.
"Don't worry about it, these things happen Troye," He says, his eyes looking directly into mine.
"How long of this flight do we have left?" I ask. Considering I had been asleep for so long, I was out of it, the proportion the flight I slept, I don't even know.
"About 15 minutes. That's why I wanted to wake you up, so you don't look like a dick when the plane actually lands,"
"Thanks Con," I reply before looking down at my hands. These fifteen minutes were going to rush by, I knew that much, For anytime that I am with Connor time just tends to speed up. I don't know why but they do. Maybe it is because I never want this time to end, any moment with him to end.
"Connor? Do you think we will actually get time to hang out on this trip?"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Connor adjusts himself in the seat so that his whole body is facing towards mine. His eyes lose some hint of light, whether that be due to the lighting or some emotions, I don't know.
"What's going on?" I ask nervously.
" I tried to tell you before but, Tyler," he says, his voice trailing off. " Look, Sammy is coming to Vidcon. I know you hate him and all but like, he asked to go and I didn't want to leave him behind. You know what he is like though, about our friendship. I give you a hug and he threatens to break up with me. I just, I don't know if we should hang or act like we usually do,"
And that is when Connor Franta broke off a little piece of my heart.
It wasn't even that Sammy was going to be there, that he would take time away from me and Connor. It wasn't even the way that I knew that Connor would want nothing to do with me when Sammy was there. It wasn't that Connor didn't want to hang out with me, or wouldn't hang out with me for the whole duration of the trip. It was that he was willing to change himself and the friendship that he had with me to keep his boyfriend, the one who hated me. Sammy had always hated me, probably always will. The fact was simple; Connor changed around him. And that is what drove me wild.
"Ladies and Gentleman, please fasten your seat belts, we will be landing in California in five minutes," A voice breaks out over the announcement, dropping the situation entirely. Our eyes avoid each other for the rest of the flight, the walk into the airport, the walk to the hotel.
Until we see him and my eyes trailed further to the ground then they ever have before. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to see him with Connor. The way they acted all in love together, the simple snuggles everywhere, the hand holding, the soft kisses they shared that were so full of passion and love. The things they would do to damage my heart. He never cared, he knew what he was doing. Sammy never cared. All he wanted was Connor, everything to do with him. He was obsessed.
Though I'm not much better.
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After all the reunions and unwanted company, Tyler and I decided to go and get something to eat somewhere before we went to bed. I'm pretty sure we both just wanted out of that house. It just didn't feel right, the whole vibe off the place. It felt off, awkward, uncomfortable. I felt dirty in there, like I had experienced something I shouldn't have, like I had touched something I shouldn't have. I felt guilty and just uncomfortable.
We decided on just going to Macca's as it wasn't that far away and we could just sit there and chat before heading home. The journey was quick considering the time of night. This is what Tyler and I used to do when he lived in New York, just get up at random hours in the morning and go and get something to eat or just do something stupid. It's something that I missed about Tyler. Everything. Those these moments in the AM, they are what I miss the most.
We walk inside the restaurant, the cold air instantly replaced by heat and a dodgy smell. The place was mainly empty, weird faces scattered in corners. It was nice to be alone with Tyler, to just have some time before the whole event started, it gave me some time to relax.
We took our order before choosing some seats in the back of the restaurant. Close enough to the window to view the traffic and blinking lights of the city though far enough to not been seen by anyone. It was nice.
"So, what did he say that's made you so upset?" Tyler says pulling me out of my thoughts.
" Just some stupid stuff about how Sammy didn't want me around him so we couldn't hang out this trip,"
"I always hated that Sammy kid. Why has that gotten you down?"He asks, his face full of concern. He just doesn't get it, the whole thing with Connor, the friendship we had.
"It's just Connor. We do like everything together, we're just really close and keeping away from him is so hard, Ty. I love him so much, every piece of him. Every smile, every frown, just everything. His eyes, his hair, his personality. Just everything though he will never be mine. He will give up our friendship just for Sammy and it just hurts, a lot," I just spill everything to him. I can't bottle it up anymore.
"Troye, do you really think loving him is a good idea?"
"Why would it not be?"
"Because he is hurting you, and because he has someone else," Tyler speaks, looking directly into my eyes. He is concerned, I know he is. Connor can hurt within a blink of an eye if he really wanted. He knows how to break me, he is my best friend. He just doesn't know everything.
"I can't stop loving him," say looking anywhere but at Tyler.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm in too deep to stop loving him now,"
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Short chapter but I'm going on holiday tomorrow and I won't have wifi so I wanted to update before I left!
Photo kinda fits?? Idk.