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Condoms.
"Condoms? No. I need a better opening that drags them in, not an abandoned Teen Mom episode title," I mumbled to myself, crossing out the first word in my notebook and completely regretting only having pens on hand. I stared at the How to Be Cliché article that crept out underneath the notebook and frowned. After tapping my pen on the scribbled on page, I ripped it off and decided to begin again.
Clichés, I started again on a fresh piece of notebook paper. We love them, we hate them. Mainly, we beat our society over the head with them with pale vampires (who obviously are playing for the other team), and handsome British exchange students with abs down to their toes. Let's not forget that sleek Harley Davidson conveniently between their legs. Alpha wolves who have searched since the dino years for their mate, and are accepted by the readers alike, even though the Alpha is thousands and thousands of years old, and...well, flirting with an immature teenager. Not to mention, these Alphas grow hair on their chest and back every full moon...
"SEX!" Sin Trinidad half-screamed, startling the class. Laughing lowly at our reaction, he then clasped his hands behind his back and crossing the classroom in slow, leisure strides as students covered their mouths and pretended to cough to hide their laughter. Most of the class -- which explained Sin Trinidad's random outburst that brought me to the brink of wetting myself -- was asleep and had been startled awake by his scream.
"Is ssssaaaaawwwweeeet!" a guy shouted in the back, making the girls in the class start to giggle like the little horny devils they were.
"But you wouldn't know from personal experience, would you?" Sin suddenly boomed in response, pointing a finger accusingly at the boy and raising a dark, sexy eyebrow. The room erupted in "Oooh's" as Tyler, who had been around the room periodically for misbehaving the past two weeks turned as red as a strawberry.
"I--I've had sex," Tyler stuttered.
"Yes, well. The computer kind and blow up doll kind doesn't really count in this case. Is this really what I have to do to get your attention, guys? Talk about sex and alcohol--?"
"Hey, you don't know a thing about my sex life, Mr. Trinidad," Tyler interrupted, trying to revive his ego as quickly as possible. "I'm quite the ladies man. Right, Ginger?"
The red head next to me popped her gum and rolled her eyes. "Please. You fell asleep on my foot while we were watching 13 Going on 30. It's shamefully your favorite movie of all time, as you reminded me many times that night. I wouldn't have even come over your house if your dad wasn't like, the creator of soda or whatever."
"Babe, I'm tired of you denying our love." Tyler stood to his full height, puffing out his chest a little and holding his hands out towards Ginger as if he was reeling in a fish. "You're a cheerleader. I'm captain of the football team. We're meant to be, my little sex muffin. Your pom poms belong in my end zone."
Everyone turned and stared at Tyler in disgust.
"I--I didn't mean that. Oh, god, I really didn't mean that!"
Ginger scoffed.
Ronny wolf whistled at Tyler with two fingers. "I heard you like to stick things in your end zone, baby."
The classroom roared in laughter.
What Ronny had said was funny alright, but I wouldn't let Sin Trinidad see me crack a smile. So I just stared at my teacher as he stared back at me with the same dull expression. He was my Arch Nemesis after all. I would show no fear, happiness, or weakness in his presence.
Read that in the Nemesis for Dummies handbook I picked up at the Orange Gate County public library.
"You two make quite the couple. Tell me, what is sex to you, Tyler?" Sin wondered, crossing his arms over his wide chest and stretching the fabric of his light blue dress shirt even further. "Surely, we're all mature enough to have this conversation. This is a creative writing class. An AP writing class, might I add. Our writing is not limited to everything rated G."
"I...I...uh." Tyler turned red again.
"Ask his mom!" a guy shouted in the back, earning more laughter from the class.
"If someone doesn't answer this question for me, Tyler will have to recite three whole pages of my choice from Fifty Shades of Grey tomorrow in front of the whole class."
"What?" Tyler squeaked. "Now nobody will answer the question."
"Sweating. Moaning. Kissing. Humping. Banging." Sin Trindad picked up his pointer and whacked the desk of the kid in the front row who just refused to stay awake in class, then leaned close to the poor guys face and bellowed, "The horizontal tango! Love making! Steam! Torture! Pleasure! Sex! Har, har, har!"
He pushed back, running a hand in an aggravated way through his shaggy brown hair.
"There, I said it all. Now let's all be mature here because guess what? Sex is everything in literature. Sex is dominance, lure, mischief, political, and sometimes even random -- all compacted into one. So lets hear it, Tyler and class. Three pages of reading for all of you if this question is not answered."
