I lay there listening to my stomach rumbling as I started to get really hungry.
Three more days past like a blur and I thought about just lying there for another two weeks until someone was going to take pity on me like before, but I was pretty sure that someone was not going to be Daniel again.
Finally I persuade myself to get off my backside and get something to eat, otherwise if I don’t and Zach comes back for me I won’t have enough strength to fight him off.
Ignoring my light head and growling stomach I practically ran down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Please don’t let anyone come, please.
I open the fridge as slowly and quietly as I could and grabbed the closest bottle, I don’t know what it was but it was in a glass bottle. I pour it in a glass and take a long slow swig savouring the sweet and bitter taste in my mouth.
It was good, like really good.
I drink the rest in one go and without a thought I pour some more and drank all of that too before pouring another glass for later and making myself some toast.
When I finish all the toast I go to drink my fourth cup but stop half way as I hear someone approach.
‘You know that’s wine, right?’
As soon as I heard Zach’s voice my legs went all shaky and I wanted to throw up. I put the cup down slowly regretting that I didn’t bother to read the label. Turning around to face my fear I look at him and wanted to run off but my legs felt glued to the ground.
As my head started to throb the only thought in my head was; he wanted to kill me; he was going to kill me; he probably still does.
I look at him and the way he was acting seemed like nothing ever happened. ‘How much of it did you drink? You’re kinda swaying a little.’ He informs eyes boring down on me.
Oh, jeez. I only had three glasses, was I really swaying?
My head started to spin and I grab onto the bench for support looking away from Zach and down to the tiled floor. I hear him move toward me and soon feel his broad hand on my shoulder. It was such a gentle touch I couldn’t believe that someone like him could push me onto the floor so forcefully.
‘Remy, are you okay?’ His voice was so soft and distant but when I looked up at his face all I could see was the horrible person that wanted to kill me, before I knew it I ran away. I feel my legs bring me up the stairs and stop under the opening of the attic.
Why here? I wanted to ask myself. But I didn’t have the time to answer because I pulled down the portable stairs and climbed up. My heart skips a beat as I hear Zach calling me, ‘Remy, come back! You’re not well, you might collapse!’
I pull up the portable stairs back in place and paced around the room, wondering what to do next. ‘Remy!’ my heart started to slam into my chest as I could hear him starting to pull down the stairs to the attic. I looked at a little window wondering if I should try and climb onto the roof, but could Zach fit through that? And what will I do up there anyway?
Before I knew it I was opening the small window and twisting my body through it. I hear Zach making his way up the stairs and I twisted and slid out the window as fast as I could. I took hold of the gutter and twisted the last of my body out the window.
‘Remy don’t! You’re gonna fall!’ I hear Zach scream running toward the window.
You’re too late! I wanted to laugh at him, but as I look down I realised now wasn’t a laughing matter the ground was so far down I only just realised what risk I put myself in. With all my might I pull myself onto the roof and I could feel the metal digging into my skin, it hurt and tears threatened to spill but I refused to let it.
I hear Zach scream out my name through the window telling me to come back down but I drowned out his voice as much as I could.
I stand up straight and look at the wonderful landscape in front of me. Everything looked so peaceful and untouched; the trees just swaying and rustling with the wind, the sky so blue and smooth it reminded me of Jack’s gorgeous eyes…
I start to sway and I felt like throwing up so I bent over putting my hands on my knees to steady myself but instead it put me off balance. I feel my body hit the ground and I soon started to roll. I barely even realised what was going on, until my body rolled all the way to the edge of the roof, I scream and grab onto the gutter just in time as my body flung off the end of the roof.
‘Help me, please!’ I screamed out of reaction, the overwhelming fear taking over me like a tsunami. The metal cut into me palms right on top of the one before and I couldn’t help but start crying. My head stated to spin and my grip loosened a bit, but as I look down to the ground I knew I couldn’t fall without dying or badly hurting myself. I couldn’t do that.
But then I had second thoughts. Maybe I should just let go. Maybe I should just put everyone out of their misery and do it myself.
I feel my body start to shift down a bit as my grip started to loosen some more, but the fear of falling and dying like this just made me want to live and grip onto the sharp rusted metal for as long as I could.
‘Remy! Remiah, where are you?’ I hear Zach calling me but I didn’t think he would help me, he’ll probably just make me let go and end it all like this.
‘Remy!’
I tried to quieten my sobs as much as I could while the metal stung my cut and dug into the open wound, I wanted so badly to get this over and done with.
