comment and vote <3
Soundtrack
Wolves - Selena Gomez
I've looked for love in every stranger
Took to much to ease the anger
All for you, yeah, all for you
Turpentine - Brandi Carlile
These days we go to waste like wine
That's turned to turpentine
Till it's 6 am and I'm all messed up
***
Monday morning, after changing into my gym clothes, I bound excitedly over to Jace.
"How was Homecoming?" I ask, grabbing his hands and attempting to spin him in a circle. He laughs at my antics, but remains rigid, refusing to spin with me. It's probably for the best, because as soon as I begin to turn, I feel a little lightheaded. Frowning, I take a sip of water as Jace answers my question.
"It was great. Would have been better if you were there-"
I smack his arm lightly, rolling my eyes. "Shut up about me. Tell me about Trinity! Did you hit it off? Did you guys make out? Oh, I can see it now- you two have a shotgun wedding since she's knocked up with twins, and yours truly gets to be your best man!"
"You're a girl."
"Shut up."
He chuckles, shaking his head at me. "Trinity was great. We talked the whole night and-"
"Blah, blah, blah- did you kiss or not?"
He makes an obscene gesture with a certain, inappropriate finger, before saying, "Yeah, I kissed her when I dropped her off."
"That's it? No making out in the back seat?" I pout, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're no fun."
"I prefer to take things slow," he says, shrugging.
"I know," I say. "I love that about you. You know, sometimes I wish I could be more like you. You're a good guy."
He smiles at me. "You're a good girl, Grace. You've just had a lot of bad stuff happen to you."
I frown. "I've done a lot of bad stuff, too."
Before he can ask me what I mean, Coach Myers blows the whistle and calls us all to circle up.
"We're doing our first mile run today," he tells us, seemingly only half paying attention to the words I'm sure he's said a million times to a million different classes. "We'll be repeating it every three weeks till the end of the semester. Hopefully, you'll all make some progress. But, since this is your first time, don't sweat it too much. As long as you finish, you'll be fine."
He instructs us to line up, and like usual, I position myself at the head of the group, wanting to get as far ahead as possible as soon as we take off. Unsurprisingly, I spot a familiar blonde blur in my peripheral vision.
When the whistle sounds to set us off, I quickly take the lead, putting a good couple meters in between me and the rest of the group. I finish the first lap quite quickly, while half the class has already fallen into a walk.
As I'm halfway through my second lap, the lightheadedness returns. I blink a couple times, effectively shaking it off for now. Rather than slowing down like I know I probably should, I push myself to go faster.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I spot a flash of blonde hair trying to pass me. A small grin appears on my face, and I quicken my pace, trying to maintain my lead.
The next few seconds seem to happen in slow motion.
I notice black spots beginning to cloud my vision, which refuse to disappear even as I blink. The lightheadedness comes back full force, and suddenly, unpredictably, I feel myself falling.
I don't feel an impact with the ground; the world has already gone dark.
****
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The sound is annoying and loud, but I can't determine the source. Groggily, I open my eyes, my vision instantly overwhelmed with the color white. Nearly everything is a different shade of white, and the air smells vaguely of rubbing alcohol.
I groan, realizing that I am, in fact, in the hospital. Upon making a noise, I hear a shuffling of feet, and lift my gaze to see Jace sitting down on the edge of the bed. I quickly sit up.
"You should be at school," I croak, my voice dry.
"Not a chance in hell I'd let you wake up alone."
"How'd you even get in here? Isn't it immediate family only?"
"Your parents called and said I was your brother," he laughs, rolling his eyes.
I smile at him.
"Do they know what happened?" I ask. "One second I was fine, and the next- out like a light."
"Well, on top of your lungs still being damaged, the doctors said you exhibit signs of anorexia. You've lost fifteen pounds since this summer, and you were already tiny to begin with, Grace," he says, worry lacing his voice.
"I'm not anorexic!" I defend quickly.
"Not the disorder. Just the symptom; loss of appetite."
"I've been eating fine."
"You don't eat lunch anymore. Or breakfast. And you barely eat dinner. When was the last time you ate, Grace?"
I open my mouth to object, my mind running over the past day- but I quickly realize that he's right.
"I ate a salad last night," I defend weakly. He sighs, grabbing my hand.
"You can't keep up like this, Grace."
"I know. I'll be better," I whimper, laying my head on his chest. Dropping my hand, he wraps his arms around me and holds me to him, carefully, as if he's scared I'll shatter on the floor any second now. We stay like that for a long while.
"They also found cuts. On your hip," he says hesitantly, his voice slicing through the silence like a knife. I pull out of his hold.
"Jace-"
"Are you cutting again?"
"No," I lie fervently.
"Grace-"
He doesn't continue, his eyes boring into mine.
"Sometimes," I whisper after a long silence.