Poor Tyler was an absolute mess. "Uh...uh...uh...."
"Sometimes I really think you're an Encyclopedia, Tyler. Can someone else tell me, explain to me--or hell, even show me what sex is before time runs out? Go on, let's see it. Or do you want Tyler to suffer by himself? How about ten pages of Fifty Shades of Grey and he has to act it out? That's sort of cruel, I must say." Sin slowly ran a hand down the center of his chest, a mannerism of his that had slowly been deep frying my ovaries like a McDonalds commercial since day one at Mortimer High School.
"I volunteer as tribute!!"Ronny's phone speakers played from The Hunger Games. Now the entire class was in hysterics. I absolutely loved Ronny. I especially loved him for finding me clothes to wear when we went to the mall that I wasn't ashamed of. Clothes that weren't exactly for the "popular" girls or any other particular group of girls. Clothes that represented me. Badass clothes.
Ronny quickly pocketed his phone before Trinidad's daggering eyes saw who it was. If there was anything about Trinidad that was predictable, it was that if he saw anyone using their phone's in class he would smash it on his desk with his paw-like fist like the freaking Hulk and call the students' parents in front of the entire class, telling them that whoever had been playing with the phone had "accidently" thrown their phone against the wall while reciting Shakespeare.
You think I'm joking...
"How about..." Sin began, looking around the classroom and raising a dark eyebrow.
Oh no, it was another one of those dreadful moments where the teacher called on someone who wasn't raising their hand even though nobody wanted to answer the question.
Everyone looked at one another. It was survival of the fittest, now.
"You won't like it if I call on you and you're hand isn't up," Sin said to the class. Was there a hint of sensuality in his voice, or was it just me?
Good lord, just come to school with a hose and douse him with water already so I can see those delicious buns of him all nice and outlined in those pantalones, ok? Give a conscious a break.
"That's what you are?" I leaned forward on my desk, covering my mouth so that I didn't look like I was talking to myself. In doing so, I probably looked like even more of a lunatic. "My conscious? I thought I just had a hyper imagination."
Well, duh I'm your conscious. Where the hell have you been the past 18 years, girl? If it wasn't for me, you'd be on 16 and Pregnant right now or work at Toys R' Us for the rest of your life. Pu to-the lease.
"Holy....you actually responded to me. This is so cool. Can you like, do my homework and stuff? AP Bio homework will be the death of me. And where were you when Aunt Mia asked me to scratch her mole last Christmas?"
Bitch, please. As if I do homework. You would have had to touch that monstrous thing some time, whether it crawled off her face and forced you to or not. I didn't even get my Bachelor's degree in this, I was just hired off the street. By the way, I think now is a really good time to pay attention in class, things are getting really...interesting. Good lord, good lord with jimmies on top, douse him. DOUSE HIM WATER UNTIL THOSE PRETTY BUNS ARE OUTLINED, MY SISTAAA!
"Pepper Ballard, is there something else you want to share with the class? This whole talking to yourself thing is becoming a daily thing."
I lifted my head up and met a pair of narrowing Caribbean blue eyes and plump male lips that continued to move with words that I had no interest in hearing. "Some of us have an imagination and aren't narrow minded," I replied coolly, matching his arched brow.
Sin flashed me a smile that -- excuse the terrible irony-- was absolutely sinful. "You are definitely one of a kind, Pepper," he said.
I was brought back to the morning after Sin had trespassed on my property during the young hours of the night. The day I slipped on a pair of high heels, galaxy leggings, and a white tunic with Marilyn Monroe on the front with an assortment of jewelry, and applied my makeup and frizzy gel into my curly hair precisely as the salon had, then presented my new makeover in broad daylight and walked late into class for the second day in a roll like I owned the place, was the day that Sin Trindad had been star struck beyond belief. I'd never forget the quick once over he had given me and small masculine heat of approval that flashed in his eyes before he said, "Can't wait to have you after class numbering each summer reading book return in the school for being late again, Miss Ballard."
My Arch Nemesis totally wanted the P.
"Miss Ballard?"
I snapped out of my flashback and almost fell over in my seat. "Oh, um. Yeah."
"Yeah?" Sin paused for a moment. I realized then that he was debating whether to rip me to shreds like he did to Danny Herbert from period 5 who apparently, or at least rumor has it, used to have Trinidad period 5 for Creative Writing but "accidently" soiled himself when Trinidad lectured him about capitalizing names.
I believed it.
