Dear Edmund:
Something's wrong. I have no idea what it is. But something's definitely wrong.
You are angry lately. And you are not angry very often. It's not like you are notoriously angry. But you've been irritable, and snap at people often.
It hurts sometimes, because sometimes "people" is me.
And I know I can be annoying okay? I know.
But still it hurts to be reminded. When I'm trying to talk to others, to you. When it is already so difficult for me to do it.
I don't even remember the conversation, I just remember we were talking. Abby, this one girl, you and me. Was I talking? I can't remember Edmund.
But you looked at me, and there was a glint in your eyes, this crazed aggressive glint with a too tight smile. I know that look too well, it has been on my face many times, it means pain, it means that smiling hurts but hurting other gives me some sick feeling of satisfaction so I smile anyway.
I started talking, maybe I didn't, my mind is blank.
"Shut the fuck up" The girl laughed, Abby looked shocked, this surprised grin on her face, like she didn't know if you were joking.
And I felt like crying.
You were grinning that angry smile of yours, and looking at me with crazed fire in your eyes.
And my heart broke, shattered into a million tiny pieces, what's left of it anyway.
And as I looked down Edmund the voices started, pouring in dark, icky waves from every crack in my soul.
'You're an idiot' 'stupid, stupid girl' 'did you think, for one second, that you were worth shit?' 'I hate you' 'they're laughing at you, you little fuck' 'you can't do anything right' 'coward' 'you're all alone, you're all alone, you're all alone, you're all alone.....
I wish it wasn't true Edmund.