"Why am I so emotional? No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control and deep down I know this never works but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt? Oh, won't you stay with me?"
-------- Stay With Me - A Story Told (Sam Smith Cover) --------
"You're still here...and you're making pancakes?" Nolan asked not bothering to hide his shock early into the morning.
I slapped a pancake onto a plate with a little more force than necessary.
"Carter?"
"What did you want me to do Nolan, jump off the bus? Would that have broken me enough for you?"
"I guess not..." He muttered slowly and sat down in front of it. He was shirtless, in only his boxers the way he often woke up with his hair a mess, the right side sticking up just a bit worse than the left. The cold stony ásshole features hadn't set in yet, it took a good hour before Satan woke up inside of Nolan in the mornings. He was groggy and slow when waking up, Satan slept in. "Look Carter, about last night-"
I slammed the frying pan back onto the stove and he quieted for a moment while I poured the batter. I had a plate with pancakes stacked so high the tower was wobbling but continued to cook.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
I didn't care. Not about his apology, his excused, his bet, his anything. It would all be falling on deaf ears.
"I didn't know what I was doing when I made that bet-" I snorted. He knew exactly what he was doing. "I was, I am, just an ásshole. It was a mistake. Please Carter-"
I turned around and slammed a bottle of syrup down in front of him. Fat free of course. "Honestly Nolan you would have better luck talking to your pancakes than me because I'm not interested."
I turned back to the stove.
"Okay pancake. I'm sorry. I was an ásshole. If you stay with me-" I looked over my shoulder, he'd picked his plate up and had raised it to have the pancake eye level with him. He looked into the pancake with a very serious expression, brows together, forehead creased with concentration, knuckles white from holding the plate so firmly.
"What are you doing?" I finally sighed.
He glanced up to me. "Sh, I'm trying to talk to this pancake." I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not buying Nolan. This isn't funny, and I'm not buying it."
"If you stay with me, pancake, I will change my ways completely. I swear it, just give me one more week to show you I can be different. No more hooking up with other, erm, pancakes. No more taking blueberries or smoking whipped cream, I'm a changed man, pancake." I sighed heavily. "Give me a week, pancake."
"Oh, do I smell pancakes?" Gunner asked crawling out of his bunk as though he were a zombie digging its way from the grave. He looked the part.
I gave Gunner a warm smile. "You sure do!" I said as chipper as I could, the exact opposite of how I greeted Nolan.
"Do you mind, we're having a moment here." Nolan said harshly.
"No we aren't." I cut back in and he rolled his eyes.
"Not you. The pancake. I'm trying to apologize and win her, erm, friendship back here."
"That had to of been the most epic eye roll I have ever witnessed in my entire life." Gunner said in awe as he watched me.
I threw the last pancake onto the tower high enough to feed the group and turned off the stove. "Enjoy." I said to Gunner and started to the back of the bus.
Nolan was on my tail immediately. "Come on Carter, you can't just ignore me."
"Would you like to make a bet on that? I know how much you looove those."
He grabbed my wrist and I spun back around and shoved him. "Okay, okay." He held his hands up submissively. "Sorry, I won't touch you again? Okay? I'm sorry."
The bus was starting to come alive. I could hear the others beginning to mutter, groaning and yawning as they woke up.
"Don't be." I bit out. "It doesn't matter anymore I-"
"Don't tell me it doesn't matter, don't tell me it doesn't mean anything when you and I both know it means a hell of a lot." He said fiercely. I leaned back against the bathroom door and pursed my lips. "I was wrong." He said softly, but in a firm voice. The kind of voice that told me it was his turn to talk. "I was serious with the pancake back there, okay. I want to be better. For you, and me, and Ace who has risked so much on me, and the band, and my sister. I want to be better. I do. But I can't do that without you here."
"Enough. With. The. Games." I started to turn away and he gently forced my shoulders back against the door, keeping his hands on them and looking me dead in the eye.
"If looks could kill Carter." He said softly with a smirk. "No more games. No more drugs. No more screwing around. I swear, if you give me this one week you'll see I will be a better person for you."
I laughed, I couldn't help myself. I let out a cold and inappropriate timed laugh followed by that snort. "You expect me to believe that? You expect me to believe anything you say? You don't have an honest bone in your body Nolan! Not except that dick of yours which is perfectly honest about wanting to screw everyone. Everything you do and say is just one big huge show. Everything you do is fake. You pretend to be happy on stage and that you appreciate your fans when we both know it's a joke, for the sake of the media you'll pretend you and the band have it all together, pretend when you're walking down the street that you're so confident and arrogant and happy. We both know how pathetic and miserable you are. I'm sorry but the cost for your little theatre performances is ridiculous and I am getting absolutely nothing from watching in the audience."
"Getting stabbed for you was part of some sort of show? You think that was some game to me?" He demanded roughly and for a moment his hands tightened on my shoulders before he let go completely and took a step backwards. "You think nothing I say has been real? None of it?"