"'Yes' is what you mean, Miss Ballard," Trinidad continued. "'Yes,' is the proper way to answer your superiors, especially in this class. This is considered an English course, after all."
I couldn't help but be taken aback by his nasty tone. "No, I definitely meant yeah, Mr. Trinidad. This is a free country and I'm speaking verbally, after all. Slang and variations of 'yes' are now a part of our culture."
"Isn't today your birthday?" Mr. Trinidad leaned lightly against my desk, crossing his arms against his chest and staring down at me as if I was the only person in the room. " I saw a little cupcake with a candle in it next to your name on my computer today when I was taking attendance."
"Uh...that was random. Yeah, it is. I'm eighteen."
"So you're an adult then, Miss Ballard?"
I frowned, slowly unraveling where this was going. "Yes..."
"Let me enlighten you on something, then. This is high school. You're a senior. Act your age." He smiled. "In other words: Stop disrupting my damn class with your childish monologues."
At that, Sin Trinidad turned on his heel.
Before I could stop myself, my pen in my hands went flying across the room and hit Sin in the back of the head. "Sorry, I have a twitch in my wrist," I said.
"Oh shit!" someone whispered in the back.
" I'm so recording this one!"
Sin slowly turned on his heal and smiled at me in that wide, utterly fake way like a piranha and chuckled. Chuckled. He was clearly as pissed as a chubby dog with a tennis ball strapped to its tail that wanted to play fetch.
"Is there anyhing else you want to say to me, Miss Ballard?" he said, returning back to my desk and looming over me.
I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest. It was a casual way for me to actually see his face as he spoke because he was so dang tall. "Yes, but it's not school appropriate," I quipped.
"I was thinking an apology would really fit. I'd really like to hear it. I'd love to hear it, actually. I'd love to hear it tomorrow, and the day after that...and the day after that...and the day after that in detention during lunch. Actually, scratch that. After school detention fits you much better, Miss Ballard. Why get you suspended when I can make you suffer in person. Now, I want you to answer my question for the class. Their Fifty Shades of Grey virginity is depending on you."
I wanted to rip Sin's smug grin right off and hang it from the school flag pole.
Sin egged me on with his hands. "Well...?"
"Why should I tell you my opinion when you'll just give me detention no matter what? Actually, I can see it in your eyes already, you're giving it to me no matter what I say." I shot back. I stood to my feet, making Sin lean back a little and raise an eyebrow.
"Are you asking for after school detention, Pepper?"
Ronny slowly turned his head towards me in his seat and mouthed, "Marge." Great, if I went to after school detention I would be with the Marge that Ronny had warned me about with the mole. Just like my aunt....
My eye twitched and I shivered. "You want to know what sex is, Mr. Trinidad? I'll tell you exactly what sex is because hey, a school with vampires and werewolves can discuss just about anything, can't they? I'm sure the school board will just love a letter from me."
"If they're as painful as your rants, Miss Ballard, then no. No they will not."
I brushed past Sin and came to the front of the class. It was déjà vu to the max, especially when I saw Grace, the peppy blonde girl that I had met the first day of school who I had thought was a bitch, sitting in the front row with her head down and her pencil doodling on her notebook.
So maybe this whole "speak my mind" thing I had been doing in Sin Trinidad's classroom wasn't exactly preventing anymore rumors about me from spreading. Already, I had taken down five "freak" posters from my locker. What bothered me about the rumors the most was that they weren't the ones that I spread about myself.
Oh...that's right.
I mean, spreading a rumor about myself that I was an undercover Russian spy with the ability to produce laser beams from my eyes just kind of fit my mood the second week of school. The sad part was, apparently not all vampires and werewolves are as intelligent as they are perceived in movies because most of the student body became actually convinced that I could burn a hole intheir chest if I got pissed off. However, that rumor only spread for a few days before another rumor spread. And this one Pepper Ballard was not a fan of. Oh, no sir was I fan of it.
The rumor that I was a "test" for the other supernatural students to see who could kill me first.
If you're wondering why I haven't told my parents about all of this, perhaps I should introduce myself all over again. Hello, I'm Pepper Ballard, and I consider myself one of the best investigators and problem solvers in the world. Certainly, I felt more than obligated to figure out my whole situation all by myself instead of getting blunt lies from my parents and possibly even my peers. After all, I was the one being victimized by clichés every damn day. I was the one that didn't want to move to Orange Gate County, I was the one that taught myself to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the shape of a heart, and I was the one that saved little Timmy in the well...
