Weird things had been happening in the two months following Blake's and my breakup.
First, Blake rarely ever sat with us at lunch anymore. Instead, he sat with the football players. But it wasn't like I was complaining about that. The less I saw him, the less everything hurt. So I preferred he sit with someone else.
Mona continued to sit with us, since she wasn't a football player or a cheerleader. As much as I hated that, I was going to have to deal with it. I just pretended like she wasn't even there, and it was a lot easier when she wasn't around Blake.
But then there were times when she would talk about him, and I found that very difficult to tune out. She would tell Cassie or Jane about the time she spent with him, and I would angrily try to ignore it. I was surprised that no one seemed to notice how much it bothered me.
But I was surprised that Blake still chose to spend time with Mona. Of course, I had no right to stop him now that we were no longer dating, but it still annoyed me. Especially after he'd told me how he'd never talk to her again if I continued dating him.
When I saw him around campus, he was always talking to a different person, have it be a guy or a girl. He was smiling and laughing, and looking like nothing was bothering him at all. It made me wonder how much our breakup really meant to him.
I used to be the one that was talking to a different person every day. I used to be the one that was smiling and laughing, like nothing in the world mattered. I used to have people wanting to talk to me and become my friend because I was popular.
But now, no one but my friends ever spoke to me, and it was almost like everyone else was trying to avoid me. When had Blake become the popular one while I was the outcast? When had our roles switched?
I didn't know how I really felt about it. Honestly, I hated being popular. It made everyone have such a high expectation of you and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Because usually, the kids that were popular only ever cared about being popular. And when you did something they found uncool, you were immediately ridiculed.
And that was what had happened when I had started dating Blake. Thanks to Sean, we were both harassed by almost everyone in the school. That felt like it had been such a long time ago when it really wasn't.
Of course, I still had fun with my friends. And sometimes, Blake would be the one watching me laughing with them. I wasn't nearly as depressed as I had been at first, and it was the same for Blake, I was sure. But that still didn't mean that we weren't hurting a little...
My eyes would meet with Blake's every once in a while, and it was usually one of us catching the other staring. Whoever had been the one watching the other would immediately look away and not look back if they had been caught.
But it was even worse when other people caught me staring, especially some of the snotty cheerleaders. If one of them saw me watching him, she'd corner me later and tell me how I was never going to date Blake ever again because he was cool and I wasn't. I really felt like I had stepped into some parallel universe.
I didn't even get hit on as much as I used to. Now, believe me, I'm not complaining about that, but having the guys at my school scowling at me instead of checking me out was strange. But actually, I kind of preferred it a little more.
"You know what you need?" Cassie began as we made our way to rehearsal after school. When she saw I wasn't going to answer her, she continued. "You need a boyfriend."
Here we go again. She had been saying that the entire time I had been secretly dating Blake, and it was no different now that I was no longer dating him. I shouldn't have even been surprised that she didn't want to talk about anything else.
"I don't think I need a boyfriend," I told her honestly, even though I wasn't a hundred percent sure of what I did and did not need anymore. "I'm perfectly fine just the way I am."
But I wasn't so sure that was the truth. It still hurt whenever I saw Blake. I still got jealous whenever I saw him around another girl. It had been two months, and I didn't know if this pain was ever going to go away.
Even if it was dull, I didn't know if the pain was ever going to stop. And that scared me.
"What about Christian?" she asked, and I rolled my eyes. "I know you're probably tired of everyone saying how good you two would be together, but doesn't that tell you something? Or what about Derrick—"
"I'm not going to date Derrick," I told her sternly, just to make sure she'd get this through her head. "He dated our best friend, Cassie. I'm not going to betray Leslie and go out with her ex-boyfriend."
My best friend shrugged. "Whatever. I was just suggesting you go out with someone you know well."
Derrick and Christian were the only single guys that I was acquainted with. Sean was dating Cassie, Thomas was now dating Jane, and Elias was dating Carrie. Derrick and Christian seemed to be the only guys that I could date, if I wanted to.
I shook my head. I was not going to date someone just because Cassie wanted me to. She had a boyfriend, and he should have been who was on her mind, not me. Though she didn't seem to be as excited about dating Sean like she used to anymore.
"But you're completely content with not having a boyfriend?" Cassie looked disgusted with the thought of being single. It almost made me feel bad for her, that she thought that way... Almost. "What about prom? Are you not going to go to prom? You can't go to prom without a date!"
She was starting to give me a headache. Why couldn't she see how I wasn't interested in those types of things? Prom was the last thing I was thinking of right then. We still had to get this freaking show out of the way first.
"I just won't go to prom then," I shrugged simply, since it really didn't bother me.
Cassie looked like I had just insulted her mother or something. I rolled my eyes. "You have to go to prom!" she practically squawked. "Prom's the whole reason you go to high school! It's the most important thing about it! You can't just not go, and you can't go without a date!"
I was done talking about this. I felt like my brain cells were dying.
