Chapter Twenty-Five
Clean spiritually.
Physically, I smelled like I hadn't bathed in weeks and my curls were actually weighed down by the amount of grease in my hair. After Arikos had gone to bed in his own room, after a good hour of convincing him I was fine on my own tonight, I managed to make my way to the bathroom where I'd drawn a hot bath, and very carefully lowered myself into the water, letting out a hiss through clenched teeth as the hot water went a long way in soothing my aching muscles.
My wound had closed completely, but the internal damage was still kicking my ass. I still moved like a damn sloth, still ached and sometimes felt a sharp pain when I picked things up, but aside from that, I could at least move around on my own. I was tired of being a burden to Arikos, despite his constant reminders that it wasn't a burden and he enjoyed taking care of me.
It felt so strange to have someone honestly enjoy me, and even more so, taking care of me. My own mother made sure to remind me how grateful I should be she sacrificed part of her life to ensure I was reared like a good soldier and god. Yes, thank you, mother. I appreciate the daily degradations and constant reminders that my idiot brothers were better than me, even Atlas.
Rolling my eyes before closing them, I settled down in the bath, listening to the calm silence around me, the distant waves against the cliff that the palace sat on. The crispy popping of the bubbles around me. It felt strange to be able to relax like this, and also a bit uncomfortable. I didn't want to rest and be pampered. I didn't have time with the war going on, and with Atlan's final attack approaching quickly.
Soon, the time would come to wear the uniform Hannibal had given me. It would be time to stand by Hannibal's side and kill Atlan and restore balance back to the universe, the balance Atlan had so cruelly tipped for nothing more than experimental sadism.
Dekokles's words resonated with me. How odd that I was more attuned to a child than I was to any adult, not that Dekokles was necessarily a child, but I felt far more comfortable with him, and with Amenti, then I ever had with anyone else... Well, setting aside Arikos. I rolled my eyes, feeling a smirk tug at the corner of my mouth as I remembered my earlier conversation with Arikos at breakfast.
"Holy Double Espresso," Arikos had said when he walked into my room in the morning. I turned to look at him with an arched brow, seeing him wheeling in a cart of food with a couple of mugs of coffee. The smell of the coffee reminded me of the coffee Arikos had made in my dream. I relaxed as he wheeled the cart over, and appeared to be staring at me-- scratch that, staring at my chest.
I'd taken my shirt off because it, too, had begun to stink from lack of bathing. I hadn't even really thought about it. I'd gone out of my way to make sure no one had seen me shirtless, for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because of the scars criss-crossing along the inside of my forearms. However, Arikos's eyes weren't glued to them, but my chest.
"Sorry," I said, confused, reaching for my shirt, "I wasn't thinking--"
"No, you really don't have to put that back on," Arikos said, eyes still locked on my chest, "Wow, you are totally ripped." I frowned.
"Ripped," I repeated. Arikos looked up at me now, grinning.
"Like, ripped to the max. Like, you have washboard abs I'd kill a bitch to do laundry on."
"Sometimes you say things that are completely out of this world," I admitted, lying my shirt back down, and taking a plate of food off the cart. Strangely enough, I hadn't been at all uncomfortable with being shirtless with Arikos all morning. Even when he touched my bicep to give it a squeeze.
"Ugh, you're like a goddamn model, Menoetius. Do you work out regularly? There are a lot of gyms in town I'm sure you'll like. I visit the same one Hannibal does, but if you don't wanna do that one, that's cool. There's also the military training center. Oh, and Lucifer has his own private gym upstairs." His ramble was highly entertaining, even more so when he went off to describe something called a jock strap that confused me. I thought it was underwear, until he showed me a picture on his phone.
Then I was ninety percent sure it was some sort of sex thing.
Still, it felt strange to be sitting there, casually having breakfast with Arikos, discussing gym ideas as well as a training regimen to start once my wounds were mostly healed. Arikos appeared ecstatic to help me and had even set up a future schedule on his phone, yet another device that still confused me. They all looked different and did different things, but I could've sworn it was meant mostly for communication.
