"I'm not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I'm willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That's just the kind of hard worker I am."
Beyoncé POV
I woke up the the sound of my dad banging on my bedroom door. The banging rang in my head as I attempted to sit up but failed due to the lack of energy and rest. I could hear him shouting something but was unable to make out the words, I rubbed my eyes trying to force them open and only when the sun had made it's way to my eyeballs did my fathers words make their way to my brain.
"Beyoncé get up!" He yelled, I looked over at the clock and sighed. It was 5 in the morning which meant I went to sleep around 3 hours ago. I knew I had to be up early to go running in the morning with dad and Marco but I didn't realise how late I was working last night until solo went to bed. I was too focused to realise what the time was but now I'm gonna need to be working on only 3 hours of sleep for today. "Marco Is waiting downstairs" . Marco Borges was my new personal trainer. He was going to help me get back into shape and get fit again after being out of training for so long. I honestly didn't mind and it wasn't possible for any one to be any worse than my dad. When I was young and we had to run in the park I found myself wanting to stop and when I was very small I would tell him. Daddy can I stop now? I'm tired. Instead of smiling at me and nodding his head like any other parent would he gave me a glare as if to say, What? Stop? What does that mean? and then he would lean down to my height before telling me, Do you want to be able to control your breath when you sing? Do you want to be able to dance properly? Do you want to give it your all? I would nod my head to all of them and then he would stand up, Good, keep running And I kept running. After a while he didn't have to push me so hard because I would do it myself. I would want to stop but instead I would run harder and faster, I would feel the pain in my legs as they grew too weak to touch the ground but I kept forcing them on and I even felt the blood pour out of my blistered feet but kept them smacking against the floor until the shoes were worn out. That was how you had to do it, you get out what you put in. I put everything in and I got everything out of it. It wasn't new to me and I wasn't starting from the beginning, I was just picking up where I left off. Trying to fill in the gap.
By the time I had woken up properly and gotten out of the shower my father was sitting in my room with a smoothie in his hand waiting for me as usual. This had become the everyday thing since I had gotten back into my career, I would wake up, get a smoothie or a protein shake and start working out. Some days I had Marco and others I had Frank, he was trying to get my back into shape for dancing. Flexibility, core strength but also maintaining some more of elegance. It was all very complicated but I loved it. I didn't like not working on something, I hated to not be making music and dancing because it meant that I wasn't trying, I was throwing away years and years of hard work and I refuse to do that. I was gonna push myself as hard as possible. That's what I did every day and was going to keep doing. I knew how the days went with Marco like the back of my hand because they were almost identical to the workouts I did back in the day: We jogged to the park, stretched then ran. We would change between Jogging and sprinting then stretching every so often (all the while singing one of my favourite songs. It was usually Barbra Streisand, Diana Ross, Prince, Stevie wonder and of course Michael Jackson). When we were done with the running in the park we went to the gym and that was always the same too: legs, abs, ass then arms. We did spent quite a bit of time on the thighs and ass but that was my own doing- I loved to be a curvy woman. My Dad would feed me a fruit pot with a side or celery with my smoothie and before I knew it I had to go home. When we had a whole day like this we always left the Gym at 2pm after my stretches and having a little time in the jacuzzi. We all knew the drill, even my mom had gotten used to it because at 2:30 there was always a meal waiting for me, well I wouldn't call it a proper meal but you get the idea. Since this silly diet nothing has really been a proper meal but I gotta look good for my videos.
And For my man.
When we got back from the gym I ran straight to my room and picked up my phone from it's position on the bedside table in a rush with a grin plastered on my face. I was always smiling like an Idiot when I was about to call Jay and when I was on the phone to him. That's how my mom knew who I was talking to, if it was Jay I would be smiling like an idiot. If it was kelly I would spend most of the conversation cussing her and rolling my eyes and turning down her ridiculous ideas. If It was Angie I would be gasping at her vulgar language and propositions and if it was Ty I spent the entire conversation laughing. Other people mom didn't really care for much, it was just producers and the label and dad and all that, I didn't really talk to that many people but Kelly's been trying to make me talk to this new friend of hers for some reason. Apparently she's really nice and her god brother is the Shawty (My body guard), I don't know
"Hey stranger" Jay's voice came through the phone and I smiled while my mom walked past my bedroom chuckling to herself, see she knew I was on the phone with him and that's why she closed the door for me and blew me a kiss. My momma knows me.
