Sorry For the Sin

Chapter Five

Patsy smiled as she slept, but Trixie still slept in fear for her friend. She was their when patsy wasn't around she heard the nuns talk more about more about relationship and even heard nurse mount state that if Delia was man she would assume they were courting. Nuns made remarks that made Trixie bite her tongue as she tried to stay out of the way of speculation, and not get involved as her brain and her heart were constantly contradicting themselves.

Trixie dozed off just as patsy woke up to see her lover. While she knew Trixie knew where she went ,they agreed not to talk about it and it was better if Trixie didn't know what went on.

 Dawn found her with a smile on her lips and Delia is laying her arms, eyes closes, enjoying a pleasant dream. There is silence at Nonnatus House, broken only periodically by the singing of the bird. Daylight seeped into the room falling through the curtains, flooding the room with bright and yellow light. The faint smell of coffee wakes Patsy as she inhales it. She realizes that she cant savor the moment much longer and she is not the only one awake. Anytime now her friendsand colleagues will spring to life. Preparing themselves for the day ahead. Every ration part of her body is telling her she needed to move out of Delia and get a move one to join them but this was a prefect carefree moment. There was no ticking of a clock nothing to make her want to go back to reality. Her health swells as she squeezes Delia a little bit tighter, to keep her safe. To let her know she protected. Her eyes flicker open.

"Good Morning" Patsy whispered. Delia grinned sleepily and leans in to capture Patsy's lips. Delia didn't want to move, everything she loved in life was sat next to her, she just wanted to spend the like this, tangled up in their nudity. Yet she knows she must get ready for work. Delia sense Patsy's unwillingness to move and while she doesn't want her too, Delia pushes her slightly urging her to get out of the room before it causes chaos.

"Go..." Delia murmurs through the soft passionate kisses with Patsy "Before they see you" Her voice sounded soft but her eyes told a different story. She didn't want Patsy to leave but she could stay any longer.

With great reluctance and all the inner will power she could grasp Patsy dragged herself out of the warm safe bed, startled a little a the coldness of the wooden floor against her feet.

"I love you" Delia mouth silently to Patsy as if that was the biggest sin that had happened in this room.

"I love you too," Patsy mouthed back.

No one could wipe the grin off their faces and no one had the right too. Lacking modesty Patsy grabbed her clothes that were scattered across the floor and made a break for the bathroom. She gets out without any interruption and once sat away from the world in the bathroom .she locked the door and lets out a relieved sigh – another night down she through to herself. Staring at the bathroom clock, she was nearly 10 minutes late for rounds, with a quick wash and dress; the smile wouldn't leave her face. With the idea of eyeliner abandoned and her hair looking ever so slightly presentable she made haste onto the landing trying to think of a good excuse for being late one that she hadn't used recently. Her brain doesn't seen=m to be functioning, Patsy fled down the stairs nearly tripping on one of Fred's tools causing her to do a little leap.

Luckily Sister Julienne has disappeared sorting out today's Rota. Patsy glanced around to the room of known faces; Trixie, Barbara and Nurse Crane. They were sorting though their medical kits for the day and drinking what now much be nearly cold coffee. They were eyeing Patsy suspishiosly. None of them making a sound.

"Sorry" Patsy burst out before anyone could make a remark "I overslept!" No one believed her but it was all she could say.

"It sounded like you had a man over last night" Barbara tried to say out of ear shot from the others, she didn't realize how loud she was being but, from looking around it was clear Nurse Crane thought the same. Patsy blushed uncontrollably, now making a clear effect to avoid eye contact. Reaching over for her medical kit seemed to be the easiest way to avoid eye contact and gave Patsy a great reason to look down in order to check the equipment. Trying as well as she could to hide her embarrassment and trying to shake off the feeling of unnecessary guilt.

