Alex (boy)
I hooted as Drex perfected his three point shot. Naglalaro kami ngayon sa labas ng bahay nila Shara.
Actually I was just waiting for her to come out. I wanted to see her face so badly, just a glimpse and my day will be perfect.
I keep on looking at her window hoping she would be there watching like before. Pero wala, natutulog pa siguro siya.
After 30 minutes or more I guess, lumabas na siya. She's going somewhere I think.
Black shirt, ripped jeans and black keds. She's perfect.
I'm waiting for her to look my way but she didn't. Wierd.
"Lex" I called out.
She turned and smiled. "Yes?" she asked. god she's so beautiful.
Her hair nicely curled into big waves. She rarely wears lipstick but today she's wearing deep red lipstick.
Baka naman may date?
Shush!
"I see you're going somewhere" I teased. "Uhm, actually. Lalabas kami ni Caleb" she said looking t her shoes.
Caleb?
"Ahh, I see nanliligaw pala siya sayo. Totoo pala yung chismis" I said smiling to cover my resentness towards Caleb. Not her.
Alex, hindi mo siya pagmamay-ari.
I know, but it feels so bad. So heavy.
"No, I mean......" she trailed off. I nudged her. "You don't have to explain" I assured her.
Why the fuck do I feel this way?
"Sige, balik na ako sa game. Mag-enjoy ka" I said plastering my most fake smile.
"Sige, thank you" she said and ran off.
Something's off about her. Something's not right. Ano bang nangyayari sa kanya.
She doesn't normally talk to me that way. Unlike Maxine.
Maxine, shit.
Shit
I feel so awful. I know it's my fault.
"Alex! May girlfriend ka! I don't want to compete with her! Ano bang ginawa ko ha? May pagkukulang ba ako? Kulang pa ba?" she said shouting at me. Crying.
I hate seeing her cry.
I hate seing her pain pero wala akong magawang excuse. Bakit hindi ko pinagtatanggol sarili ko like I normally would before?
"Bakit di ka makasagot Alex? Is she better? Do you love her?"
Do I love her?
Love?
I don't know what to say.
"I'm sorry Max" were just the word I mustered.
"You're so cruel! Ni hindi mo manlang ipagtanggol sarili mo. Totoo ano? Mahal mo siya ano?" she said really really angry, tears won't stop falling from her eyes.
I reached for her and tried to hug her. To lessen the pain, to stop her from crying. But she resisted.
"Ano nga bang magagawa ko kung siya gusto mo. I heard everthing you said to Drex. I remind you of her. Siya naman talaga from the start and I was never the one you really wanted. You really loved. It was her all the time. So quit the play Alex and be done with this unending game you're playing" she said her voice so quiet yet her tears just won't stop.
Shit, narinig pala niya yung usapan namin ni Drex.
Oo, inaamin ko. Nakikita ko si Alex sa kanya. Her dark eyes, soft features and all but Maxine was never like Alex. Never.
"Minahal kita Max, hindi dahil sa naalala ko siya sayo. Minahal kita kasi ikaw yan. Hindi dahil sa ibang tao" I said finding my voice.
"No, stop please. I can't" she said as she stood up and picked up her bag. As I watch her leave, she turned around and said, "thank you"
Maxine was never like her. Alex is different. So different.
"Pare, ilag!" sigaw ni Zack. Before I can move natamaan ng bola yung mukha ko.
"Shit!" I mumbled strings of curses.
Ang sakit nun ah.
--
I sat absently infront of the tv. Maxine broke up with me 2 days ago. I miss her but not like Alex.
Parang nga wala lang nangyari. Naaawa ako sa kanya. Sa ginawa ko. I feel bad. So bad.
I want to see her, Alex.
Bakit si Caleb? Bakit siya pa? Andami namang iba jan ah.
Andito naman ako ah.
Tss! Fuck off.
I decided to go to my room at pagkahiga ko, naalala ko yung feeling nung nakakapit sa akin si Alex.
That night was so memorable. So precious, indescribable. How I've dreamed about it since that summer.
Her scent, the way she blushes and giggles. The past two weeks had been the best week in my life. I've never felt so alive.
I want to keep her
To take care of her
To mark her that she's mine
To own her.
I need her.
I want all of her.
I want memories with her.
I want her.
I love her
--
"Hi" Alex, I can see her. Watch her smile.
"Hi beautiful" I said grinning at her.
"Kelan ka magpaparamdam? Kelan mo sasabihin?" tanong niya.
"Malapit na akong mapunta sa iba kakahintay sayo. Don't be late Alex. Just say it, say the word. Tell me you love me" she said and I can see her going farther and farther away from me.
No
Hinabol ko siya nang hinabol
Malayo na siya sa akin.
"Alex!" I shouted.
"Just say the word" she whispered, urging me.
As her figure disappears, I whispered,
"I love you"
**