"Don't worry," Arikos assured, "We'll get you another one. I'll help you download this app. It'll help you keep a healthy schedule of workouts and I'll add this food app that helps you stay in shape, if you want to, that is. I mean, I don't know what your thing is."
"I would very much enjoy that." And I meant it. I wanted a routine. Everyone seemed to have one. It sounded safe and comfortable... normal. I could be normal. The prospect of living normal like other people took my breath away. Was it really possible? To have a routine? To have a phone, a gym schedule? Coffee every morning? Breakfast?
"Thank you, Arikos," I'd said just before he left, and he looked at me curiously, "For helping me be normal. I've never had that before." Arikos smiled, then reached out, put his hand on my chest and leaned up to kiss my cheek.
"Anything for you, Menoetius. Are you sure you don't want me to stick around and help you out in the bathroom? Because, I really wouldn't mind," he said, dragging his eyes over my chest before bringing them up to meet mine. I arched a brow, knowing exactly what he meant. I was dense, but I certainly wasn't that dense.
"I think I'm good for now," I assured drolly. Arikos pouted, but he thankfully didn't press further and left me alone to my devices.
Now, I found myself lounging in the over sized tub in the bathroom, eyes closed, head resting against the strange built in foam pillow, surrounded by a blanket of bubbles and warm water that was scented by the bubble bath, making the room smell of sandalwood, and something called rose-hip. I savored the feeling, relaxing while I still could, because the Source knew that soon enough, my world was going to spiral downward again. If not because of my own incompetence, then the damn war leering over everyone's shoulders.
I soaked for what felt like fifteen minutes before there was a knock on the bathroom door. I frowned, peeking my eye open at the door, then closing it again.
"What?" I demanded, peeved at being disturbed.
"Sorry," came Arikos's voice and I relaxed as I heard him shuffling on the other side of the door, "Just wanted to let you know you have a visitor! I got you some clothes from Akin's place--"
"Akin's place?" I asked, frowning.
"Yeah, from that time you guys went shopping? He gave me a bunch of stuff and I picked some things out for you. It'll be on the bed. I'll be waiting outside with your guest," Arikos called. I didn't know what to say in response. I was mostly shocked that Akin held onto all those clothes. Surely he would've gotten rid of them by now? Why had he bothered keeping them? Why would he give them back to me, was the bigger question.
I quickly climbed out of the tub, draining the water and wrapping a towel around my waist before stepping out of the bathroom, looking around to confirm Arikos was gone before I went to the bed, reaching up to wipe wet hair back from my face. Sure enough, I recognized the black and white cityscape designed t-shirt, bleached jeans, and navy and black plaid dress shirt. I dried off and dressed, relieved to find a pair of shoes by the door. I slipped the black sneakers on before opening the door and stepping out of the room, pulling up short when I noticed Akin and Hannibal standing outside the room as well, making me tense, even more so when Akin let loose a happy cry, doing a little double fist pump.
"Awesome! It still fits and you look great, Menoetius! Gods, am I a fashion god or what? I should be a fashion angel. That's what my title should be. Official Fashion Angel. Reporting for duty," Akin added with a wink, giving me a little salute. He almost succeeded in making me smile, but I managed to keep calm as my eyes shifted to Hannibal, who stood beside him. Gone with his stern military uniform and posture, he now proudly wore a black diamond studded dog collar around his throat, a v-neck under an army jacket and tight black jeans that led down to a pair of tall skull buckled boots.
And then I noticed someone standing behind him. I hadn't noticed before because the person was so tiny that she barely reached Hannibal's waist. Her curly black hair was held back from her face with a bright purple headband, revealing a pair of brilliant green eyes, rich caramel skin a contrast to her fluffy white winter jacket and the pink and purple princess dress beneath it.
"A-Amenti?" When had my voice gotten so far away?
Amenti immediately jumped out from behind Hannibal, throwing her hands up and flashing me a huge smile.
