I stared outside the window of the bus we were riding in. The humming sound the bus made as it zoomed on the road were filling my ears. I had yet to notify my parents that we were going to the beach. I imagined them coming home, expecting to see their supposedly ill daughter sleeping on her room or maybe sprawled on the couch, but ending up finding the house empty.
I turned the screen of my phone on, it automatically displayed dots and waited for the owner to swipe the unlock pattern across them. I know that if I call my mom, she will obviously yell at me and strongly forbid me to go, or even go as far as coming to the beach to pick me up. I hesitated to text her or not, at least telling her that I'm perfectly safe and sound. But I didn't know if I could handle playing blind at her worried replies.
Jimin had not contacted his home too, not even Jisang. And it looked like that he wasn't planning to do it at all. He sat still, resting his head backwards, with his eyes travelling around the air above the seats in front of us. I don't want my mom to worry. But this strong voice inside my heart yelling about not wanting to waste any opportunity to go with Jimin had turned me into a person self-centered enough.
We had only been sitting on the bus for about fifteen minutes, the whole fifteen of it being silent, except for when I thanked Jimin for buckling my seatbelt. We went from the park to the bus station right away, me still wearing my oversized green flannel shirt, and him still on his blue hoodie. All we brought was only our phones and wallets. I finally turned off my phone's screen again and let out a long sigh, causing Jimin to turn his head towards me.
"Hey pretty woman," he said, his lips breaking into a smile.
I can't help but respond him with a half smile, still being worried and all.
"Still about three more hours to go," he said, "We.. We don't want to spend it like this, right?"
"Right," I offered an apologetic smile, "Sorry."
Unexpectedly, Jimin fished out something from his pocket.
Earphones.
"Nice," I giggled, making him grin as he plugged in the audio jack to his phone.
He scrolled through his music collection, trying to find the right song. After a few scrolls, his eyes suddenly lit up,
"Hey, you got to listen to this!" he placed one earbud into my ear, and one into his.
The sound of guys entering to a room and mumbling to each other was then heard. It took me a split second to realize that one of them was Jin oppa, and another second to figure out that the rest were Namjoon, Jungkook, Hoseok, Taehyung, Yoongi and Jimin himself.
"Hey, I made a killer beat," Yoongi announced after shushing the group down.
The boys then protested, saying that it was common and not even surprising anymore. But then they started showing positive response when the music played. All of a sudden, it became a cypher battle between the seven men, with Yoongi starting off first. I bobbed my head along and giggled as Yoongi and Namjoon rapped, already knowing that they were good.
But then Jungkook's voice appeared, rapping in an unexpectedly smooth flow. It was new to me that Jungkook was actually a good rapper too. Unknowingly, I was already squealing and repeatedly slapping Jimin's thigh. Jimin laughed as he watched me fangirl.
Then it was the others' turns, until it finally came to Jimin's, who was the last. He was then covering his face with his hands and laughing. I quieted him down and turned all serious as I waited for Jimin to start.
"Yo, yo, my name is Jimin
My rap makes the vocal team wet their pants
Taehyung, please get up, you smell a little fishy
Look me up in advance."
I flashed him a dissapointed look, but he kept on giggling and covering his face out of shyness, causing me to laugh as well.
"Why would you diss Taehyung?" I pushed him by the shoulder.
"I don't know, it just popped in my mind," he defended himself.
When we were too busy laughing, the track finally ended and changed to another one.
"If you and me become estranged someday,
If we could never meet each other,
Don't forget me, don't lose me."
My laughter died down as I tried to get a better listen at the song.
"You know this song?" Jimin asked me, the edges of his lips slightly curving upwards as he talked.
"I think I do. Wait, let me remember," I tried to dig inside my head.
"Even if you are holding other's hand,
If you are at somewhere I cannot go,
Don't forget me, don't lose me."
"Crush," I said, earning a nod from Jimin.
"When our warm cheeks meet each other,
When you're gently holding my frozen hands,
With your warmth, hugging my heart that's worn out by the cold world."
I allowed the lyrics to creep into my heart. Even though the song didn't sound as sad, I found the lyrics very sorrowful.
It was like leaf in the late summertime.
It would be bushy, beautifully green, and high up on the tree, just next to the sky. But it would still be sad, as it knows that the time for itself to wilt is approaching closer and closer every single day. It knows that one day, the time for it to fall off the tree would eventually come.
It was like me.
For a second I thought so, until my eyes darted towards Jimin, who had actually been staring at me the whole time. I stared back at him, the aching in my heart coming back.
But when he smiled at me, I realized that I was the tree.
It seemed as if he was the one singing the song for me, as if he was the leaves. Like the tree, I was at my finest, but also afraid I would go dry and empty with my leaves gone. I was afraid that autumn might be approaching. I was afraid, so I leaned my head at his shoulder, burying my face. I wanted to disappear.
But then he held my hand, and started patting my head to sleep with his other hand. In his hold, I wanted to disappear even more.
"Your face in my eyes, you sleeping in my arms,
Hope everything stops like this.
Don't let go of the hands that are holding together."