Maybe not that last one.
As far as I was concerned, "baby, there ain't no mount high enough" for Pepper Ballard. I deserved to find out if I really shark bait in this school or was I high up on the food chain all by myself. Me, me, me. That's what it always had been. No friends, a family that avoided me. Please. I could deal. After all, all Pepper Ballard needed was Pepper Ballard. Therefore, Pepper Ballard would find out what the "Snap, crackle, pop, Rice Krispies," was going on, and in conclusion, only Pepper Ballard would solve her own situation.
"Keep it appropriate," Mr. Trinidad said, sitting down in my abandoned seat and rolling up his sleeves and then crossing them over his stupid thick chest. I mean, my god, did he bench press the Pacific Ocean or something? Someone needed to seriously remove the steroid needle out of his ass ASAP.
I saluted Sin Trinidad. "Will do, teacher-roo."
But the longer I stood up there on the podium, staring into the eyes of my supernatural classmates, the more I started to feel an odd sensation in my stomach. Was that -- nervousness? No. Something else. Something deep in my gut had settled badly. Very badly. Like the anticipation of dropping over the highest peak of a roller coaster.
Constipation?
"Whoa! Look at that bird!" Ronny said, pointing at the window. The class all turned to see a large bird madly flying about the courtyard, twirling and quickly changing directions in rapid, chaotic jerks.
I for one was too distracted by the man dressed in black standing in the middle of the courtyard to notice the damn thing.
As Sin slowly started to get up from my seat and our eyes carefully met, I knew that it was in fact Hunter in the courtyard. I steadily shifted my gaze out the window again, right in time to see Hunter throw out his hand towards our classroom. With a great, loud smash, an object crashed through one of the windows in the classroom and plummeted towards me. I threw out my hand in reaction and whatever it was smacked loudly onto the tiled floor.
Silence.
The bird wasn't moving on the floor.
"Pepper!" Ronny gasped from his seat, his face paling. "What the hell!"
"Wicked!" another kid screamed.
Everyone leaped up from their seats, screaming and peering over each other to see what it was while I trembled violently, holding down the acidy vomit in my throat as I stared down at my hand.
"What the heck just happened?!" Ginger demanded, peering over to see what was on the floor. "Ewww! Britney, lip gloss me! It's an emergency. I am so like, disturbed by this!"
Britney started to apply lip-gloss to Ginger.
"Stay calm, everybody. The pencil is unharmed." I slowly removed the bloody pencil in my hand that still had a few feathers on it and let it drop to the ground. "What are you all looking at? I'm a black belt. Little Bird definitely knew how to scare the crap out of me," I huffed, putting my hands on my hips and instantly regretting it because I had blood on my hand.
Now everyone's eyes were on me. Shocked. Disturbed. Afraid. Disgusted.
"So...did someone bring sun flower seeds to class or something and did they come with a napkin? I'm a little dirty, here," I added casually, then to Sin, "And if you don't mind, can you please explain to me WHY AND HOW THE HELL YOUR BROTHER JUST MADE A FREAKING BIRD FLY THROUGH THAT WINDOW AND HOW THIS PENCIL GOT IN MY HAND MOMENTS BEFORE IT HIT MY FACE?! I MEAN, DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT? PLEASE TELL ME I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE."
After a few silent moments of me panting like a dog from screaming, Sin removed his stare from the window. "Class is dismissed, please go to the auditorium until your next class," Sin said, surprisingly calm. "It seems I have another family emergency."
Funny, how quickly your so called "friends" abandon you when you've stabbed a bird in mid air. Hmph.
"Uh, hello!" I said to Sin when the room was empty, motioning to bloody hand and then the bird. "I'd hate to talk in third person here, but Pepper Ballard has a little emergency herself! Kinda just put a flying bird on a shish kabob! Kinda freaking out!"
"Just--just stay here and don't touch anything, Pepper!" Sin half-screamed, a more frantic as he looked out the window, then ran out of the room.
"Really?! Leave me alone to die, why don't ya?!" I yelled after him, slapping my hands at my sides. "Some hero you are!"
Running to Sin's desk, I stepped back and kicked at his desk drawer with my heel until the lock broke. "Ha! It worked! Thank god for these dangerous stilettos that are impossible to run in but I'm probably going to end up running in them anyways as I'm chased by something scary and fall on my face."
Don't touch anything, Pepper. After examining the gun in my hand, I stuffed it under the waistline of my skirt and charged out of the classroom.
Like hell I wouldn't follow him.
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