"Surprise, Menny! Look, Akin and Hanny got me lots of jackets now so you don't gots to give away yours no more!" She added the last part with a prideful little tug to the front of her jacket. I didn't even notice Akin or Hannibal's reactions, or Arikos's. All I could see was Amenti, from the scared little girl covered in dirt and tears, wearing my oversized coat, having to run barefoot through the snow to get to help. And suddenly, I was looking at her now, cleaned up and beautiful and smiling from ear to ear.
And I remembered the horrible gap in between those times, the constant fear that she'd never made it to Arikos, that Tiberius had gotten a hold of her and sold her off to someone else, or worse, had kept her in his clutches. Irrational fears of her tripping on the way to get help, hurting herself, someone snatching her up and running away with her. All of that fear had come rushing back in an instant, only for it to fade behind a wave of realization as I stared at her now that she was okay.
She was safe. She was standing right here, and she was okay. She was happy.
"Menoetius!" I barely heard Arikos's exclamation of surprise as my knees hit the floor and Amenti quickly ran and put her arms around my neck. Before I could stop myself, a sob crept up my throat and I wrapped my arms around her tiny body, clutching her to me tightly as I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Amenti, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm so sorry," I choked helplessly, struggling to cope with the fact that I was actually holding her in my arms again. Her tiny body felt so fragile and delicate in my arms that I was afraid of squeezing her any tighter, but I really wanted to. I remembered the first time we met in that mall and the gentle little kiss of trust she'd gifted me with, her insistence on teaching me how to make a snowman, her reminding me to get gloves, and her tear-stained face before she took off into the snowy night.
And I remembered the vision the Orb had given me of her with Akin and Hannibal. Of her drawing.
"Menny, please don't cry," Amenti said with a sniffle of her own, and she pulled back to put her small hands on either side of my face, her precious green eyes searching my face, "I'm not mad. You was only tryin' to get the bad guys. You got them, right? You got rid of the bad peoples?" Tears blurred my vision as I felt another sob tightening my throat. I tried to open my mouth to respond, but I couldn't manage any sound, so I just clenched my teeth and pulled her into my arms again.
I wanted to tell her that I had done something about those horrible people, but I hadn't been able to, not appropriately. Atlan had used them in his game, just like he used me... and worse, he used what happened to me to his advantage, and the realization of it hit me like a tidal wave. I had purposely been trying to ignore the irony of Atlan showing up at the same time as Tiberius. I didn't want to look at the fact that Atlan had probably set the whole thing up, had set everything up to happen the way it did, including what had happened...
Oh my god. This was all just a huge fucking game to him. He got Amenti's mother killed. He orphaned her for literally no reason, aside from it being convenient for his plan, for a momentary sick thrill before he got what he really wanted-- a broken toy that he could use.
And Amenti had gotten caught in the crossfire. Even though I was more than thrilled to see Amenti, seeing her again reminded me how much it was my fault in the first place she was orphaned and left scared and helpless.
"I'm so sorry," I repeated desperately. Amenti wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on top of mine as my legs slumped out from under me. I held her in my arms, completely forgetting Hannibal, Akin, and Arikos were standing in the hallway with us.
Nothing else mattered in that moment, just that Amenti was alive and safe. I wanted to keep kicking myself for what I'd done, but in the end, what use would it do? It would only make Amenti sad, and it would make the others send me back to that damn room. They'd probably call Hades to do a mental exam, and the last person who needed to be doing that was Hades.
I struggled to grasp for control, and it felt like several minutes before my vision was clear and I had successfully cleaned my face. I finally pulled back to look at Amenti, sniffing back another wave of tears that threatened to break free at the sight of her sad little face.
"I'm not mad, honest," she said, then reached out to take my hand and kissing the tip of my index finger after loosely curling my other fingers into a fist, and she offered me a smile, "Please don't be sad no more, Menny. You're all better now. You gots lots of people to help you fight bad peoples now." I just nodded, unable to find words for her kindness. Instead, I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, and she made a noise of delight, rushing into my arms again to cling to me.
