The round went slow and at every turn , Patsy felt a larger and great weight on her shoulders. It was near the end of 1962 , whe world ws changing for the better she she felt so dirty and yet so happy. Their was talk of a gay rights movement but nothing more said said, it was just echos in the gateway. Whsipers on the late night bus. Patsy knew even if their was on she should get involved. But part of her wanted teir to be one. She wanted their to be protests she could join in, to see streets lined with people like she was. She had vivid dreams of the streets of London filled with man holding hands with men and women holding hands with women. Like nothing was wrong. She smiled a little at the through, before being snapped out of her fantasy but a women Patsy nealy took out on her bicycle.
Trixie grew more and more worried for Patsy throughout the day , not sure what to say in order to support her friend made Trixie worried and slightly nervous. She didn't know the words to tell Patsy that her heart was winning over her head. Trixie needed to tell Patsy that she was going to be okay but the truth is she didn't know Patsys faith she didn't know what the sisters knew what what they wanted to talk to her about but she did know that Patsy was her best friend and nothing could change that.
As they put they bikes in the hutv after what felt like a never ending day of rounds, Patsys heart was thudding out her chest. Trixie looked over to her for the moral support she could give of the unknown.
Patsy was hoping that her presense woulg go unnoticed or Sister Julienne would be oterhwise opqupided with a pregnant mother. But like clockwork Sister was waiting for Patsy in the kitchen. Patsy out her bag down then without saying a word followed sister Julienne into her office.
"Have a seat" Sister said, in her calm caring tone. She didn't sound angry but that didn't mean she wasn't. Patsy did as she was asked and sat on the edge of her seat, sweat left her palms and she was concentrating on not shaking to give away her guilt.
"It has been brought to my attention that someone has reported homosexual actions against you"
Patsy froze she iddnt know what to say
"That's absurd" Patsy spluttered out.
"An expected mother saw you and nurse mount late last week getting off the bus from Chelsea"
The gateways club, they were coming home from the gateways. They were careful how did someone see them.
"Now while this matter isn't illegal, you are in place of worship here at Nonnatus House" The sister continuded
"I am going to have to report the event to the mother house but until then I am going to take you off all midwifery duties" Her voice was still calm unlike Patsys who couldn't even form a sentence. Patsys silence told Ssister Julieene all she needed to know, the shokc on Patsys face was a shco kfo being assuced but a shock of being found out.
"You know im a good midwife" Patsy responded "Why can I work because of one absurd comment?" she felt horrible lying about her Delia but she needed her job, Delia needed hers. Delias job and Nonnatus House was the only thing keeping her in London.
"Patsy you are a good midwife im not dening that but we just simply cant have someone who is aquqed of such things working in that area" Patsy no longer cared about the reasons she just needed to ask about Delia
"What about Delia?" Patsy asked
"As Nurse Bursby doesn't work with us and I am going to phone up the London and talk to them about the situation first. With Delias shifts I will most likely deiscuss the situation with her after breakfast tomorrow" Nurse mount didn't respond what you she say just just got up off the chair and walked out, shutting the big wooden door behind her and running out the bigger wooden door that was Nonnatus House. She didn't get her bike she just ran. Tears streaming down her face, she didn't want to cry but she had just lsot the role that she lived at Nonnatus House for, what would she do if she wasn't to do the midwife duties. She would be stuck on district round if she was even allowed to do that. She wouldn't be able to do the clinic on Tuesday, she wouldn't get to talk to the new mums about jabs or do check up, consol scared first time mothers. She was losing all the cared about and she could even end up losing Delia. Patsy didn't know where she was running but she kept running. She went to the coffee shop where her and Delia had spent many a great evening ordered a drink and just sat their- outside it was starting to get dark but she couldn't care. She didn't care that she was still in uniform because it wouldn't be long untl she wasn't allowed to wear it at all – the uniform was her safety and now threy wanted to take it off her.
Patsy was lost in her lies, in her stories in the things she said to prevent more questions. The only thing that made her lies worth telling was Delia. She could lose Delia. And Patsy knew she would never let that happen. The minutes in the coffee shop turned into the hours, just staring into space. She knew she had to go back home, she knew she had to face the other nuns and nurses. Patsy left the coffee shop as the owner locked the door behind her. She didn't run home like she ran away but lowly tiptoed through the streets feeling watched at every corner, by every shadow of people going about their evening.
