chills
"like sweet morning dew, i took one look at you. and it was plain to see. you were my destiny."
i shuffled around my room in pure glee. i woke up in a great mood.
i had graduated from high school. i've been accepted into ucla by some miracle. lana and i were doing great. my mom and i's relationship was better than ever. going to see my therapist was having a great impact on controlling my illness. i had my group of friends supporting me and all this beautiful dark skin was popping in the sun. looking like a chocolate diamond.
why wouldn't i be in a great mood?
my door was open and it happened to be my mother playing music on this june afternoon so when she heard me sing along to the great marvin gaye it was only appropriate that she joined in for tammi terrell
"with my arms open wide. i threw away my pride. i'll sacrifice for you, dedicate my life to you." she strolled in doing the cabbage patch with a broom clasped in her fist. i took her free hand and got in formation to begin traditional ballroom dancing with her.
we laughed as we sung along to the feel good song. moving our feet offbeat to the music but enjoying the moment.
man, i don't wanna sound corny but it's been long since i've felt this good. she returned to cleaning when the song ended and i returned to getting ready to head out. i had on my frat boy "$40 a gram? awesome!" outfit consisting of white canvas shorts and a blue button up. i don't own sperry's so all white vans did the job.
i feel so caucasian.
today was just a boy's day. lana was out of town visiting family for a week so i was stuck with them. i hoped we wouldn't be getting into any hoodrat shit today because i didn't want to ruin my day. i left the house shortly with a kiss to my mothers temple and her car keys in my hand. no i didn't finesse them from her while she was basically unconscious.
i met up with the boys at gabe's house. his parents are always out of town and conveniently he's located in the center of where we all live. it was only four of us today; gabe, jaylin, kerian and i.
"look at my white boy chai. fuck it up chai, fuck it up chai." i laughed at gabe's shenanigans and pushed him out of the way to enter the house.
"what's up, niggas?" i greeted jaylin that was sitting on the white leather three seat sofa while i sat down in the love seat. jaylin dug into his pocket and pulled out a pill bottle; he tossed it my way before responding.
"that's what's up. shit dank as fuck." i held the pill bottle up to see a couple nuggets of weed inside. i could tell it was sativa and gonna be hella sticky. after twisting the bottle top open and getting within 5 inches of the opening my nose started burning from the strong abrupt scent. i knew it's distinctive and cali based smell.
"og kush? you're my nigga jaylin. aye give me a back wood or something we putting the entire bottle in that shit." i picked up a vogue magazine that was laying on the table and sat it in my lap preparing to break up the weed. jaylin tossed me a honey berry backwood out his backpack. kerian came out of the kitchen with a fruit roll up hanging out his mouth and various snacks in his hands.
"chai man, you good?" he dapped me up and went to take a seat on the two seat sofa.
"gucci man."
i finished rolling up the best backwood i had ever seen and sparked it up. i'm sticking to weed from now on because xanax the new heroin and i truly believe everything else will fuck up your life. i can't have that while i'm trying to get it all together.
within ten minutes i went from happy and cool to straight geeking. i felt creative as a bitch. like i wanted to start painting.
"yoooo, we should go get some frozen yogurt and, and make that shit look so beautiful. like art." i suggested. kerian and gabe immediately started laughing at me while jaylin had his mouth open, eyes wide and head nodding in agreement.
"these niggas are gone." kerian cackled along with gabe. i'm starting to get salty because i'm deadass.
"it's settled. get the fuck up." i ordered the group while wobbly getting up from my seat.
"aw man, i'm gone like shit." i laughed at myself while walking to the front door with the guys following behind me.
"this fried ass clown gone crash the damn car." jaylin muttered behind me.
"well walk then. always talking shit man." kerian not so muttered to jaylin.
"ah, shit. he on yo ass jay." gabe instigated the petty talk while he locked the door to his home.
"kerian knows i will clap his ass. no worries my way." jaylin played tough.
"alright quit it, y'all will go back and forth and ruin my high. y'all both scary, there it's settled." i ended the chatter between the two and started up the car with gabe cackling in the back with kerian. his face was scrunched up in the same you got me fucked up manner as jaylin's face.