Halfway through rehearsal, I realized I had left my script in my locker, and I didn't have the whole show memorized. So when we got to the point where I had no idea what I was doing, I asked Mr. Summers if we could take a break. Luckily, he said yes.
I ignored Mona completely during rehearsal, and only interacted with her when I absolutely had to. Cassie didn't seem to notice that anything was off between us, and even Mona seemed confused to why I wanted nothing to do with her. Obviously Blake hadn't informed her why I had stormed out of his apartment.
I made my way out of the auditorium by myself, but was stopped before I could get very far by someone from behind me calling out, "Hey, Leah, wait up!"
I turned around to see that it was Christian who had called up to me, and I waited for him to catch up before I continued my way to my locker. I said nothing to him, mostly because I didn't know if there was anything I could say.
"You excited about the show?" he asked, that usual smile of his on his face. "I sure am. It's getting closer and closer every day."
It was weird to think about. The show really was getting closer, even though it almost felt like it was never going to come. "Yeah, I'm excited," was all I was able to say back to him.
For some reason, as we finally got to my locker, I remembered what Cassie had been saying earlier, about how everyone thought Christian and I would be cute together. About how that must have meant something. But Christian hadn't said anything about dating me since that incident after the pizza parlor, so I didn't even know if he still liked me or not.
But the only way to find out was to ask, right? It wouldn't hurt. He'd either tell me that yes, he still liked me, or no, he didn't. It was that simple.
"Um, I have something to ask you," I started timidly, playing with the dial on my locker as I opened it.
Christian nodded. "Okay. Shoot."
"What you said... about waiting until I was ready," I started, feeling unsure. "Is that offer still open?"
Christian just stared at me, obviously surprised. "Of course."
But now I couldn't say anything else, because we were then cut off by someone clearing their throat. We turned toward the sound and my eyes went wide when I saw Blake standing there, glaring at us.
This was not good. Not good at all. There was a huge chance a fight was about to go down, so I had to get one of them to go away or else someone was going to get hurt.
I wanted to ask what he was still doing at school, but then I remembered. He had football practice, which had probably just ended. He was wearing a jersey, which I had gotten used to seeing on game days.
But this still didn't explain why he chose to come by my locker, but I wasn't about to ask him that.
"Um, Christian," I started, avoiding Blake's gaze. "I'll meet you back in the auditorium, okay?"
He didn't look like he wanted to leave me. "Leah..."
"Just tell Mr. Summers that I had to go to the bathroom or something, okay?" I continued now, ignoring the fact that he was worried about me. "I'll only be a couple minutes. I promise."
I sure hoped this only took a few minutes. Knowing our usual fights, it was going to end up in my crying my eyes out, and that was going to take a while to recover from.
It wasn't like Blake was a threat. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, at least not physically. So I was safe. I just didn't want Christian to be around for whatever we were going to say to each other.
With one last look, Christian took a step back away from me and started back toward the auditorium. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.
"What is it?" I asked Blake now, turning toward my locker and finally finding my script amongst all the papers. "I need to get back to rehearsal soon."
"Are you dating him now?" was what he asked me, and I didn't expect him to be blunt about it. It actually kind of caught me off guard.
"I don't know," I answered honestly, pulling my script out of my locker. "But it's not like I can't go out with him if I want to. You and I broke up. Two months ago, Blake."
He frowned. "But I wish we hadn't."
This wasn't something I was expecting from him. After not talking for so long, he just admits that he still wanted to be with me. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about this. My heart swelled, but this wasn't something I was supposed to be excited about.
I knew that Blake and I couldn't get back together. No one wanted us to continuing dating, and everything they were saying we were right. We were unhealthy together. I made him hear voices, and he made me question my sanity. That was not a healthy couple.
And having to keep it all a secret made it even worse. Maybe it would have been better if we just never spoke to each other ever again. I would have liked to stay friends with him, but I didn't even think that that would be possible with the two of us.
"You're wearing your headphones," I pointed out instead of acknowledging what he had just said, my eyebrows furrowing at him. "Why are you wearing your headphones?"
He shrugged. "I'd rather wear them than take my medication."
My eyes went wide. "You stopped taking your medication?"
"Not yet," he told me, and I was able to breathe a little easier. "But I think I might. What's the point of taking them? They make me feel like a different person even more now that I don't have you."
"Don't stop taking your medication," I ordered, though I wasn't expecting him to listen to me now that we were no longer together. "Your medication is good for you, Blake. It stops you from hearing voices!"
He wouldn't look at me. "So do my headphones."
He obviously wasn't thinking straight. Was he hurting that much from our breakup? I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I thought breaking up with him would be good for both of us, but... now I wasn't so sure.
He seemed so happy around all his other friends and everyone else in the school. But now that it was only the two of us, he could show how he truly felt about everything that had been going on with us.
"You know that the medication helps you more than the headphones do," I told him, as if this wasn't completely and totally obvious. "And if you keep listening to music so loud, you're going to damage your hearing. I'm surprised you haven't already."
He shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me."