"Grace-"
"I miss him. And I know it's insane, and that I'm crazy, but I do. I miss him. All the time. And it's a fire that burns me all over, all the time. I want him so fucking much. To kiss me. To hold me. To never let me go. I want him with everything that I am," I say, my voice dry. "What the hell is wrong with me that makes it so I still want him?"
Jace looks as if he might cry. Or maybe he is crying. I can't watch him hurt because of me, and I bury my face in my hands.
"Avery broke you in every way a person can be broke. He'll never deserve you, Grace," he says, his voice quiet but fierce. "Don't ever hurt yourself because of him again. He's not worth it. He never was."
I can't meet his eyes, so I keep my face down. He sits with me for what feels like forever, his hand placed gently over mine. After a while, he gets up. I know he's gone when I hear the door close.
The room feels suddenly cold.
With the image of blue-green eyes burned into my brain, I drift off to sleep.
There's a pounding pain in my chest. An insane pressure slamming into my sternum. There's a moments relief, but then the pressure returns. Then goes away. Then returns.
A continuous loop of short, painful bursts.
The only conclusion I can come up with is that someone is pounding into my chest.
'Stop,' I want to say, but I can't find the words.
A terrifying realization hits me. I can't breathe. I can't see.
Where am I? What's happening?
I vaguely hear a voice in the distance, but the words barely resonate with me.
"Open your eyes. Damn it, Grace! You cannot die. Grey-"
Grey.
A lightbulb goes off in my head at the nickname, but I can't remember why.
With one more burst of pressure on my chest, my eyes snap open and I start to cough up water.
The first thing I see is eyes that are not quite green, and not quite blue. The color of the ocean.
The ocean during a hurricane, I realize, noting the tears in the corners of his eyes.
Avery.
I try to talk, but I can't form words. Instead, I take deep, gasping breaths.
"Shhh, it's okay," he says, cradling me to his chest. He places short kisses on my forehead, my hands, my lips, as if he's trying to kiss the life back into my cyanotic skin. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. We'll fix this, okay? As soon as you are okay, we'll go find Trig. We'll get him back."
Trig.
Trigger.
He's gone.
My world. It's gone.
"I love you. I don't want to ever have to live without you, Grey. So you have to be okay. I'm in love with you, Grey, so you can't ever do that again," Avery whispers fervently.
But everything is fuzzy, and I can feel the darkness creeping in on me.
I jump up, gasping. The heart monitor sitting beside my bed is beating erratically, and I know I need to calm myself if I want to avoid having a nurse come in.
I glance at the table beside me, and spot a small vase of flowers. My mother's handwriting lines a post it note.
We came by at 5:00. They want to keep you overnight. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning.
-Mom
I sigh, my brain going back to my dream. My nightmare.
But it didn't feel like a dream. Or a nightmare.
It felt like a memory.
But there's only one person in the world who can confirm my suspicions, and I have no way of contacting him.
It's for the best, I'm sure.
"Knock, knock," a familiar voice sounds, causing me to jump.
I turn to face Tyler, my eyes wide.
Concern instantly washes over his face. "I'm sorry, did I scare you?"
"Startled me a bit," I chuckle, sitting up in my bed, and crossing my legs.
"Are you- okay? It looked pretty bad in class..."
"I'm fine," I say, shrugging him off. "I forgot to eat breakfast this morning, and I'd already ran two miles by the time I made it to gym."
"Sounds like you need to take it easy," he notes. His voice is light,, but his eyes are filled with concern.
"Duly noted."
For the first time, I spot the plastic bag in his hand, filled with what appears to be Chinese take-out.
"Is that for me?" I ask, quirking an amused eyebrow.
"Yeah," he says, looking suddenly sheepish. "I know hospital food sucks, so..."
"Thank you. That was really sweet," I say, patting the foot of my bed. He takes the cue, and sits down across from me, legs crossed.
"Now, I didn't know what you liked, so I got everything," he teases, proceeding to unload at least ten cartons of food.
"I can see that," I laugh, eyeing him curiously. When he catches me staring, I avert my gaze. "Did you happen to get sesame chicken?"
He nods, handing me a carton before helping himself to what appears to be beef and broccoli.
I pick up a pair of chopsticks, and begin to scarf down my food, not realizing till now how hungry I was. We eat and talk for a long time, and I realize I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard.
I feel like I could talk to him for hours, but a nurse comes in to inform us that visiting hours are over after a mere 45 minutes.
"Thank you for all of this," I say as he gathers up the many empty cartons (as we made a point to at least try everything). "You really didn't have to-"
"I know. I wanted to," he responds, shrugging. In a quick motion, he places a gentle kiss on my forehead, before turning to leave.
Shocked, I find that the place where his lips touched stays warm even after he's gone.
I sink into my bed, unable to fight the blush in my cheeks.
A/N
Meh.
Hope you liked the chapter.
Random Quote:
"I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me."
Reminds me of what would happen if Grace and Avery where ever in the same room again. There's got to be a lot, a lot of pain and suffering between them.
Love you all!
Goodnight My Lovelies!