Hey guys! I'm back! A long update to make it up to all of you! I hope you'll like this one! Thank you for supporting my story. Please do continue to vote and comment your thoughts because it really boost me and inspires me a lot! Thank you again!
PS
Sorry for the wrong spelling and grammars.
-A
Kendall's POV
It's been a month since that night happened. The night that changed my life. The night that made me feel so happy and giddy, but also made me feel nervous, sad and afraid at the same time.
It's been 31 lonely days since the last time I saw her. 31 days of just missing every inch of her, her deep blue eyes that reminds me of the ocean, her scent that I love the most, her smile that can light up my world the way the stars light up the sky, her laugh that is so infectious it can make you laugh too even if you're having a bad day, her cute british accent that can really be annoying sometimes, it's been 31 days of me missing everything about her.
Eversince she left that night, I can't help myself, but to just look forward to the day where I get to see her beautiful face again. To the day where I can jump on her and hug her so tight to make her realize how much I really missed her. I can't help but to think and dream of the day where I will be happy again.
Life's never the same without her.
She stayed true to her words, we did not talked nor skyped. We only got to see news about each other in our social media accounts or sometimes, to the stories we hear from our friends, who by the way, still have no idea of what's really happening between us. All they know is that, Cara never came back to the party then left for London, two days after. She never explained nor spill details about everything that we talked about and neither did I. And I'm glad that they didn't bombered us with questions, instead they tried to just don't talk about it, as if nothing is wrong.
That night was everything for the two of us and we both know how important that night really is.
But even though we don't text or call each other, Cara never forget to take good care of me. There was this one day, it was a week after the party. I got sick and can't even stand up, because I feel like my body will break down if I tried to. That's how sick I am. But me being my dumb self, I kept ditching my medicine because I hate the taste of it, then my dearest little sister had caught me and guess what?
Flashback
"What the fuck Ken?! You're not drinking your medicine?!" Kylie stormed inside my room, as she throw to me the pack of meds that Mom had left me, the other day.
I rolled my eyes on her, as I don't feel like talking and covered my face with a pillow.
"How do you expect yourself to get better, if you can't even fucking drink a single tablet! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" She shouted again at me but I still remained quiet.
I don't wanna waste energy to open my mouth.
"That's it! I'm done with all of this shit. If I can't make you drink this, I know someone who could."
I felt curious on who's she reffering to. I removed the pillow from my face to look at my sister and I found her holding her phone, as she sit beside me then pressed the loudspeaker button.
What the fuck?
I was about to ask her on what she's doing, but my mouth went dry when I heard who's on the other line.
That voice. I missed that voice so much.
"Hey Ky! How are you?" Cara greeted happily.
I looked at Kylie with my 'what the fuck are you doing' face but she just smirked at me mischievously.
"Hey C! I'm fine. All good and healthy but I know someone who's not." Kylie answered back and she even wiggled her brows at me.
I mouthed a 'you bitch' at my sister but she just stick her tounge out at me.
"Who?" Cara asked at Kylie and I can literally hint a nervousness in her voice.
I shook my head at Kylie as if begging her to stop all of this and stop her from telling Cara that I'm ditching my meds and that I'm sick. The last thing I want is for her to be stressed out because of me again. The damage of being away from each other is more than enough for her to take in and she doesn't deserve that. But my sister being dumber than I am, she just didn't mind my plead and continued to talk.
"Your dearest bestfriend had been sick for days now and she's being stupid trying to be tough and not drinking her medicine." Kylie told Cara and I can't help but to push my sister off the bed but before I can even do it, she had already jump out of it.
"You're lucky I can't stand up". I whispered to Kylie but she just rolled her eyes on me.
"Oh God! I can't even..How is she? Oh my God. Is she okay? What the hell are you still doing Kylie? Take her to the hospital. Oh please! Don't let anything bad happen to her." Cara panickedly said that interrupted me from killing my sister. I can't help but to smile when I finally realized how concern she really is for me.
She still cares, Kendall.
"Please tell her to drink her medicine. Ugh! Your sister is just so hard headed. Tell her to drink her medicine Kylie. And if she won't, tell her I'll get mad. Really mad."
After hearing what Cara has said, I felt so nervous and afraid, as I remembered how mad she got at me the last time she learned that I'm ditching my medicine. She ignored me for weeks.
But you're not even talking for a month now Ken. My brain butted in.
Even though, it is still different. It would hurt more if I know that she's mad at me and we're not talking. It would triple the pain.