"There was no many here" She replied quietly. She wasn't lying there wasn't any men last night, yet she still left like a liar. It was a half-truth as her did used o call it when she was a just a child. Lies were swirling all around her; most of her life was a lie she spoke lies every day out of fear. Barbara says nothing in response, what could she say? People knew what they heard but no man had been her. Both sides her right. It was Patsy they had heard last night but it wasn't Patsy with some man. It was Patsy with Delia. Barbara glanced around the room almost trying to get the others to speak up, asking for support. Nurse crane had her judging eyes on but stood silently in the corner off the room. Trixie trying to keep a straight face and trying to stay out of it because she knew too much. Trixie sipped her coffee loudly and avoid Patsy's gazes, the convocation was over no one else could say anything and no one else wanted to apart from Patsy she felt the need to keep talking, to make sure that everyone knew was wasn't with a man last night.

"I was asleep next to Trixie all night, I didn't move all night. " Patsy tried to protest with false innocence. Trixie raised her eyebrow in-between her loud slips of coffee, silently letting Patsy know that she wasn't fooling anyone and wasn't the tiniest bit convincing. Trixie stared at Patsy trying to hint to her not to press the issue and just let their hunches die down. Her fingertips tapped nervously on the surface. They were nervous for Patsy. How stupid could she have been?

"Perhaps it was Delia" Barbara asked out load " She doesn't seem like that kind off girl..." As soon as those words left her mouth she knew what she had let herself in for.

"And I do, do I ?" Patsy snapped . Her good mood from this morning had quickly gone away and was shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.

Barbara lowers her eyes, almost as if she was insulted by Patsy tone. The atmosphere grew thick and awkward, filled with Patsy's anger "Honestly Barbara! Perhaps it was you with the man over; how are we know" Patsy had official lost it, about to storm out when Sister Julienne wandered back in unaware of the argument that had previously occurred.

"I see you have decided to join us, Nurse Mount," She says as she looks at the list of patients in her hand. She signed a silent sign unable to muster up a good enough believable excuse.

"Yes. I'm sorry Sister" anger still protruded Patsy's voice but it was better anger than embarrassment, she was allowed to be angry but if she was embarrassed then Barbara would defiantly know her hunch was sort of right.

"My fault, sister" Trixie said smiling taking the last gulp of her coffee. "I should have woken her but she looked so peaceful"

Sister Julienne smiles faintly and Barbara looks down, knowing that Trixie was firmly on Patsy's side.

Sister Julienne starts her monologue about patients and the times of ones impendending shift. Trixie catches Patsy's eye from a across the room silently Patsy thanks her and Trixie nods in responses with a smile, It was moment of pure friendship and a moment in which Trixie truly understood what Patsy was having to go through. Trixie was just glad that she knew about Patsy and Delia but they weren't very subtle and without Trixie and her lie they would most likely both on their way to the office.

As the midwifes scuttled out the room towards, the bikes. Patsy felt a touch on her shoulder which made her turn round a little startled

"Nurse Mount, may I see you in my office after your rounds – we have much to discuss."

"Of course Sister, may I ask what its about" Patsy responded, wandering if sister had heard her lash out a Barbara.

"I think you know" With that sister Julienne walked away. Not turning around, not looking back. Patsy stood no sure what she was meant to say.

"Patsy come on" Trixie called from outside. Patsy shook off any fears of that convocation and went to join Trixie. Closing the door to Nonnatus House behind Patsy. Trying to forget this morning events and focus on the happiness of the night previous.

"Sister Julianne wasn't to see me after rounds" Was all Patsy could say. She didn't want to make small talk, or see Barbara, she wanted to go back to bed with the person she loved the most but it vey well might be lying in that bed that caused her all these problems.

"It will be okay Patsy" Trixie said in a hushed tone, dragging Patsy to her bicycle "For now theirs nothing you can do. Lets just focus on the job in hand." Patsy nodded in response and clambered onto her bicycle. Trixie gestured to follow, looking slightly concerned about Patsy's state of mind. Patsy uses the last remaining bit of energy to paint a smile onto her face, convincing passers by that she was okay. She had patients to see, babies to deliver, lives to save. That was all she could let herself think about. Everything else was going to have to wait.