It's been about an hour since the whole thing happened with Chaz and Ryan leaving once they got here because they didn't believe me. I explained the whole thing to Ally and she was completely shocked. I cried as I told her because I felt even more guilty considering Justin kissed me this weekend, only two days ago, and Austin just kissed me. But I didn't want to kiss Austin. It surprised me that he did that.
I quickly looked up at Ally as I heard a phone start to ring.
"It's not mine" she told me as she showed me her phone. I grabbed my phone and saw Justin calling me.
"Oh my god. I wonder if they told him" I said showing her my screen now.
"Answer!" She said quickly.
"Justin hey" I answered and put it on speaker.
"Don't bother coming this weekend" He quickly said with anger in this tone.
"Jus-"
"The fact that I was just in the studio and got a call from Chaz and Ryan saying they saw Austin at your house, took me by surprise. I really thought things were different" he told me.
"They are-"
"You need to tell me right now what is going on with you two because I'm so sick of consistently thinking about how I can't do a single thing this far away. I don't want to try with you if any guy has your attention. I want to believe you're better than that, but so much doesn't add up" He ranted. I felt my heart start to hurt all over again.
"Nothing is happening, I swear-"
"I just want honesty. I think I deserve that"
"I have been trying to explain if you will ever just let me get one sentence out, god damn!" I raised my voice getting annoyed that he won't let me talk. It went silent meaning I can finally talk. "I'm going to say this one thing before telling the story, do not cut me off" I said and he still stayed silent. "There is nothing going on between us. I have absolutely no feelings at all for him. The first time we hung out after you left was the movies which I already told you the whole story on that so I won't again. Then I hung out with him and his friends once. Then we went to the party which Ally was with us too and we were there for only about maybe thirty minutes before I passed out. Then after that you know he kept texting me like he was trying to start stuff which I ignored for the most part-" Justin cut me off.
"Why was he mad that you weren't texting him?" He asked still with attitude.
"He was mad I was ignoring his texts" I told him. "I'm not done telling you"
"Go then" he mumbled.
"At school today I saw him in the hallway in front of the class we had next together. He was trying to get me to say yes to going out to dinner with him and I told him no because you and I are finally in a good spot again and I wouldn't do anything to ruin that-" I stopped once I heard Justin scoff. I rolled my eyes. "So he got mad when I said that so I asked why does it matter if we are just friends? So he told me he wanted more then walked into class" I explained. I took a deep breath before I could talk again.
"I knew it. I told you he didn't just want to be your friend" he said back.
"You were right" I said quietly back. "So was everyone else. I feel stupid for believing that he wanted to be friends" I added.
"Now what about him being at your house?" He asked.
"So he showed up here earlier because he wanted to talk about how he admitted his feelings for me. But then he was saying all this stuff about how he feels when he's with me and how he wants us to try to be together again and I told him no a bunch of times because he is not the one I love. I told him I lost all my feelings for him months ago. He kept trying and then he kissed me before I could say anything else so I pushed him off and told him I felt nothing and I don't want to try with him. So he told me he understands because I'm in love with you and he hears the whole school talk about how amazing we are together and he knew he didn't have a chance because it will always be you, Justin" I explained everything I can to him. It was silent for a few seconds. Like he was processing it.
"So he kissed you" he quietly said.
"Yeah. Didn't even let me say yes or no to it" I told him.
"And you felt nothing?"
"I felt nothing" again it was silent. The silence made my heart beat faster because I was so nervous. "I told him it will always be you. Justin you are the only one I love. I love you so much that I feel like I will forever love you. You're the only guy that I would put before anyone else. I would do anything to get our relationship back. I love you" I begged as I felt tears fall again. I wouldn't know what to do if I lost him.
"I feel that way too. I love you too" he softly said like he was calmed down and also still stressed. I said nothing back so he could say more, but again it was silent a little longer. He's probably thinking. "Do you still want to come this weekend?"
"Of course I do" I said and took a deep breath trying to calm myself down now. "Only if you still want me there"
"I do, yeah" he said then I heard ruffling in the back ground. "I uh- I could get the tickets now. But I'll call you tomorrow. I need to go to Scooters room because I don't know where to fly you into or what time" he told me.
"Oh okay that's fine" I said back. I looked at Ally who mouthed, 'awkward'. I threw a pillow at her and playfully rolled my eyes.
"Oh and just to let you know, I wrote this song and I wasn't going to put it out because it's personal, but the management told me to because they think people will love it and now we are putting it on my album. I just wanted to let you know because it's dropping tonight at midnight along with another song, but I know it will be weird for you when it drops. Both songs are about you, but I- I just- I don't know. You'll understand when you hear it" he tried to explain.
"Uh- okay. What songs are you dropping tonight?" I asked him. I'm so nervous to hear this song now.
"That Should Be Me and Catching Feelings" he told me.