"Stranger? Boy you called me at 2am yesterday. You be calling strangers at 2am?" I asked him with a slight chuckle but an aggressiveness in my voice. I leaned my head down on my shoulder to hold the phone while I put my hair up in a bun to stop it from sticking to my sweaty back and making it worse then fell down onto my bed looking up at the ceiling,
"I needed your advice . Besides, you were more than happy to talk to me at 2am. I know you miss all this" I busted out laughing at him, he's such an idiot. "Baby, you're going to Miami tomorrow right?" I sat up on my bed and rubbed my head a little bit. Damn I almost forgot about that, I usually don't forget things but I can't believe I almost for got something as big as going to Miami for practically a year.
"Yeah I am. You know we didn't get to celebrate my mom's birthday and so she's coming with me, I'm gonna take her out and treat her then we'll go to the beach- you know I'm a mermaid- and I'm gonna spend a lot of quality time with her. After we've spent some time she's gonna fly back to Houston and I'm gonna stay in Miami alone until my dad arrives but I'll have Marco and Frank and Shawty and Angie's gonna come the day my mom leaves so it should be good" I explained thoroughly making sure I knew everything and was sure of what was happening, I was saying it more for myself then Jay but he did ask so he probably didn't notice. "my dad and you're reps spoke to Chris Robinson about shooting Bonnie and Clyde soon too" I remembered, I was really looking forward to that music video. It was going to be my first music video with my boyfriend and I was excited about that. I missed him a lot and I haven't seen him in a while.
"Yeah I had a meeting today, They want to shoot it in February In mexico- Wait listen to the email I got sent from Chris"
"Okay" I heard him tapping away on a computer or something probably looking for that email and took this as my opportunity to quickly take off my shoes and get a little bit more comfortable on my bed. I crossed my legs beneath me and leaned against the head of the bed waiting for him to talk,
"June Ambrose hired as the personal stylist, and appears in the video as the main police officer on their tail. Jay-Z and Beyoncé play a modern-day version of the 1920s bank robbers . The video is loosely based on the American 1993 romance crime film , which stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as two lovers on the run from cocaine dealers. The choreography used in the clip will be used to suggest a relationship beyond screen, as Jay-Z should wrap his arm around Beyoncé while singing his part of the chorus. The video should also mark a departure for the "clean-cut Beyoncé" and created a symbiotic relationship between her and Jay-Z, allowing them to exchange audiences." He read out loud. I couldn't help but notice the fact that they wanted us to act as if there was a relationship beyond the music on purpose and that kind of scared me a bit. I didn't want the public knowing about our relationship and I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with the plan. I love Jay but I don't need everyone knowing that because then that becomes bigger than the music. It becomes bigger than the art and I couldn't stand that. I'm not working my ass off for people to not give a shit and care more about my boyfriend than my talent. That's not fair.
"Do you think people are gonna know we're together? Do you think they're gonna guess?" I asked him with a small hint of anger in my voice left over from the thoughts before. I still wasn't happy about it, we made the decision to keep our relationship out of the public eye not too long ago and now we're just supposed to drop it out there like it's nothing?
