Dedicated to kikswrites, the queen of Milex.
> Scott's messages,
+ Mitch's messages
I took Scott for granted. I was supposed to be able to, you know? We were supposed to always be there for each other. I wasn't supposed to have to worry about losing him, and he wasn't supposed to have to worry about losing me. I think that made it easier for us to fight, at first. We knew that no matter how bad it got, it couldn't hurt our friendship. We were wrong.
I'm talking to him a lot now on Twitter, and I'm not taking any of it for granted. I always reread every word I send him and end up rewriting it all at least three times. Each tweet needs to have something he can reply to, something to move the conversation forward. We go from talking about Pixar to talking about our childhoods. I have to be careful not to reveal my identity accidentally, but it feels like a good direction, not as shallow as before. Making small talk with someone I used to be able to tell anything, someone I used to tell everything, felt backwards. It went from Pixar to Toy Story, though, and from Toy Story to childhood memories, and it's starting to mean something. The things you still remember twenty years later, those matter. Those are the things that shaped you into who you are.
> Three sisters. You?
He only has two sisters, but it's common knowledge that Scott has two sisters, grew up in Arlington, sang in choir, has scoliosis, is 6'3", was born September 17th 30 years ago, etc. He has to change things up to stay anonymous. I do the same thing. As far as any of my followers on this account know, I'm a girl in her early twenties who teaches piano for a living.
+ One sister, Ally. She found out about this account. I was mortified. (If you're reading this, Ally, wyd???)
Alex can be my sister. Why not?
> Lol, if my sisters found this account, I'd be screwed. I'm totally different IRL.
+ Yeah? How so? Are you secretly an old man from Bosnia?
> You caught me!
+ It's okay, you're the coolest old Bosnian guy I've ever met. What's it like there?
I think it's time. I hold my breath and tap the follow button. He's only following 338 people on this account, so there's no guarantee he'll follow me back. It'd be kinda awkward if he didn't, though, since we're in the middle of a conversation. I let out a sigh of relief when I get the notification. We're mutuals. Scott and I are mutuals for the first time since he blocked me.
Alex is hunched over the counter, reading something on his phone. I can't quite contain my excitement. "Scott followed me!" He looks up and I hold the notification in front of his face.
His brow crumples and he opens his mouth, but he closes it again. Maybe he's not the best person to ask to be enthusiastic about this with me. "That's awesome, Mitch. I'm happy for you." By the look on his face, though, he's just worried.
"I'll be careful. He won't know it's me."
"I don't want to let him hurt you again. Will it be enough to keep it online like this?"
"It's all I've got."
Alex nods slowly. "When does he come back to L.A.?"
It's weird he doesn't know, but I guess his life doesn't still revolve around Scott the way mine seems to. Not a week has gone by, not in all this time, even when I was acting in two different productions at once, when I didn't think about Scott. I've accepted that it's always going to be that way.
"There's a gap in his tour in three weeks. He'll probably be around then." He still lives where we used to, but he's alone now, and almost never at home even when he's in town. "Why do you ask?"
"I need to write him a letter, or maybe just talk to him."
"I don't see how that could possibly end well."
"Oh, it won't. It's important, though."
"What's it about?"
Alex speaks hesitantly. "I said some things when we broke up that I regret."
I repeat his words back to him. "I don't want to let him hurt you again."
"He never really stopped."
"Yeah," I sigh. "Same." My phone buzzes and I step away to reply to it.
> In Bosnia? It's surprisingly like Los Angeles.
+ Ooh, you're a Cali girl too? Maybe we've met before at a concert without even knowing it!
> Maybe! I go to all Scott's concerts.
+ Haha, all of them? I wish I could. Have you ever met him? He's so nice!
> I got meet & greet a few times.
+ I'm jealous. I haven's seen Scott since PTX. I'd give anything to be able to talk to him again.
> You've been a fan that long? It feels like most people in the fandom don't even know what Scömíche is anymore.
+ Oh, I know what it is. You got the accent backwards, btw. Do you still ship them?
> I wouldn't interfere with Milex, obvs, but you've gotta admit the chemistry with Scömìche is off the charts.
+ *was
> Ouch.
+ I mean, yeah, Scömìche is everything, but they seem to hate each other. :(
> That's because they're stupid.
+ I'll drink to that. 🍷
> Cheers!
Scott's alter ego ships us. I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Then again, my alter ego ships absolutely everyone, even Mirstie. All it means is that nothing he says is real. I don't even care. I'm just glad he's talking to me.
"If he made you choose," Alex asks, "would you choose me?"
So that's what Alex has been reading. He's been following our conversation on Twitter. Maybe I should switch to DMs? I don't want to hide from Alex, but, on the other hand, it's not fair to Scott that I'm letting his ex read what he thinks is anonymous. Then again, it's not fair that I'm reading it. I'm not supposed to know about Scott's side account.
"He wouldn't do that to me any more than you would."