He finally finds me but I was too far for his reach, any closer and he could lose balance and end up right next to me
‘Ah jeez Remy, what did you do now? Are you okay?’ I hear the panic in his voice but I thought he was just putting it on.
A second later his head pops out from the top and he puts a calm hand over mine, ‘Remy, you’ll have to let go of the gutter and grab my hand,’ he says quickly, assessing how far down the ground was and how my grip was loosening by the second.
I feel the blood trickle down the insides of my wrists and the tears came back so hard I could barely breathe.
I don’t want to let the gutter go. How can I trust Zach, after what he did? What if he’ll just drop me on purpose?
I start to shake and one of my hands was now only holding on by the fingers, I scream and look up at Zach now hyperventilating and I realised he was my only choice of surviving. ‘Remiah hurry up! Grab my hand already!’ he yells but instead I look away.
‘Why won’t you trust me? I can help you!’
‘You tried to kill me Zach! Don’t you remember that? You were going to shoot me!’ I choke out finally looking up and holding his gaze. For a moment he looks angry as his hands moves down to my wrists; he felt the blood but pretended it wasn’t there.
‘I’m sorry; it was all Billy’s idea. I thought someone had already told you?’ he asks, his grip tightening on my wrists as I started to struggle even more.
How could Billy do that to me? Why would he want someone to shoot me but then shoot them instead?
Suddenly my stomach clenched of anger and hatred I felt sick and wanted to throw up.
I looked at the floor and just felt like letting go, I wanted to go back to that black hole and maybe stay there for eternity, no matter how scary it is it seemed it was so very welcoming than this distant grey world.
I shut my eyes and before I knew it I let the gutter go and waited for my body to slam to the ground and for the blackness to devour me. For a split second I felt I could finally be free before feeling a shot of pain in my wrists, I look up and realised that it was coming from Zach’s strong grip.
He was saving me. He didn’t want me to fall. Someone actually doesn’t want me to die. A tear of happiness rolls down my cheek.
Why am I having such weird emotions and thoughts?
‘Are you crazy!?’ I hear him yell as the gutter now digs into his chest while he supports my weight as well as making sure not to fall over with me. For some reason I started to cry and my head started to spin again.
A moment later Zach swears as the pain in his shoulder started to hurt big time, his grip on one of my wrist loosens from where the pain was but he never let me go.
‘I'm so sorry Zach,’ I choke out gasping for air.
Should I make him let go? I wondered. I wriggle around my wrists to see if he’d let go, I didn’t care what happened anymore, but he just wouldn’t budge.
‘No, no, no! Remiah don’t do this! Don’t make me let go! I'm not doing it, I won’t!’ he tightens his grip around my wrists and it soon started to throb. I could feel him try to shift his body back a bit so he could pull me up easier but my weight was too much for his hurt shoulder.
‘Don’t worry Zach! I know you don’t care. Just let me go already and put us all out of the misery,’ I cried looking up at his red struggling face.
‘No! I'm not doing that Remy, I can't and won’t for the sake of us all,’ he sounded so sure and warm that for a moment I actually believed him, I wanted to.
He bends his arms a little and slides one hand down a bit to hold further down my wrists before sliding down the other hand and repeating it until finally I was clinging onto his elbows as he grips onto mine. My hands were now near the gutter and as he pulls me up a bit more I quickly grab onto it straight away, feeling the metal dig in immediately.
For a second I thought Zach had just left me alone to figure my own way up but then I feel his hands grip onto my wrists again and in a fast swift movement he used all his strength to pull me up. I scream as I flew up into the air for a split second before practically landing on top of Zach as he catches me. I started to practically hyperventilate and yet all he did was groan before a grin spread across his face and a second later I found myself laughing.
I sat up and got off quickly both of us trying to even out our breathing and sink in what had just happened.
‘Ah, jeez.’ Zach says and I couldn’t help but giggle for no reason.
I was alive. Hurt and bleeding, yeah, but alive.
I look at my hands and they were shaking so badly, blood all over my arms as well as hands, the blood that had trickled down soaked up in my long-sleeve leaving a crimson colour behind.
I turn my head and look at Zach about half a meter away and saw how much blood he had on him too, some from me but most dripping from his now open gunshot wound trickling all the way to the end of his fingertips for me to see.
‘Oh goodness Zach, you’re bleeding!’ I exclaim crawling a bit closer to assess it. He eyes off my shaking hands and the gash at my palms, blood still spilling out, before stating the obvious; ‘yeah, so are you.’