I immidiately grab the pack of tablets and the water on my bedside table and took one. I saw Kylie shaking her head and containing her laughter and I just raised my middle finger on her, as an answer.
Wait for me to get better.
"Yeah I will Cara. I think she'll drink her meds now. Thank you for your concern! And I miss you C! Hope to see you soon." My sister said, as she gave me a wink.
I heard Cara sighing so deep before she answered back. "Please take good care of her. Please Ky. Visit her everyday and if she's still not feeling well, take her to the hospital. Please give me an update Ky. Thank you. And I miss you guys too." Cara said and I can hear sadness in her voice.
Stop being so dumb Kendall. Take your meds and stop giving Cara problems.
I heard them exchanging their goodbyes and I can't help but to let a tear escape my eyes.
If only she's here.
End of flashback.
From then on, cara never missed a day of calling Kylie and checking up on me. Kylie never asked questions about Cara and I not talking to each other. And I think she knows something, but choose not to confront me and respect our decision.
"Hey big sister." Kylie greeted me which brought me back from my thoughts.
Speaking of the devil.
"Hey Kylo. What are you doing here? " I greeted and asked her, as I give her a tight m hug.
She raised her brow at me as she said, "Am I not welcome here? Can't I visit you? Can't I check up on my sister?" She asked and pretended to be hurt by what I said.
"Oh puh-lease! You're so overly dramatic. I'm just asking, okay? And you check up on me every day, Kylie." I answered back, as I stood up and grab a cup of tea for her.
She just gave me a death glare. "It's because Cara asked me to, okay? And don't worry. It's ending soon." She said and smirked at me afterwards.
I stopped on the middle of giving her the cup of tea, as I can't help but asked. "What do you mean?"
She smiled at me and grab the tea out of my hand. "We're going for a weekend getaway." She said beaming widely, before taking a sip of her tea.
"What?" I said more confuse now than ever.
"Justin invited us for a weekend getaway in St. Barts and all of us will be there. I mean all of US." She said and even emphasizing the last word.
I immediately felt my heart beating so fast upon realizing what's about to happen. I felt different kind of emotions running through my blood. I'm feeling so happy and excited, as the idea of being able to see her again after a long time, dawned on me. I felt my heart floating and my cheeks blushing, as I imagined her beautiful face with that gorgeous smile of hers, as if she was already here right infront of me. But then again, before I even begin to get lost on my own world, there was some force inside me that made me immediately return back into reality.
Fear.
All the questions that I've been trying to answer this past one month had popped out again.
What would happen to us now?
Am I ready to face her?
What would I say to her?
Should I tell her?
That night, the whole time that she's confessing everything to me, she made me feel like she's also describing the way I feel towards her. While looking at her, it's as if I'm looking at myself. It's as if she was reading what's on my mind.
If there is something so important, that I learned from that night..
It is how much I trully love Cara.
Yes, I love her. I love her more than a bestfriend should. I love her eyes, her smile, her touch, her hair, her laugh, her voice. I simply love everything about her.
After this whole month of not seeing her, I've learned that I trully do love her so much. But life is just life, there is always a catch in the end, and it's never easy.
I love her but I still can't tell it to her. YET. I'm not ready. I'm still afraid and I also have Harry and right now, I really don't know what to do.
I don't know how to admit it to her, to my family, to my fans. Until now, I'm still trying to sink it all in. I am afraid of people judging me and I'm afraid of people getting disappointed. I don't wanna hurt them, but I also don't wanna hurt her. I can't lose my career but I also can't lose her.
I can't be with someone, if I'm still afraid. I would just end up hurting the both of us and that's the last thing I wanted to do. To hurt her so damn much, that she'll let me go. I can't lose her. If I'll tell it to her right now and ask her to keep our relationship between us, I know that she'll agree. But I'm not that selfish bitch. I don't want her to end up hating me. She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. She doesn't deserve to be a secret. No one does.
I'll be better Cara. I'll fix everything. Please wait for me love. Please. I silently prayed as I finally made a decision.
I will fix this. I will fix us.
"You okay Ken?" Kylie's voice brought me back from my thoughts.
I smiled at my sister as I nodded my head. "I'm going to be."
"We're going to be." I whispered at myself and chuckled a bit when I saw Kylie's face.
She's so cute when she's confused.
----------------------------------------------------
Cara's POV
Sitting here at my sofa, with the bottle of beer in my hands, I can't help but to pathetically laugh at myself. It's been a month and this has been my everyday routine.
Wake up. Go for a run. Eat. Get to work. Go home. Get super drunk, so I can put myself to sleep.