"But it will." I didn't know how I was supposed to get him to listen to me. "The medication is better than the headphones, Blake. It helps you a lot more."
"You know what helped me more than both of them?" he asked me now, and I was afraid that I wouldn't want to know the answer. "You."
"Please, take your headphones off and don't stop taking your medication," I pleaded, reaching forward and placing my hands on the headphones. "Don't do anything stupid just because we're not dating anymore."
He suddenly stepped forward, grabbing onto my hands and pulling me to him, knocking his headphones off in the process. He crashed his lips to mine, and I sunk into the familiarity of the kiss. It had been so long since I had been able to kiss him... But then I remembered. I couldn't be doing this.
I pulled away from him, both of us out of breath. I wasn't sure if it was from the kissing or from the emotions we were both feeling.
"Stop it, okay?" I snapped, tears filling my eyes. I quickly scrubbed at them. "Can't you just accept it? We're unhealthy together. I don't want to hurt you, Blake; that's the last thing I want to do, but... not everyone ends up with their first loves."
It broke my heart to say this to him, but I had to. If he didn't get it when I had broken up with him two months before, then he was going to have to get it now. We couldn't ever get back together.
He looked so devastated. "It's really over, isn't it?"
I swallowed back tears and nodded. "It really is."
I picked the script that I had dropped up and shut my locker, spinning around and hurrying off down the hall before either of us could do or say anything else to each other.
When I got outside the auditorium, I didn't go inside right away. I couldn't. My eyes were burning from my tears that hadn't fallen, and I couldn't go in there and let everyone know that I was fighting back tears. So I waited another five minutes before going inside, not caring what I looked like anymore.
"Took you long enough," Cassie called out once she saw me. "How long does it take for you to pee?"
"A long time when I'm on my period," I snapped back at her, not caring if anyone heard that I was on my monthly gift, even if it wasn't true. "Now are we going to continue or not?"
Mr. Summers did not seem to want to discuss the fact that I was apparently bleeding from my uterus, so he nodded. "Let's start from right where we left off."
When rehearsal was finally over, I was relieved. After what had happened with Blake, I just wanted to go home and bury myself under my covers for the rest of the day. I thought I had been doing so well... and now it all came crashing down just from one kiss.
"Christian, Leah, could you both stay after for a few minutes?" our teacher asked us as we packed up beside each other. "I need to talk to you really quickly."
Christian and I glanced at each other before I said, "Yeah, of course."
We waited until everyone else was out of the auditorium before making out ways over to Mr. Summers. I didn't know why he'd want to talk to us,
"So, I have a question I need to ask both of you," he started, and Christian and I both waited for him to ask it to us. "Are you both single?"
My eyes went wide. What kind of question was that?
"Um," I coughed awkwardly. Christian's hands were in his pockets as he stared at the ground. His face was red. "Yes, we're both single."
This felt like one of the most awkward conversation I'd ever had in my entire life, and I didn't know why. Maybe it was because of Christian's feelings for me. Maybe it was because I had just kissed my ex-boyfriend that I wasn't exactly over yet. Or maybe it was just because it was Mr. Summers asking us this question.
"I've said this before, but I think you two have excellent chemistry together." Mr. Summers seemed completely oblivious to the fact that both Christian and I were ridiculously embarrassed. "That's part of the reason why I casted you both as Danny and Sandy. It's just that... well, I don't think you two seem to realize that."
Cassie had said something like this earlier. Everyone else seemed to be saying things like this as well. What the hell kind of chemistry did Christian and I have that I couldn't see?
"So, since you're both single, I was wondering if you two could go out on a date with each other or something," Mr. Summers continued now, and I almost fell over. "If you two can see the chemistry you two have, then this show will be even better!"
I couldn't believe this was happening. Was our teacher actually asking me to date someone? I guess I could see now why he was Cassie's favorite teacher.
"So, think about it," Mr. Summer smiled at us, and then dismissed us.
I didn't know what I was supposed to do, honestly. Our teacher had basically just assigned us to go out on a date together. I didn't know if we were actually required to or not.
"I'll only take you out if you want me to," Christian told me, just as gentlemanly as always. "I know your feelings and I'm not going to force you into doing anything."
Christian was a great guy. If I were to date anyone else, I'd want it to be someone like him, who obviously cared about me and always put my feelings first.
Two months was a long time. I could date someone else, if I wanted to. Christian really was an amazing guy; he was considerate and always knew how I was feeling. I would be an idiot if I rejected him any longer.
"I want to go out with you," I blurted, and then bit my lip. I hadn't meant for it to come out like that!
Christian's eyes went wide. "Really?"
I had to really think about it for a second. Did I want to start dating someone else? I had had other boyfriends beside Blake before, but none of them had ever been as serious. How serious was I going to get with Christian? I didn't know how much he actually liked me. But I guess that was how all relationships started... I was just going to have to find out.
"Yes," I smiled now. A real, genuine smile. "Really."
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There's only twelve chapters left. That seems really short to me.
I've been sick for a week. Bleh.
Please COMMENT, VOTE, and FAN! :)