Swallowing hard, I slowly stood up, clearing my throat uncomfortably when I realized Akin had gotten teary-eyed and Arikos was smiling with his lips pursued, like he was trying not to cry. Hannibal just stared at me like I was an alien from another planet, so I gave him a glare.
"What are you looking at?" I demanded. Hannibal blinked, as if snapping out of some sort of trance, then gave me a bored stare.
"Not sure. Still haven't figured it out." His response was so dry that I almost laughed. I scoffed, as opposed to being angry.
"Nice one. How long did it take for you to come up with that?"
"About three thousand or so years. I've got plenty more where that came from," he answered. I rolled my eyes and Amenti giggled, keeping her arms around my neck as I supported her in my arms, unsure how I learned how to carry her like this. Akin wiped at his eyes and gave Hannibal a playful swat on the butt.
"Play nice, baby," he told him, and Hannibal simply inclined his head, but gave me a look that promised we'd finish our conversation some other time, "Anyway, we figured we could all have lunch together in the living room today. Amenti was dying to see you. We would've brought her sooner, but we wanted to give you a chance to rest up. She was already bouncing off the walls when we told her you were back. I knew she was probably gonna jump you if she had the chance. You're doin' alright, right? She's not too heavy for you?" Funny, I hadn't even noticed any pain for once. I didn't think twice about it. My attention had focused solely on Amenti, and now it was just coming to me how much my insides protested carrying Amenti, but I refused to set her down.
Not that she would let me the way she was clinging to my neck.
"I'm fine," I assured. Akin arched a brow at me, like he was questioning the legitimacy behind it, but Arikos laughed and came over to my other side, giving Akin a smile.
"I'll keep an eye on him." His assurance made Akin grin and Hannibal arch a brow, but neither of them said anything as Akin gestured for us to follow him down the hallway. The entire way there, Amenti was incredibly animated, making wide gestures, nearly toppling out of my arms, playing with my hair. It was amazing to see she'd recovered so fast, but I suppose I wasn't too surprised. Amenti was extremely young still. She probably wouldn't even remember the details from the night her mother died, just that some bad people came and her mother was gone.
I envied her ability to recover so fast, and to warm up to people so quickly. She was open with everyone, even Hannibal, and I knew for a fact that Hannibal did not do well with children. He treated them more like a plague than tiny innocent creatures, not that I blamed him considering children, despite their innocence, could also be incredibly cruel... if their parents brought them up the way ours had.
And while he wasn't holding her or giving her full sentences when she spoke to him, he appeared to be comfortable with her presence and answered her questions with subtle nods and shrugs. Even so, his responses seemed to thrill Amenti and she'd talk even more excitedly.
Arikos and Akin had worked together on lunch and had brought it out to a long coffee table in one of the living rooms on our floor. We sat on the sofas, though, Amenti wanted to sit on the floor at my feet while she nibbled on the sandwich Akin had made for her.
"So how are you feeling today, Menoetius?" Akin asked, making me look up from my plate.
"Sore still, but nothing I can't handle. In fact, I'm more aching to get back to training," I admitted, surprised by the fact that I meant it. I was used to working out every day, and the lack of training the past few weeks, despite Atlan's attempts, made my body feel sluggish and heavy. It only added to the heaviness of depression.
"Good," Hannibal said when Akin made a noise of disbelief, "I want you to meet the rest of the unit and I've been making a training schedule for you with Raven. It won't be easy." I arched a brow at his comment, and Akin gave him a light whack on the arm that made him avert his eyes sheepishly.
"Don't dump a load of crap on him so suddenly, Hannibal. Didn't I tell you to behave?"
"No, he's right," I told Akin, making his mouth fall open in surprise, "The longer I lay around, the worse I feel. I need to get back out there and do something, get a routine going. I've been in bed long enough. Besides, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to kick Hannibal's ass." Hannibal appeared amused by the comment, and I swore I saw an excited glint at the challenge. I wasn't sure if that was borne from his hatred of me, or if he was honestly looking forward to sparring with me.