It was slient when she pushed the front door open, Patsy wasn't urpised fofr this time of night, she was thankful for the silence all the safe. Quietly hoping everyone was in bed or overwise engaged. Patsy knew delia would be panicing when she wasn't their when she got home or over evening meal. Paatsy felt guilty for not hoing the London to tell her what has been going on.
Glancing at the board Patsy is glad to see that Sister Julienne and Barabara have been called out and sigh of relief leaves her body knowing she wont be having to see them tonight. Patsys name had been wiped off the on call board and her heart sunk a little, she has lost her midwife post, Sister Julienne wasn't kidding. She knows Delia's awake before she even sees the silver light coming from under her girlfreidns closed bedroom door. Patsy knew deep down that Delia wouldn't hhave even considered sleeping until she new Patsy was safe, and she was right. Delia had tried everything to calm her nerves and had now resorted to pacig up and down her room. Staring aimlessly at a photo of her and Patsy. Patsy knew it would be so easy to go into to see Delia to explain the actions but she just couldn't bring her too. Standing in the corridor like a lost puppy Patsy made up her mind – she needed to see Delia, talk through todays events. Let her know what was happening because Delia could easerly lose her job in the morning and Patsy needed to prewarn her.
Patsy tiptoed across the corridor finding she needed more corrage than normal to open Delias door.
"Patience Mount, if I didn't know any better I would say tou were avoiding me" Delia was being hard to read. So patsy still didn't knw if Delia knew about any of todays events.
Delia took Patsys hand and pulled her into the room quitly closing the door behind them.
"I just cant do it any more Deels" Patsy was shaking now "Someones filed a report about us"
Delia didn't know what to say
"They have taken me off midwife duties and Sister Julienne was phoning the London today to discuss further action for you" Patsys word came out stumbled
"I denied it Deels and they have no real proof just a paient that saw us when we were on our way back from the gateways"
"Its okay Patsy' Delia said. I haven't seen Sister Julieenne yet but if she wants to talk to me, I will tell her that it's a wild idea and its just simply not true" Delia was calm to look at but her voice was unsure She kne ho much this must be eaing patsy up. She knew ho much widwifery meant to Patsy and because of their actions – Delias carelessness she may lose all she has worked for.
"I want to badly to kiss you when were out in public , waiting for the bus. I want to hold you hand or put your hand on your knee when watching tv, but I cant. It makes me so Angry Deels I almost want the world to know" Ptasy was angry but scared, fear couldn't mask the anger she was feeling.
She didn't care any more, she didn't care that it was a sin, she was in love with the person of her dreams and yet that wasn't allowed. Her love wasn't allowed.
"Pats" Delia was holding Patsy She could feel the warmth of Patsy against her body. "Its going to be okay"
"But Delia..." Patsy started to talk only to be cut of by Delia who pulls away slightly and presses her finger onto Patsys lips.
"Shh. I love you Patsy Mount and there is no point worrying about events we can't change. We cant change who we are and you know what? I don't want to "
Patsy smiled a little, her lips still pressed against Delia's finger
"I know that we may not be able to shout our love to the world but I would rather love you in secret for the rest of our lives than have one minute without you" Then she lets her finger drop from Patsys lips.
Patsys heart rate slowly starts slowing down because with Delia she felt safe, that's when it hits Patsy during the fuss of the evening she had become so caught up in her jon and forgotten that was most important. Delia. Patsy loved Delia and Delia loved her. Patsy really adored her and she would do so until the end of her days – she had just seemed to foget that for a while.
"Oh Delia, I love you too. So, very ,very ,very much." Patsy punctuated her words with kisses on her forehead, her cheeks and then finally her lips.
Patsy knew she couldn't spend another night in Delias room, but she just didn't want to leave. They kissed for a few more minutes – there lips locking , sparks flying as they forgot about the days event. Delia didn't even know half of it but Patsy couldt bring herself to tell her, she just wanted to ejoy her girlfriend company without thinking about Barbara or the nuns.