I was taken aback, he seemed so frustrated and angry all of the sudden. He had been stabbed by putting his body before mine, because he'd been fighting someone for me. He had pushed me before I'd been hit by a train, granted he'd put me in front of the train to begin with but still. I'd told him of my mother, of the single most traumatic event in my life. His five minutes, there had been time when he would blatantly lie, but there were times when things were almost too real. There were times I knew he was letting me into his world. I would be lying if I said Nolan hadn't had his moments, moments where he made me laugh, or where he was actually somewhat sweet. He had this carefree way of coming to me, throwing his arm over my shoulders, calling me pet names, holding me as if it were second nature.
"None of it."
I lied.
Hell if I knew which one of us I was lying to. Nolan, or myself.
"Honestly Carter? You don't believe a single bit of it?" He asked and put his hand on the door beside my head leaning over me the way he had the time he'd insisted I was sexually depraved just prior to meeting the band for the first time.
I felt a chill run up my spine and I shook my head.
"Stay. Please."
I faltered. I always was a sucker for good manners. "I'm done with this, I can't-"
"Stay with me."
"No."
"Stay. With. Me."
"Changing the way you say something doesn't make it mean something different, I've already told you. At our next stop-"
"You and I both know if you leave that's it. You won't be back."
"There's a reason for that. You. You are the reason for that. I tried Nolan, honestly I did, I tried hard to make this work no matter what you put me through but it's not worth. You aren't worth it. I'm going to pack my things and at our next stop-"
The tip of his finger touched my lips and I stopped. "Give me one week Carter to fix this. Just one. If you don't think I'm changing, or that it's not worth it, you can go and I'll pay for your flight myself." He lowered his finger.
"I gave you several months Nolan. Months where you could have behaved, where you could have been honest, could have been my friend or at least not whatever it is exactly that you were. Why on Earth should I put myself through one more week of this? You know, I used to be so naïve, even after Kaleb and Alison I honestly believed that there was some bit of good in everything. No matter how small. And then I met you. And the thing is Nolan, Kaleb and Alison they were...they weren't good people, but they were kids. Kids who act on impulse, who when they feel hurt or attacked hit back. You're an adult, you know exactly what you're doing. There is not one good reason for me to stay here, you and I both know there is nothing you can say at this point and really, I think I've heard plenty. I'm leaving."
"I'll be sober."
"You could have at least given me one believable reason to stay." I rolled my eyes.
"One week baby, give me just one more week."
I was gullible, I was easy to guilt trip, I hated letting people down almost as much as I hated to fail. But if Nolan wasn't serious, if this was just another con, what happened then? Then I was an even bigger idiot for falling for it again.
Well its not like I would be alone with him, we'd be with the band except we had two hotel stays coming up. What could happen in one week? Did I trust Nolan? Not as far as I could throw him, and my arms were about as strong as wet noodles. But did I think I was in danger? That he would actually physically hurt me?
Of course not. Would one more week really hurt me?
Yes, absolutely. Maybe not actually hurt me, but everything he had done how could I even be considering such a ridiculous request. He had more than enough weeks to give me a reason to stay and look where it had gotten us!
"Look. I'll make you a deal." He said when I was quiet for too long. "I screwed up with that bet, okay, I know I did. I'll pay it."
"What?"
"I told you, if you would leave right now I would win half a million dollars. If you give me one week and you still want to leave I will hand over every penny to you."
After a moment he tapped my chin gently and I realized my mouth had been hanging open. "That is a lot of money Nolan." I finally gaped. More money than I'd ever seen before that's for sure.
"I know that."
"I, well, even if you are better, I don't know. I can't see moving past this and your intentions and I couldn't walk away from that kind of money Nolan. I can't accept this arrangement, it's unfair to you, there's no possible way you could win. I'm leaving, staying another week pretending you have a shot at keeping me around...well that just wouldn't be fair."
"So? Maybe that's my kind of bet, you know it's when the odds are stacked against you that you win the most."
My stomach did some sort of somersault.
"I'll level with you. I shouldn't have made the bet to begin with, right? Why should I get the money for winning it? If anyone should, it should be you. Right? You are the one after all who has had to endure everything, right? So if you decide after a week to leave it's all good. The way I see it is you earned it. And I mean I'm not losing any money, because it's what I'm getting in the bet not out of pocket. I'm not out a penny, just you."
I swallowed hard. "And if I stay? How much do you lose if I stay the whole tour?"
"Don't worry your pretty little head about that."
"How much?"
"It'll be worth every cent, don't fret."
"Nolan-"
"I deserve it, right?"
Well, he did. Maybe not half a million, but definitely some kind of loss. For a second I had to remind myself that I wasn't staying the entire tour, so what Nolan lost really wouldn't matter being it would never happen. He couldn't redeem himself, not now. Not now that I knew what he had planned from the start. I would leave today if not for his offer. One more week, just for the money. "When I leave." I finally said after several moments of thought. "You're paying for my plane ride too."
"Deal." He held his pinky out to me and my chest tightened. I glanced up to his eyes, he held my gaze with unwavering intensity. This one week sounding so terrifying. Probably because I knew it would change my life forever. Half a million dollars? How could it not.
I locked my pinky through his. "Deal."
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I've been so looking forwad to updating, I decided I didn't even want to wait until Friday (;
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