-
It was already evening when we arrived at the bus station. The sky is starting to turn into darker shades when we got off a cab, near the shore.
The sound of waves crashing on to the sand and the smell of salt brought out my inner happiness. As soon as we paid the taxi, I ran towards the direction of the entrance of the beach, cheering as I did.
I turned around to see Jimin walking leisurely behind me.
"Come on Jiminnie!" I shouted, causing him to laugh and jog after me.
I stopped running the moment the waves got so close to my shoes. I stood still and tried to inhale the sea air while balancing my breath from the running. Finally catching up to me, Jimin stopped too, only to wait for the waves to come back and push me towards it right in time.
My shoes and socks got soaked, and Jimin was laughing. It felt cold, but I was also laughing. Then I started chasing Jimin. But it turned from a chasing into childish and pointless running.
Jimin was still running ahead of me on a dock. Reaching the end, he stopped and stared at the sea. Still behind him, I stopped running too and slowly approached him. His chest rose and fell as he steadied his breaths. I watched him slowly spread his hands to his sides and inhaled deep breaths. Suddenly, his head turned at my direction, showing me the smile on his face. I smiled back and closed my eyes for a second, trying to capture what I was seeing and engrave the memory in my heart.
We finally got tired and decided to get some food. Done eating on a nearby food stall, we walked back towards the sands in a relaxed pace, feeling all full from the soupy meal we had gotten. The skies had turned almost black then.
"Jiminnie, let's have a sand castle contest!" I sat down on the soft sand and rolled up my sleeves.
"Bring it on, then," he chuckled and sat down next to me, raking in the sands around him.
I started piling sand, forming a mound. Thinking my mound was tall enough, I started shaping it with my bare hands as I had no equipments. Doing so, I felt my phone vibrate. Wiping my hands to my pants, I swiped the lock open.
From : Mum
Dear, are you at Jimin's?
I checked the time and saw that it was already eight, my parents should've been home. Because of the text I had just received, I really thought that I should at least tell them not to worry. I threw my own worries on not being able to spend time with Jimin aside for a moment and typed,
To : Mum
Mom, I'm fine and will come home soon.
I threw my head backwards, facing the sky. I felt bad that I didn't actually answer her question and for lying, as I know that there was no way I'll be back home in less that three hours. I exhaled a long breath and wondered how I should fix the sentence.
"Giving up on yours already?" Jimin said in a mocking tone.
I pushed myself and decided to just send it, then quickly locked the screen and placed my phone away, "You wish," I slightly smirked. I craned my neck to see on how Jimin's look like, only to break into laughter as his looked more like a pit.
"Yah! Are you judging my masterpiece?" he complained and started throwing sand towards my direction.
"Ani! Stop it!" I said as I threw handfuls of them back to him.
Soon enough we were scurrying back and forth, burying each other's work and trying to protect our owns, then we started throwing sand at each other.
Jimin and I then took off our shoes, feeling the mushy sand on our feet. We started splashing water towards each other, but stopped when we realized that we got no change of clothes.
Wiping drops of water from our face with our sleeves, Jimin turned his head towards me and showed me a half smile, "You still love beaches as much as back then, huh?"
"I sure do," I exhaled a long breath and answered.
"I'll definitely tell Jungkook to take you to one on your next dates, well maybe not this beach since it's too far. The beach in Incheon seems okay, don't you think?" he looked away and rubbed his chin as he thought.
It felt as if I was struck by something when I heard him say that. Blood started rushing through my veins and I could feel my cheeks heating up from an uncomfortable feeling.
"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around to face him.
"Or if you don't want the one in Incheon, maybe--"
"Jimin," I cut him off, "why Jungkook all of a sudden? My date? With Jungko- Why are you being like this?" I was confused the same time I was pissed.
"Why not? Didn't your last one went out well?" he shrugged like it was nothing.
I sighed and pressed my temples with one hand, "Jiminnie,"
"Hm?" he turned towards me.
"D-Didn't our past few days went out well too? Do they mean nothing to you? Did you not like being with me? I-i mean..." I sighed before continuing, "All of these days, I thought you.. No, I thought we.."
"Look, Park Jimin. You're the one that I like, it's you and not Jungkook."
His eyes widened at first, but in less than a second his expression hardened. It was as if he wasn't even surprised and had clearly knew about it.
"Jinhee-yah, you can't be like this," his eyes didn't even look at mine as he spoke.
Everything was murky to me and I didn't understand what was happening, and why it was happening. I didn't understand why Jimin would react that way. I felt my chest clench, I almost thought that I could hear the sound of my own heart breaking. But there was this tiny fire of hope inside of me. It came from our memories the past days, from his smiles and the look on his eyes each time we were together. It was like a tiny candle, blown by harsh winds. I was protecting the flame with all of my power, but my hands would occasionally get burned by the flame itself each time I went too close.
"No... No. You can't be like this," he shook his head and stepped backwards, away from me.
"L-like what? Why?" I forced myself to speak with my now shaky voice.
Then he finally looked up.
His eyes meeting mine, he said,
"You know very well, the fact that I'm dead."