"we can both beat the fuck out of you together. fuck you." jaylin maintained his mug and i decided to not entertain the fallacy.
"you got it. you run shit." i playfully responded back.
"aye turn on the radio and let me bump my shit." kerian requested. he's an aspiring singer, and i'll be honest, he actually has a really nice voice. The only reason i'll let him connect to the bluetooth speakers.
"that reminds me, when are you going to drop your new mixtape, nigga? you said may 4th and we going on may 66th my dude. why you gotta play us like that?" jaylin added in.
"yeah, you even holding out on your niggas. i know you finished that shit already. what was that shit called? the end? brunette?" i came for kerian as well. he put out his first mixtape early last year and been holding out since.
"i'm never dropping it lol. cry you little bitches." kerian's evil ass assured us that the music drought would continue on his scheduled programming.
"just a piece of shit." jaylin turned on the radio so kerian couldn't connect to the bluetooth. throwing the fit his childish ass always throws. kerian huffed and fell back in his seat.
"you lucky we in the car or i would glass you."
"glass me then nigga!"
"you know what? get out of my caucasian car!" i yelled at the two.
here we go.
we barely arrived at the frozen yogurt place since kerian and jaylin were trying to fight each other in between the space of the passenger seat and the driver seat where i was, trying to drive! gabe wasn't no help seeing as though the only thing that interested him was not his safety but getting it all on camera.
"i swear y'all walking home. don't even try to get back in the car." i told the three as we entered the place. i grabbed a large cup and scanned the available yogurt.
"don't be an ass. we ain't die and you didn't even get hit in the crossfire." jaylin went to the vanilla and poured about 3 dollars worth into his cup.
"i don't care. y'all play too much." i poured a nice amount of coconut yogurt into my cup and went to the fun part. kerian didn't even bother to get yogurt, he put a bunch of strawberries and various forms of chocolate into his cup. gabe was lactose intolerant so we wasn't letting him get shit.
as i piled on mango poppers, coconut shavings and chocolate chips in my cup i felt someone tap on my shoulder. i turned around and came to face a very beautiful and very familiar girl.
"malachai?" her teeth were no longer covered with braces, her skin no longer had clusters of pimples, and her brown eyes weren't shielded with large bifocals.
"anfa?" i scooped her up in my arms and she gripped around my torso just as tight. after a long hug i let her back down and completely scoped her out.
"yo, it's been like 3 years. what you back in los angeles for?" i asked my old best friend. this girl and i were hella tight. i knew her since elementary school. she's actually janzel's baby momma's sister. when all that shit went down with janzel and helena, anfa had to pack her bags and leave too. i was sad as hell. we were so close, just as close as i am with jaylin, might have even been even more since i could drop the hyper-masculine act and be a little more on my feminine side.
"my grandma has been throwing a fit about how we barely get to visit since we moved to san jose so she demanded that we come down for the summer before we go off to college."
"we? you mean helena is here with you?" i was shocked. from what janzel has told me the grip her parent's have had on helena was hella tight.
"helena and hanzel." she clarified that his kid was here too.
"damn, does he know?"
"i doubt it. we just got here a couple hours ago and our parents don't let them communicate unless it's to arrange a visit." her face quickly went from being bright and lively to dreadful.
"damn, so you're here for the whole summer? i can't believe it." i ran my hand over the top of my head truly astounded. i never thought i would get to interact with her again.
"yeah, we gotta link up. like a lot. i missed hanging out with your ass. take my new number down and hit me up later so we can get something set." anfa insisted and i completely agreed. i added her into my phone and made a mental note to text her tonight.
"chai if you don't come the- oh shit, is this anfa? girl look at you. went from damn to god damn, san jose did you no good. wasted all those years you spent wearing those thick ass braces. teeth crooked as hell." jaylin came for her just like he used to years ago.
"jaylin why you always on that shit?" i complained. he's been on trash all day.