We'd never sparred together before. Sparring was reserved for those you trusted, those you saw as equals. Hannibal and I had never fought with those thoughts in mind. His intent was death and mine was self-harm. Now, I didn't see that murderous glare from Hannibal. Instead, he appeared to look forward to my challenge-- something I hadn't expected.
"I'm going too," Arikos said abruptly, making us look at him and Arikos shrugged, "I've always wanted to kick Hannibal's butt and also I want to see Menoetius in his new uniform. They're wicked cool." Akin smirked, then sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Ugh, you guys are all stressing me out. Do you get any joy out of things aside from kicking the crap outta each other?" He asked, dragging an accusing glare across the room. Arikos blushed and Hannibal awkwardly coughed over his food before pretending to be engrossed in the meal. I shrugged.
"What else are we supposed to do? There's a war breathing down our necks and I've got a lot of frustration to take out on things," I admitted. Akin gave me a sad stare that quickly turned into a chiding one as he cocked his head, putting a hand on his hip.
"Yeah, but just because war is knocking on your door doesn't mean you have to open it for him now. Have you ever been to a spa, Menoetius?" He demanded. I gave him a deadpan stare that seemed to answer his question well enough because Arikos smiled and reached over to give my shoulder a squeeze.
"He doesn't need a spa. I got him covered. These hands are good for more than just punching people," he paused when Akin gave him a wide-eyed stare and Hannibal gave his best are you fucking kidding me look, and Arikos blushed, "I meant massages, you loser-dorks! Jesus Christ, I can't say shit without--"
"Language," Akin said suddenly as Amenti had wandered back over to where we were sitting, her eyes big as she held... a giant white snake.
"Look, Menny! I gots me a hissy thing!" She exclaimed. I stiffened immediately. I wasn't sure what scared me more; the fact that she was holding St. John, or the fact that she thought it was okay to pick up a random snake. I half-expected St. John to bite her, considering he didn't appear to be fond of any living creature that wasn't Lucifer, and even then, Lucifer found himself on the short end of the stick when it came to the ornery demon.
However, instead of biting her, St. John draped himself over her shoulders, letting her pet his head and flicking his tongue out at us as if to tell us to fuck off. Akin made a noise of joy, clapping his hands together.
"She likes snakes!"
"Why is that something to be happy about?" I asked dryly.
"In Egyptian belief, the snake is a symbol of protection," Arikos replied, making me frown suspiciously and he smiled, "Really. Ancient Egyptians worshipped a handful of snake deities, one of whom was called Wadjet. Trust me, it's a good thing that she's so comfortable with snakes."
"Even ones with an attitude problem?" I asked warily. Hannibal actually came as close to a laugh as I'd ever seen him. The slight tilt of the lips, the softest rush of air from his nose before he quickly covered it up with a cup of water.
St. John hissed and Amenti waved her hands up at me.
"Menny! Look at the hissy thing! He's so pretty. Can I have me a snake too?" She asked. I stared at her, mostly confused as to why she was asking me. I looked up at Akin, who pursed his lips tightly, like he was unsure how to answer as well. Hannibal's expression became somber. Arikos remained silent, looking at me like he was waiting for an answer too. I rubbed the back of my neck, then just nodded and Amenti made a noise of delight before scurrying off with St. John, who didn't appear to protest the little girl's antics.
"Does she have any family?" I asked after a moment. Akin shook his head grimly.
"We contacted the numbers when we found her house, but we didn't get any responses. We even had my dad contact Seth in Duat to check their archives and he says that the father's mother is in prison and the father is dead. Shukura's parents are also both dead and she was an only child. Seth offered to take her into the foster system there, but to be honest, I haven't heard anything good about their foster system, or any for that matter. And the fact that slavery is still legal in Duat also makes me nervous about sending her over there all alone," he explained.
Thank god, Akin had a heart. I mean, I knew that, but still. If Amenti had gone over there alone, I probably would've panicked. I wasn't entirely sure what a foster system was, but it didn't sound particularly enticing. And slavery was even worse. I'd sent Amenti to Arikos, Akin, and Hannibal to protect her, to keep her out of slavery.
But where would she go now?
