"We have to stop," he says calmly. Double-thinking if I should obey his command made me ponder. His face looked like pure caramel, and his happiness looked forced. I could tell that he didn't want me to go no matter how hard he tried to. I don't know what was keeping me from leaving him but he was like a gravitational pull that kept sucking me back in.
"Shh, just kiss me." I whisper, stripping off his shirt.
"Jaide." He pulls me closer creating this non-existent space between us. Immediately, I wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Hm-" he cuts me off with another kiss. My eyes flitted shut as the wind vigorously blew through my open windows. His fingers created friction on the surface of my neck that made the sensation between my legs simmer between the lips.
He pushes his back on my bedroom door as it opens. He turns me around with his hands buried in my hair. His foot closes the door shut and by now I have been under his spell, his command.
"Matt, what are we doing? We can't do this anymore." I whispered, pulling back away from the kiss.
He shushes me with his finger on my lips.
"I love you and I want to make love to you." He opens up my blouse with force. He carries me towards the bed and holds me until we both collapse on it. He savagely kisses my neck like he wanted to suck my blood.
"Mmm, Jaide baby." He groans, sexually teasing me.
"I hate you right now." I cry out in pleasure because he's making me feel good.
_____
I woke up mentally unprepared to face Matt. I had sex with him. Why?
I have to admit, he had me. I was crushing hard all over again. I didn't think it would go that far but it happened and I can't turn back time.
I was sitting on the counter in my jammies eating cereal watching G.I JOE: A REAL AMERICAN HERO.
How foolish of me. Why didn't I stop when I had the chance.
I can't tell Damon. We're not officially together so technically this isn't bad. Right?
I feel like I've already hurt him and he doesn't even know. The sad thing is, I have to see his face again Monday morning and pretend I'm still his innocent little fuck.
He turned me this way. I was never like this. He made me addicted. I don't think I am addicted but I think about sex a lot more often after I lost my virginity to him.
He's gonna be mad at me. It's all my fault. I had no appetite left so I gave up on chewing my cereal.
Matt had already left because he went to go see his manager.
I don't know for sure if I'm in love with Damon. Am I in love with the fun? I feel like I am because I'm living my life. I do deep down inside have strong feelings for Damon. Now that Matt's back in my life, I don't know how I'm going to live with myself.
It was easy dealing with Damon but now Matthew wants my heart and I can't just say no after what we did.
It'll destroy him. But I want Damon more than I want him.
I sent him a text.
We need to talk.
___
We met up at a coffee shop a couple blocks down where I live.
He seemed happy. He was smiling and rubbing my hands. He was was being all ditsy and cute.
I was all in for it until I had to get somethings off my chest. I slid my hand down my thighs.
"Matty." He looks up from the coffee cup. He was looking at me like he didn't want to hear what he thinks is going to make him upset. I brush my hair behind my ears.
"What's wrong?" He comes forward over the table to rub his thumb on my cheek.
"Nothing." I lied. Why can't I come out and say it?
"So what do you want to talk about?"
I had to come up with something fast.
"Your clothing brand." I reply. He raised his eyebrow.
"What? Do you want some samples?"
He giggled. "If you wanted some gear I don't think it's necessary to be at. . .a coffee shop."
"I like what your brand brings to the public," I cross my hand over my chest. "I'd love to get my hands on it."
He laughs. I start laughing, too.
"Okay, then what would you like?"
"I'd really love some gear for free but I want to support you. How much is the bomber jacket?"
"It's eighty-nine dollars. The material is complex and can be worn during any condition. Rain, snow. It's durable," I shook my head. " I can give it to you for free." He starts to take it off. I stopped him.
"Eighty-nine bucks? It's not the end of the world. I can give you the cash-"
He cuts me off.
"Jaide, just take it." He smirks. "It's not the end of the world." Before he can hand it over and give it to me, I told him to hang on.
"What? Do you want a Parka too? We make Parkas. We have khaki, green, army green, all the shades of blue, red, there's loads of them." He adds on pulling out a cellphone.
"No, Matt."
"Why not? Parkas are lit."
"I know." I smiled at him.
"Sweats?" I shush him childishly.
"Matt, when you said you love me, did you mean it?" He takes the jacket off the table and puts it back on his body.
"I do love you, Jaide. Why?"
"Just asking."
"Do you love me?" I panicked. I didn't want to lie to him. I was going to tell him the truth but he persisted.
"Don't answer that. If you're not, I get it. I can't make you love me when you don't." He grabs my hands again and plays with them.
"Well-"
"What are you doing tonight?" He interrupted before I can finish my sentence.
"Nothing, I think."
"Spend the night at my place, then."
"Woah, should I?" I ask feeling very uneasy.
"Yeah, catch up on old times."
"I don't know, I-"
"Please? We can watch Michael Myers movies from the 80's." He interlocks our fingers together and makes little gestures.
"Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Beatstreet, Blue Lagoon, Endless Love; the eighties version, and Jason movies." I add.
"Are you trying to blow up my Netflix bill?" He laughs casually.
"Yes."
"Okay, then, deal." I mock his laughter.
____
Later that night, I slipped myself into one of his t-shirts.
He's still a big fan of reading. The top shelf is painted with all the versions of Harry Potter.
The second row is filled with encyclopedias. And the rest looks like stuff he never returned to the Brooklyn Public Library.
I took one out and gave it a try.
Equals by Adam Phillips.
I didn't know he was into dystopian novels.
Before I can flip to the third page, Matty comes in with loads of Chinese cuisine.
"Did you order a buffet?" I jump up. My stomach is growling. The smell of soy sauce, fried rice, ribs, and wings made my mouth water. I couldn't wait to get my hands on everything.
"Here's your Chow-Mei-Fun." He passes me the black plastic bowl with a clear lid.
But I need to eat my Chow-Mei-Fun with shrimp.
"No shrimp?"
"Opps," He looks in the bags hoping that he was sure he ordered it.
___
The whole night I watched classic eighties films that I desired to see and Matt was right beside me enjoying every moment.
There's something about him, now. His charm. He's so charismatic, alerting and his energy is overpowering. I forgot how that made me feel. It's almost like his vibe is irresistible, indescribable the least.
____
It's Monday morning and I'm attending my only class today, psychology.
The lesson was on the same topic. During the first week we discussed the meaning of human behavior. We have to submit a writing assignment based on human behavior dealing with the theory's we chose. He gave us an option on selecting up to three theories to explain and atleast two research studies supporting the theories you've chosen.
It was easy to write, well for me, because I already have prior knowledge of human behavior, so I got the paper done a week before it's due.
After the lesson was over, Damon disappeared into his office.
As usual, I wait for everyone to leave so that I don't bring attention towards us.
I wait for the right moment to excuse myself from my seat and head over to him.
He's peacefully working on his other work. What was happening outside didn't bother him at all. There was a band of commotions happening right outside his office and it was loud.
"Hey. . ." I said awkwardly, entering into his room. I stood by his desk with my textbooks in my hand. He looks up at me like what I've done just pissed him off.
"I was wondering-"
"Do you have an appointment?" The fact that he just cuts me off like that with an attitude caught me offguard. Where was all this attitude coming from?
"What do you me-"
"Do you have an appointment, Jaide? As in did you or did you not schedule an appointment with me?"
"No, but I-"
"Okay, so what are you here for?"
"I'm here for you. We always leave together. Since when did I need have an appointment to do that?"
"Don't you have friends?" He changes the subject.
"Yeah, I do but-"
"So why aren't you with them?" He replies slouching in his chair. He plays with the end of his tie.
"Because I'd rather be with you right now."
"Why?"
"Because. . .You're just way more important."
"Why?"
"I've been thinking about you all day."
"Why?"
"Damon, seriously stop joking around with me."
"Why?"
"Are you serious right now?"
"Why?" He asks again. I'm so over this.
"Okay, well I'm hungry so call me when you're serious." I stated. Before I walked out feeling overwhelmed, I was told to take a seat.
"So, you're serious now?"
"Jaide, if you want something from me, make an appointment."
"Okay, so I'd like to request and appointment to see you."
"I didn't mean-"
"Dude, I don't care. You said make an appointment so I made one."
"Request denied." He got out his chair and stood in front of me with his hands crossed.
"What the hell?"
"You request an appointment with me by email."
Is he seriously going to be petty? What did I do to stop
deserve this?
"I'm right here! Why am I going through all this trouble just to see you?" I argued before getting up.
"Because the world doesn't revolve around you and just like everybody else, you'll request an appointment with me by capital E-mail."
"Alright, you got what you wanted. You've pissed me off." I say annoyingly but I was snatched into his arms.
"I'm just playing." He giggled. I stare blankly at him. He thinks this is funny.
He starts tickling me. I couldn't help but laugh.
"You look so sexy when you're mad." He pokes me over and over again until I jokingly threatened him.
I punched him in the gut.
"Dick." I said as he groaned in pain.
"Okay, you win," He said in forfeit." Jaide, we never had the talk."
"What talk?"
"About us."
Is he going ask me-
"But I want to discuss it over dinner. You and I have a lot to talk about." He winks at me.
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, I want to take you somewhere fancy."
"Fancy? You do know that I'm a Popeyes, McDonald's, and all that junk kinda chick." He starts chortling.
"Yeah, but when I said I wanna treat you like a Princess, I meant it. You are a Pincess, so let me treat you like one,"
Awww, that's so sweet. He made me wanna fall into my bed and kick my feet up in the air."You can have all the burgers, fries, and chicken all you want." He insists as he locks both his hands behind my back.
"Okay." I start jumping on him.
"Wear something fancy, too."