I ignore him and make him take his suit jacket off before taking off my thin long-sleeve leaving only my singlet to keep me warm from the biting wind. I rip one of the sleeves off paying no attention to my stinging hands and took another look at Zach. This time I could see all the blood running down his arm and it scared me, especially the red patch growing bigger and bigger on his white top covering almost his whole shoulder and now spreading across his chest.
‘Fold up your sleeve,’ I say quickly but instead he unbuttons his white t-shirt and slides a part of it off his hurt arm leaving on the other for the only warmth he could get. I cringe as I could partly see the bullet hole and a jab of anger hit me. ‘Ugh,’ was all I could manage to say with the thought of Billy but Zach didn’t mind and gave me a small lopsided smile as I tried my best not to look at his pale body.
‘You might wanna lie down so I can put pressure on your wound to stop it from bleeding so much. This might hurt a little,’ I inform as I tried to stop my shaking hands. He lies down slow and carefully then when he was ready I moved in closer and folded the material before pushing it onto his bleeding wound.
At first he cringed and jerked back a little, it got my heart racing so stopped putting as much pressure but then he recovered quickly and looked at me putting a calm hand over mine and pushing down my trembling fingers. ‘Don’t be scared Remy, push it harder.’
So I did, and after a bout ten seconds I could feel the blood start to seep in between my fingers and becoming kind of sticky.
I look at Zach wanting to know what to do next but he just looked at me and smiled. ‘You can tie it around my shoulder like a bandage if you want, you don’t have to hold it anymore,’ he says after a long enough moment, his voice now a soft blur. I nod and help him sit up before ripping off the other arm of the long-sleeve for a cleaner bandage thing.
‘Well, there goes your top,’ he jokes forcing a smile as I wrap the material tight around his armpit and shoulder, once, twice, then I tied it.
‘Thanks Remiah,’ he says moving his face closer toward me and giving a small peck on the cheek for appreciation. It was unexpected and for some reason I started to blush before uttering it was nothing since he did save my life.
I help him put on his shirt properly and did up most of the buttons until it got too far for my liking before putting his suit across his shoulders.
We sat there for a while talking and finally I had enough guts to ask him about Billy. ‘Why did Billy want you to kill me and say all that stuff but then shoot you anyway?’
He shrugs his good shoulder, ‘I don’t know, but he did mention something about knowing you’d repay him.’
I clenched my jaw wanting to go and have a serious talk with Billy right now, but I knew that would just have to wait.
‘Hang on, so you knew Billy was going to shoot you and yet you still agreed to do all that?’ I ask widening my eyes in horror as I watch him nod slowly. ‘Why though? Why do it if you knew you were going to get hurt? For all we know he could have missed and killed you straight on the spot.’
Zach looks away angrily and out to the forest, ‘because it’s Billy. Whatever he says we do, even Daniel, we have no other choice whether we like it or not. Plus I figured if I’d do his favour he’d like me better.’ Finally he looked at me again and stared deep into my eyes, the anger all washed out leaving nothing but warmness.
‘Even Daniel huh? Who would’ve known,’ there was bitterness in my voice but I looked away sadly as tears threatened to spill.
Zach picked it up and saw the tears in my eyes, ‘Daniel’s a good person Remy, he knows what’s right and what's wrong, he’s been through a lot. And whatever wronging I have done or will do he’s always there for me; he’s like a big brother I never knew ‘till now. He’s like that for everyone that respects him.’
This time it was Zach who looked away but it didn’t seem like he was getting tearful or angry; just thoughtful.
It was true, Daniel was a good person and he does know what’s right and wrong. Somehow listening to Zach say all that made me happy again and it was like he lifted some weight off my shoulders.
A while later, my stomach started to churn and I leaned forward in time to vomit. It reeked of wine and food and of something bitter and gross it just made me throw up even more. My stomach was killing me as it just wouldn’t stop heaving and twisting, my throat started to burn and soon the tears swelled in my eyes.
Finally I stop and watch as some of the vomit started to roll down the roof, it looked disgusting so I closed my eyes and looked away covering my mouth to stop myself from puking again but I couldn’t stop the shaking.
I open my eyes again and see a handkerchief dangling in Zach’s hand. ‘Here,’ he says softly putting the handkerchief in my trembling hands. ‘Thanks,’ I barley mutter but he heard me and pushed away the hair in my face. I also rubbed away as much of the blood on my hands before advising we should leave.