"it's fine chai, now; jaylin i know you haven't had good vision since you got cum in your eyes from sucking off the basketball coach to get off the bench" i could've sworn the loading shotgun and wasted sign from grand theft auto appeared smack in the middle of jaylin's face. "but i know my teeth are amazing. it's nice to see you tho. you sure haven't grown an inch either." anfa held up her own and i swear it felt like 9th grade again.
"man why you on that? always gotta do too much." jaylin's face showed that she got to him and the grin that stretched across anfa's face was of victory.
"you know you started it. you came over here on trash. but it's understandable for you to have a little angst in your chest since you haven't been able to find and fondle your little shrimp dick lost underneath that gut of yours." her words even hit me in the chest. she came for blood. jaylin looked like he wanted to pop off but couldn't.
"remember to text me chai. see you guys later?" she hugged me again and waved to jaylin while skipping off to get her frozen yogurt.
"i swear satan is a woman and she was just in our presence." he huffed out.
"aw, don't be mad because you came for her. she's always been ruthless." i laughed at jaylin's expense.
"yeah, yeah. i thought you was in here trying to mack up a lil dip until i realized you were in danger. swear i was gonna come up and say that lana got shot."
"you ain't shit. how was i in danger?"
"did you not hear me call her the devil? now come on, we've been waiting in the car while you were selling your soul." jaylin started for the exit.
"y'all niggas must of forgot that you were walking home."
after an exhausting ass day with those knuckle heads i was finally home and on facetime with lana. i would share how i jumped up and down when my phone started ringing and i saw her face on my screen but i'd rather save myself the embarrassment.
"so how is arizona?" i asked lana, that's were she was visiting and i wanted to know all about her experience.
"hot as hell! it should be a health hazard to live in this state. i swear all i have is another day before i have a heat stroke." lana went on and on about how terrible being in arizona was. "i can't even beat my face out here, babe. it all melts off; do you know how depressing that is!" it actually sounded like not being able to do her makeup really made her upset.
"don't worry, when you get back to la in two days you can do whatever fancy tricks you want to do with your eye shadow and use as much glitter as you please." i reassured her.
"yeah, whatever" lana went on speaking but i kinda zoned out. then i remembered that i was supposed to text anfa. i put lana on pause for a little bit while i scrolled through my contacts to find her.
to: anfa
wassup chopstick?
her eyes are very slanted so we would make fun of her. she's not even of any asian descent.
i took lana off pause and i was receiving the meanest glare ever.
"dang, what i do to you?"
"you put me on pause for an extended period of time."
"please don't start this." i already knew this was going bad so i didn't want to get into it with her over some bullshit.
"i'm not starting anything!" anfa texted me back while lana was talking so i clicked on the message to respond back.
from: anfa
that joke is so played out. but are you free in about two days?
damn, lana comes back in two days. but she won't be back until the afternoon so i'll have to hang out with anfa in the morning.
to: anfa
i got some free time during the day, what you got in mind?
i went back to my facetime with lana and she was giving me the same glare.
"what now?" i said with a little annoyance in my voice.
"nothing at all."
yeah i don't have time for this.
"lana, what do you have on your mind?"
"well, every time-" anfa texted back again so i proceeded with exiting the call.
from: anfa
well, there's a spoken word club i plan to be at and i remember that you're very insightful so you would most likely enjoy that kind of thing.
before i could respond back lana started tripping.
"see, you keep on putting me on pause while i'm trying to talk to you. those text messages can wait."
"i gotta stay on the main screen for you to talk? just say what you gotta say, i hear you."
i went back to the messages and texted her back.
to: anfa
sounds like a plan. hit me up with the address and time on friday.
from: anfa
good. see you on friday.
"chai, that's not the point." lana stressed.
"so what is the point? you can't carry a conversation if i'm not watching you talk?"
"now you're being an asshole." you could hear that she was irritated.
"oh so now i'm an asshole because you're making something out of nothing?" i was having a pretty good day and now she wants to be onerous.
from: anfa
hey have you heard this song?
she put a link to a song on soundcloud. i tapped on it to see a song by some person named the internet called get away. anfa always found nice modern music and i doubt that her taste has changed much in three years. i actually couldn't wait to listen to the suggestion.
to: anfa
nah i haven't, i'll listen to it later tho.
from: anfa
the song is great and you're the only person that really appreciated my taste in music lol. i promise you'll like it.
