Once John had left to take Lisa to her friend's Carol carried the dishes to the sink and began to wash up. The view from the window behind the sink was of the farm yard and beyond it the hill and the old ruin where so much of Carol's memories rested. Staring ahead as she scrubbed the pie dish Carol was lost in thoughts and memories. "A baby?" she mumbled to herself, shaking her head. She hadn't seen that one coming. Yes, John had asked about children when she first proposed, and yes, she had agreed there would be children... eventually. But recent events had overtaken her and frankly even back then she had hoped he would forget the idea and be busy enough running the farm.
Carol knew she could just say no. It was her body, her choice. She never had to have sex again if she didn't want to and she certainly didn't have to have a baby. And if that made things awkward then she could up and leave. No worries. She could go right now and pack. She'd done it before and this time she wouldn't have anyone else to look after. Lisa would be alright here with John. More than alright. She'd be really fine. Suddenly Carol knew what she had to do. She would go. She put down the tea towel and headed for the stairs. She could pack and leave before Lisa came home that night. Somehow maybe things would be even better at the farm without her and all her baggage and emotions. Once upstairs Carol dragged out her holdall and sat with it on the bed as her thoughts continued. What would John do? Maybe he could meet someone else. He had a lot to offer now with the farm and the house, to say nothing of the makeover he had in preparation for their wedding. Maybe some woman from the village would move in and look after John and Lisa. A picture flashed into her mind of the buxom blonde barmaid from the pub standing next to John, making him laugh, cooking him dinner, cuddling up close to him. The picture continued to the woman carrying John's child. A stab of unexpected jealousy pierced her chest. Suddenly in that moment Carol knew. She had come a long way since marrying John and it was all thanks to his kindness and patience with her, and she had to admit it, his love. In that moment she knew she loved him and wouldn't be going anywhere. And if he wanted children then she would be the one to give him them. The picture in her mind changed to one of John with a couple of small children playing in the yard next to the house, climbing a frame built by his own hands. She could picture Lisa with them, laughing. And herself? Could she be part of this? John had said he wanted more than one baby... and he wanted them with her. Suddenly in her mind she saw herself walking into the yard with a basket of drinks and snacks. Yes! Yes she could be part of this imagined idyll. She could make it happen with John! Jumping to her feet Carol grabbed the holdall and was about to put it back in the cupboard when the door burst open and John came in. Immediately he saw the holdall in her hand.
"Carol! What the hell are you doing?" he shouted. But he had already put two and two together and made five. With a flash of fire in his face he grabbed the holdall. "You're leaving me?" his voice cracked and he stumbled to the bed.
In horror Carol stared at him. He slumped onto the bed and put his face in his hands. The silence was thick between them as Carol stood immobile before him. A million words ran through her head. How could she explain her thought processes to John? He looked totally broken before her and she knew she had to do something. She sat next to him on the bed and reached for his hand.
"No John. I'm not leaving you," she whispered. He turned his face to hers and as he raised his bright blue eyes to her Carol's heart swelled with love. "I'm here to stay, John". And she knew with all her heart it was true.