"They've been guessing" I could hear the annoyance in his voice, he didn't like it just as much as I did and I could tell by the way he spoke. The way I could literally hear him shaking his head and roll his eyes. "but it's none of their business, you know that and I know that and that's all that matters. We don't say shit they don't know shit" I trusted him enough to trust him on this, I knew him well enough to know that if he told me one thing then that was it. He was telling me what he believed and what he knew was going to happen and I believed in him. I nodded my head but remembered he couldn't actually see me and then spoke,
"I know, I just don't want to give away too much." I looked over at my floor and saw all the papers I had forgotten to put away laying on the floor in a messy pile. There were different sized pieces of paper all laying one on top of the other scattered across the floor with no order or structure but one right at the top held the list of the performances my dad had set up for Jay and I with Jay's team "Have you seen the performances they got set up?" I asked him not sure if he knew yet considering he was spending a lot more time with his family instead of at work right now. I loved that about him, the fact that he believes strongly in family. It makes me think that he could be a great husband and farther one day- I know! I know I'm thinking way too far ahead for where we are in our relationship but it's true. He would be a great dad, I just know it. I'd love to be married to him, I think he'd be a great husband too.
"Yeah, lemme get my list. On March 2nd: Saturday Night Live (SNL). Later, on March 21st: MTV's TRL for Spankin' New Music Week, March 29th: 106&Park, March 30th RTL TV. That's it. The way these things are set up it looks like we're seeing each other for a little bit of time every month and that's work related. You not gon' come see a brother in his humble New York Life?" I was really busy and although I missed him like crazy I just didn't have time. In two days I have my audition for Goldmember (I've got the role for Carmen but that's only going to take 2 months to shoot) and if I get the role then we're gonna be shooting until June, I'm also gonna be working on my album, working out, doing dance, clothing designs with my mom and I just didn't have time to just hop on a plane and fly to New York to see him in between. I wanted to, I really did but I couldn't and that'why we talk every day because we can't see each other. It's not fair but that's the way it is for now, things will slow down at some point but for now they're fast and full. He's just gonna need to accept that.
"I know baby, I promise that we'll see each other at some point. I'm gonna try to have one day a week off, and maybe we could spend that day together soon but right now we're just gonna have to go with what we've got" I explained, I heard him sigh through the phone. Times like this made me feel like shit, I knew I loved him and he loved me. I knew I needed to spend time with him but I just couldn't there was too much going on and he knows that, he's in the same position as me. He just finished a tour and was resting up a bit but pretty soon he'll be back in the studio, working on deals and working on his business. I knew that.
"I miss you" He told me, "I miss your gorgeous smile" I knew that if I could see him right now he'd be poking out his bottom lip, he had begun doing that lately and I loved it. I found it so adorable because his eyes were perfect and his lips were amazing so it just worked on him and he knew I loved it. I just wish I could see it in real life instead of a picture or using my imagination, We haven't seen each other in weeks and It doesn't sound like a lot of time but it feels like it. It feels like it's been years.
"I miss you too baby, I can't wait to see you. Maybe we could get to Mexico a day early, spend a little private time together secretly. No one will know" I suggested with a smirk on my face, it wouldn't hurt to just spend a little time with him. There was nothing wrong with it as long as my dad didn't know and we weren't seen. It was gonna be fine.
"I could work something out, a small hotel somewhere unknown. Just you and me." He replied,
"Yeah, God I can't wait to kiss you" I told him. I was imagining it already, his lips on mine. I wanted a kiss like the one we shared at the hotel, I wanted a kiss where he grabbed my ass and slid his tongue into my mouth. I wanted a kiss that made me wet, a kiss that made me moan. I wanted the kiss he gave me before, the one where we weren't soft and romantic but instead vicious and excited, sexy. I wanted that kiss because we had only done a kiss like that once and I was not likely to forget it.
"Eww I don't want your nasty lips on these luscious pieces of heaven right here" Jay joked in a sarcastic tone causing me to gasp and reply with,
"Sorry I didn't hear you, all I heard was your dry ass lips flaking away" I laughed hard but he didn't make a noise, "Where did you go? Did you get lost behind your nose again?" I asked him and this time he laughed hard too. In no time his mom was calling him to go and help with the food and my mom was calling me to come and eat mine so we said our goodbyes and our I love you's and hung up the phone.
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