(A/N: before anyone says anything, yes I know these are from two different albums and eras, but it fits with the book so just go along with it :) hope you are liking it so far)
"Hey I gotta go get to Scooter before he falls asleep so I'll catch you later" he said then hung up before I could say bye.
"That was weird at the end" Ally said to me. I nodded as I looked up at her.
"Want to sleep over and listen to these songs with me at midnight? We can go get your things and your car right now?" I asked her. She nodded quickly.
"Let's do it"
***
It's one minute before midnight. Ally and I are back in my room and waiting very patiently. My nerves have been through the roofs. Ally called Ryan to ask if he heard the songs yet. He said yes so we asked which ones we should listen to first. He said That Should Be Me and then the other song to make me not feel bad. Whatever that means. It got me even more nervous.
"Justin just tweeted that they're out" I heard Ally say. I sat up quickly. "You ready?" Ally asked me.
"Yeah. I mean how bad can it be?" I joked with a laugh. "He wouldn't write a song talking shit about me so it couldn't be bad. I'm sure it's amazing" I said trying to make myself feel better. Maybe the guys are just being dramatic.
"Okay here's the first one" Ally said then clicked on the song and music started to fill the room.
"Everybody's laughing in my mind
Rumors spreading 'bout this other guy
Do you do what you did when you did with me? Does he love you the way I can?
Did you forget all the plans that you made with me? Cause baby I didn't"
I looked up at Ally with sad eyes.
"That should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laugh
That should be me, this is so sad
That should be me, that should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss
That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong, I can't go on
'Til you believe that that should be me, that should be me"
I looked down at my fingers now as I listened.
"You said you needed a little time from my mistakes
It's funny how you used that time to have me replaced
Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies? What you doing to me, you're taking him where we used to go
Now if you're tryna break my heart, it's working cause you know"
I looked up at Ally with wide eyes and I reached over and paused the song.
"That line was directed right at you" she pointed out.
"Oh my god" I said as I put my hand over my eyes. "Wow" I mumbled as I looked back at her. "Okay hit play again" The chorus played again and I listened carefully as I just stared at the wall.
"I need to know should I fight for love or disarm. It's getting harder to shield, this pain in my heart, ooh" the chorus played again. Once the song ended, I looked back at Ally.
"I feel so bad" I said and groaned. "Should I text him about it? Like I- I don't know what to even say" I asked her.
"Let's listen to the second one now then maybe text him" I nodded agreeing then watched her go to the other song. "Okay here's the next one" she said before hitting play. The music again started to play.
"Sun comes up on another morning My mind never wakes up without you on it And it's crazy to me I even see you in my dreams. Is this meant to be? Could this be happening to me, yeah? We were best of friends since we were this high So why do I get nervous every time you walk by? We would be on the phone all day Now I can't find the words to say to you
Now what am I supposed to do?" I heard his voice and I felt my self feel a little better. "Could it be a possibility? I'm tryna see what's up It's been me for you, and you for me Maybe now is time for us Tryna keep it all together, but enough is enough They say we're too young for love, but I'm catching feelings Catching feelings, girl"
"This is adorable" I heard Ally say. I smiled and just continued to look at the wall as I listened.
"In my head, we're already together I'm good alone, but with you I'm better I just want to see you smile Just say the word and I'll be right there I ain't never going nowhere I'm just tryna see where this can take us Cause everything about you, girl, is so contagious I think I finally got it down And all that's left to do now is get out the mirror And say it to her, yeah"
"Wow" I said out loud as the chorus played again. At least this one isn't of him thinking I'm breaking his heart. He told me this song is all about me. Which made me feel so happy.
"Should I tell her how I really feel? Should I move in close or just be still? How will I know?
Cause if I take a chance and I touch her hand, will everything change? How do I know, if she feels the same"
The chorus played through one more time and I finally looked at Ally.
"Wow" I repeated again. "I loved that. He must have wrote that before we started to date" I told her.
"It really was beautiful" she said then put her phone down. "He really does love you and I know you love him too. You guys just have to work through long distance for a while and I can't imagine what that feels like, but I know you both so well and I know it's guys are strong enough to get through it" she told me making me smile again.
"I know" I said nodding. "Thank you. I just need to see him this weekend. I hope he still wants me to come. I guess we'll see when he gets the tickets" I said then my phone instantly buzzed. I grabbed it to see he texted me. "Oh my god that's so weird. He just texted me about the flight information. Oh my god I'm going!" I said excitedly to her. She smiled widely as well.
"Well text him back!" She said quickly.
____
Me: thank you I can't wait to come there
Justin: I believe you
Justin: about the austin thing
Me: good Bc I wouldn't lie to you
Justin: I know
Me: catching feelings is beautiful btw
Justin: thank you I wrote it so long ago I been waiting for you to hear it
Me: I'm sorry about all the drama
Justin: it's okay jam
Me: you'll pick me up at the airport?
Justin: of course
____