He sits there for a moment looking at the blue sky and far forest taking everything in and completely ignoring the disgusting mess I had made. ‘It’s beautiful,’ I hear him say as he closes his eyes and lets the wind blow around his hair.
He looked so young and lost, yet capable and old enough to take care of himself. It somehow made me sad. Was that what I was like?
‘C’mon, we should go before they send out a search party.’ Zach jokes standing up and offering his good hand blood still all over.
I look at his hand for a moment as if having to process what it is through my brain, ‘No thanks, I can get up myself.’
I pull myself up and for a moment everything was all good, but then I became light headed and had no choice but to hold onto Zach’s arm.
‘Get up yourself hey?’ he teases now gripping onto my elbow so I wouldn’t lose balance; I grin and roll my eyes jokingly.
‘How am I supposed to climb back through the window when I can't even stand up straight? Or even with you with your hurt shoulder and all?’ I ask now looking away to the sky and forest.
He hesitates, ‘I have no idea,’ he admits. I stood there still holding onto his arm as he held onto my elbow thinking in silence.
‘Just sit here for a moment and I’ll go think of a way.’ He sits me down carefully and makes his way to where he knew the attic window was.
I sit there waiting, watching some birds fly past before realising I was lying down and starting to close my eyes. I was too tired to keep my eyes open and before I knew it I was fast asleep.
I wake up finding myself lying on the big couch, cushions all over but it wasn’t enough for warmth, I shiver and realise my singlet was half way up my stomach before pulling it down hastily. My palms start to sting but there was no longer blood on me at all, the gashes so visible as well as the purplish-bluish bruise from when Zach was holding onto my wrist.
I groan and readjust my eyes to the dark living room, the only light coming from the small opening of the curtains.
Finally I sit up wondering why they brought me here and where Zach was now. I turn my head to look around the room and almost jumped when I saw Billy’s slumped figure in the corner of a couch.
‘You,’ I breathed angrily narrowing my eyes at him. ‘Gee, what about “hey Billy, how are you?”’ He says mimicking my voice jokingly and starting to get off the couch and making his way toward me. I stand up and glare at him wondering what he wants now.
‘Yeah, I think I like you better when you were sleeping,’ he declares with a smile. ‘I think you had a bad dream cos ya kept moving around a lot and your top kept slipping up.’ He says eyeing me off and making me feel uncomfortable, luckily it was kinda dark because I started to blush. ‘Whatever,’ I say finally trying my best not to look away from his patronizing stare.
‘Why did you set up the whole scene with Zach for?’ I ask calmly trying my best to hide my anger and holding his gaze.
He grins, ‘I knew you would ask sooner or later. So who told you huh?’ he asks but I didn’t let my guard down. ‘Who told me doesn’t matter Billy, I want to know why you did it.’
He searches my face for a while having fun with the silence left between us which he knew I hated. ‘Cos I felt like it,’ he says simply with a lazy shrug.
‘Not good enough, I want a real answer. Apparently it’s cos you knew I’d repay you, what’d you mean by that?’ I push on this time I was the one eyeing him off.
He grins again, ‘I figured if I were a hero in your eyes for saving you from Zach threatening to kill you, you’d repay me in some way. I thought a deal would have been good but what you gave me was so much better.’
My stomach churned and I wanted to throw up but I still stood tall, ‘I hate you,’ I finally muttered under my breath knowing full well he heard me.
There was still a gap between us and I was hoping he wouldn’t fill it, but of course he did and I was so aware of the heat coming from his body I didn’t realise he was talking to me.
‘…It’s all good cos in the end I got what I’d wanted,’ he was saying coolly. ‘I wonder what Jack would’ve said if he’d found out about what you did.’
I tried my best not to look away but as soon as he said Jack’s name my jaw tightened and tears pricked my eyes so I had no choice but to look away. I blink back the tears and wanted to walk off right now but my legs just wouldn’t let me.
Finally I gave in and looked straight at him, ‘don’t Billy, you’re not gonna tell him are you?’ He could hear the anxiety in my voice and smiled at me knowing full well that this is what scared me the most; Jack hating me and never wanting to see me again, the betrayal eating into the both of us. I shuddered as I watched the twinkling amusement in his eyes.
‘You never know, things happen… people change,’ he lets the silence fall between us and enjoyed letting me wait. ‘Billy, please,’ I begged, ‘don’t. ’ Tears welled in my eyes and Billy just stood there watching calmly as always, but this time I didn’t blink them away; I wanted him to feel bad even though I knew it wouldn’t work.