I drank the beer straightly, then released a deep sigh afterwards
"What a beautiful life." I mumbled to myself, as I lean on my back and begin to close my eyes.
Please just let me sleep peacefully this time. I silently prayed that I can easily drip off to sleep and doesn't have to choke myself with alcohol, just to have a good one.
----------------------------------------------------
"Oh fuck this! I need another one." I cursed, as I miserably failed on letting myself go to dreamland without getting drunk.
How can I sleep when all I can see is her face? How can I sleep if all I can think about is how much I miss her? How can I sleep if all I can hear is the words that she've said to me that night? How can I sleep if my mind is clouded with the pictures I've seen this past few weeks.
Harry and Kendall kissing each other.
I wiped my eyes, as I let a tear escape. "She's happy with him Cara. She didn't mean to say those things to you. Stop expecting and assuming." I said loudly as If there is someone I'm talking too.
I'm starting to get crazy.
I stood up from my chair and began to walk towards the kitchen. As I was about to open my fridge, my doorbell rang. "What the fuck?" I turn to look at my watch to check the time.
10:30.
"Who the hell is this?" I asked myself, as I continue what I was supposed to do.
After doing so, I went back to my living room to check my phone if someone texted me, that I left something at the set or maybe a text from Poppy telling me that she's coming over.
Nothing.
As I was just about to ignore it. It rang again.
"Who the fuck are you?!" I gasped in frustration, then grabbed the bottle of beer beside me and set it as my weapon in case of emergency.
You'll never know.
I went to my front door, then look at the peephole to make sure that this ain't robbery or something.
Just right after seeing the person behind it, I immediately open the large wooden door.
"Jonas!" I squealed in excitement, as this was the first time I saw him again after he drop me off to the airport, two days after the confession incident I had with Ken.
"It's been a month babe!" He said matching the tone in my voice, as he open his arms and invite me for a hug.
I immidiately obliged. "I missed you guys so much!"
He released me from the hug the looked at me in the eyes. "Said the person who's been ignoring all of our invitations." He commented and even raised his eyebrow at me.
I rolled my eyes at him and smiled sadly. "You know the reason why, right?"
He just sighed in defeat and nodded his head.
"Good. Let's go inside and grab some beer." I told him, as we walk inside my house.
"You're planning to smash that bottle in my head?!" He asked unbelievingly.
"I thought it was bad guys! You didn't even text me that you'll visit. You can't blame me." I answered and I can't help but to laugh at his reaction.
---------------------------------------------------
"Jesus Christ! Cara Delevingne! Have you been drinking?!" He gasped, as soon as we entered my living room.
"Ugh. Nope? I take a bath with beers. Ofcourse I've been drinking! That's my new way of living." I sarcastically answered and he just shook his head at me.
"This won't help you forget about her." He said, as he take a hold of an empty bottle while looking at me.
I chuckled a little as I take it away from his hands. "But atleast it would ease the pain even just for a little while. Even just for the night." I argued back and winked at him, before walking towards the kitchen to bring some more beers for the both of us.
But just before I reach the end of my living room. "Cara.." He called out for my name and I swear I can hear pity in his voice.
"Don't Jonas. I'm okay. I will be fine." I cut him off then proceeded to do what I was going to do.
----------------------------------------------------
"So what does a very busy man like you, doing here in London?" I asked him, as soon as we both settle down in the couch.
"Just paying a visit to my favorite babe in the world." He said, then raised his bottle asking me for a toast.
I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him. "Glad you did. I miss my favorite buddy too." I said then bumped our bottles with each other.
"But seriously Jo, what came up and you have to go here? You don't have any concerts right? You just finished your tour dude." I asked him as confusion began to take over me.
I heard him sigh deeply, which got me to look at him. He turn his gaze on me then smirked. "I came here to fetch you." He stated then drink his beer straightly.
I looked at him confusedly, as I don't have any idea of what he's talking about.
The fuck?
I guess he sense the questions whirling inside my mind because just before I ask him, what the hell is he trying to say. He opened his mouth to answer me.
"You're coming with me to LA Cara. Whether you like it or not. They send me here to fetch you. You've been ignoring them for a month, you atleast owe them an explanation on why you disappeared at the party and just called them to bid goodbyes, right before you board your plane flying back to London." He said and right then and there I knew what he's talking about.
"I already told Justin that I can't come. I have works to do Joe." I answered but more of I lied.
"Is this 'the work' you're talking about?" He asked while pointing at the view infront of us.
My packs of cigarettes and empty bottle of beers scattered all over my place.