I looked over at Amenti, who'd sat on the floor with St. John coiled up in her lap, his tongue flicking in and out while she stroked his head with two fingers. She was all smiles. Even more so when she looked up and beamed at me when she saw me staring at her. She waved her tiny hand at me and I waved back, then sighed and rested my elbow on my knee, chin in my palm.
"I don't know what I'm going to do now," I admitted quietly. It was my fault Amenti was orphaned. But what could I do? I didn't know anyone to take care of her.
"Don't stress about it right now," Akin said gently, "Hannibal and I will take care of her until you figure out what you want to do. We have no problem with it. Besides, I think Hannibal might even be warming up to her." Hannibal's face said otherwise. Arikos smiled at that, then looked at me.
"Akin's right. Amenti's been doing great there and she should be able to start school soon. Maybe we can schedule something with someone and see what we can do about finding someone to take care of her," he explained. I wasn't sure I liked that idea. The thought of someone else, complete strangers, taking her away from me sent anger surging through my veins. What if they hurt her? What if they didn't give her what she wanted? What if they were mean?
With my experience of sending a child to a strange family, it wasn't safe. The moment Hannibal had shown up on our doorstep, his life had been a downward spiral and the very thought of those things happening to Amenti made my throat close up with anxiety. I quickly shook my head.
"No one else is taking her," I said suddenly, making Arikos look at me in surprise, and I looked at Akin, "I'm the one who got her mother killed." Akin's eyes widened.
"Menoetius, it wasn't your fault--"
"It was my fault," I said hoarsely, then cleared my throat and averted my eyes to watch Amenti pick St. John up and carry him over to one of the armchairs so she could scramble into it and curl up around him, "It's my fault she's alone. I promised her mother I would keep her safe and I'm going to do it." Akin shifted uneasily, glancing at Hannibal, who frowned and looked at me, like he was questioning the meaning behind my words, but I didn't have to elaborate. They knew what I meant.
"Do you really want to do that," Arikos asked, making me look at him, "I'm not questioning your ability to take care of someone, believe me, you're the best person for the job, but taking care of a child is different from taking care of an adult."
"I know that," I said calmly, "I... I just don't want her to go to someone else. I've seen first hand what parents can do to a child. I don't want her to end up in some strange home where she could get hurt. She's safer here with us." Akin swallowed, like the idea was nerve-wracking. Hannibal seemed to relax, however, as if he understood exactly what I meant. Arikos sighed, wiping a hand down his face before nodding.
"Okay. Let's leave her with Akin and Hannibal for a little bit. Let me look around and see if I can find some places in the area that have two bedroom apartments for under 1000 cred," he said, pausing to take out of his phone, clicking a few buttons on the screen. I frowned.
"Apartments?" I asked. Arikos nodded.
"Yeah, my place is too small now. If Amenti is staying with us, then we'll need another room. Besides, my apartment is more of a bachelor pad. You don't keep a little girl in a place like that," he assured. I stared at him, confused.
"Wait, us?" I asked. Arikos nodded, again, then paused to smile at me sheepishly.
"I mean, you're gonna need help. I'm not pushing you into something, am I? I kind of get over excited," he admitted with a helpless shrug. I stared at him, baffled by his initiative. Was he really suggesting we move in together with Amenti? He was really okay with helping me take care of her? While I was firm in my decision to keep her safe, I was still wary about the idea of taking care of her myself. Arikos was right; taking care of a child was different from taking care of an adult. Amenti was still growing, still going through basic education. She needed constant attention and affection.
Could I give her all of that? Could I take care of her the way her mother had? The way a parent should? It's not like I had the best role models.
A small balloon of panic began to rise through my chest, until Arikos reached out and took my hand, giving it a squeeze and making me look up at him.
"You'll be okay," he promised with a smile.
I tried to find his optimism, but I'd lived my entire life being a realist. And realistically, things could get worse from here on out. And with the war leering over our heads, reality was only becoming more and more clear.
Atlan will hit us hard now. And something told me it wasn't going to be like the other battles I'd been in.
It was going to be catastrophic.