"malachai!" i went back to the screen since she wanted to get loud.
"oooo, she's shaking the table!" i mocked k. michelle from some video lana sent me earlier. "what you gotta be so loud for?"
"because you're carrying a better conversation with whoever you're texting than your girlfriend that you didn't talk to all day."
"chill, i'm just reconnecting with a friend i haven't seen in a couple years. and we've been on the phone for an hour and a half now. don't act like i've been ignoring you the whole time."
"every time your phone does that annoying ass ding you jump to respond back."
"it's called responding back in a timely fashion." i was being a little smart ass but i didn't see what the problem was and she was acting childish.
"alright chai,"
from: anfa
this too.
there was a link to a pillowtalk remix by tyler, the creator.
to: anfa
you know that's been my nigga since 2012.
"look, he can wait. we're having a discussion."
"she can wait but she doesn't have to. i can talk to you and reply back."
"she? your long lost friend is a she?" lana clarified like i didn't just say she.
"yes, is that a problem?" if she tripped over a female friend i don't think this conversation would end well.
"it sure isn't. you've just never informed me that you had female friends. i thought i met all of your friends already."
"remember, she was long lost, there was no reason to bring her up because she wasn't in my life."
"so she's back in your life now?" you ever been so done that you wanted to just go to sleep in that exact moment? you've been so tried that it's mentally exhausted you?
"yes lana."
from: anfa
yeah, yeah. you know you kind of look like that nigga? lol..
to: anfa
don't start with that bullshit. just because we're both dark as hell does not make us look alike.
"chai!"
"yes, lana?"
from: anfa
just because my eyes are small does not mean i am from asian descent and can be called chopstick.
i laughed at her because she thought i cared.
to: anfa
not gonna stop me from calling you chopstick.
i heard three beeping noises and saw that lana had hung up the phone. aw man, now she mad.
from: anfa
suck my chopstick dick.
to: anfa
was that supposed to be funny? and get splinters on my tongue? that's not a smart move.
from: anfa
so sucking the dick wasn't the problem the wood was a problem? god damn.
to: anfa
trashhhh. don't go there.
from: anfa
i don't see you denying it.
from: Sailor Moon
have fun talking to your friend since your girl friend doesn't matter.
i huffed and fell back onto my bed. she's on that childish shit and i'm not gonna entertain it.
to: Sailor Moon
i'ma need you to stop because you know damn well you mean a lot to me. but i'm not gonna entertain your tantrum about having you on pause and talking to my friend. hanging up on me was childish and there was no need for it. i'll talk to you in the morning baby. have a nice sleep.
to: anfa
shut up anfa, go to bed.
i put my phone on the charger and got settled into my bed. that shit with lana gave me a headache. i hope she doesn't make a thing about my friendship with anfa because i'm not about to choose between the two and i'm surely not going to entertain her shenanigans because she feels a certain way. we too old for that. i heard my phone ding like 4 times back to back but i didn't even wanna look at what lana said.
what's up ya bums?
yeah yeah i know it's been hell of a long time. i won't say that i've been busy because honestly i have time to write. i was just stuck as hell on this story with no inspiration. i watched love jones like two days ago and i wanted to do nothing more but update.
let me know your opinions on the chapter, i'm a little rusty.
BLACKLIVESMATTER
rip korryn gaines
rip joyce quaweay
rip skye mockabee
rip dee whigham
rip sarah reed
rip symone marshall
rip jessica williams
rip charles kinsey
rip philando castile
rip alton sterling
rip paul o'neal
rip henry green
(please look into this one and raise awareness, this happened in my city and is personal to me. two plainclothes officers did NOT identify themselves.)
rip dylan noble
rip deravis rogers
rip antwun shumpert
rip akiel denkins
rip greg gunn
rip david joseph
rip robert finicum
i almost started crying from typing these names. it's too many lives we've lost this year and this isn't the complete list. rest in power all my fallen soliders.