"Yes. No. I mean I have a work to do Joe. I'm filming a new movie and we just started taping. You guys know that, right?" I tried to stay calm and to not sell myself out, as I took the bottle of beer in my lips.
"Your work is not a problem anymore Cara. We all talked to Poppy about this already. She had fixed your schedule for you. You're free for the entire week." He said and I literally spilled out the liquid inside my mouth.
I heard him laughed at me and I turn around to gave gim a death stare.
"Running out of excuses, C?" He smirked at me and even wiggled his brows.
I sighed in frustration as I wipe my mouth. "I can't Joe." I firmly said to him.
"Why? Give me one good reason and not those 'I have work' excuses." He asked and even imitated my voice in the end.
"I just can't see her yet Joe." I admitted at him, as I felt the pain rising inside my chest.
When will I get use to this feeling?
"Why?" He asked at me again and I looked at him in disbelief.
"You know why." I annoyingly answered because I find his question ridiculous.
"You're the one who decided to cool things down between the two of you, right? Why are you acting like this?"
"It's because I thought she loved me back! Damn it Joe! I assumed! I fucking assumed again! What happened that night gave me hope! I know that she didn't meant to, but my fucking useless self can't help but to do so!" I frustratedly exclaim, as I released all the tears and frustration i've been trying to hold this whole month. All this time I've tried to stay calm. Everytime I talked to Kylie to check up on her sister and make sure that she's okay and that she's not sick or something, I'm trying my very best to put all of my feelings behind. I've tried my best to forget the pain that I'm feeling every single time.
But not tonight. Tonight, I just wanna let it all out.
"Did she tell you that she don't love you? Isn't it, that you both decided to think things through? Don't put things in your mind Cara. Unless you heard it, directly coming out from her mouth."
"I don't need her to personally tell it to me Joe. These pictures are enough!" I angrily threw the magazines and news papers where Kendall and Harry was all over the covers. Having dates, kissing each other and laughing together.
"I can't help myself but to expect for something, after that night Joe. I swear to God, I tried not to assume. I tried to stop myself from hoping. I tried to. I tried my best but I guess it wasn't good enough. I lose to myself again." I said in between my sobs.
I felt Joes arms wrapped around me as he tried to calm me down. "Shhhh..it's okay Cara."
"Do you know how much I hate myself right now? I hate myself because I told her that night that I won't expecting anything, but then look at me now. Here I am, I ended up hurting myself because of doing the exact opposite. I ended up, crying and drinking myself to sleep everynight. What a pathetic stupid bitch, right Joe?"
"Stop right there C. It's okay to expect, assume and get hurt Cara. You're inlove! Nobody can tell you, when to cry and not. When to get hurt and not. That is natural! Don't hate yourself C."
"I'm such a bitch. I am hurt because of myself too. I'm in pain because I can't stay true to my words."
"Cara, don't get me wrong. But please don't do that to yourself. Don't assume that kind of things about the two of you, if you haven't even talked to her yet. Please Cara, talk to Kendall first." He said as he kissed me in the forhead.
This was one of the things I missed about having Joe around. He's really the brother that I never had. He make me realize the things that I look over with and it happens to be the most important ones.
"And this is not just about Kendall anymore C. It's also about you and us. You're distancing yourself not just to her, but also to us. If it's just me, I can totally understand, because I know your real situation. But what about them Cara? They're beggining to worry. Don't wait for them to come here and grab your ass, out of this place to ask you questions we both know you can't answer."
I felt like a cold water was thrown at me, as reality hits me.
I've been unfair to everyone even to myself this whole month. I became aloof, even to my own sister. I distanced myself to my friends and never even say even a single explanation of what was happening to me.
"I'm sorry.." I apologized as I begin to cry again.
Stupid Cara.
"It's okay. You have the whole week to make it up to us and to her." He said as he pat me at my back.
"One more thing Cara. Look at her smile, does that smile look genuine to you?" He asked at me, as he showed me the magazine where in Kendall is smiling at Harry.
Nope. It looks so fake. That's not the way she smiles at me. There is no light in her eyes.
I shook my head as an answer. "I'm so stupid." I said as I realize that I'm hurting for no reason. I'm crying for nothing.
"Yes you are. Now go pack your things. We have an early flight tomorrow."
----------------------------------------------------
So there it is! Please vote and comment your thoughts about this chapter! It's already my vacation so I'll be updating more than the usual. Thank you again! Love lots!
PS
Cake is quiet but its okay. Let's just keep on praying guys! Atleast we know that they are okay but they are just keeping things private.